The Captain's Log

Episode 272. Kyle asks if modern screen acting performances have more spit and snot than ever before. Melissa ponders a reverse Godfather where the mob puts a bed inside your horse. We praise the new Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes, including a break for spoilers and a debate on low box office vs. a theater full of people on their phones. We also discuss new releases The Fall Guy and Challengers, the buffness and blandness of Reacher, new movies in the Lord of the Rings world, and how the titular Riddick in Chronicles of Riddick is not a planet, but a man with a preposterous full name.

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Episode 271. Kyle spots the menacing figure from the Neighborhood Watch sign in real life. Melissa asks when in your TV and movie watching you're supposed to fit in time to stare at a keepsake digital photo frame. We discuss robot restaurants, how good a person's clapping skills can be, recent TV hits Shogun and Under the Bridge, cinema oddities Sasquatch Sunset and Boy Kills World, filling out a Cinemascore ratings card, promising new movie trailers, and the entire shopping body of a Target coming together to listen to a storm rage outside.

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Episode 270. You think you know what Bulbasaur looks like, but how accurately can you draw him in three minutes with no visual reference? We challenge ourselves to draw Pokemon from memory, and proceed to screw up some arms and legs, forget most things that go on a head, ask if there are any Magmar stans out there, and interrogate the uncanny valley of Hitmonchan. Kyle reminds us of his superhero origin story. Melissa demands an action movie starring a mime. We discuss new movies we've seen in theaters, including Monkey Man, Civil War, The First Omen, and The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare, and run through the highlights of CinemaCon.

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Episode 269. If you can dream it, can you dog it! For this year's annual "Eat Vision and Snack" culinary episode, our theme is hot dogs. Kyle and Melissa have each prepared their own custom gourmet hot dog dishes to show off and snack on while we discuss our kitchen nightmares and triumphs. We also plan the logistics of recording an episode live from Chili's, share our mildly pleased thoughts on Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire and Godzilla x Kong, and catch up on Apple TV+ gems Servant and Drops of God. Melissa also explains the groundbreaking artistry of Podcast: The Ride's latest CityWalk Saga.

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Episode 268. Every episode of this podcast is an indulgent bachelor's weekend, and this week's indulgences include: a discussion of the hottest M&M characters, cheering on bad soda experiments, throwing fries at your friends, and a slice-of-life anime but also Grimace is there. We recap the Oscars, puzzle over the mystery of the title Venom 3: The Last Dance and the blandness of the Agatha show just being called Agatha, try to describe the haunting alien film Under the Skin, declare that The Firm is good but the firm in The Firm is bad, and share anecdotes from the behind-the-scenes book MCU: The Reign of Marvel Studios.

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Episode 267. The Wet Awards return, our annual ranking of the year's Best Picture nominees on a scale of wettest to driest. Kyle finally experiences the magic of live musical theater with Wicked. Melissa and her co-workers bond over their favorite Alan Tudyk performances. We imagine a Whatnauts breakfast cereal, and catch up on movies we've seen recently, including Dune 2, Drive Away Dolls, Perfect Days, and a night of Oscar-nominee animated shorts.

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Episode 266. Is a Hot Pocket a Gusher? Why are there a hundred different kinds of apples and only one kind of celery? When will restaurants start offering proprietary cereal? Listen to our pitch for a fancy chicken nugget restaurant with new nugget shapes, and our discussions on Madame Web, Lisa Frankenstein, the Fantastic 4 casting, a double feature of the 2005 airplane thrillers Red Eye and Flight Plan, and running into a guy who looks suspiciously like a movie character in real life.

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Episode 265. Melissa makes good on Kyle's challenge for her to explain what football is, in this week leading up to the Super Bowl. Our football newbie is here to teach you about gameplay basics, piles of men, and the signature hometown foods of each team going to The Big Game this year. We also discuss Kyle's neighborhood cat council, unexplained butt jiggles, and Universal Studios resurrecting their failed Dark Universe for a new theme park. Melissa is living the spy life with Argylle and the new Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Kyle is on the edge of seat with Society of the Snow and the trailer for Netflix's new version of The Wages of Fear.

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Episode 264. Would-be car thieves leave something strange behind after breaking a window in Melissa's beloved Hyundai. Kyle introduces us to "egg shots" and wants you to consider Godzilla for Best Lead Actor. We talk about the tragedy of The Iron Claw and the kid reporter drama Home Before Dark. This episode is our annual Planarama, brainstorming for future Captain's Log episodes this year. Ideas include: DIY Planet Hollywood, mystery brunch, virtual vacations, and drafting a team of all sidekicks.

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Episode 263. We welcome the new year with a complete discussion on our entertainment experiences in 2023, including Kyle's watch time stats and number of comics read, and Melissa's extensive movie Top 10 lists and playlist of favorite YouTube videos of the year. Kyle searches for a missing book and Melissa watches the surprisingly horny and bloody Perry Mason. We also try to teach our parents about wholesome old internet memes and router myths.

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