The Couples Expert

Today's Three Minutes with Stuart is all about building a lifelong monogamous relationship with your spouse. When it comes to Monogamy a lot of people have begun to question whether or not having a monogamous relationship, where both you and your partner forsake having relationships outside your marriage, is realistic. Some couples that I have counseled have what's known as an "open" relationship. This is where the partners agree that it's okay for the two of them to see other people, but they remain committed to their marriage as their main relationship. In my many years of working with all types of couples, I fully believe that it's possible to have a long lasting monogamous relationship. In fact, I believe that monogamy affords you the best opportunity to build a truly genuine and authentic love with your partner. After all, if there is no connection, you have no real relationship. Today I talk about the expectations you should have and some of the things that may happen during the life of your relationship with your partner.

Episode 121 of The Couples Expert Podcast is all about the challenges and expectations of having a monogamous relationship. Is it realistic or even possible to live with, love and be happy with only one person?  Listen as Stuart discusses this very important subject today. We’re happy to have you with us. 

What you’ll learn on today’s podcast:

• Definitions of intimacy , polyamory and monogamy at 5:00
• Fear of not being satisfied by one person at 10:49
• Chose your partner carefully at 13:45
• Understanding your own desires and needs at 14:57
• You have to talk about sex at 17:40
• Maintaining loving relationships for life at 19:50
• Aging changes things including body image at 22:06
• Stuart gives a cautionary message at 25:22

Read the complete show notes here

The mornings can be very stressful during the school year. In today's Three Minutes with Stuart,Stuart shares some helpful tips for couples and parents to help ease the stress and make the mornings run more smoothly.

Why Is Having A Morning Routine Important?

Establishing a morning routine with your family make things easier on everybody. Over time with repetition things will become easier as you and your children adjust and everyone knows what to expect.

Doing some thing the night before can help ease the stress of the morning as well. For instance, having your children pick out the clothes they are going to wear to school before bedtimes avoids last minute panic if they aren't able to find an article of clothing or something needs to be ironed because of too many wrinkles.

Your mornings set the tone for the rest of your day. The smoother your morning runs, the more likely your day will get off to a great start and everything else will fall into place.

Be sure to watch the full video for all of Stuart's helpful morning routine suggestions. If you practice some of these tips, morning this school year should flow much better for you and your family.

In Episode 120 of The Couples Expert Podcast Stuart’s guest, Sharmeen Mahmud, is a specialist in working with children, teens and families. She’s worked in the CA school system as a school -based counselor and clinician to help families meet their educational goals for their children for about ten years. Stuart and his guest Sharmeen will be talking about children going back to school; how to maintain a close connection as a couple and still attend to the children’s needs. Listen as Stuart and Sharmeen talk about all aspects of helping children and families adjust to back to school. 

It’s surprising how much anxiety and worry can accompany school prep, both for kids and for their parents. Sharmeen and Stuart discuss how preparedness and realistic expectations can help with these issues both for the parents and the children going to school for the first time. 

On Today’s Podcast: 

• How Sharmeen came into this field at  6:36
• Couples can prepare kids for the school year at 10:39
• Parents can be nervous about their kids going to school at 16:10
• Helping older teens prepare at 18:03
• Homework challenges at 19:55
• When homework is ignored, whose responsibility is it? At 22:11
• How to keep close as a couple at 25:39
• Cultural Diversity and how different cultures relate to back to school at 28:53

Click here to read the complete show notes

People look for love in all the wrong places when the person sitting next to you may be the love that you are longing for. You see, many people get into relationships with high expectations of their partner, of the relationship only to be disappointed because no one focuses on the work that is involved in making a relationship work. You have to make an effort. WE HAVE TO MAKE AN EFFORT TO MAKE OUR RELATIONSHIPS THE LOVE THAT WE HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR. If we don't, guess what happens? The relationship is lack luster or IT FAILS. We may even become bitter, discouraged and start believing the lie that there is no such thing as true love. On the contrary true love is a reality for many couples who have taken the time to really work at their relationships. These couples do insane things like really getting to know one another, and listen to each other's needs. They learn ways to communicate with one another effectively and do things to make their spouse feel loved and special. They are kind and show appreciation. You see, there is no secret to having a long-lasting , successful relationship. Relationships are like everything else that we aspire to be great at. They take practice. They take work. And with practice and hard work we can build amazingly successful relationships with our spouse.

In episode 119 is about how the attachments you have in childhood can affect your adult relationships. This may not be something that you’ve thought a lot about and you may even be surprised at how much sense this makes to you. Listen as Stuart explains the correlation between the way your family relationships were with the caregivers in your childhood and the way you relate to your partner. 

This podcast is being released on the day that Stuart’s nephew by marriage will get married. Family issues often are brought out during these types of family events. It’s always interesting to see how traditional family roles are played out when the family gets together and how it will affect the event. This relates to our podcast today since we’re talking about how a child is raised and how their attachments were met(or not met) have a huge influence on the person they grow up to be. 

What you’ll learn in today’s podcast:

• Everything is modifiable in the real world (you are never stuck) at 4:20
• How do we connect?  at 15:30
• Understanding attachment science at 16:04
• Secure attachment experiences change your life at 23:00
• How to help you to feel secure at 25:17

 Click here to view the complete show note

Timeouts are an effective tool that couples can use when things are really heated and starting to get out of control. However, so many couples use time outs the wrong way. In today's Three Minutes with Stuart video, Stuart goes in detail on how to do an effective timeout. He points out some of the ways couples go about doing the timeout incorrectly, and then demonstrates how timeouts should work by providing several examples. This is the timeout method that The Couples Expert gives to his clients in his counseling practice in Scottsdale, AZ. If you are interested in the print out Stuart mentions in the video, please email him at [email protected] with 'Please send me the time out handout from your video' in the subject line. One of the main take aways from today's video is that Time outs are NOT meant to repair the relationship. Time outs are for preventing further damage to the relationship by allowing the partner who is out of control, or feeling like they are losing control the opportunity to calm down before revisiting the issue that is topic of the conflict.

In Episode 118 of The Couples Expert podcast Stuart discusses anger and the impact it has on relationships and marriage. Anger is something we all deal with at one time or another, and it’s a sure bet that one or both of you will get angry from time to time. It’s what happens when you’re angry that impacts the relationship with your partner. How you handle your anger and how you manage these strong emotions are what really matters. 

Listen as Stuart discusses this week’s topic of the impact of anger in your marriage. 

Quote: “It is impossible for you to be angry and laugh at the same time” Wayne Dyer

Anger and laughter are mutually exclusive and you have the ability to choose. I hope you choose laughter. 

What you’ll learn on today’s Podcast: 

• The impact of anger on children at 4:34
• Anger breeds resentment and kills respect at 7:20
• Anger is normal but destruction is not at 10:50
• Communicate by listening at 13:28
• What does anger mean to you at 15:34
• Vulnerability vs. Emotional detachment at 20:15
• Being on the same team at 24:09
• What’s the secret of a long marriage at 26:02
• Some tips to help let go of anger at 28:13

Read the full show notes here

In this episode of Three Minutes with Stuart, Stuart talks about a relationship checkup. When the majority of people think of couples counseling they see counseling as a resource for couples who are having problems, and not something that couples who are in healthy relationships can benefit from too. However, couples that are in healthy relationships can benefit from couples counseling too! Relationships take work. In fact, anything in life that we want to excel in or at takes work, but surprisingly most people come into relationships and don't make the connection that their relationship needs work too. Just as its important to your physical health to have a check up each year to make sure your healthy, and be proactive in heading off potential health risks, we should all consider the importance of an annual relationship checkup for couples. A relationship checkup can help you avoid waking up one day wondering what happened to your connection with your partner. Couples come into my practice in Scottsdale, and may times when they come, it's only after things have gotten so bad in their relationship, when it could have been avoided. Many times one partner will be completely unaware that there was a problem in their relationship, and they're surprised when they hear from their partner that hey haven't been happy in a long time. Relationship checkups will help you check your relationships health and identify problem areas. You'll also be given solutions to help you resolve any issues that could potentially damage your relationship BEFORE things get out of hand. Like cancer, you have the greatest opportunity to defeat the disease when it's identified and treated in its beginning stage. It's the same for your relationship. Plus, you don't go through the relationship assessment alone. You'll go through your results with an objective third party that is there to help you and your partner have all the tools and information you need to build a life-long successful relationship together.

In episode 117 the Couples Expert Podcast Stuart, talks about how healthy and happy couples can also benefit from relationship counseling before they get into difficulties.

Love and relationship maintenance is just as important for your relationship as mechanical maintenance is for your vehicle. Learn to think of your relationship counselor as an on-call love mechanic. Get those regular tune ups and make sure your relationship is running smoothly and able to handle any bumps along the road of life.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• A common issue that Stuart finds in his office practice at 5:07

• How to stay best friends with your partner at 8:30

• Habits of successful couples, challenges and a prescription for a happier life at 9:56

• Finding opportunities to be together as a couple at 17:08

• Gratitude, compromise and finding solutions at 20:00

View the full show notes here