The Dad I Want To Be with Mike Forrester

This week I’m joined by Robbie Harvey, a "former bad husband," as he calls himself, who now helps other men see their blind spots in how they’re treating their wives. His desire to have men see that we can be cruel and insensitive in how we treat our wives when we’re focused solely on ourselves. Like many of us, Robbie wasn’t shown how to be a father, a husband, or a good man. His wife came into their marriage expecting to be divorced. A story with which many wives can easily relate.

Robbie shares that he didn’t see how hurtful he was being when he was a former bad husband. As he began to work on doing his best to become a better man, his eyes opened to the hurt he was causing his wife and the damage being inflicted upon his marriage. Robbie encourages us that it doesn’t have to remain this way, that there is a better way and you can bring healing to your marriage. Listen to this chat with Robbie Harvey on the Living Fearless Today podcast as we learn to take a no-excuses approach to being a man and having a solid marriage.

Connect with Robbie Harvey

TikTok:

https://www.tiktok.com/@therobbieharvey

Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/therobbieharvey/

Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/therobbieharvey

Connect with Mike Forrester

https://linktr.ee/hicoachmike

The strongest reason to do inner work and heal is yourself, since you're the only part of your life you can control. On this solo episode, Mike Forrester shares what he hears most often on discovery calls with men starting coaching. Many want a marriage that feels close, alive, and intimate again. Others want their kids to trust them, laugh with them, and come to them. They want to be the dad they never had. Some want respect at work, purpose in their career, and money that finally flows. Mike calls every one of those a great thing to want. He also points out that each one rests on someone else's choice. A wife decides whether she wants to forgive and rebuild. Kids carry the anger and hurt they learned from the man their father has been. Managers decide who gets chosen and who gets overlooked. Mike compares inner work to training new muscles at the gym. Years of beliefs are being pulled apart, and the stretching hurts. A reason built on other people won't carry a man through that.

Instead, Mike points men toward what they can control. That means their thoughts, their emotions, their actions, and how they show up. The goals he names are personal ones. He wants men to feel worthy and confident, to know they matter, and to stand on their values. He wants them comfortable in their own skin. He encourages men to picture who they want to be as a husband and father and work toward those values. He warns that change can bring pushback from family and friends who feel the boat rocking. To stay with it, he offers a few plain practices. Be patient with yourself. Watch your self-talk, and choose encouragement over self-criticism. Surround yourself with trustworthy men who build you up.

Mike knows this from his own life. As he healed, he reached out to his parents hoping to hear that they loved him and were proud of him. They chose to keep placing the blame elsewhere. If they had been his reason, he says he would have given up and slipped back. He also describes the path he saw for himself before the work began. He pictured himself divorced in a dark one-bedroom apartment, playing video games alone and depressed. His marriage, his relationships with his kids, and his work did change, and he calls himself fortunate. Mike lives and teaches that healing doesn't guarantee anyone comes back. A man heals so he's whole whatever they decide, and so he becomes a man worth reconciling with. Mike also reminds men that unhealed hurt gets passed to their kids and grandkids. If you're a dad hoping your healing wins your family back, start with the one man you can change.

What You'll Learn In This Episode:

• Name the reason for your inner work that will hold up when progress feels slow.
• Recognize why a better marriage, closer kids, or a promotion can't carry the work, since each depends on someone else's choice.
• Focus on what you can control, including your thoughts, emotions, actions, and how you show up.
• Use patient, encouraging self-talk and a few trustworthy men to keep going when family pushes back.
• See why picturing who you want to be as a husband and father gives you something solid to work toward.
• Understand how changing yourself stops the hurt you inherited from passing to your kids and grandkids.

The key moments in this episode are:

00:01:00 - why inner healing feels like training new muscles

00:02:00 - why a better marriage can't be your main reason to change

00:03:00 - what to do when your kids aren't ready to forgive you

00:04:00 - why career success is a shaky reason for doing the inner work

00:05:00 - how to handle pushback from family when you start changing

00:06:00 - what you can actually control while you heal

00:07:00 - when your parents won't give you the validation you want

00:08:00 - why healing may improve your marriage but can't guarantee it

00:09:00 - how to picture the man you want to become

00:10:00 - how to focus on who you want to be as a father and husband

00:11:00 - how to stay patient and encouraging with yourself while you heal

00:12:00 - how to stop passing generational hurt to your kids

Connect with Mike Forrester

https://linktr.ee/hicoachmike

We can find ourselves who am I, what am I here for and what is life about? My guest this week faced those questions at a young age and chose the more challenging yet rewarding path of working through them. Christian de la Huerta immigrated to the US as a young child from Cuba. He and his family were ridiculed and ostracized while still living in Cuba for requesting their visa to leave. Upon arriving in Georgia, he stood out because he hadn't yet begun to speak English. As he learned English with a deep Southern accent, he found his family moving to Miami, where he was again left feeling out of place.

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In our conversation, Christian talks about his journey of being an outsider, then finding himself within the inner circle, only to realize something was still off - something within him. For over 30 years now, Christian has been speaking, coaching and hosting retreats to help others claim their own healing. We also chat about breathwork, how our healing as men creates an environment for others to excel and how we have the power to change our legacy to one of healing and wholeness.

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Connect with Christian de la Huerta

Book: Awakening the Soul of Power

https://amzn.to/37LpD4o

Website:

https://soulfulpower.com/

Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/christian.delahuerta.1

Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/christiandlh

Connect with Mike Forrester

https://linktr.ee/hicoachmike

Mental blocks and limiting beliefs convince a man he's reached his limit when he's often a half inch from his goal. On this solo episode, Mike Forrester shares how a 100 gallon watering trough became a lesson in that truth. In his teenage years, his mother lived with an untreated mental illness later recognized as paranoid schizophrenia. She wouldn't let the landlord into their duplex, so a broken water heater never got fixed. Mike was left with two choices. He could take a cold shower or boil water and wash with a sponge. He grew to resent cold showers. Years later, when friends praised the health benefits, he refused to even consider them. Mike finally saw that refusal for what it was, a block tied to his childhood. He worked up to longer cold showers and then bought the trough for ice baths. Sitting in 30 to 40 degree water, he propped himself up on his arms and dreaded going any lower. When he finally let go, he was only a half inch off the bottom.

Mike draws a straight line from that trough to the rest of a man's life. Many men quit right before the finish line because of what they tell themselves. The voice says he's not enough, he can't do this, and he's not like other guys. Mike's answer is to break one block and watch what follows. A man who thinks he can only bench 100 pounds and then lifts 150 starts to question every other limit. Mike stayed in the ice bath just over two minutes by breathing and staying present. He's clear that the cold won't make him money directly. Its value is the practice of pushing past the hurdles that keep him from doing more than he thinks he can. He suggests starting small, with five or 15 minutes a day of reading, walking, or training. Confidence built in one area of life carries into the others. Small wins compound into momentum that keeps a man from staying stuck and afraid.

Mike is honest about where this comes from. He played small and lived under fear for years. If he failed, he believed he was a failure, a belief he says was impressed upon him. He refuses to keep living by it. He also reminds dads that the season they're in with their kids won't last. Children keep growing whether their father grows or not. When kids watch their dad struggle and keep going, they gain the courage, confidence, and space to work on themselves. Mike, a dad and grandpa himself, teaches that what a man inherited is not his fault but is his responsibility. The cold shower he once resented became the place he took that responsibility back. For the dad who keeps hearing "I can't do this," this episode is a dare to take one more step. His kids are watching how he handles it.

What You'll Learn In This Episode:

• Recognize the self-talk, like "I'm not enough" and "I can't do this," that stops you just short of your goal.
• Spot the healthy habits you avoid because they're tied to a hard memory from the house you grew up in.
• Use slow breathing to stay calm and present when your body is telling you to quit.
• Learn how breaking one mental block, in the gym or anywhere else, makes room for bigger goals at work and in life.
• Start with five or 15 minutes a day of reading, walking, or training to build confidence that compounds.
• See how letting your kids watch you struggle and keep going gives them courage to work on their own growth.

The key moments in this episode are:

00:01:00 - growing up with a broken water heater and a parent's mental illness

00:01:22 - why some healthy habits feel impossible because of your past

00:02:00 - how to recognize a mental block that's holding you back

00:03:00 - how to stay calm in an ice bath when your body wants out

00:04:00 - why you're often closer to your goal than you think

00:05:00 - how to stop talking yourself out of finishing what you started

00:06:00 - how breaking one mental block helps you break others

00:07:00 - what to do when fear of failure keeps you playing small

00:08:00 - why growing yourself matters at every stage of your kids' lives

00:09:00 - how your struggle gives your kids courage to grow

00:10:00 - small daily habits that build confidence

00:11:00 - how small wins compound into momentum

Connect with Mike Forrester

https://linktr.ee/hicoachmike

Rusty Gaillard, an author & executive coach, joins me this week as we talk about how we can stand in our own way, impeding the progress that we so desperately desire. The great news is that it doesn't have to be this way. As Rusty shares his own story of becoming clear on his priorities, making the decision to step down as the director of finance at Apple to gain balance in his life.

Rusty talks about not allowing fear to control our decisions and being comfortable in the discomfort our decisions and actions can create as we transition. He reflected on how things didn't go the best in making the role change, but he did the best with who he was at that time and his ability. That's all any of us should be looking for from ourselves. We will only grow from being stretched and that certainly won't always be done through perfect situations. Listen in to this week's episode with Rusty Gaillard on the Living Fearless Today podcast as we learn to give ourselves permission to take a chance in life.

Connect with Rusty Gaillard

Breaking The Code: Stop Looking for Answers and Start Enjoying Life

https://amzn.to/3LLT453

Website:

https://rustygaillard.com/

LinkedIn:

https://www.linkedin.com/in/rustygaillard/

Connect with Mike Forrester

https://linktr.ee/hicoachmike

This week I'm joined by Robert Muncaster. At 19 years old, Robert was in a severe car accident. One so intense that the doctors gave him only a 5% chance of surviving. A mere 6-months before the accident, he had begun absorbing personal development teachings. That accident became the catalyst to open his eyes to our limiting behaviors and thought processes.

Robert shares about the punishment and reward system we learn from society, how it impacts our actions and thoughts. We also discussed how he realized that just as we can relive events from our past, we can also envision possibilities from the future life we desire. A different perspective is available to each of us, and Robert explains how we can begin to choose happiness instead of hopelessly chasing it.

Connect with Robert Muncaster

Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/RdMunc/

Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/muncasterrr/

Connect with Mike Forrester

https://linktr.ee/hicoachmike

When we decide to bring about change in our life, there's one thing that helps us continue to persevere. It seems so simple and yet is powerful beyond what we expect. It's in knowing our why. Once you figure out your why, you will be able to draw strength when you encounter the struggles and opposition for a change.

Often, the hurdles are events and situations in life, yet be prepared to have family and friends push against the changes you're making. As we change, begin to experience confidence and self-worth, it will create discomfort from those around us. Those who want to stay stuck in their ways. Identify your why and fix your focus on it; allow it to be what moves you forward.

Connect with Mike Forrester

https://linktr.ee/hicoachmike

Depression in men often shows up at home as a short temper and a mask that keeps saying everything’s fine. In part two of this conversation, Mike Forrester brings his wife Cathy Forrester back to keep telling their story. In Idaho, Mike had finally let other men in. Cathy’s dad gave him a place to talk and be real, something he never had with his own father. Then Mike was laid off along with 750 other people, and the family moved to Kansas. They lost their whole support system at once. Mike expected new friends and a fresh start, and neither came. He sank into the darkest season of his life. Cathy watched the old insecurities come back, and she and the kids walked on eggshells for a long time.

Cathy names what that season cost the family. She calls Mike the thermostat of the home. Whatever mood he carried, the kids picked up and took out on each other. She was homeschooling and became the hub of the wheel, holding everyone together while running on caffeine and very little rest. Gratitude for small moments kept her going, like science at the zoo or math in chalk on the driveway. The turn started when business coaching showed Mike that what festers in one area shows up in all of them. He then did a two-day coaching intensive and asked Cathy to come with him because he was petrified. She helped him see that he’d been reading every disagreement as an attack. Later, he took her away for weekends to ask hard questions about their marriage. Her honest answers first sent him into a five-hour silent drive home. It took about two years before he could hear her without defending himself.

Trust came back through consistency. Cathy watched Mike catch himself when he slipped and keep working to make it right, even when he didn’t get it perfect. The kids tested the waters with small pieces of themselves before they trusted him with bigger things. Mike says he didn’t do it alone, and it took the whole family going through it. That fits what Mike Forrester lives and teaches, which is to quit trying to fix yourself by yourself. Mike admits he used to think he’d love Cathy once she respected him, and that got them nowhere. Today their grown kids catch their own unhealthy patterns because they watched their dad struggle and keep going. Cathy now has room to be herself and to care for her own health. This one is for the married dad with kids still at home who keeps telling his family he’s fine while he’s quietly struggling. He wants his wife and kids to stop walking on eggshells and start trusting him again.

What You’ll Learn In This Episode:

• Recognize the signs of depression in men at home, from a short temper to shutting out your family.
• See how losing your job and your community can pull you back into old patterns you thought you’d left behind.
• Understand why your mood sets the temperature for your wife and kids, and how they carry it.
• Learn why your personal struggles show up at work, and how coaching helped Mike see the root.
• Walk through how consistency and owning your slips rebuild trust with your wife and kids over time.
• Spot when you’re defending yourself instead of hearing your wife’s honest answer.

The key moments in this episode are:

00:01:05 - How a strained relationship with your wife’s family can change over time

00:05:39 - Why men need other men to talk to and process life with

00:08:41 - How a layoff and a move can strip away your support system

00:11:17 - How depression in men shows up at home

00:13:08 - Signs your husband is struggling and hiding behind a mask

00:19:16 - Why dad’s mood sets the temperature for the whole family

00:22:15 - How a wife stays afloat when her husband is struggling

00:26:43 - Why your personal struggles show up in your work

00:28:40 - What a two-day coaching intensive did for his healing

00:37:31 - How to rebuild trust with your wife and kids after you change

00:41:43 - What happened when he asked his wife hard questions and got defensive

01:03:19 - Self-care advice for a wife whose husband is struggling

Connect with Cathy Forrester

Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/CDForrester

Connect with Mike Forrester

https://linktr.ee/hicoachmike

Growing up I wanted so badly for my father to say I believe in you, you can do it or you've got this. Anything positive would have been fantastic. I kept waiting even into my 20s and 30s. I finally realized he wasn't in a place to be able to offer those words or that encouragement. It was something I needed to release for myself - to start taking action and begin living my life.

My friend, many of us are waiting, hoping for that tap on the shoulder by an older man, to call us into our manhood, recognize us as being a worthy man and direct us into a life of fulfillment. Stop waiting and start living - give yourself the permission to be the man you've desired to be for so long. Now is your time!

Connect with Mike Forrester

https://linktr.ee/hicoachmike

This guest is one that I’m absolutely so excited to share with you! My amazing wife, Cathy Forrester, joins me this week. Cathy works with children with dyslexia, dysgraphia, dyscalculia, and executive functioning deficits and is a homeschool coach. In addition, she’s a mother to four adult children and two grandchildren.

We talk about how our upbringing, beliefs and environments impacted us and our relationship. Add to those money problems, challenges of being new parents and communication differences...it was a perfect storm that saw us seeing divorce differently. This is the first of two parts and we end with having four children, being a young family and feeling like we might be finding our footing...just maybe.

Connect with Cathy Forrester

Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/CDForrester

Connect with Mike Forrester

https://linktr.ee/hicoachmike