Don’t you hate when people tell you to just be yourself? “Just express yourself and you’ll find your people,” is what they tell you. The problem is you don’t know who you are. This is a common problem for those of use who struggle with our confidence. On this episode I explore how our fear causes us to be dishonest with ourselves and others, which leads to this identity confusion.

Interested in going deeper into understanding social anxiety and how to start taking your life back? Check out my full 3 hour length social anxiety course here:

https://calm-confidence-5785.thinkific.com/products/courses/social-anxiety-course

Want To Work With Me? Check out my services here:

https://linktr.ee/calmconfidence

When my social anxiety was at it's worst, people would try to convince me that it was all in my head; that no one was thinking about me as much as I thought they were. And for a while I thought this would help. I tried to convince myself that no one was looking, staring or judging. But this never made me feel any better because I was always worried about the "what ifs." "But what if they are looking at me, then what do I do?" The reality is we cannot overcome a fear by convincing ourselves the thing we are afraid of is impossible, because it never is. When we are thinking like this, we are still thinking from a state of fear. We want to eventually get to a point where we accept that judgment is possible, but we can be ok with that.Other relevant episodes:

How To Actually Not Care What People Think: https://spotifycreators-web.app.link/e/pq9mOJLL35b

How To Actually Be Yourself: https://spotifycreators-web.app.link/e/dJu0THLL35bInterested in going deeper into understanding social anxiety and how to start taking your life back? Check out my full 3 hour length social anxiety course here:

https://calm-confidence-5785.thinkific.com/products/courses/social-anxiety-courseWant To Work With Me? Check out my services here: https://linktr.ee/calmconfidence

In today’s episode we explore how our mind convinces us that avoidance is a good thing. When we are really anxious we start to truly believe that social interactions are inherently dangerous, weird or awkward. The truth is they just FEEL that way. We need to teach our brain that we can handle more than we think, and it’s time we stop justifying our fears.

Interested in working with me?

https://linktr.ee/calmconfidence

Social Anxiety Course (50% Off with the Code: August):

https://calm-confidence-5785.thinkific.com/products/courses/social-anxiety-course

Social Anxiety Mini Workbook (FREE):

https://calm-confidence-5785.thinkific.com/products/digital_downloads/minibook

"Just Be Yourself." The worst advice known to man for social anxiety. Despite knowing how unhelpful this is, we can often find ourselves trying to be more "ourself." However, this desire often leads to more obsessiveness, rumination and perfectionism. It is performance rather than being. Instead we need to lower our standards. We need to understand what we can and cannot do at this given time with our anxiety, and give ourselves flexible expectations so we can see progress. Your "true" self may emerge once you stop fixating on it, or maybe it won't. But maybe it doesn't matter.

Other relevant episodes:

How To Actually Be Yourself: https://open.spotify.com/episode/7qxdc1vSia5PXnvrnlTasQ?si=2ADoYuFOQXWlCq3--jBzwA

How To Like Yourself: https://open.spotify.com/episode/67AfJBOLvae9n6hENlbiDx?si=GWeNKg5oSuKbcVZwlpR1MQ

Are You Faking It? https://open.spotify.com/episode/6QgK3oPAOXg8RFWvggrUxB?si=qE-Yv5wxToSYygftIJTfKg

Interested in going deeper into understanding social anxiety and how to start taking your life back? Check out my full 3 hour length social anxiety course here: https://calm-confidence-5785.thinkific.com/products/courses/social-anxiety-courseWant To Work With Me? Check out my services here: https://linktr.ee/calmconfidence

In today's episode I talk about overcoming the fear of public speaking with Mona, who also goes by Babystepstothemic on TikTok and Instagram. Mona has amassed over 170K followers on Instagram and over 60K on TikTok over the past 6 months, by sharing videos of her journey to overcoming her fear of public speaking.

In this episode we explore what sparked this journey and what she has learned along the way about her self and overcoming her fear.

She has also developed a 14 day "Off The Cuff Challenge" for anyone interested in challenging themselves to face their fears. She has created a website that creates a random topic automatically so you can build your skills to speaking off the cuff about anything!

Interested in joining the challenge? Sign up here:

https://www.offthecuffspeech.com/#try-it

You can also follow Mona on instagram and Tiktok:

Insta: https://www.instagram.com/babystepstothemic?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@babystepstothemic?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc

What if rejection isn't actually rejection? In this episode, we break down why it feels like getting rejected is often just incompatibility that we've learned to take personally. When you wear a mask to avoid disapproval, you're not protecting yourself, you're just working harder to be liked by people who were never going to be your people anyway. We talk about why being authentic feels so risky, what actually happens when someone doesn't like the real you, and why fitting in is never the solution. If you've every shrunk or edited yourself to avoid being rejected, this episode is for you.

Related episodes:

Why You Can't Make Friends: https://open.spotify.com/episode/5xfQVrwWpaydjdDJXSD6qf?si=qKBWqPqrT8O-BW6ypW82Xw

How To Like Yourself:

https://open.spotify.com/episode/67AfJBOLvae9n6hENlbiDx?si=GWeNKg5oSuKbcVZwlpR1MQ

How To Actually Be Yourself:

https://open.spotify.com/episode/7qxdc1vSia5PXnvrnlTasQ?si=hGW6EOsXTRWXbVzivazvaw

Interested in going deeper into understanding social anxiety and how to start taking your life back? Check out my full 3 hour length social anxiety course here:

https://calm-confidence-5785.thinkific.com/products/courses/social-anxiety-course

Want To Work With Me? Check out my services here:

https://linktr.ee/calmconfidence

One of our biggest fears with social anxiety is that people will find out we have boring lives. We don't go out, don't have many friends and don't do much outside of the house and we worry people will judge us for this. Some might, but we have to accept them. Trying to hide this very really problem only makes us more insecure and self-conscious. Instead, we will learn to shift focu onto others. Get curious about them. Allow our brains to give us things to say, instead of trying to "find it." It's equally important we start building a life of our own so we can have more at our disposal, as well as give us a more fulfilling life. Interested in going deeper into understanding social anxiety and how to start taking your life back? Check out my full 3 hour length social anxiety course here: https://calm-confidence-5785.thinkific.com/products/courses/social-anxiety-course

Want To Work With Me? Check out my services here: https://linktr.ee/calmconfidence

When we are struggling with social anxiety or confidence we try to project a persona of "cool" on "nonchalant" to the world. The problem is that the very act of doing this indicates we do not feel confident in the first place. Ultimately, no amount of acting cool will actually help us feel more confident or make more connections because this act turns us away from ourselves. We are no longer interested in who we are, but instead who we feel we need to be for others. The other truth is, even if we can pull this off, eventually others will see we are putting on an act. Instead lets figure out what this mask is trying to hide. What are we afraid of expressing? What are we afraid other's may judge? Can we accept these "flaws" about us? Can we show them to the world. That is what it actually means to be cool.

Email your episode ideas to: [email protected]

Interested in working with me?Therapy (NJ/NY Only): https://calmconfidencetherapy.com/

Coaching (Anywhere): https://calmconfidencetherapy.com/coachingInterested in the

Full Length Social Anxiety Course? (33% Off for Students):https://calm-confidence-5785.thinkific.com/products/courses/social-anxiety-course

College is one of the most socially demanding environments you will ever be in; new people, new situations, and almost no time to ease into any of it. In this episode I talk about what it actually looks like to navigate college with social anxiety. What habits to looks out for, breaking social convention and taking as many opportunities as you possibly can.

Interested in going deeper into understanding social anxiety and how to start taking your life back? Check out my full 3 hour length social anxiety course here: https://calm-confidence-5785.thinkific.com/products/courses/social-anxiety-course

We talk a lot about the fear of being judged. But there's a side of social anxiety that nobody really talks about; the fact that when we're anxious, we often become the most critical person in the room. We judge others for their demeanor, their interests and where we think they stand in our self created hierarchy. We become, without realizing it, exactly the kind of judgmental observer we're so afraid of. In this episode I unpack why this happens and how we can start to become more accepting of ourselves by being more accepting of others first.

Course (33% Off with the Code: Student):

https://calm-confidence-5785.thinkific.com/products/courses/social-anxiety-course