In which we are solipsismal. Join our host Phil and our friend Marc Koenig, Jr., a man of letters, as they wonder and wander through the end of Father Zosima's seemingly endless speech. For those of you who tired of the wise elder Zosima's previous ramblings, take heart: this chapter of his tale sings with secrets and scandal. Some of these secrets are so secret that Marc and Phil feel compelled to whisper them almost inaudibly, an interesting stylistic choice for an audiobook. Along the way, they encounter margin-writing, heart-stabbing, and another tangential and non-revelatory discussion of the nature of Russian duels. It's The Brothers Karamazov and Friends: slightly less offensive than talk radio.

In which our throats are sore. Join our host Phil and our guest Lindsay as they read several pages in the same throat-scratchy old man voice. To make matters worse, Lindsay suffers from a debilitating cold while reading. She perseveres, and so should you. Suffer with us, listeners, as we listen to the “very brief” ramblings of an old man on his deathbed. We learn, among other things, that Father Zosima was not always an old man, that he once participated in a duel, and that he has a clever plan for converting the world with exactly one hour of Bible reading every week. Lindsay shares an interesting reading of the name “Father Paissy,” and we learn about a saint who once converted a bear with a loaf of bread. It’s the Brothers Karamazov and Friends, where knowledge isn't power.

In which we face another direction entirely. Join our host Phil and our friend Mike Hennings as they abandon the rocking chair and take to the stairs. Mike, recipient of a Guggenheim Fellowship, an Elks Club Scholarship, and several Colonel Mustards, honors us with his presence and whets our appetite with some repetitive vocal warm-up exercises before he goes on to unearth many layers of complex characterization: himself as Christian Bale as Batman as Smerdyakov, and so on. Phil and Mike discuss the metaphysical nature of podcasts, buzzmarket both of their twitter pages, and learn that there was probably nothing better to do in 19th century Russia than drink vodka, speak in very long sentences, and be crazy. It's another imperfectly decent episode of The Brothers Karamazov and Friends. Remember, gentle listeners: we don't punish people for their stupidity, so don't punish us for ours.

A bruised pageantry. Join our host Phil and our friend Joanna as they dig deeper still into the grandest of grand chapters: that of the Grand Inquisitor. In this episode, you will hear voices within voices within voices, as Jo and Phil perform Ivan, Ivan's performance of the Grand Inquisitor, and Ivan's performance of the Grand Inquisitor's performance of Jesus. Jo surprises and delights us with a rendition that wavers between Joey Tribbiani from FRIENDS and a vaguely Italian schoolyard bully, and she also tells us an exciting tale of giving herself a black eye in order to win a pageant in elementary school, the veracity of which is unproven. Join us for an ever-entertaining continuation of this Russian epic. This is the Brothers Karamazov and Friends: not very grand, but very inquisitive.

A dark chapter. Join our host Phil and our friend Topher if you dare, as they bravely proceed and grandly inquire in deep and deeper waters. Many friends have requested to read this chapter with Phil, but Topher, entirely inexperienced in things Karamazov, is the unsuspecting chosen one. Do not be alarmed, gentle listener, when Topher makes borderline racist comments and talks openly about his hatred for Russians. It is best to pretend he is probably joking. Still more, take heart when we encounter descriptions of terrifying Turkish torture, and when we face profound philosophical paragraphs that span pages and pages. Endure with us, listeners. It's the Brothers Karamazov and Friends -- where it is best to pretend we are probably joking. Except, of course, when we are not.

In which we are a threesome. Join our host Phil and our friends Aaron and Elissa Holmes for an hour of caressing voices, languid looks, and womb metaphors. Avid listeners may recognize the soft-spoken British-Russian accents of Aaron, who guested on Episodes 0 and 1, and everyone is sure to be at least moderately entertained by the anecdotes brought to us by Elissa, who relates a woeful tale of a professor who mocks his students' stupidity. Their playful banter, however, is interrupted for one frightful minute when their power goes out and they are (probably) abducted by aliens. Fortunately, the extraterrestrials must be fans of very long Russian books, because they return our guests in time for them to roll their r's deeper into impending patricide, lovely guitar interludes, and dark blue velvet jackets. It's The Brothers Karamazov and Friends, where we never mock anyone for being stupid.

In which we end our hiatus. In which we rise from the ashes. In which we return like the King and the Jedi. In which we're baaaaaaaaaaack. Join our host Phil and our friend Nick Dahlquist as they bravely lead us back to the quest in question: reading a very long Russian novel. For our most dedicated TBKAF listeners, Nick's voice will ring familiar. Yes, he is the very one who whipped together a delectable apple pie and served it to our host and guest in episode five. What a literal treat that pie was, and what a literary treat it is to have him back on the program! This episode teems with even more tasty treats: hunchback girl voices, whiskbroom incidents, foul female air, and finger-biting are amongst the many highlights. We also learn that "Everyone knows that Russian boys are born with a horse." Did you know that? We certainly didn't. But this is The Brothers Karamazov and Friends, where we don't know everything that everyone knows.

A tale of lords and lands. Join our host Phil and our friend Gary Young, a lawyer, landlord, and learned man, as we venture ever deeper into this tale of progeny and patricide. In a circumlocutory introduction, Gary and Phil confirm that anything you may have heard about the historical figure Albert Watkins is 100% true, and that you should not believe anyone who tells you his history is invented by a bunch of kids with overactive imaginations, because anyone who says that is definitely wrong and doesn't know anything about anything. Moving along, they encounter dark and stormy minds with falsetto voices, grapple with siren interruptions, and engage in an enlightening discussion about Dostoevsky's use of the words "suddenly" and "strain". Gary shows off a Russian accent that exceeds our (low) expectations, and also reveals that he (maybe) once had rabies. Will the excitement never cease on this podcast? It's The Brothers Karamazov and Friends: full of surprises, some of them good.

In which we get involved with school boys. Join our host Phil and our friend Jake as we press ever onward into a very long book. Jake introduces us to his surprisingly diverse menagerie of voices, ranging from Star Wars standards like Yoda and Vader to Looney Tunes characters and, of course, our classic Mickey Mousekovich. We follow Alyosha's interactions with his favorite kind of people (12 year old school boys), as well as a conversation between some church-men regarding demons hidden in clothing, also known as demons of the cloth. Don't be alarmed, gentle listener, when Jake mistakenly believes the monks to be referring to penises instead of demons, leading him and Phil to a crippling bout of laughter. Our progress is only sidetracked for a few minutes by this sophomoric misunderstanding, and swiftly we move on to more elevated subjects, such as noodles, noddles, and Portuguese whisk-brooms. Need more be said? No. It's the Brothers Karamazov and Friends, and no more need be said.

In which we drawl. Join our host Phil and our friend Grace Ladd, who is wont to drift into Southern accents when she finds herself in life-threatening situations. Truly, we didn't know how dangerous this podcast really was until Grace started drawling like a Confederate all over the place. But Phil and Grace bravely face the peril of Russian hussies, Chris-Traeger-style-dissolution, and potential patricide. The only disappointment arrives near the end, when Phil opts not to literally interpret Grushenka's "singsong voice". Will next episode include a melodic segment, or perhaps even better, an all out variety show? Perhaps hosted by Regis Philbin and starring Wayne Brady? No. No it will not. Let's not get our hopes up too high. It's the Brothers Karamazov and Friends. Just those two things.