The Challenger Podcast

On this week's episode, we are joined by Ben Heldfond and Nikki DeBartolo, co-authors of Our Happy Divorce, a personal story of divorce and coming together as a team to raise their son.  I too went through an unhappy divorce from my daughter's mother and can resonate a lot to Ben's account of taking ownership and a need to face his ego.  

What does it take to set aside the need to win in divorce?  We dig deep into this question with a new mindset from our guests today that have a mission to share their story in the hopes that it will help others navigate the waters of divorce and coparenting with their new partners.  If their message resonated with you today, please connect with them at ourhappydivorce.com 

Are you struggling with a divorce or know someone who is?  Introduce them to our private small support group that meets weekly with a passion for sharing tools to navigate conflict, love, and dating.  Click here for more details and to apply today!

Picture this. It’s late 2021. You’re out there reconnecting with the world, the people in it, and all those possibilities. After way too much time socially distanced, you and a lot of other people are hungry for conversation and closeness.  

One solution: dating multiple people (safely, obviously!)  These days, dating more than one person at one time is not unusual. In fact, I am willing to bet the trend will grow even bigger.  

But how does dating multiple people actually sit with you? What would that really look like? 

That’s something harder to nail down. Especially if you’re unaware of your attachment style.  In this episode, we’ll dig into what dating more than one person looks like, but we’ll do it through the lens of your attachment style. This will help focus your options, minimize discomfort, and optimize your dating strategy.  

We’ll quickly break down all 4 attachment styles and some ways they manifest. Then, I’ll lay down specific advice for what to expect—and how to process—dating multiple people.  Are you looking for more support right now in your dating life?  Apply here for a free week trial of our small group coaching program that meets every Tuesday at 7 pm mst.

On this week’s episode of the podcast, Morgan Wade and I discussed how the body holds onto memories in “trauma knots”. Morgan, a Focalizing Practitioner, believes that healing is a return to wholeness for us all.  We ask the question, “What is change?” and want to remind you that when we change, our relationship dynamics change as well. My biggest takeaway from our conversation is that “whatever is coming up within us, is coming up for us”.  To me, that means that the only way out is through the emotions and experiences that caused the hurt. 

Our conversation led us into a story from my parenting experience where my daughter Madison told me “Don’t ever shake a baby!” That's good advice.  Morgan and I had the opportunity to discuss how attachments with our caregivers form in childhood to inform our adult relationships. We close out the episode with some scenarios where a parent can create a safe space for their child to form a secure attachment!  

If her message resonates with you today, please connect with Morgan on Instagram @thelovingkind_ or through her podcast @deadhearts.club

Would you agree that social media comes into play every day whether you’re dating, in a relationship, or single?  On today’s episode, we are joined by Karl Sona and we dive deep into how to live publicly on social media while dating amidst a pandemic.  

Karl opens up about his relationship and how living publicly on social media can come with some unwanted negative energy from followers and trolls. My biggest takeaway from our conversation is that as your influence grows, so does your responsibility to be a leader in every area of your life.

Karl Sona’s mission in life is to educate and empower black leaders to make a lasting impact through their personal and professional missions! We take a break from the heavy hitting conversation to learn more about his passion project and podcast, Dear Black CEO. His platform comes from taking huge leaps in his professional life that brought him to Denver almost three years ago.

Just over a year ago, that’s when he met his partner Julia while playing basketball in Washington Park outside of downtown Denver. His vibe that day was authentic and his intention was to get a daily reset outside shooting hoops.

Their story is a true testament to what you can attract into your life without even trying too hard. If his message resonates with you today, please connect with Karl on Instagram @karl.sona or through his website karlsona.com

On today’s podcast, Dallas Hartwig and I dig into what the world needs most from men right now. He is the co-author of two New York Times bestselling books, Whole 30 and It Starts with Food. In his latest book, The 4 Season Solution, Dallas lays out the groundbreaking plan for feeling better, living well, and powering down our always-on lives.

Our conversation begins with his journey from being passionate about fitness and nutrition to raising his son with intention in a time when boys need initiation into manhood more than ever. His mission in life is to share how to make healthy lifestyle choices in this crazy world and I couldn’t be more on board with his passion for sharing the importance of nutrition. As an Enneagram type 4, The Individualist, Dallas tends to be on a lifelong mission to find himself and we dive deep into his journey.

Digging into his Enneagram personality type, we begin to understand how fluidly we can experience life through the heart of an Individualist. He shares a deep story of how he can relate to my experience as a Challenger because of an overbearing mother. I also truly value Dallas’s perspective on attachment styles as it pertains to the immature masculine energy, of which I can deeply resonate to his share.

So sit back, grab a pen and paper, and take thoughtful notes on this intense conversation with Dallas Hartwig, father, speaker, and leader. If his message resonated with you today, please connect with him on Instagram @dallashartwig

Geoff Laughton, two time national best selling author, and Your Relationship Architect was one of my men's group leaders for a year and is always a good friend of the podcast.  He returns for the third time to discuss when is the best time for a couple to reach out for help from a neutral party during conflict.

We also dig deep into how conflict in a safe container can be a good thing to bring growth, what to do when you or your partner is making work more important than your partnership, and how to turn around a bad movie date!  Lastly, we get to the bottom of what women qualities they really want in their partnership and the 3 signs couples should look for in their relationship to know it's the right time to reach out for counseling or coaching.  To connect with Geoff professionally, check out his websites yourrelationshiparchitect.com or theevolvingman.com for his men's group.

Join us for a live virtual event this Tuesday with Modern Matchmaker Abby Rosenblum where she will join us in our weekly group coaching call to share her tips to dating during a pandemic, online and off!  Click here to sign up for free now!

What are conflict styles and how do they show up in an argument?  On today's episode, I dive into the 5 conflict styles as researched by the Gottman Institute.  They are conflict avoiders, volatile, validating, hostile, and hostile-detached and the research has found that one is more likely to cause big problems in a relationship than the others! 

This series concludes with a wrap up of how attachment styles, the enneagram, and understanding conflict will help you build trust in a relationship.  If you would like to read more, click here to see the full article from the Gottmans.

We are inviting 5 lucky people to a FREE live virtual event with Modern Matchmaker, Abby Rosenblum, on Feb. 9th, 2021!  Click here for all the details and to reserve your seat today!