The Couples Expert

How important are the relationships that we have in our lives? Could a relationship with a person make the difference between choosing to live and contribute to the community or choosing to destroy the community and take away from it?

In today's episode of Three Minutes with Stuart, The Couples Expert, the topic is the importance of the different relationships we have in our lives, but even more important is the relationship we have with our partner.

Stuart talks about being kind and how the smallest act of kindness can effect someone in a positive way. With all the negativity and chaos that is happening in the world around us, we have to be sure that we bring joy, light and happiness into our own personal world with the people who are in our lives.

Tune in to the 116th episode of The Couples Expert Podcast! Stuart’s guest is Fig’s O’Sullivan, an emotionally focused therapist. He’s created an app for couples (see Empathi.com) to have a deep and authentic vulnerable love together. It’s a coaching program that helps couples get closer together. There is science that has informed us about how to have a healthy and more satisfying relationship by re-training your brain to be more loving together.

This podcast is reaching all around the world and the conversations that we have are very genuine and authentic. Technology has allowed The Couples Expert to reach out to experts like Figs O’Sullivan and we’re so happy to have him with us on the podcast today. Listen as Stuart and Figs discuss Empathi and how the website and app help couples improve their relationships.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• How Figs became involved in relationship counseling at 7:10

• How EFT Works when you’re in training to be a therapist at 10:58

• What is Empathi? At 14:06

• Who are you in love at 18:30

• When you don’t know what to say at 19:57

• The quiz results are only the beginning of a process at 24:01

• 12 questions at Empathi.com and how they change perspective at 26:27

• An online course for those who want to dig deeper and creatures who

represent emotions at 30:30

• Take the quiz alone, and as your partner. What a perspective! At 34:39

• Other applications for the applications  at 38:16

• The cognitive piece and how it fits at 40:19

You can view the full show notes here!

The good news is that the divorce rate has dropped from 50% to 30%. That's great news actually. It means that couples are finding ways to work through their differences and stay committed to their vows to be together for a lifetime.

But what happens when you feel alienated or alone in your marriage? What do you do when the bridge for communication with your partner has collapsed and there is no understanding between the two of you?

If you are feeling alienated or alone in your relationship you have to let your partner know how you feel. So many divorces and failed relationships are the end result of a breakdown in communication.

All of us have a need to be understood, and having a loving connection with our partners is crucial to the overall success of any long term relationship.

Remember, why you fell in love with your partner in the first place and try to do something fun that the two of you both enjoy together to start the process of rebuilding your friendship with one another and re-establishing your connection.

The more time you spend enjoying each others company and having fun with one another, the easier it will be to start talking about things again.

In episode 115 of The Couples Expert Podcast Stuart’s topic is Discernment Counseling with Sanya Bari from Mountain Lakes, New Jersey where she counsels couples in trouble. She works to help them look at their decisions in a new way that allows them to make a less impulsive and more informed decision about whether to end their marriage or to do the work needed to save it. Listen as Stuart and Sanya discuss the details and benefits of discernment counseling for couples on the brink of divorce. 

What you’ll learn on today’s podcast: 

• How Sanya started in this field at 6:47
• Why discernment counseling at 7:45
• Definition of discernment counseling at 12:03
• The questions couples need to answer for the process at 14:21
• The high percentage of couples that come in for counseling are unsure

If they want to continue in the relationship at 20:53

• What if expectations or demands are unrealistic at 25:40
• Soft and hard reasons for divorce at 27:43
• How couples can save their marriages most of the time  at 29:20
• Stuart’s question about the process at 33:15
• How discernment counseling is a win-win for all at 35:00

Read the full show notes here

In episode 114 of The Couples Expert Podcast Stuart discusses the unique relationships between “copreneurs.” These are couples that are in love and in business together. Many of them are the power couples that seem to have it all going for them. They have to balance work, home and their romantic relationships in order to to be successful. Take a listen as Stuart gives some insight on what skills and habits copreneur couples need to have for them to be healthy and happy in all aspects of their life and work. 

Stuart visited his father in Hollywood, FL recently. They had a great visit on their brief vacation together and went to a sporting event. They reminisced about trips they took when Stuart was a child when they would go to the Yankee games and do father/son activities. The time they spent together with Stuart’s dad was so special. Stuart’s dad is 90 years old, so it’s a thrill for them to be able to spend time together. Stuart gives us a reminder about connecting with the important people, especially elderly parents before it’s too late. 

Quote: “It’s amazing how much you can accomplish when you don’t care who gets the credit. “  Harry S. Truman

When you’re building a life and a company together you cannot be in competition with your partner. You both have to have a shared vision and purpose in order to succeed. 

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast : 

• The definition of “copreneur” at 5:26
• Attributes of successful power couples at 8:08
• Why you need a shared vision and plan for life and business at 9:16
• Tips and advice for successful copreneurs at 10:30
• How being in business together frees you 14:54
• What if it doesn’t work? 16:38

 Read the full show notes here

Today's episode of Three Minutes with Stuart is particularly important because Stuart speaks about a very important issue that is seldom talked about. PTSD and the first responders who may suffer from post traumatic stress disorder.

First responders are a truly unique type of people. They put their lives on the line everyday and make sacrifices for the safety of the community at large.

During the course of their work shift they come in contact with all types of situations. They may experience the joy of saving a life or helping someone in the community that is in need, to witnessing the loss of life and feeling helpless that they were not able to prevent someone from dying.

Many times first responders suffer silently.

It's so important if you are in a relationship with a first responder that you and your partner have strong communication with one another.

Allowing your partner to share with you their feelings about what they have been through on the job is important.

Sometimes they may just want to be alone to process their feelings. Giving them space to do so is also okay.

Can EMDR Therapy Help People with PTSD?

EMDR therapy is primarily used for people suffering from trauma and PTSD. It’s especially helpful for reprocessing the memories associated with all kinds of trauma whether it’s violence or natural disaster. Often when people suffer from these types of trauma, they are unable to move past the event in their mind. They replay it over and over again, and when this happens, the memories that are triggered feel just as painful and intense as the initial event. This causes people to become stuck in their past and unable to move forward in life and relationships. As you can imagine, this can cause a great deal of emotional conflict and chaos in families and relationships. People suffering this type of PTSD are helped by EMDR therapy to reprocess the memories and calm the emotions that surround them. When they have completed the therapy, ideally they will have a better perspective on the events. If they do become triggered, they will not react as intensely, and will be able to calm themselves more readily. When they have a handle on these emotions and memories they are more able to deal with the other relationships in their lives and feel generally more trusting, confident and happy. This opens the door for healthier relationships to parents, children and life partners.

Interested in EMDR for PTSD? Learn more here: http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/emdr-therapy/

Welcome to episode 113 of The Couples Expert Podcast.  We have an unusual topic this week; first responders and the importance keeping your connection strong. If you have a first responder in your family, are married to one or have a friend who is, take a listen to the podcast today. First responders are those brave individuals who run towards danger when everyone else is running away. It takes a special kind of grit and purpose to do that kind of work. It also takes a special kind of person to be in a relationship or be married to a first responder. It can be a chaotic, sometimes lonely kind of life. Stuart talks about some of the special challenges associated with being in a relationship with a first responder. Whether they be armed forces, reserve military, police, fire or other emergency services, these special individuals give a lot of themselves to the job. The partners, families and spouses of first responders are some of the most compassionate and flexible people in the world. Listen as Stuart discusses life with a first responder partner and how to keep your relationship close and connected.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast: 

• How religion can bridge the gap between cultures and the Jewish holiday of Shavuot at  :57
• Some of the unique challenges for first responder partners at 4:29 

• What’s needed to have a connected relationship with your first responder 7:35 

• How high stress affects first responders at 9:07 

• Why checking in is important at 11:43 

• Small things that you can do to stay connected at 13:20 

• Flexibility is important at 15:20

Read the full show notes here

In today's episode of Three Minutes with Stuart, The Couples Expert explains the importance of a family vacation and a couples vacation. If you can only take one vacation and you have to choose between going on a family vacation or a couples vacation, choose the couples vacation. You may be asking yourself, why the couples vacation? The reason you should choose the couples vacation, if you can't do both because of budget constraints or timing issues, is because it's so important that you and your partner have some time during the year where you the two of you can enjoy each other without the distractions of everyday life. And.. vacation is just that, a vacation! So, while you are on vacation, whether as a couple or a family, don't allow triggers to interfere with you and your partner having fun and truly enjoying the vacation together.

In Episode 112 of The Couples Expert is all about summer fun. Get ready for some fun suggestions and ideas to make your summer vacation the best ever! 

The fun and memories that you create together helps to sustain you through future challenges and over the rough spots in life. Thanks for joining us today. Enjoy your summer kick off with Stuart. 

What you’ll learn on today’s podcast:

• How to plan your couple’s time at 6:35
• Why you need to let go of work at 7:39
• How to handle it if you’re struggling in your relationship at 8:44
• How to change the channel at 10:03
• Suggestions for things to do at 12:42
• The argument for “stay-cations” at 16:00

To view the complete show notes click here

In today's episode of Three Minutes with Stuart, Stuart talks about renewing wedding vow, and shares wedding vows that he wrote for his wife Debbie.

After being married to someone for several years we learn that the love we had in the beginning of our marriage is not the same as the type of love that develops from being married to someone for through life's challenges over the course of many years.

Typically, the love you have for your partner has grown deeper, and your bond should be stronger. That's why one of the most beautiful and rewarding moments a couple can have, especially if they have successfully completed counseling, is to renew their commitment to one another. This can be expressed by renewing your wedding vows.

Renewing your wedding vows is a beautiful and symbolic way to announce to the world that you STILL feel optimistic and joyful about their future together, and that you are still in love with your partner and wouldn't want to be in this world, going through life's ups and downs with anyone else.