The Collide Podcast

Our guest for this podcast episode is Dr. Widian Nicola, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with over 15 years of work experience. She directs Nicola Counseling in New Jersey, as well as working as an Assistant Professor of Graduate Social Work at Seton Hall University. As if that’s not enough, Widian is the Host/Producer of the podcast show, Lived Experience Project. Today she joins us to drop some wisdom on Proverbs 4:23, which encourages us to guard our hearts. Wondering how to do that, and yet still remain open to vulnerable relationships? Listen in to this fun and helpful conversation.

Today on the podcast we’re discussing an odd (and a little bit icky) proverb that has to do with dogs and vomit and the temptation to repeat the same mistakes over and over. Our guest, Jen Shaw, is a biological, adoptive and foster mama. She advocates on behalf of multiple state-dependent children and serves as a point person for foster and adoptive families at the church her husband pastors at-Cornwall Church in Bellingham, WA. Basically, she’s superwoman. Today Jen shares some hilarious stories from her adventures parenting 8 kiddos, and she drops incredible wisdom on the idea of getting to the internal root of our external behaviors.

Have you ever experienced the pit in your stomach that builds up when you feel bad about something you’ve done or said? Your chest tightens and your mind darts about with anxiety over the consequences of your decisions. Today on the podcast we’re discussing Proverbs 10:9 which challenges us to walk in integrity so we can live lives of security and peace - and avoid that icky feeling of regret! Marriage and Family Therapist and ordained minister Dick Mattila joins us to shed some light on the scripture and share a few personal stories that are sure to help you relate and implement the wisdom of this verse.

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We all want friendships where we feel seen, known, and cared for—but building those kinds of relationships isn't always easy. Friendship can bring some of the greatest joy and support into our lives, but it can also be a source of disappointment, insecurity, unmet expectations, and hurt.

In this episode of The Collide Podcast, Willow sits down with therapist and longtime Collide contributor Kellie Furlan for an honest and practical conversation about what it takes to build healthy, authentic friendships.

Kellie explains that at the heart of our relationships are two simple questions: “Do you see me?” and “Do you care?” We are designed for relationship, and especially when life gets difficult, having people around us who can answer those questions with a resounding yes matters more than we may realize.

But healthy friendship isn't about finding one perfect person who can meet every need. Kellie and Willow talk about releasing the expectation of the “everything friend” and learning to appreciate different friends for what they uniquely bring to our lives. As Kellie beautifully puts it, part of friendship is seeing who someone really is—not who we wish they would be—and “forgiving the gap” between our idealized friend and our real one.

They also dig into the courage required to communicate what we want from our relationships, how to navigate friendships that feel one-sided, the importance of boundaries and being able to say no, and why the people we surround ourselves with have such a powerful influence on who we become.

Kellie even challenges us to see friendship as a form of self-care—something worth intentionally investing in through changing seasons of marriage, motherhood, careers, moves, loss, and all the transitions life brings.

Whether you're longing for deeper friendships, navigating disappointment with someone you love, recovering from friendship hurt, or wondering how to be a better friend yourself, this conversation offers practical wisdom for pursuing relationships where you can show up fully as yourself—and give others the freedom to do the same.

Kellie Furlan is a therapist with a master's degree in Marriage and Family Therapy from Seattle Pacific University and a trusted counselor in Collide's counseling network. Through her counseling practice, Kellie helps people rediscover their strength and beauty as they pursue healing and healthier relationships.

Kellie has also contributed to Collide in many ways over the years, writing for the Collide blog, participating on conference panels, and helping create resources for Collide Bible studies. She brings both her professional expertise and her own lived experience to this honest conversation about friendship.

• Ask yourself, “Do I feel seen and cared for?” Healthy relationships create space for both people to feel known, valued, and cared about.
• Don't expect one friend to be everything. Different friends bring different gifts to our lives. Letting go of the “perfect best friend” can help us appreciate the relationships we actually have.
• Have the courageous conversation. If you're disappointed or feeling a mismatch in expectations, don't assume the other person knows what you want. Communicate honestly and give them the opportunity to respond.
• Know the difference between wants and needs. What you want from a friendship may not always be something you actually need from that person.
• Pay attention to who influences you. You don't need friends who are exactly like you, but Kellie encourages us to surround our closest circle with people who share our core values.
• Healthy friendships can hold differences. You should be able to be yourself without needing your friend to think, act, or live exactly like you.
• Boundaries make authentic friendship possible. As Kellie says, if you can't genuinely say no, you can't genuinely say yes.
• Friendship is self-care. Life gets busy and seasons change, but meaningful friendships deserve intentional space on our calendars.
• You can learn to trust again. After friendship hurt, you don't have to throw your heart wide open immediately. Kellie encourages us to “test the water slowly,” looking for people who demonstrate shared values and genuine care.

If you've ever wondered why friendship feels harder than it seems like it should, you're not alone. Healthy relationships require courage—the courage to initiate, communicate, set boundaries, let people be different from us, and risk being known.

This episode will encourage you to stop focusing only on whether other people are being the friends you want them to be and begin asking, What kind of friend am I becoming?

You may not be able to control whether someone reciprocates your friendship in exactly the way you hope, but you can choose to show up authentically, communicate courageously, keep your eyes open to new relationships, and intentionally invest in the people God has placed in your life.

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This week on the podcast we’re talking about how to speak truth in love and why it’s worth the risk to make friends who will show you your blind spots. As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. It can be a confusing sentiment, but when you understand it, the wisdom is gold. To help us make sense of Proverbs 27:17, we’ve invited pastor Brian Behrends to have a conversation on how to have and receive truthful words that, while they may hurt a little, sharpen us to be better tools for God.

The podcast takes a deep dive into the dynamics of friendships and the power of vulnerability. Brian and Willow explore the idea that faithful wounds from friends can lead to greater personal growth. They discuss how opening up to feedback can feel scary, but it's essential for our development. It’s like taking a hike—you might stumble and fall, but with the right company, you find yourself enjoying the journey and discovering amazing viewpoints along the way! They talk about their own experiences with painful yet necessary conversations, illustrating how these moments can lead to deeper connections. The episode is peppered with humor and warmth, making it relatable and uplifting, as both hosts encourage listeners to embrace the messiness of relationships and lean into the discomfort of being sharpened by those who care.

Takeaways:

• We need to invite friends into our lives to help us see our blind spots.
• Sharpening each other can be painful, but it leads to growth and deeper connections.
• Jesus showed us how to speak truth with love by meeting people where they are.
• The process of being sharpened is about revealing our true selves, not just adding to who we are.

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What if the way you respond to someone’s anxiety could bring hope, comfort, and even healing?

In this compassionate episode of the Collide Podcast, we sit down with counselor Kristi Knipp for a much-needed conversation about how to support the people in our lives who struggle with anxiety. Rooted in Proverbs 12:25—“Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up”—Kristi offers both clinical insight and Christlike empathy as she equips us to show up well for loved ones. Whether you’re a parent, friend, spouse, or coworker, this episode provides practical tools and meaningful encouragement to help you engage with care, wisdom, and kindness.

Meet Kristi Knipp

Kristi is a licensed mental health counselor who integrates faith and psychology to support emotional healing. With years of experience in helping people navigate anxiety, trauma, and personal growth, Kristi brings both expertise and deep compassion to her work. Her heart is to equip others to walk with Jesus in their struggles and offer that same hope to those around them.

In This Episode, You’ll Learn

• What Proverbs 12:25 teaches us about anxiety and encouragement
• How to support a loved one with anxiety without fixing or minimizing
• Practical tools for listening well and offering safe, comforting presence
• Why empathy is a powerful act of Christlikeness
• Ways to avoid common missteps when trying to help someone who’s struggling

How This Episode Will Encourage You

If you’ve ever felt unsure of how to help someone who is anxious or overwhelmed, this episode will equip you with the insight and confidence you need. Kristi reminds us that we don’t have to have all the answers—we just need to show up with kindness and compassion.

Check Out These Resources Inspired by This Episode

Birds and Lilies - A Bible study for anxiety that helps counter today’s “anxiety culture” with peace, faith, and trust in God’s provision.

Collide Counseling Bundle - This online course tackles the 12 most common issues women face in counseling, offering practical tools, expert advice, and encouragement from licensed mental health professionals. The course also includes a beautifully designed printed workbook (mailed to your door) filled with exercises, reflection space, and helpful resources to guide your healing journey.

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What if the thing keeping you from experiencing God’s power is your insistence on fighting the battle yourself?

Have you ever worked, planned, prepared, prayed, and done everything you thought you were supposed to do—only to find that life still didn't turn out the way you wanted? When the doors keep closing and the outcome feels like defeat, it's easy to wonder if God is really in control.

In this conversation, Matt McCoy and Willow Weston unpack Proverbs 21:31: “The horse is made ready for the day of battle, but victory rests with the Lord.” Matt shares honestly about seasons when he relied on his own abilities, became disappointed with God when He didn't "perform" the way Matt expected, and eventually found himself in what he describes as a dark night of the soul.

Together, they explore the tension between preparing faithfully and surrendering the outcome. Following God doesn't mean sitting back and letting life happen. We are called to work, plan, prepare, use our gifts, and take action. But we're also invited to walk with God, remain interruptible, and trust Him when the outcome isn't what we hoped for.

If you're exhausted from trying to control your circumstances, disappointed by an unanswered prayer, or struggling to trust God after a season of loss, this conversation offers a different way forward. You don't have to stop preparing for the battle—you just don't have to fight it alone.

Matt McCoy is a husband, dad, theologian, chaplain, and church planter who has spent his life exploring what it means to follow Jesus in the real world. His career has included ranching, construction, commercial real estate, land development, energy-sector work, college ministry, chaplaincy, and serving people experiencing homelessness.

Matt holds a Master of Divinity and has spent more than two decades leading small groups. He and his wife, Denise, are passionate about cultivating uncommon friendship and common discipleship—creating spaces where people from different backgrounds can experience the Christian life together. In this conversation, Matt brings both theological depth and hard-earned personal wisdom to the question of what it looks like to trust God when life doesn't go according to plan.

• When you're tempted to control everything: Ask what you're relying on to "win" in life—and whether you've left room for God to lead.
• When your prayers aren't answered the way you hoped: Learn how to remain connected to God instead of shutting down or walking away.
• When you're disappointed with God's plan: Discover the difference between following Jesus and asking Jesus to simply bless your plans.
• When you're facing a closed door: Consider that some of the defeats you experience may eventually become part of a story you couldn't see at the time.
• When you're exhausted from fighting: Learn how spiritual practices like prayer, Scripture, friendship, and community can help you keep walking with God.

• You don't have to understand what God is doing to trust that He is with you. Prepare, work, pray, and take the next step—but leave room for God to write a story bigger than the one you were trying to control.

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So much of the Bible is filled with meaningful stories, beautiful poems, ancient allegories, and epic sermons. But we’re breaking down the scriptures this summer by focusing on one of the most straightforward and practical books of them all: Proverbs. We’ve invited different teachers to help us focus on a short proverb each week, so you can soak in the wisdom as you soak up the sun.

To kick off the series, joining us is Bruce Larson. Bruce is a professor of Education at Western Washington University and he has published books on teaching strategies and effective teaching. He’s here to talk to us about Proverbs 1:1-7 and why it’s important to unstick a fixed mindset.

Excited jitters about the possibilities. Pit in your stomach about the fears. A glorious uncertainty about the future that elicits equal parts anxiety and joy. It’s graduation season! But these feelings aren’t just for the recent grads - we all experience seasons of change and questions of calling that require a little guidance and encouragement - no matter our age. If you’re trying to navigate what you want to be when you grow up or where God is calling you, this is an episode for you. Willow shares stories of young adults living inspiring lives that will move you to be who you are called to be and to start on that journey right now.

Scott Erickson (who you heard from in episode 29) also joined us at our Spring 2019 conference, Out of Hiding. His message to women there revolved around how social media has been causing intense depression and comparison in our culture and how to battle the temptation to give in to envy by awakening to the voice of God in your life. We’re releasing this audio by popular demand, and we can’t wait for women who missed the conference to have the opportunity to hear from Scott and women who heard him the first time to re-live the wisdom, humor, and profound truth in Scott’s message about freedom from comparison.