The Daves you know swear it wasn't a bad game against Seattle, tell you why there is hope against Chicago, and need to give the bartender our keys.

The Daves you know talk Nazis, Seattle, and killing ourselves with Nazis.

The Daves you know drink away the PTSD of a loss to the Sounders, preview the whole goddamn EPL, and discuss public restroom farting etiquette.

The Daves you know unclench their buttocks following a decisive United victory, talk tactics about Seattle, and share the 90's version of their deepest sexual fantasies.

The Daves you know have a substitute co-host, preview the Battle for the Basement with DC United, and have bad tweets go viral.

The Daves you know grieve over a listless 0-0 draw, predict wins against the New York Red Bulls, and are ceaselessly accosted by Arsenal fans during recording.

The Daves you know discuss cups both gold and open, cover what things in life should be legal and illegal, and Zeller tells the tale of showing his penis to a referee.

The Daves you know recap two dreadful games, issue their midseason report cards for the whole team, and Zeller's nut sweat is whisked away to a magical dimension.

The Daves you know recap a ton of games, quake in fear looking at NYCFC and Columbus, and discuss the time David lit his ex-lover's pants on fire in a parking lot.

The Daves you know choke back the bile of a US Open Cup ass whooping, preview a very winnable RSL game, and Offensive Loons Fan makes the dumbest joke ever conceived.