The Change Paradox

Ted Klontz brings us an exercise to help us encounter a change you’re struggling to create in your life, or a change that is pushing on you that you’re finding yourself resisting.

Hi everybody,

After talking with Ted for over an hour, Dodge called me and said, “we didn’t talk about the three questions.” Turns out, that was kind of an important thing for Dodge so we spend a good part of this week’s Afterthoughts talking about Motivational Interviewing and three questions that will help to define readiness for change.

Also, we’ve renamed backsliding and relapse it “backwash” in this episode. We think you’ll agree, it’s a far better word for the concept.

Cheers to all of you,

— Pete

Hi all … it’s Pete.

When I was a kid, I played soccer. I was on the Colorado Springs Youth Soccer league called “Soccsy” at the time, and my team was exceptional. We dominated in every game and sported threatening black t-shirts, and the coaches were pathologically gruff parents, the whole trope-parade.

That was the team. Because clearly there is no “I” in team, now I shall tell you about myself. I was in the goal keeping position and I was quite naturally terrible at it. I was in this position only because I was even more naturally terrible at every other position. The only reason we won so much is because we had a terrific defense and offense, capped by a striker by the name of Ron Cook who was so fast on his feet you’d think he was naturally imbued with wheels. If the ball ever made it passed our defensive line, the other team was guaranteed to score, with the exception of the single time I managed to stop the ball by meeting it with my face.

Our guest today is Dr. Ted Klontz. Ted has been a mentor and friend to Dodge for 20 years. He’s an associate professor of Practice and Financial Psychology at Creighton University, director of the Financial Psychology Institute® in addition to being a sought after international speaker, author, and researcher.

Before that, though, he was a coach.

That’s how Dodge and Ted open their conversation today, with a discussion on Ted’s approach to confrontation when it comes to coaching in sports. And that’s where I want to ask you all to lean in. Right in the beginning. Because whether you’re a coach yourself, or if you’re a recovering victim of youth sports like me, Ted’s experience is positively redemptive.

The real nut of the conversation today is in Motivational Interviewing, a methodology Ted shares that can help probe the roadblocks to personal change rooted in the sort paralyzing ambivalence to change that many of us deal with at some point in our lives.

We all… deal with this in our lives, right? That’s not just a me thing?

Bottom line, Ted’s fantastic. You’ll get it… listen for a few minutes and you’ll discover he’s the human manifestation of a warm hug. And we could all use a warm hug right about now, right?

Thanks, as always, for your commitment to the work.

— Pete

Links & Notes

• Klontz Consulting

P.S. If you’re interested in more from us, please check out The Change Paradox member support program. By throwing us a few bucks a month you’re helping to offset the costs of production and, more important, you’ll get access to your very own personal podcast that includes all our public episodes and interviews with experts in the field of change, but ALSO our Afterthoughts show, in which Dodge and I reflect and integrate the lessons we’ve learned through the interview the week before. So, if you’ve ever thought, “Hey! Where can I hear more stories like that great soccerball-to-the-face story from Pete,” then you’ll want to join us by becoming a supporting member.

Dave Richo leads us on an exercise of affirmations and aspirations he uses in his own daily practice.

Pete and Dodge try to wrap their heads around what they experienced with Dave including: going soft when facing Internet rage, there are no wars that end wars, and not enough comedy.

Hey everybody,

Welcome to our second big interview episode! We made it over the hump of launch and it’s time to take the training wheels off this thing to see if it rolls. We appreciate you sticking with us.

There’s a weight to the world. I complain about how hard it is to get out of bed in the morning. Or get out of the shower. Or walk the fifteen steps into my office. I gather that’s not a new thing for many of you thanks in large part to the chaos swirling around us.

Our guest today is a welcome knock to the head. His name is Dave Richo and he’s a psychotherapist, educator, and writer in California. You can learn more about him on his website, davericho.com.

He’s written 23 books, the first published in 1991, many addressing “adulting” before it was a meme. His How to Be An Adult books anchor a catalog of incredible resources on love, relationships, and psychological and spiritual integration.

But Dodge landed on Dave’s 2019 book, Five True Things: A Little Guide to Embracing Life’s Big Challenges. It’s one of those books that contains wisdom by the barrel and we’re deeply grateful that Dave agreed to join us on the show this week, letting us peel away at his five true things with direct guidance.

This book is about life’s big challenges and as such, it’s not always rosy. But what happens when we take a glass of ice water to the face?

We wake up.

Thanks, as always, for your commitment to the work.

— Pete

Links & Notes

• DaveRicho.com

Ben Rea leads us on an exercise designed to tap into — and free yourself — from discomfort and anxiety.

Hi everybody,

We’re back with our first “Afterthoughts” episode. This whole thing is such a glorious experiment that we hope you’ll indulge us as we find our footing. If there is anything that we’re targeting broadly in these conversations, it’s to highlight where we’re still stuck, where our guests have challenged our thinking and are pushing us through the boundaries of change we’ve put up around us.

But, if I’m being honest, I’m one of those people who just can’t face hard things without laughing just a bit along the way. Dodge is either just like me in that regard, or he has a hell of a mask and is willing to indulge my childishness.

And so, we embark on this part of our journey, too, with our first member’s only episode. Thanks again for your patronage and camaraderie along the way.

— Pete

Hey members!

First and foremost, THANK YOU. Your willingness to support this podcast early has been an incredible sign that maybe, just maybe, we're on the right track with the message of the show. We're working hard on our end to make sure we don't let you down.

It’s a big day. We’re launching this new podcast. If you haven’t ever launched a podcast, it takes a mix of audacity, old-fashioned spirit, and a tolerance for no small margin of public speaking terror to get the job done. But who are we kidding… of course you’ve launched a podcast. Everyone has a podcast now.

My name is Pete Wright and I’m your chaperone. As such, I write little letters to you, like this one, as well as introduce episodes, giving you a sense of what you’re going to experience on the show. As a subscriber, you’ll hear my voice from time to time, and as a patron, a good bit more as I join Dodge in our private Afterthoughts series.

But this is Dodge’s show. That’s Dr. Dodge Rea, Psy.D., Integrative Clinical Psychologist and co-founder of The Lotus Center, an integrative health center in Nashville. He’s been one of my best friends for nearly three decades. I believe you’ll soon come to see why he’s so well loved by clients, colleagues, and old friends alike.

In our grand episode one, we’re going to introduce you to Ben Rea. Ben is a Licensed Clinical Social worker and co-founder of Healthy Minds, his practice in San Luis Obispo, California. He’s a phenomenal psychotherapist in his own right but also Dodge’s younger brother, which makes our first episode that much more special for all of us. Ben joins Dodge for a conversation on ACT, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, plus a round of “where was that picture” and other lessons learned from their childhood home.

A few notes on the episode. First, we recorded the thing without the intention of releasing it to the public. It was a test. But in the same way that you can’t return all the feathers to a pillow in a windstorm, we just couldn’t figure out a way to recreate what Dodge and Ben captured in their first conversation. Call it beginner’s luck if you will, but something unexpected happened that demonstrated change far better than anyone could have explained it. I encouraged them both to take a risk and put listeners on notice: This will be be a remarkably brave and authentic podcast. Dodge is in this with you.

Second, this episode is chock full of gems that have branded themselves on my psyche in the months since we recorded. On reflection, they all revolve around the fascinating idea that we continue to experience our lives through the entrenched stories we tell ourselves, and only in moving toward the pain we want to run from do we find the freedom to change it. This is something the brothers weave their way through in the course of their conversation and the lessons — at least for me — have been powerful. I hope they are equally so for you.

Thanks for joining us on this journey. We’re so deeply gratified you’re here.

— Pete

Links & Notes

• Ben Rea, LCSW

If there is a single element of human experience that is both most feared and most longed for, it is change. And on both sides, our relationship with it tends to be defined more by struggle than any other experience. Does it have to be this way?

I’m Dr. Dodge Rea. I’m an Integrative Clinical Psychologist, a practitioner of Medical Qigong, and the co-founder of a prominent holistic health center in Nashville. All of this is to say, I’ve helped people work with change on physical, psychological, and spiritual levels for more than 25 years. Here’s the thing, after you’ve been doing this a bit and watching closely, you start to realize something: deep change — every change that really matters — has surprising elements we’re all inclined to overlook.

Welcome to the Change Paradox. This is a podcast devoted to helping all of us unpack the mystery of how change really works.

Whereas innumerable writers and speakers have taught us the values of superior goals and effort, that’s not our focus here. We’re more interested in why willpower alone so often falls short. What are we missing? Why is it that lasting change so often succeeds when it involves the realm of paradox — the “union of opposites”, as Carl Jung put it? And how can we use this wisdom to bring healthy change to our lives?

In illuminating, often personal conversations, we’re going to talk with Change Agents from a broad range of fields as well as laypeople who’ve experienced huge transformation in their own lives. Guests will also bring with them experiential exercises for you to engage with directly, and we’ll have a playful “Afterthoughts” series for subscribers where my producer and lifelong friend, Pete Wright, and I unpack and integrate what we’re learning as we go.

We’re convinced that if we can uncover some deeper principles to the transformation process, we can all get better at it as a planet. Join us! You can subscribe to the show in Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or anywhere else you get your podcasts. For more, visit https://trustory.fm/thechangeparadox. Thank you!