Is your life busy, yet not fulfilling? Do you look good on the outside, but on the inside you’re hurting? Do you have every reason in the world to be happy, yet deep down there’s a longing for something more and you just can’t seem to find it?

I’ve always heard we’re each born with a God shaped hole that only he can fill. A career won’t fill the hole. A bigger house won’t fill the hole. New boobs and a flat tummy won’t fill the hole. A new husband won’t fill the hole. You can spend your whole life chasing after that thing that is missing and still be lacking if you’re not in relationship with God. This is God’s space.

Stop for a hot minute and consider this: You’re not supposed to feel whole, fulfilled, content and happy without the fullness of God. You simply aren’t made that way.

I’ve learned you can be in the middle of chaos and uncertainty with people acting like total jackwagons all around you, but when that God shaped hole within is filled with the fullness of God, you can be completely unbothered. I mean simply not bothered by the burdens and worries. Unbothered by the uncertainties and threats.

I’ve also learned you can be in the middle of absolutely everything being so sweet and beautiful and still feel alone. You can be on the biggest and best family vacation and battle a deep unhappiness within. You can be walking in success and have everything you’ve ever dreamed of, but if that God shaped hole within you is empty, then you’re living in poverty on the inside.

That’s what was happening to the people of Sardis. Sardis was a city filled with easy money. Major trade routes ran right through their town, so businesses were booming and money was plenty. In fact, Sardis is where modern money began. This is where the first coin was minted. Money started in Sardis … and money had created a major problem for it’s people.

To these people with all their money, luxuries and comforts, Jesus has John write a letter to them. That letter is found in Revelation 3: 1-6.

Let’s begin with verses 1-3, “Write this letter to the angel of the church or Sardis. This is the message from the one who has the sevenfold Spirit of God and the seven stars: I know all the things you do, and that you have a reputation for being alive – but you are dead. Wake up! Strengthen what little remains, for even what is left is almost dead. I find that your actions do not meet the requirements of my God. Go back to what you heard and believed at first; hold to it firmly. Repent and turn to me again. If you don’t wake up, I will come to you suddenly, as unexpected as a thief.”

Here’s a fact: When we have luxuries, over time we become soft. When we don’t have to do it ourselves, we become lazy. When everything is easy, we get worse.

The people of Sardis were soft, lazy and growing worse. On the outside they looked so alive with these wonderful, full lives, but Jesus knew on the inside they were dead. That God shaped hole in them was not only empty, but it was completely bombarded by layers of material objects and outer appearances. They just kept layering on more things, more luxuries, more riches, easier living, all while that God shaped hole within them was painfully empty. On the inside they were dead.

I imagine they felt much like we do. We tell ourselves the bigger house will make us happy. We just need more room. Then we get the room and we want to fill the rooms. And now there are just more rooms to clean.

We tell ourselves a new job will make us happy. So we spend our days miserable in the old job waiting for the new job, then we finally get the new job and find out it kinda sucks too. They actually want you to WORK for your paycheck – how dare they!

A baby will make us happy, then that baby won’t let you sleep. Eventually that baby grows up to be a young adult who thinks they know better than you and you simply cannot believe the level of stupidity on display.

A new and improved body will make you happy, but girl you’re still getting older and no surgery is going to fix all that. You can barely keep up with those chin hairs.

We’re no different than the people of Sardis. We have a reputation for being alive – but we are dead on the inside. We’re missing something. Check that God shaped hole within you – how’s it looking?

Some of us will find that hole has been boarded up. Others will find that hole has been superficially filled. Some will find it was once filled, but it’s been neglected and thieves have come in and stolen from us. No wonder we feel something is missing in our lives!

When Jesus says “you’re dead”, he means you’re no threat to the devil. There’s no fight left in you. You’re just busy.

Are you a threat to the enemy, or are you so busy with your distracted, superficial living that the enemy doesn’t even consider you a threat? You’re dead to him.

The people of Sardis had grown overconfident in their walls, and twice they had fallen to their enemies. They had everything, they just didn’t protect it well. And that’s what happens to us.

Satan is looking for the one who has grown overly confident. The one who says, “I don’t need to pray about this, I know what I’m doing.” The one who says, “I can go wherever I want, I know God is always just going to be with me.” To the one who says, “I know what I’m doing isn’t 100% right, but God will forgive me again.” YOU ARE DANGEROUSLY OVERCONFIDENT.

What you don’t understand is your arrogant and careless overconfidence has you completely vulnerable to the attack of the enemy. Humble yourself. Jesus says repent and turn to me again. What does that mean? Talk to him again. Seek him again. Make space for him again. Remove the layers of crap you’ve cluttered your busy life with and invite him to fill that God shaped hole within you. Start with him first.

A comfortable life is a dangerous life. Comfort makes you forget your need for the comforter.

An easy life is a doomed life. Ease makes you focus on what you can have right now over the offering of eternity.

A busy life is a vulnerable life. You can be so busy that you’re missing God’s best.

If you have every reason to be happy, but deep down you’re still not happy, I can promise you that next Amazon purchase will not fix this. If you’re busy but still feel bored, the next trip isn’t going to fulfill you. If you’re waking up today in the place you once dreamed of but still feel there’s something missing, that something isn’t found in a new place, a new person, or a remodeled version of you.

What you’re feeling is a symptom of that God-sized hole within you desperately needing to be filled with God. A relationship with him. Time with him. Time in his word. Nothing else will ever fill that space in your life.

Let him have his space in your life. If you’re too busy for that, then you’re simply too busy.

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God’s grace and forgiveness is real. He saves us and gives us goodness we don’t deserve. When we are wrong, he gives us time and space to come back and get it right. As his beloved children, we don’t have to live in unsettled fear of what unknown wrong we may be doing and the lightening on it’s way to strike us. Jesus covers us in grace. We don’t earn his favor and love, but it’s offered to us anyway.

But know this, along with the grace of Jesus comes the space to change. And we are expected to change. God’s grace doesn’t give us license to keep doing wrong. Everything we do has a consequence and God doesn’t come in between our choices and the consequences of those choices. Nope. If you crash your car, then your car is crashed. That doesn’t change. If you charge up your credit cards, then you’re in debt. That doesn’t change. If you never wash the dishes, then you have dirty dishes. That doesn’t change.

Where is God asking you to change, but you’re delaying because you’ve been getting away with it so far? So far you haven’t gotten caught. So far it hasn’t created disaster. So far there haven’t been any consequences. Please understand, that’s not God just letting you continue in the wrong direction … that’s God’s grace allowing you space to change that. If you don’t, there will be consequences and you won’t like them.

You know how you give a child a countdown to respond appropriately? “Little Johnny, I’m going to count to 3. 1 … 2 …” What’s supposed to happen if you get to 3 and that child has not responded with appropriate action? Consequences. And those consequences are not because all of a sudden you hate that child. No, it’s because the only way they will learn is to experience negative consequences for negative behaviors.

Some of us are walking around on a 2.9997 thinking God will never get to 3. Oh, he will. You’re in your grace period, but grace periods do expire. Just how far are you going to push this?

Jesus told John to write a letter to his people in the town of Thyatira. These were people who were doing great and admirable things, but they were allowing a negative influence in their lives. So, Jesus sends them a letter in their grace period. He says to John, “Write this letter to the angel of the church of Thyatira. This is the message from the Son of God, whose eyes are like flames of fire, whose feet are like polished bronze.”

Now remember, when Jesus reveals a specific image of him, it’s for a reason. He’s telling them my eyes are like flames of fire because they have power and they see absolutely everything. He draws attention to his feet like polished bronze because they are strong and ready to move in battle. Our Jesus is one who sees and one who is ready to move. He’s not oblivious to what is happening, nor is he unable or unwilling to do anything about it.

Revelation 2: 19-29:

“I know all the things you do. I have seen your love, your faith, your service, and your patient endurance. And I can see your constant improvement in all these things.”

So, good job! You’re doing good and you’re constantly getting even better. Jesus sees that. He honors that. He loves that about you!

“But I have this complaint against you. you are permitting that woman – that Jezebel who calls herself a prophet – to lead my servants astray. She teaches them to commit sexual sin and to eat food offered to idols. I gave her time to repent, but she does not want to turn away from her immorality.”

What’s happening here is an allowed continued negative influence. The people just looked away, made excuses, and allowed it to continue. And as it continued, God’s people became confused and what was wrong became normal.

To the one doing wrong, God gave her time to repent. He started the countdown. 1 … 2 … 2 and a 1/4 … 2 and a 1/2 … 2 and a 2/3 … 2 and a 3/4 … He didn’t want the consequences of her wrong doing to destroy her. He didn’t want her to suffer. He wanted her to change. But she took her grace period and marched right on. So, there are consequences. They’re harsh. It’s painful to read.

“Therefore, I will throw her on a bed of suffering, and those who commit adultery with her will suffer greatly UNLESS they repent and turn away from her evil deeds. I will strike her children dead. Then all the churches will know that I am the one who searches out the thoughts and intentions of every person. And I will give to each of you whatever you deserve.”

There’s a popular saying these days, “Girl, go get what you deserve.” Actually, no don’t. I never want what I deserve. I desperately need grace. I need that countdown with time to change and try again. God, please don’t give me what I deserve. Please examine my heart, search my thoughts and intentions and graciously give me a holy conviction on what needs to change with the grace period to do it.

You’re in your grace period. You have not gotten what you deserve, and that’s the best news you’ll receive all day. Now, don’t waste this. When God says he’s counting to 3, he will eventually get to 3, and he will follow through with what he says.

Now, here’s the good news … not everyone in this town was following the bad influence of false teachings, and to them, Jesus has a separate message. He says, “I will ask nothing more of you except that you hold tightly to what you have until I come. To all who are victorious who obey me to the very end, to them I will give authority over all the nations. They will rule the nations with an iron rod and smash them like clay pots. They will have the same authority I received from my Father, and I will also give them the morning star! Anyone with ears to hear must listen to the Spirit and understand what he is saying to the churches.”

Jesus knows you can’t change everyone or everything. But, he is expecting you to be in this world and hold tight to the truth and not be influenced by the world. If you don’t have personal boundaries of what is allowed and what isn’t, then the world is going to creep right in and blur your lines and drag you into the chaos. The devil would love nothing more than to weaken your convictions and lull you into a compromised position.

You better hold tight. Hold your lines. Hold your convictions. Hold your commitments. Immorality and ungodliness is all around you – what are you going to do about it? Are you going to allow that influence? Are you going to give in a little? Are you going to ignore that little ping of the Holy Spirit that tells you “this isn’t right”, and just keep on going with your bad self?

Just because you’ve always gotten away with it doesn’t mean you will continue to get away with it. This grace period has an end … and when you’ve used up all that grace you’re left with consequences. You won’t like them. God really doesn’t want them for you. So listen today. 1 … 2 … 2 and 1/2 … what will your response be?

God, please don’t give us what we deserve. We want to hold tight to you and your ways. We want to do what’s right and turn from what’s wrong.

Jesus says if you refuse to fit in with the world and be influenced by all that is wrong, then he has a reward for you. Your reward is the morning star. Do you know what the morning star is? Later in Revelation, Jesus reveals the morning star is HIM. He brings light. He brings hope. When you respond to the changes God is asking you to make in your grace period and you hold tight to his will and way for you, your reward is the hope and light only Jesus can offer!

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In the very beginning of our Bible, we read about the first woman, Eve, being deceived by the serpent to eat the fruit God had specifically told her not to eat. That serpent was the devil. Deception was his tool. He made what was forbidden look so good that Eve was fooled.

And isn’t that what he still does today? The devil deceives us. He makes the very things that are bad for us look so good and so normal. Yet hiding behind our normal is a great danger.

The question is, where have you been deceived? What are you tiptoeing in that will Satan wants to trap you in? You’re not seeing that danger for what it really is. It’s not harmless. It’s deception and you are the one being deceived into the plan of the enemy who will have you forfeiting the fullness of life you were created for and instead have you trapped in a life of bondage, addiction, perversion and settling.

What is it that you do and then you dismiss it as normal because “everyone else does it”? If everyone else does it, then isn’t it a pattern of this world? God’s word tells me I’m not supposed to do what everyone else is doing. Romans 12:2, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his pleasing and perfect will.”

If you’re having trouble knowing what God’s will is and what he wants you to do, then check and see if you’re just doing what the rest of this world does and therefore being blocked by your own thoughts. The rest of the world is on their phones. The rest of the world spends hours scrolling. The rest of the word is checking boxes of obligation, going through the motions, but not fully engaged. God says you will be transformed and changed when you start thinking differently. The devil cannot deceive the mind that refuses to give in to the patterns of this world. And the mind that cannot be deceived is the life that can hear, know and follow God’s pleasing and perfect will.

Throughout the Bible, we see the effects of the deception of Satan. We see it show up in people who become prideful, people who decide to do things their own way, people who want more power and control, people who grow jealous, and people who just do what everyone else is doing. Eve was the first to be deceived, Adam was next. He ate the forbidden fruit because Eve was eating it.

Now, here we are in the very last book of the Bible and the enemy is still deceiving God’s people. He’s still doing his nasty work of making the wrong things look completely normal. That’s what’s happening in the city of Pergamum. So, Jesus tells John to write this letter to his people there. Revelation 2: 12-17:

Write this letter to the angel of the church of Pergamum. This is the message from the one with the sharp two-edged sword: (This means the one with God’s word. The one who knows the truth and speaks the truth. God’s word can cut through the layers of excuses and deception, all the way down to the truth.)

“I know that you live in the city where Satan has his throne, yet you have remained loyal to me.”

This city was under a stronghold of Satan. And my guess is, most everyone living there thought it was all just normal.

“You refused to deny me even when Antipas, my faithful witness, was martyred among you there in Satan’s city. But I have a few complaints against you. You tolerate some among you whose teaching is like that of Balaam, who showed Balak how to trip up the people of Israel. He taught them to sin by eating food offered to idols and by committing sexual sin. In a similar way you have some Nicolaitans among you who follow the same teaching.”

This is the deception of the devil. He made what was wrong look normal. And Jesus is not pleased. Even if they weren’t doing it, they were TOLERATING it, so it was growing.

“Repent of your sin, or I will come to you suddenly and fight against them with the sword of my mouth.”

To repent means to turn around. To change directions. It means while this may be normal, it will no longer be my normal. I will not do it just because everyone else is doing it. I will not tolerate this is my home.

“Anyone with ears to hear must listen to the Spirit and understand what he is saying to the churches. To everyone who is victorious I will give some of the manna that has been hidden away in heaven.” (Manna is God’s perfect provision. Did you know God has perfect provision hidden away for you and he wants to give it to you?)

“And I will give to each one a white stone, and on the stone will be engraved a new name that no one understands except the one who receives it.”

Oh let’s talk about this white stone with a new name. What is Jesus revealing to us here? I find this to be so exciting!

At this time, a white stone represented several different things.

• In ancient Greece, jury members would cast a stone to vote for someone’s innocence or guilt. A black stone proclaimed the defendant guilty. A white stone proclaimed innocence and freedom. A white stone will be ours because Jesus has paid the price for our guilt and we are now proclaimed INNOCENT. The white stone is cast for us! Imagine that. Jesus holds a white stone just for you and it says, “I vote innocent.”

Innocent even when I’ve lost my way. Innocent even when I was deceived and fit right in with the patterns of the world. Innocent even when I was wrong and did wrong. A white stone is held by Jesus for me.

But also, think of this white stone Jesus tells his people about like this:

• In ancient Rome, there was a custom of awarding white stones to the winners in athletic games. Instead of medals around their neck, they received a white stone with their name inscribed on it. This stone then became their ticket to special awards banquets. If they had the stone, then they were a winner, and they could attend the special winner celebrations.

The white stone with our new name on it is Jesus telling his people we are his winners. As his winners, we gain entrance to the eternal victory celebration in heaven!!!! And, when we arrive, we get a new name. A name only he knows, but when he gives it to us, we will understand it.

Neurosciene reveals our brain literally activates when we hear our own name. We receive a small dopamine boost when our name is mentioned. My mentor’s first and favorite book was “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnigie. That book says “A person’s name is to that person, the sweetest sound in any language.” To you, your name being spoken means you’re seen, you’re included, you’re valued.

So, when Jesus himself gives you a white stone with a new name engraved on it, it will be the ultimate reward of knowing Jesus sees you. He’s included you. He values you. He wants you. He holds space for you. And you will understand it unlike anything else, ever. It will reveal everything you’ve ever questioned and set it all right, personally for you.

Then you, and your white stone with your new glorious name, will gain access to the eternal celebration in the most most perfect paradise.

But we’re not there quite yet. Here on earth, we’re bombarded with the deceptions of the devil that leave us tolerating the evil things that have just become normal.

1 Corinthians 15:33 warns, “Do not be deceived: Bad company corrupts good habits.”

Who are you hanging out with? Have they been deceived? Are you tolerating that deception and allowing those things to just become normal? Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you in breaking free from the patterns of this world so you are not trapped by the evil plans of the enemy.

We’re called to live different. And yes, living different is a battle we have to fight. But remember, a white stone with a new name awaits those who are victorious and we get to celebrate together forever in an eternal perfect paradise! It will be worth it!

Follow Pamela on Instagram – https://instagram.com/headmamapamela

What if life gets worse? What if the unimaginable happens to you?

I naively thought following Jesus would insulate my family from the threats of the world … I was wrong. We have a promise, and that promise is eternal life – not easy life, not perfect life, not happy little bubble life. Jesus promises eternal life for those who place their faith and trust in him. Everything before eternity is tainted with human messes and attacks from the enemy.

We just don’t talk about that do we? To sell Christianity, we present a life of overflowing joy … which we do get to experience sometimes. But if that’s all I sell you, then when life hits you’re going to want your money back. Cancel my commitment to Jesus … life got hard anyway.

Life is going to eventually touch each of us. We will hurt. We will lose. We will grieve. But with Jesus, we have a promise that outlasts all of that. And that promise gives us something here and now that makes us wildly rich and ridiculously blessed.

Jesus tells John to write a letter to the church of Smyrna. Smyrna was a rich city with leaders who demanded to be worshiped. If you didn’t worship their leaders, then you were forced to suffer in extreme poverty. The Christians there were under the harshest of conditions with literally nothing. All they had to do was call their leaders Lord and pretend to worship them, but they refused. In faith, they would only offer Jesus their praise. Only Jesus would be called Lord. So, they suffered.

And guess what … Jesus knew they were suffering. This is after Jesus’ crucifixion, so Jesus is now sitting in complete power on the throne of heaven, seeing all of this. Seeing his people being punished for following him. He has the power to stop it. He has the power to change it. But instead, he sends this letter.

Revelation 2: 8-11, “This is the message from the one who is the First and the Last, who was dead but is now alive: I know about your suffering and your poverty – but you are rich! I know the blasphemy of those opposing you. They say they are Jews, but they are not, because their synagogue belongs to Satan. Don’t be afraid of what you are about to suffer. The devil will throw some of you into prison to test you. You will suffer for 10 days. But if you remain faithful even when facing death, I will give you the crown of life. Anyone with ears to hear must listen to the Spirit and understand what he is saying to the churches. Whoever is victorious will not be harmed by the second death.”

So essentially Jesus is telling this group of suffering faithful people, “Yip, I see this and it’s going to get even worse for a period of time.”

They had done nothing wrong. They weren’t being punished. They had absolutely nothing physically, but they had everything spiritually.

If you were to take an inventory in your own life, what do you have physically? Now, what do you have spiritually? Which is most important to you?

Jesus is looking at the uber wealthy of Smyrna, the ones in palaces with the most comfortable and easy lives and comparing them to his followers who have been stripped of everything and live in complete poverty. He calls one of them rich. Who was that? It wasn’t those with physical things … it was those with spiritual things. This is true wealth.

If I’m being honest, that all scares me a little bit. Would I praise God if it meant absolutely everything I have was taken? If I were suffering because of Jesus, would I still serve him? Now what if my family were added to the suffering? Would I remain faithful if it meant my family was threatened with that same pain?

These are the people Jesus is sending this letter to. People with that kind of faith. People with that level of commitment. And to them he says, “You are rich!” They are rich because of what they have spiritually. What they have is what really matters. They have a relationship with the one true God. They have an eternal promise beyond the very fleeting things of this life.

It’s so easy to get caught up in this temporary life that we forget how quickly this will all be over. I’m a few months away from turning 50 and I honestly don’t know how that has happened. How am I this old and how has my life gone this fast? How are the sands in my hourglass less on top than they are on the bottom? While I’ve been busy building and collecting things, eternity is getting closer and closer. And the moment eternity begins, not a single thing I ever bought matters. My house won’t matter, my weight won’t matter, my bank account won’t matter. Only the spiritual things will matter. And if I’m living this life poor spiritually, my eternity is in jeopardy.

Jesus says, “Don’t be afraid of what you are about to suffer. The devil will throw some of you into prison to test you. You will suffer for ten days. But if you remain faithful even when facing death, I will give you the crown of life.”

Jesus is very clear:

• I see all of this.

I can’t promise you that life won’t come in and touch you, but God promises it will be measured and limited. And he promises if you will remain faithful through the hardships of this life, he will give you the crown of life.

Here’s what that doesn’t mean:

• It doesn’t mean you won’t ever get sick.

We’ve twisted God’s promises and there’s a whole lot of brokenhearted followers of Jesus falling out of love with their Savior because they are so utterly disappointed in this life. But, my friend, it’s not about this life … it’s about the CROWN OF LIFE.

The crown of life is the victory on the other side of this. The eternal perfection with God that awaits us. This is our promise and it is absolutely untouchable by the enemy. He can’t steal it from us.

Now, go back to the beginning of the letter and notice how Jesus introduces himself. He says he is the one who was dead but is now alive. He is victorious over death. he faced death, but now he is alive. He’s not promising us long life or easy life, he’s promising us eternal, perfect life … that’s FAR BETTER. He says, you’re going to suffer and die, and so did I. You can also join me in life after this.

That’s your invitation.

It’s not an invitation to an insulated, always happy life here in a Jesus bubble. It’s an invitation to a protection from the second death. The spiritual death that would separate us forever from him. We don’t have to experience that death when we accept eternal life through Jesus.

May you be so spiritually rich that physical things have less of a hold on you. May you hold this life loosely while you live intentionally focused on the eternal life being promised. May you remain faithful knowing through it all there’s a crown of life awaiting you.

Follow Pamela on Instagram – https://instagram.com/headmamapamela

Did you know you have demon repellent available to you? Like bug spray, the enemy and his evil little workers absolutely cannot pester you when you use what God is going to show you today!

Let’s continue our study of the book of Revelation, remembering this is not a book of doom and gloom and confusing mysteries to remain hidden. No, the very title itself tells us this is a book of revealing. The revealing is coming to John directly from Jesus. Let’s get started today in chapter 2.

Verse 1: “Write this letter to the angel of the church in Ephesus. This is the message from the one who holds the seven stars in his right hand, the one who walks among the seven gold lampstands:”

Now remember, the seven gold lampstands are seven churches. Does it mean there are only seven churches? No. Seven is a number that represents completion and perfection, so this is simply all of God’s people collectively. This is a letter to one of God’s gathering of people in the church of Ephesus. This church was started by Paul and over the years, it had become influenced by the world around them and lost their way a bit. Jesus has something specific to say to them.

He begins his letter to them by reminding them who he is. He reminds them he holds the seven stars in his right hand. These stars are symbols for God’s angels and messengers. Jesus has powerful command over his enemies with angel armies. He can send out defense and deliverance at any moment. The devil and his demons stand no chance against him. And with that reminder, he says, “I am the one who walks among my people.”

Now imagine that. He’s not sitting in the distance. He’s not watching from afar. He doesn’t create boundaries and then command his angel armies to fight for him in places he’s not willing to go. No, instead, he walks among his people. He’s in the trenches with us. He’s climbing those mountains with us. He’s on the battlefield. He’s in the office. He’s in our homes. He’s near.

And with all the power of heaven and earth held in his right hand, he walks among us, seeing everything, drawing near, ready to move on our behalf. That’s our Jesus. He’s right here.

Now, he says to his people in verse 2-3, “I know all the things you do. I have seen your hard work and your patient endurance. I know you don’t tolerate evil people. You have examined the claims of those who say they are apostles but are not. You have discovered they are liars. You have patiently suffered for me without quitting.”

Jesus shows us how to have a tough conversation. He shows us you begin by recognizing what is going right. You offer praise first. Remember that when you’re in your next tough conversation where you must discuss things that need to change. First, tell them what you see that’s already good. You can’t come out of the gate complaining, Sis. You can’t begin a conversation with condemnation and finger pointing, and expect it to create the change you hope for.

Half of the lesson Jesus teaches us isn’t in the teaching itself, it’s in HOW he does it. This is how you address necessary changes in someone you love. First, I will recognize what you’re doing right.

Jesus literally knows everything we do. He’s walking right here among us. He sees it all. He hears it all. You can hide absolutely nothing from him.

Yesterday I was in a store in downtown Branson, MO and they had a solid white sticker with Jesus’ head creeping in from the corner and it said, “I saw that.” He did. Jesus really did see that. If that causes a bit of panic, regret, embarrassment, or stirring of excuses, recognize what’s really happening. This is holy conviction. This is God’s spirit within you saying, “My girl, I love you. What you did isn’t my best for you. I want to show you a better way. Let’s work on doing better together.”

Jesus saw that. And he wants you to know first that he sees what you’re doing right. He’s sees how you’re trying. He sees how far you’ve come. He sees how hard it’s been and he sure is proud of you for not giving up.

Verse 4-5, “But I have this complaint against you. You don’t love me or each other as you did at first! Look how far you have fallen! Turn back to me and do the works you did at first. If you don’t repent, I will come and remove your lampstand from its place among the churches.”

This is a group of God’s people who looked really good on the outside, but on the inside they had left love behind. They had become more focused on rituals and appearances and forgotten it was first and foremost about love. And this is what happens to us.

It becomes about boxes to check over a love for our God. Church, check. Bible, check. Pray, check. Next.

And Jesus says this is a problem, come back to me. Come back to how you once wanted to spend time with me. Come back to how you used to be in awe of me. Come back to the passion you once had for what I was doing in your life. And my people … what they need more than anything is love. If you’re not doing this is love, then you’re simply making it worse.

What if God were to check your heart and see what the true motives and intentions were behind your actions. Why do you raise your hands? Why do you smile? Why do you send that message? Is it to look good? Is it to fit in? Is it to make someone like you? Is it to try and get your way? Is it to make you feel better? Let me tell you, my eyes have never been opened more than when I started praying that God would examine my heart and reveal to me anything that wasn’t pleasing to him and needed to change. I found out beneath a whole lot of things that looked good on the outside, I wasn’t coming from a place of love. I was coming from a place of performance, manipulation or control. Love had been left behind.

To that, Jesus says, “Turn back and repent.” To repent means you don’t have to feel different about it to start doing it different. You don’t wait on the feeling, you lead your feelings. You start doing different before you start feeling different. You turn and change directions.

Don’t allow rituals and appearances to become more important than love. 1 Corinthians 16:14, “Do everything with love.” Now that’s a memory verse. Let’s practice it together. DO EVERYTHING WITH LOVE. Easy, you’ve already got it. Now, respond to that holy conviction you feel within when God reveals the things you do that aren’t coming from a place of love.

I’ve learned you can send the same exact text message with the same words, but the intent of your heart cannot be hidden. If your actions are coming from a place of manipulation or show or control, it will be known. You can’t hide that forever. So first, check your heart. If you can’t send that text from a place of love, don’t send it. Ask God to work on your heart first. Actions from an intent of love simply hit different. There’s no open door for the enemy to work when you’re operating from love. The devil can’t dwell in love. True love is like a demon repellent. He’s banished. But the moment you begin doing those same exact things from a place of trying to control or impress or check a box, the enemy has an empty space void of love to reside. All spaces void of love are a space available for the works of Satan and his demons.

When Jesus says, “Repent or I’ll remove your lampstand from its place among the churches”, he is saying, “I can’t use you for my good purposes if you’re not operating from a place of love.” You can label your works as ministry, but if it’s not done in love for God and others, then it is simply not useful to God and he doesn’t want it.

Yesterday, I also saw a sign that said, “Jesus loves you and I’m trying.” You know, what if it were that simple? What if you start looking at that jackwagon that makes your eye twitch as you resist wrapping your hands around their neck, and you remember that is a person that Jesus loves so much he was willing to die for them – and what if you just TRIED to love them too. For real, just try harder.

Verse 6, “But this is in your favor: You hate the evil deeds of the Nicolaitans, just as I do.” Jesus doesn’t say he hates the people who are doing wrong, he says he hates what they’re doing. We’re not called to hate a single person. But we should hate sin. Why do we hate sin? We hate sin because of what it does to the people we love. We hate sin because of the separation it creates. Because of the hurt it causes. But we’re called to love the person while we hate the sin. Lead in love. If you can’t do that, you’re only making it worse.

Finally, Jesus says in verse 7, “Anyone with ears to hear must listen to the Spirit and understand what he is saying to the churches. To everyone who is victorious I will give fruit from the tree of life in the paradise of God.”

This means, to all who come back to loving God and loving others and overcome their own cold heart, there is a promise of restoration and eternal life. We will have our place in paradise!

So what does this mean? It means it will be worth it!

God, examine our hearts. Where are we not loving as you have loved us?

Love is a demon repellent. Leave absolutely no empty spaces void of love for the enemy to dwell. In everything you do, do it with love.

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What is your vision of Jesus? Do you see him as the humble man in a robe and sandals with kind eyes? Do you see him as the beaten, bleeding, innocent one hanging on a cross? Or how about the image of Jesus we see in the show “The Chosen”? He’s relatable, he’s personable, he’s fun, he’s engaged, and he’s patient. I believe he is all of these things. But, let’s take a look of another image of Jesus he specifically wants us to see.

Jesus himself appeared to John and told him to write down everything he saw. This is how John describes Jesus in Revelation 1: 12-18 –

“When I turned to see who was speaking to me, I saw seven gold lampstands. And standing in the middle in the middle of the lampstands was someone like the Son of Man. He was wearing a long robe with a gold sash across his chest. His head and his hair were white like wool, as white as snow. And his eyes were life flames of fire. His feet were like polished bronze refined in a furnace, and his voice thundered like mighty ocean waves. He held seven stars in his right hand, and a sharp two-edged sword came from his mouth. And his face was like the sun in all its brilliance. When I saw him, I fell at his feet as if I were dead. But he laid his right hand on me and said, “Don’t be afraid! I am the First and the Last. I am the living one. I died, but look – I am alive forever and ever! And I hold the keys of death and the grave.”

Remember, John knows Jesus. He was with Jesus during his entire ministry on earth. He saw Jesus move and work, and he walked along side him as a friend and partner in ministry. John knew this was Jesus. Jesus the relatable, personable, fun, engaged, patient, humble, kind one who he witnessed hanging on the cross. But now he sees God in Jesus. He sees this glorious being who resembles his dear friend and master, Jesus, but this person is far beyond human.

He sees pure power. He sees divine authority. He sees unmatched brilliance. And Jesus WANTS John to see him. He not only wants John to see him, but he says to John, “Write down what you have seen.”

Jesus knew you would be here today needing this vision of him. He knew you would need to see his power and his authority. He knew you would personally need to see his glory. And Jesus is saying, “John, you have to write this down because one appointed day, 1,930 years from now, my dearly loved and chosen girl will be seeking me, and she needs to see me as more than the brown haired man with kind eyes in a linen robe and sandals. She needs to know I am so much more. Write it down so she knows.”

So, here you are today, as God knew you would be. Now, first think about that. How absolutely wild is it that God always knew you would be precisely where you are right now, struggling with what you’re struggling with, questioning what you’re questioning, needing what you’re needing today. And he divinely aligned the details of today so you could see him.

Now, let’s see him, because that’s what he wants. He wants you to see him as more. He wants you to know of his power, his authority and his brilliance. Slow down, settle in, and envision the glorious being John sees and know THIS is your Savior. We’re given 8 details.

1. He was wearing a long robe with a gold sash across his chest. These are clothes worn by important high ranking people, rulers with great power, and angels representing heaven. So, this is an image of authority in all ways. He’s not meek. He’s not mild. He’s not defeated.

2. His head and his hair were white like wool, as white as snow. The color white represents several things. First, white hair, in many cultures, is associate with wisdom. Our Jesus KNOWS. He is not unaware. He is fully aware in every way of every detail. He knows the circumstances and he knows the solutions. Wisdom is his. He’s never perplexed. Never uncertain. And never without a certified, fool-proof, definite plan. He has always known the end from the beginning. White is a color associated with purity, righteousness and holiness. His hair is white because he is perfect. (Remember that the next time you complain about your white hair. Girl, it’s just a little bit of perfection showing up as you age and get wiser.)

3. And his eyes were like flames of fire. The Jesus John has known before was a meek servant who walked as a willing sacrifice. Now, John sees Jesus with these eyes of fire. This denotes absolute power and might. A blessing for his beloved people, but a sheer terror for his enemies. Those eyes see everything, and hold the power to do all things.

4. His feet were like polished bronze refined in a furnace. Bronze was the metal used for warfare because at this time in history, it was the hardest and toughest material. Harder than iron. And Jesus feet, like polished bronze are showing they are armored. His armored feet are prepared, ready to move, and ready to CRUSH the head of his enemy.

5. His voice thundered like mighty ocean waves. Have you ever stood on the beach with crashing waves? Those waves are LOUD. Their sound reveals their undeniable force and power. You can’t speak over their sound. In Hawaii, our little house is several miles from the shore, and we can still hear those waves. John is telling us, the voice of Jesus is booming and loud. It is powerful. It cannot be denied or ignored. Our Jesus demands to be heard.

6. He held seven stars in his right hand. These stars are also defined as angels. Heavenly beings. Messengers of God for his people. And Jesus holds them in his right hand. The right hand is a symbol of authority and power. But also understand, the right hand was the hand used in attack. The sword for attack is held in the right hand, while the defensive shield is held in the left. Jesus is showing he holds the power to attack and annihilate the enemy. He will command his angels to bring victory. All authority is his. Nothing can happen without his awareness. Does he orchestrate all things? No. However if he allows it, know that it wasn’t because it slipped by him or defeated him – in authority, he allowed it because he knew he could use it. And in his right hand, he will use it to bring eternal victory.

7. A sharp two-edged sword came from his mouth. To understand, we must turn to Hebrews 5:12, “The word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires.” How many times have you been listening to this devotional and thought, “Wow, how did she know? How did she just speak precisely to what I’m going through? How does it always hit just right?” Well, simply because I’m not speaking my words, I’m speaking the words of God, and his words are alive. They move, they flow, and they hold divine power. Jesus speaks with that power. For his people, this means blessings – for his enemies, this means they will face that sword and they will be utterly defeated.

8. And his face was like the sun in all its brilliance. Jesus does nothing small. Just like the sun touches and changes the whole earth, and without the sun there is no life, Jesus changes everything and brings life to all things. The sun represents the ultimate source of light and energy. Jesus face radiates his glory. Nothing compares to his face because nothing exists without him. He is pure power.

And with this vision of Jesus, he says, “Don’t be afraid! I am the First and the Last. I am the living one. I died, but look – I am alive forever and ever! And I hold the keys of death and the grave!”

Not the devil. He doesn’t hold the keys. He doesn’t hold the power or have access. The keys are held solely by Jesus.

This is our Jesus, and he wants you to see his power!!!!!

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Have you assumed a surrendered life to God promises an easy life? Have you equated a life for Jesus as a comfortable life filled with all joy and no pain?

Last night, here at our BIG Life Missouri Lake Retreat, we gathered in the family room in our pajamas and we began sharing our stories. Random stories of “I’m a taxidermist, I hula hoop, I used to competitively drive mud trucks and I’m a homeless traveling gypsy. (One of those is me, the others are most certainly not.)

Then Emily shared. Emily is a stunning beautiful blonde who is well put together with a certain touch of class, yet air of your new best friend. She shared how 4 years ago, her 7 year old little boy died in a drowning accident. This unspeakable loss broke her and brought her to a place of such immense pain that she planned to end her own life. She simply couldn’t go on. BUT GOD.

But God has been healing her heart, renewing her spirit, and doing what only he can do … he’s been turning all this intended harm into a work of his goodness that saves many lives. Her testimony is one of faith and promise in the midst of unimaginable loss and grief. She showed us a Jesus that never leaves, with sufficient grace to cover our worst disappointments and disasters.

Emily reminded us a surrendered life to God never promises an easy life. Emily reminded us a life for Jesus does not equate comfort with all joy and no pain. However, that life, given to Jesus, does mean a hope beyond all hopes and a story that brings glory to God.

In the mental hospital as she was fighting for her own will to survive, she met a man who’s child had been murdered. In this man’s immense pain he had lost his faith in God. And this divine encounter, amidst the hardest of circumstances life could ever hand them, allowed Emily to illuminate the path for that hurting Dad’s way back to God.

My friends, maybe your life experience has fallen far short of how you thought it was supposed to be as a beloved daughter of the King. And maybe it’s time to surrender all of that to the only hands who can hold it for you, and let a relationship with God Almighty use all the intended harm in your life for something eternally good now.

As we study the book of Revelation together over the next several days and weeks, remember we are promised God’s blessings for reading, hearing and obeying what this book of the Bible reveals. This is the revealing of Jesus, our judge and our redeemer.

This often avoided last book in your Bible is written by John, and as we discussed yesterday, John personally knew Jesus. He walked this earth with Jesus … literally. John was in the boat on the night the waves were taking them under and Jesus came out walking on the waves, calming the storm. John was serving in the crowd of 5,000 men, plus women and children, who were miraculously feasting off only 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish. His feet were washed by Jesus. He was the one who knew without a doubt, Jesus loved him. It was John’s entire identity. I’m the one Jesus loves.

So, after 60 plus years of faithfully spreading the gospel, telling nothing but the truths of Jesus, and leading countless souls to salvation, you would assume he is greatly rewarded. Like in my mind, that kind of dedication deserves success. That kind of commitment deserves overflowing blessings and a place of honor. But instead, do you know where John is when he’s visited by this angel of God and told to write the words we read today in Revelation?

He’s in exile on the island of Patmos. I’m an island girl, but this is not the island you want to be on!

The island of Patmos is nothing but a harsh desolate rock covered in thorns where the unwanted were sent into banishment. And this is where John is. John – the one who’s complete identity is being loved by Jesus. The one who has faithfully served God his entire life. The one who was chosen, called, set apart, and devoted.

Banished.

Exiled.

Suffering.

Enduring.

How can that be? How is that fair? Where is God in this?

Let me tell you where God is in this … right there with him. And let me tell you what God is doing in this … he’s working!

Chapter 1, verse 9, “I, John, am your brother and your partner in suffering and in God’s Kingdom in the patient endurance to which Jesus calls us. I was exiled to the island of Patmos for preaching the word of God and for my testimony about Jesus.”

Now, verse 10, “It was the Lord’s Day, and I was worshiping in the Spirit.”

And that is the game changer! Even with all he was going through, even with the harshest of circumstances and the most undeserving of realities, John is sitting in the thorns, worshiping God.

What are your thorns? What surrounds you and causes you pain? Is it that unimaginable loss you have endured? Is it that divorce you never imagined? Is it that agonizing wait and uncertainty? Is it the past you can’t seem to forget? Is it that loneliness? Is it that sheer disappointment from a reality that you feel you don’t deserve? Is it the daily grind that’s sucking the life out of you?

You have a choice here, and this choice will make all the difference in the world for you.

You face this with God, or without God.

You draw closer to God in relationship, or you push him away.

You wonder about all the questions you can’t get answers for, or you worship him in the midst of those questions.

I’ve found this to be true: When you take 1 step towards God, he takes a thousand steps towards you. He personally attends to you. He heals you. He strengthens you. He equips you, then he uses your story to bring him glory. James 4:8, “Come close to God, and God will come close to you.”

John is sitting in his undeserved exile, banished to the harshest of living conditions amongst thorns, and he is making a choice. A choice to come close to God. A choice to worship. And his choice to come close to God has God moving in close to him.

And right here, in this choice of coming in close to God and worshiping in the middle of his undeserved thorns, comes a loud voice like a trumpet blast with a message from God. And that voice revealed Jesus. That revealing is our book of Revelation. Our promised blessing from reading, hearing and obeying today.

Because John made his choice to lean into God when his life got harder, because he chose to still worship when his obedience was repaid with suffering, God leaned into him, pulled him in close, and used his thorns for divine and eternal blessings for us today.

Emily, the beautiful mother who lost her 7 year old son in a river, is now a blessing to countless people because she has chosen to lean into God.

Have you ever heard of Nick Vujicic? Nick was born with no arms and no legs. He’s simply a torso and a head. His testimony forever changed me. 20 years ago, I heard him say, “If you don’t receive the miracle you are hoping for, you can become a miracle for someone else.” He’s never been able to give another human being legs or arms they weren’t born with, but he’s been able to give hope for a life of purpose even without them.

I pray you get your miracle. I pray you are blown away by the sweetest supply of God’s divine healing, restoration and provision. I pray today is the beginning of a radical change. But even more importantly, I pray if you don’t receive your miracle, you make the choice to lean into God and worship him. It’s a choice, and that choice will supernaturally strengthen you and direct you in becoming a miracle for someone else.

How can you lean into God today? How can you make the choice to pursue a relationship with him? How can you worship him on your harsh rock in your undeserved thorns? God’s already on his way to you at this moment. He’s here for this. He’s here for you. And somehow, someway, you will find your way and you will be a miracle worker in his hands.

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Revelation: In Greek is Apocalypse

We have changed the word apocalypse to mean chaos and catastrophe, however, the original meaning of apocalypse was the “revealing”. So, instead of thinking of Revelation as the chaos and catastrophe to come, instead of fear driven doom and gloom, it is a revealing and unveiling.

The revealing in this book is of Jesus. We’re getting to see Jesus risen and in full power as never before. We get to see him reigning and redeeming as promised.

Does it mean we will understand it all? Absolutely not. Our human minds do not have the capacity to understand the mysteries of God. However, our spirits do. The truths of God are not hidden from us, but instead revealed to our spirit when we seek God.

Jesus says, “Seek and you will find.” He also says, “When you seek God, you will find him.” If Jesus said it, I choose to believe it. If I’m seeking, I will find God … but if I’m not really seeking God, he will remain an untouchable mystery. This applies to the often avoided book of Revelation. When we seek God, our Spirit will come to understand what God intendeds to reveal to us.

And let’s be clear, God WANTS to reveal something to us. What is it? JESUS. Revelation is the revealing of Jesus.

The author of Revelation is John. You know, the fisherman, John, who became one of his 12 disciples. He walked with Jesus for 3 years, he was at the foot of the cross when Jesus was crucified, 3 days later he ran to find the tomb empty, and later that week he had breakfast on the shores of the Sea of Galilee with Jesus, examining his nail scared hands.

John knew Jesus.

He is the one referred to as “the disciple Jesus loved”, and guess who called John this? John himself did, which makes me giggle. “Yeah, I’m the one Jesus loves.” He wasn’t saying he was better than anyone else, he’s simply confident in Jesus’ love for him. He knew their relationship was special.

Can you say that? More on that level of confidence in Jesus’ love later …

John writes the book of Revelation by means of an angel who revealed things to him in the spirit. That angel was sent by Jesus under the instruction of God. How do I know? Chapter 1, verse 1, “This is a revelation from Jesus Christ, which God gave him to show his servants the events that must soon take place. He sent an angel to present this revelation to his servant John.”

See, not so confusing, huh?

Do you know why we’re afraid of Revelation and avoid it? Because that’s precisely what our defeated enemy wants. He does not want you to know of his destiny, nor does he want you to know of the dangers in delayed obedience to God. But, there’s another reason the devil wants to keep you away from the book of Revelation … he wants to steal your blessing!

Verse 3, “God blesses the one who reads the words of this prophesy to the church, and he blesses all who listen to is message and obey what it says, for the time is near.”

It’s a blessing to read this revealing of Jesus. It’s a blessing to hear about the unveiling of the full power and promises of our Savior. It’s a blessing to know chaos and catastrophe are coming, and we are promised to be saved from it all.

There are blessings here for us in this misunderstood and often avoided final book of our Bible. And I don’t know about you, but if there’s a blessing on the table, I want it. If God has offered a blessing, I want to be the girl that grabs it.

My husband taught our kid’s in soccer when they were little. Each year in the very first practice, he would gather all his energy filled tiny players with the attention spans of a gnat, and he would dangle a 20 dollar bill. He would say, “Who wants this?” Oh, all the kids would squeal, “Me, me, me.” “Who wants it?” They would raise their hands and begin to scream louder. “Me, Coach, pick me.” And he would continue to dangle the 20 and say, “Who wants it?” Inevitably, there would finally be one bold child that would want that 20 so bad they would stand up and grab it. Then Coach would say, “Then you’re the one that gets it. If you want it, get up and get it. Go for it! Do something about it.”

So, we’re being told there’s a blessing in the offering here. Dangling right in front of us. Who wants it? The one who goes for it is the one who gets the blessing. I’ve decided to dive in! I’m grabbing this book of Revelation and I’m getting the promised blessing. I will read it, I will listen and I will obey.

Jesus is being revealed to us, and God felt it was important to talk about. And if God is concerned enough to talk about it, he wants us to be concerned enough to listen. We are blessed by READING, we are blessed by LISTENING … it doesn’t say understanding is required for that blessing.

John, the one who personally walked with Jesus, the one who sat at the foot of the cross with Jesus, the one who saw the risen Jesus, has been spreading the gospel of Jesus at this point for over 60 years. Jesus went to the cross in AD 33, and now John is being visited by an angel in 95 AD, 62 years later, to reveal more of Jesus. The news wasn’t getting old. The promises were still holding. And John was still passionate in telling everyone he could about this Jesus who loves them.

Verse 5, John writes, Glory “to Him who loved us and washed us from our sins in His own blood.”

The day you understand Jesus personally and directly loves YOU, is the day your life changes. And here, we understand the extent of his love … he chose to wash us instead of just throwing us away.

Think about this … if you get paint all over your jeans, you would only try desperately to wash that paint out if you really loved those jeans. Otherwise, you would just throw them away and get a new pair of jeans. But, if you love them, you would google all the ways to wash out the paint.

The solution for getting paint out of denim is rubbing alcohol. The solution for getting sin out of you is the blood of Jesus.

The simple fact that Jesus washed us with his blood proves his unequaled and undeniable love for us. We are dirty. We fail. We mess this thing up on the regular. Jesus has the power to destroy us and just start over again. He could make a replacement for you. He could erase you and start again. But instead, he chooses to wash you so he can save you.

Why would he do that? Because, girl, he really really really loves you. And he’s proven it.

So, remember this …

1. Revelation is not intended to be a hiding of mysterious chaotic events. It is a revealing of Jesus, his power and his sovereignty.

2. There are blessings being offered in reading and listening to these words. If you want the blessings, you have to be willing to grab it. Grab ahold of this word. Don’t be afraid of it. God for it. The Spirit of God wants to reveal truths to you.

3. You are like a favorite pair of jeans that will be washed and saved because you are so totally loved. Jesus isn’t throwing you away, he’s washing you, girl!

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Mark 5: 25-29 “A woman in the crowd had suffered for 12 years with constant bleeding. She had suffered a great deal from many doctors, and over the years she had spent everything she had to pay them, but she had gotten no better. in fact, she had gotten worse. She had HEARD about Jesus, so she CAME up behind him through the crowd and touched his robe. For she THOUGHT to herself, “If I can just touch his robe, I will be healed.” Immediately the bleeding stopped and she could feel in her body that she had been healed of her terrible condition.

Psalm 71: 15-16, “I will tell everyone about your righteousness. All day long I will proclaim your saving power, though I am not skilled with words. I will praise your mighty deeds O sovereign Lord. I will tell everyone that you alone are just.”

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It’s okay to wrestle with the things you don’t understand. But in your wrestling, don’t pull away from God. Lean into him.

Just how quick do you give up on God? How fast are you to say, this isn’t working, God isn’t listening, and there’s no point in praying. Right now, how pointless do you feel it is to seek God first? Really, how disappointed are you in God’s movement in this world or on your behalf?

One of my most pivotal moments in my relationship with the Lord came on one of my most desperate and disappointing days. It was early 2000’s, my husband and I had built a successful business in Dallas, then we felt the prompting of God to move to El Paso, Texas and help start a church. In obedience, we left everything we had worked so hard to build in Dallas, and we moved to the desert.

We assumed going where God told us to go would bring immediate blessings. We assumed the money would just be there. The business would quickly take off again and we would be rewarded for our blind move of faith. WE WERE SO WRONG.

We got to El Paso and we struggled. We struggled to pay rent. We struggled to buy groceries. We hid our car in the garage because the repo man was circling. Every day I got up thinking this couldn’t be right. This couldn’t be our story. This couldn’t be the way God repays obedience. And every day, it kept getting worse. And that Church we moved there to help start was a hot mess.

I was exhausted from trying to fake my way through it. Beneath my smile was utter disappointment and a growing urge to quit. One day I sat on the couch with my husband and he said to me, “Pamela, just admit you’re mad at God about this. Admit you’re disappointed. Get it out.”

No. I couldn’t. I’m the happy girl. I’m the one who always sees the bright side. My faith can’t waiver. But the truth is, it was killing me inside. So finally, the words came out of my mouth, “I cannot believe this is the way God repays faithfulness. We came here because God said to come, I know he did. And now we get this????”

My husband said, “So, you’re mad at God.” YES! I’m mad.

And that was the pivotal moment in my relationship with the Lord. He didn’t strike me with lightening for being real with him. He didn’t turn away from my honest emotions. He handled them with care.

We continued to struggle for several more years. But then, things began to change. Breakthroughs. Divine alignment. Blessings. Victories. Callings.

You see what I didn’t realize is God said GO, but he never promised ease. God said GO, but he never promised success. God said GO, but he never promised I would like it once I got there. Today, I’m so glad we went. The lessons we learned there have brought us here. The sacrifices then prepared us for blessings now.

So, as a person who understands the feeling of disappointment in God and the let down of hardship following obedience, let me ask again, just how quick do you give up on God? How fast are you to say, this isn’t working, God isn’t listening, and there’s no point in praying. Right now, how pointless do you feel it is to seek God first? Really, how disappointed are you in God’s movement on your behalf?

Have you given up on God because he didn’t come through for you the way you thought he would?

Judges chapter 20 tells a story of obedience met with hardship, and it shows God’s sovereign power through it all. We’re not called to understand it, but it’s pivotal in our relationship with God to accept it.

Verses 18-28:

18 Before the battle the Israelites went to Bethel and asked God, “Which tribe should go first to attack the people of Benjamin?”

The Lord answered, “Judah is to go first.”

19 So the Israelites left early the next morning and camped near Gibeah. 20 Then they advanced toward Gibeah to attack the men of Benjamin. 21 But Benjamin’s warriors, who were defending the town, came out and killed 22,000 Israelites on the battlefield that day.

22 But the Israelites encouraged each other and took their positions again at the same place they had fought the previous day. 23 For they had gone up to Bethel and wept in the presence of the Lord until evening. They had asked the Lord, “Should we fight against our relatives from Benjamin again?”

And the Lord had said, “Go out and fight against them.”

24 So the next day they went out again to fight against the men of Benjamin, 25 but the men of Benjamin killed another 18,000 Israelites, all of whom were experienced with the sword.

26 Then all the Israelites went up to Bethel and wept in the presence of the Lord and fasted until evening. They also brought burnt offerings and peace offerings to the Lord. 27 The Israelites went up seeking direction from the Lord. The Israelites asked the Lord, “Should we fight against our relatives from Benjamin again, or should we stop?”

The Lord said, “Go! Tomorrow I will hand them over to you.”

Then verse 35, “So the Lord helped Israel defeat Benjamin.”

Here’s what the Israelites show us … they show us it’s okay to be defeated and keep seeking God. It’s okay to lose one and stay in the battle. It’s okay to keep fighting when you’ve been losing. And God shows us his instruction to go doesn’t promise guaranteed victory. God shows us when he says it’s time for victory, it will finally happen.

I never knew you could go in obedience and be met with disappointing struggle. I blindly assumed if you’re walking in the will of God, then blessings will overflow with every step. I was wrong.

What God’s word says is, James 1:12, “God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that god has promised to those who love him.” Testing and temptation … then blessings. You must endure first.

You know, you never have to endure goodness. You don’t endure beautiful sunsets and delicious meals on tropical vacations. No, you endure things not going the way you hoped. You endure people doing and saying things that hurt you. You endure things being unfair and ridiculously hard. You endure loss. You endure hospital stays, treatments, surgeries, and really hard unimaginable days. And God says, PATIENTLY ENDURE that. Keep showing up in it. Keep coming back and asking me what the next step is, even when you’ve lost the last round.

Did you lose this last round? Are you beaten down and discouraged? Maybe you’re like I was, and you cannot believe this is the result after trying so hard to do it God’s way. It’s okay to feel that way, just keep coming back to God. Come back angry. Come back frustrated. Come back questioning. But Sis, just keep coming back.

Patient endurance looks like this: God, I did what you said last time and now it’s a mess. What am I supposed to do next? Now listen. Listen to what he says. Listen as you’re still licking your wounds from the last endurance session. Listen as you’re feeling beat down and disappointed. And respond in faith.

Faith doesn’t mean it will be easy. Faith doesn’t mean guaranteed success. Faith doesn’t mean you will love it. But faith means you’re going to keep trusting God through it all. Because AFTERWARD, there’s a crown of life waiting.

Jesus offers us life. He said in John 10:10, “I came so that you may have life, and life to the full.” I believe that means an eternal life in heaven, yes, but also life here and now. A rich and satisfying life here too. The problem is, we want to get to the rich and satisfying part without going through the patiently enduring part. We want the victory on battle 1, and when we don’t get it, we decide there’s no point in asking God what to do next.

Keep asking God, “Should I go, or should I stop.” Keep responding in obedience. When you lose, come back and ask God for the next step. Don’t hide. Don’t assume you’re being punished. Don’t give up on God.

You win some and you lose some, God is still the Lord of it all. He still knows what he’s doing, even when you don’t understand it.

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8, “For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest. A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to cry and a time to laugh. At time to grieve and a time to dance. A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones. A time to embrace and a time to turn away. A time to search and a time to quit searching. A time to keep and a time to throw away. A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak. A time to love and a time to hate. A time for ward and a time of peace.”

I don’t have to like it. I don’t have to understand it. I personally would only choose the dancing times, the being born times, the laughing times. But in God’s divine wisdom, he says, there’s also a time to grieve, a time to die and a time to cry. Just stay with him at all times.

Some are listening to this today laying in a hospital bed. It’s not fair. It’s not what you wanted. I’m truly so sorry. I’m sorry for this battle you’re in. I’m sorry for this pain and struggle. I don’t understand why this is happening to you. But, my sister, don’t quit seeking God.

Do you remember when Jesus gathered his best friends and he tells them it’s necessary for him to go to Jerusalem and suffer many terrible things and ultimately he must be killed. And his bold friend Peter says, “Heaven forbid, Lord, this will never happen to you!”

Then do you remember what Jesus said? He said in Matthew 16:23, “Get away from me, Satan! You are a dangerous trap to me. You are seeing thing merely from a human point of view, not from God’s.”

It’s a dangerous trap to only see things in our human ways. God sees things different. If he allowed his son to suffer and die out of love, what else will he allow out of his unstoppable love?

He allows losing battles and winning battles alike. He calls us to faith in both. My experience is God grows our dependence on him exponentially during those uncertain, disappointing times. And then, when he does eventually give us the victory, we come out of it with an unshakable faith and deepened relationship with our Savior.

It’s okay to be disappointed right now. It’s okay to question in this. Just don’t pull away from God in this. Keep coming back and saying, “Now what do I do, God?”

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