The Deep Resilience Podcast

The power of the human mind is a double-edged sword. It enables us to plan, solve problems, create goals and work towards them, but its dark side tends to haunt our inner world with self-criticism, ruminations and worries. For many of us, that voice inside can become our own worst enemy, crushing our self-esteem and fuelling constant stress, negativity or anxiety. Thankfully, we don’t have to get caught up in distressing or harmful inner dialogue. We can choose to unsubscribe. 

In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I explain how cognitive fusion causes us to mistake our thoughts for reality, giving them the power to dictate our actions and emotions. I share an ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) strategy that disempowers unhelpful and painful thoughts and, with regular practice, builds your capacity to unhook from them and bring more lightness, ease and joy into your days.

Key Links:

Melli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.com

The Mental Strength School: https://melliobrien.com/mental-strength-school/

Join the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

We all have a natural yearning to be understood, but effective communication requires mutual understanding. In our efforts to convey our point of view or form the perfect response, we often miss the opportunity to see another perspective, and create a defensive environment that is ripe for misunderstandings, distrust and resentments. Steven Covey offers a valuable remedy in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People - “seek first to understand, then to be understood" - but this can be harder than it sounds.

In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I break down Covey’s advice and demonstrate practical steps to promote more mindful, non-judgemental and deep listening. When we truly hear and seek to understand others, we set up the conditions for mutual trust, care and respect, making it more likely that, when it's our turn to speak, we’ll be afforded the same courtesy.

Key Links:

Melli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.com

The Mental Strength School: https://melliobrien.com/mental-strength-school/

Join the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

Shame and guilt, often used interchangeably, are different experiences with distinct effects. Guilt, the feeling we get when we’ve done something wrong, is adaptive and helpful, prompting discomfort when our actions contradict our values and facilitating self-reflection and restitution. Shame, on the other hand, is the feeling that we are what’s wrong, that we are unworthy, bad or broken. It offers no constructive or restorative path, instead opening a pit of self-deprecation and low self-esteem, with no ladder to climb out. This destructive force can lead to depression, anger and hurtful behaviour toward others, further feeding the shame cycle.

In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I help you distinguish the two feelings and delve into a potential source of persistent feelings of shame. I provide three pointers for healthier handling of both feelings, so you can foster healthier relationships with yourself and others and live in a way that promotes personal growth, happiness, and empowerment.

Key Links:

Melli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.com

The Mental Strength School: https://melliobrien.com/mental-strength-school/

Join the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

Moments of perfection in our lives, whether a life-changing sunset or an unforgettable kiss, are often intruded by a common thought: “I wish this moment could last forever.” Though it’s natural to want to hold on to the things that bring us peace, joy or wonder, true enjoyment is hindered when we cling to the desire for things to remain as they are. Clinging, unlike healthy desire, involves gripping, forcing, and resisting. It brings tension, stress and heartache, prohibiting us from fully experiencing and appreciating life. But we can cultivate acceptance and appreciation for the present moment by focusing on clinging less and loving more.

In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I explain the distinction between healthy desire and clinging, and guide you in identifying what that associated tension feels like in your body and mind. I suggest a practice of softening and shifting focus to love and appreciation, creating space for more magic moments, an increased sense of love and a deeper sense of gratitude in our daily lives.

Key Links:

Melli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.com

The Mental Strength School https://melliobrien.com/mental-strength-school/

Join the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

When we encounter stress, our bodies instinctively enter the fight-or-flight mode. This evolutionary mechanism, enabling us to fight, fly or freeze in the face of danger, was an essential survival tool for our hunter-gatherer ancestors. But in today's fast-paced world, our lives occupied with busy schedules, personal challenges and global crises, we tend to experience persistent and prolonged tension in both our minds and bodies at the high cost of a range of health problems and mental illnesses. Unfortunately, we can’t eliminate the demands and pressures of the modern world, but we can counteract their harm with intentional regulation and relaxation; we can go from stress-on to stress-off.

In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I explore Dr. Herbert Benson’s The Relaxation Response, a transition from a state of stress to one of relaxation said to help prevent and compensate for the damage incurred by frequent nervous reactions in our bodies. I provide three exercises that, when practised regularly and deliberately, help you find balance and train your body and mind to naturally default to a relaxed state.

Key Links:

Melli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.com

The Mental Strength School: https://melliobrien.com/mental-strength-school/

Join Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

Assigning blame is a natural response when we face adversity, hurt or disappointment. According to research professor, author and speaker Brené Brown, it’s how we discharge anger, discomfort and pain. While pointing the finger might be easy or even our first instinct when we feel wronged, its inverse relationship with accountability is fundamentally disempowering, serving to undermine our resolve to create change, both within and without, and leaving us stuck in negativity and anger.

In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I invite you to let go of the blame game and reclaim your personal responsibility and, in doing so, your power. By grounding yourself in presence, compassion, integrity and acceptance, you can break the cycle of attack and defence and instead promote personal growth, inner peace, and stronger communication and relationships.

Key Links:

Melli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.com

The Mental Strength School: https://melliobrien.com/mental-strength-school/

Join the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

The human mind is wired to prefer information that supports our existing beliefs and reject that which goes against them, otherwise known as confirmation bias. It doesn’t matter how rational, open-minded or fact-driven we are; it’s a natural tendency made more potent by deeply-ingrained or emotionally-charged views which can prevail even over clear, definitive data, leading to significant misjudgement and misunderstanding. Luckily, though it takes acknowledgement and deliberate effort, we can take steps to see beyond it.

In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I encourage you to first acknowledge and accept the presence of confirmation bias within you. Maintaining that awareness, I invite you to challenge rigid, unhelpful, misleading beliefs and perceptions and instead promote objectivity, openness and curiosity to cultivate a more balanced and unbiased mindset. 

Key Links:

Melli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.com

The Mental Strength School: https://melliobrien.com/mental-strength-school/

Join the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

For a lot of us, showing compassion to others comes as second nature. We readily offer words of support, encouragement and reassurance to the people around us, strangers and friends alike, but how many of us can say we extend ourselves the same grace? Where does all of that kindness go when it’s our failure, our mistake, our setback? When we let our inner critic take the wheel, we often become our own worst enemy, so how can self-compassion help us learn, grow and be more effective on our path through life?

In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I highlight the link between self-compassion and three key skills that lead to success. I invite you to meet obstacles with curiosity, courage and tenderness, and shift the inner critic to an inner coach so you can begin to learn from your mistakes with the motivation and confidence to persevere. 

Key Links:

Melli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.com

The Mental Strength School: https://melliobrien.com/mental-strength-school/

Join the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

Whether it’s an insensitive comment or a larger betrayal, we’ve all been hurt by the words or actions of others. Regardless of the cause - be it a mistake, misunderstanding, or genuine ill-will - the resulting pain we feel is real, and we often find ourselves ruminating, fanning the flames of resentment and anger, and keeping the heartache alive. There’s not much we can do to avoid differences, disagreements and difficulties - they’re an inevitable part of life - but we can lighten the load and choose not to carry this mental baggage with us wherever we go.

In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I outline the emotional toll of holding onto a grudge as well as three steps to see things more objectively, transform hostility into compassion and understanding, and intentionally let go.

Key Links:

Melli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.com

The Mental Strength School: https://melliobrien.com/mental-strength-school/

Join the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course:

https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

Each of us has an inherent power to make a difference in the world around us, a power that is all too easy to forget. Bombarded with a seemingly endless cycle of catastrophic news, a kind word or good deed here and there might feel like a drop in the ocean. We've probably all heard something along the lines of "if it makes a difference to just one person, it matters," and there's a reason this sentiment has permeated the acceptance speeches of Nobel Peace Prize winners and high school graduates alike: not only is it true, it's mutually beneficial.

In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I explore how altruism can be expressed in big and small ways, both through specific actions and a general attitude of generosity, empathy, and goodwill. I highlight the strong link between altruism and happiness, its physical health benefits, and the value of repeated practice, both with yourself and others, in bringing improved health, happiness, and overall quality of life.

Key Links:

Melli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.com

The Mental Strength School: https://melliobrien.com/mental-strength-school/

Join the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course:

https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/