Media Links
Website: delvepsych.comInstagram: @delvepsychchiYouTube: youtube.com/@DelvePsych20Substack: delvepsych.substack.com

Participants
Hosts: Ali McGarel, Adam Fominaya

Overview
Why is dating so hard?
Ali and Adam draw from their clinical work and co-led dating therapy group to explore why modern dating feels so fraught—and how to make it more meaningful.

The dating profile isn’t a resume.
Trying to represent your whole self in three photos and a prompt is impossible. The goal is to start real conversations, not craft a perfect brand.

Depth starts before the first date.
They walk through photo choices, prompt strategies, and first messages—focusing on how to lead with authenticity, care, and clarity about your values.

Bad matches are good signs.
Intentional dating means fewer matches, more rejections, and better outcomes. Reframing rejection as necessary—and even helpful—opens space for real connection.

Lead with love—even in the apps.
From transparent bios to thoughtful swipes, Adam and Ali argue that empathy, self-awareness, and even a little stoicism can reshape how we seek connection.

Breakdown of Segments

• Reflections from Delve’s dating therapy group

• How to choose photos that show more than just attractiveness

• Why group shots, kids, and exes in photos can undermine your message

• What to say in prompts: a 3-part guide (offer, need, personality)

• How to stay intentional while swiping

• When to swipe vs. wait for matches

• The mindset needed for good conversations

• Why rejection is part of the process

• Handling harassment and burnout on dating apps

• Texting before the first date: how much is enough?

• The case for emotional risk and why it’s worth it

References & Further Reading

• Delve Substack: "React, Respond, Expand" – conversation skills in action

• Stoic concept of amor fati (“love your fate”)

• Research on facial recognition and the fusiform gyrus (neuroscience of dating photos)

Trigger Warning: This episode will discuss themes of self-harm and suicide.

Suicide Prevention Resources:If you or someone you know is experiencing thoughts of suicide or self-harm, please reach out immediately:

• 988: Connects you directly with a mental health professional.

• 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433): National suicide prevention hotline with trained staff ready to help.

Media Links:

• Website: delvepsych.com

• Instagram: @delvepsych20

• YouTube: youtube.com/@DelvePsych20

• Substack: delvepsych.substack.com

Participants:
Hosts: Ali McGarel, Adam Fominaya

Overview of Big Ideas:

• The Hidden Cost of Acting: Ali shares her deeply personal experiences navigating mental health challenges while pursuing acting professionally.

• Identity and Passion: The complexities actors face when their identity and self-worth become intertwined with their professional success.

• Navigating Rejection: Strategies and emotional truths about handling frequent rejection and maintaining self-esteem in a competitive industry.

• Comparative Suffering: Exploring the inevitable comparisons and envy actors face, and how to manage these difficult emotions.

• The Courage to Pivot: Understanding the strength required to step away from a passion when it becomes detrimental to one's mental health.

Breakdown of Segments:

• Delve’s Mission and Services: Introduction to Delve Psychotherapy's therapeutic offerings and current availability.

• Ali’s Personal Journey: Ali discusses her transition from acting in LA to psychotherapy, highlighting mental health struggles common among actors.

• Self Harm and Mental Health in Acting: Discussion on the mental health risks in the acting industry, including Ali's experience of losing a fellow actor to suicide.

• Challenges Unique to Actors: Managing rejection, financial instability, identity crises, and unrealistic expectations.

• Advice for Current Actors: Practical advice on maintaining mental health, setting realistic expectations, and finding fulfillment outside of professional success.

• The Decision to Leave Acting: Ali describes the grieving process of leaving the industry, framing it as an empowered, courageous decision rather than a failure.

• Psychotherapy Group for Actors: Introduction to an upcoming psychotherapy group specifically designed to support actors in Illinois.

• Relationship Insights: Brief discussion on healthy communication strategies in relationships, emphasizing emotional vulnerability and understanding.

References & Further Reading:

• Brene Brown’s work on vulnerability and resilience.

• Alfie Kohn’s Punished by Rewards, discussing intrinsic vs. extrinsic motivation.

• Self-Determination Theory (Deci and Ryan), exploring how external rewards can reduce intrinsic motivation.

Media Links

• Website: delvepsych.com

• Instagram: @delvepsychchicago

• YouTube: youtube.com/@DelvePsych20

• Substack: delvepsych.substack.com

Participants
Hosts: Ali McGarel, Adam Fominaya

Overview of Big Ideas

• Societal Expectations and Personal Goals: Exploring how societal expectations shape feelings of inadequacy, the struggle to define personal values and goals, and strategies for aligning your life authentically.

• Comfort in Discomfort: Emphasizing how genuine growth often requires stepping outside comfort zones and intentionally facing challenging emotions.

• Reframing Anxious Attachment: Understanding attachment styles as dynamic roles rather than fixed identities, and strategies to manage insecurities and relationship anxieties.

• Navigating Personal Insecurities in Dating: Addressing how personal insecurities, like height, influence self-perception and dating experiences, highlighting the value of authenticity, clear communication, and emotional compatibility.

Breakdown of Segments

1. Feeling Behind in Life
Ali and Adam respond to a user struggling with feeling behind due to societal expectations. They unpack how cultural influences shape our perceptions of success and productivity, encouraging listeners to clearly identify and pursue their own meaningful values and goals rather than societal benchmarks.

2. Anxious Attachment and Relationships
The hosts tackle a question about anxious attachment in romantic relationships, emphasizing that attachment styles are situational rather than fixed personality traits. Adam clarifies misconceptions about anxious attachment, stressing that experiencing anxiety in relationships is healthy and manageable. They recommend reframing needs for reassurance as expressions of vulnerability rather than demands on a partner, and offer advice for cultivating healthier relational dynamics.

3. Accepting Physical Insecurities in Dating
Ali and Adam address a young man’s concerns about his height impacting romantic relationships. Adam offers a male perspective, highlighting the significance of authenticity and emotional safety over superficial attributes. They emphasize clear, vulnerable communication about insecurities, encouraging listeners to find partners who affirm their deeper qualities, fostering emotional security.

References & Further Reading

• Levine, Amir, and Rachel Heller. Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love (2010).

• Discussions on productivity and work-life balance inspired by ongoing European trials of the 4-day workweek.

Media Links

• Website: delvepsych.com

• Instagram: @delvepsych20

• YouTube: youtube.com/@DelvePsych20

• Substack: delvepsych.substack.com

Participants

• Hosts: Ali McGarel, Adam Fominaya

Overview of Big Ideas

• Heartbreak feels like “neural super-glue” being ripped apart; grief must be faced, not dodged.

• Emotional pain is a teacher—leaning in builds resilience and a stronger sense of self.

• Writing unsent Angry and Longing Letters helps untangle mixed feelings without reopening old wounds.

• Demonizing an ex can protect you short-term, but lasting peace comes from seeing shared humanity.•

FOMO is the fantasy of the road not taken; the grass gets greener where you choose to water it.

Breakdown of Segments

1. Why breakups send people to therapy in the first place.

2. The “attachment physics” behind painful separations.

3. Distance with dignity: post-mortem first, then a clean break.

4. Angry vs. Longing Letters—how to write them and why they work.

5. Using Kübler-Ross grief stages as prompts for deeper reflection.

6. Re-investing in friendships to curb late-night loneliness.

7. Protective demonization: a useful shield, but not a home.

8. Dating while healing—radical honesty as the kindest policy.

9. Dispelling the myth of a universal timeline for moving on.

   
   

References & Further Reading

• Levine, Amir & Heller, Rachel. Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment (2010)

• Kübler-Ross, Elisabeth. On Death and Dying (1969)

• Pennebaker, James W. Opening Up by Writing It Down (2016)

• Marcus Aurelius (trans. Hays). Meditations — reflections on amor fati

• Film: Forget Paris (1995) — a rom-com lens on symbolic loss

Media Links:Website: delvepsych.comInstagram: @delvepsychchicagoYouTube: youtube.com/@DelvePsych20Substack: delvepsych.substack.com

Participants:Hosts: Ali McGarel, Adam FominayaGuest: Kara Britzman, PhD

Overview of Big Ideas:• Feeling is the work — Kara Britzman joins Ali and Adam to explore what it means to move beyond intellectualizing and actually experience emotions in therapy.

• Mentorship matters — Kara traces her lineage of training all the way back to Carl Rogers.
• Emotion-focused therapy — How activating emotion during a session promotes lasting change.
• Neurodivergent clients — Especially adults with autism and ADHD — face gaps in research and clinical fit.
• CBT’s limitations — Cognitive behavioral therapy often backfires for clients with pathological demand avoidance (PDA).
• Relational therapy — A more adaptive approach that honors the individual’s lived experience.
• Diagnostic humility — Labels can guide, but what matters most is how the client experiences their inner world.
• Trust is a choice — A closing reflection on how mistrust can be more damaging than vulnerability.

Breakdown of Segments:• Welcoming Kara and an update on Delve’s low-fee and pro bono offerings

• Kara’s origin story and early mentorship at NIU
• What makes emotion-focused therapy effective
• Helping clients who intellectualize emotions access their felt experience
• Somatic entry points and the mind-body link
• The shifting landscape of adult autism and neurodivergence
• Problems with CBT and PDA in therapeutic work
• Kara’s preferred tools and the value of a flexible, integrative approach
• The difference between external and internal validation in diagnosis
• Ending quote from Adam’s whiteboard: “I’ll do more damage not trusting anyone”

References & Further Reading:• Greenberg, L. — Emotion-Focused Therapy• Barrett, L. F. — How Emotions Are Made• Neff, M. — Self-Care for Autistic Burnout: A Neurodivergent’s Guide• North American PDA Association — Resources on Pathological Demand Avoidance• Relational therapy frameworks (e.g., Safran & Muran)

Subtitle: How Mindful Conversations and Personal Responsibility Can Transform Relationships

Media Links

• Website: delvepsych.com

• Instagram: @delvepsychchicago

• YouTube: youtube.com/@DelvePsych20

• Substack: delvepsych.substack.com

Participants

• Hosts: Ali McGarel, Adam Fominaya

Overview

• The Go-Back Approach: Adam introduces a therapeutic strategy called the "Go-Back Approach," a way to revisit important conversations in a calmer, more deliberate moment. Rather than addressing tensions in the heat of conflict, clients are encouraged to reflect and revisit them later for a more grounded discussion.

• Owning Your Choices: The hosts discuss the significance of personal responsibility in managing resentment and frustration in relationships. Adam emphasizes that unresolved resentment is often more about our own choices than the actions of others.

• Exit, Voice, Loyalty: Adam references the book Exit, Voice, Loyalty to illustrate how individuals manage dissatisfaction: leaving, voicing concerns, or staying silent. He draws parallels to personal relationships, noting how these choices are mirrored in interpersonal dynamics.

• Reframing Stuckness: In a therapist-client role play, Adam challenges the idea of feeling "stuck," arguing that feeling bad and being stuck are distinct experiences. He guides the fictional client, Kate, through understanding how day-to-day choices are still within her control, even amidst external setbacks.

• Big Feelings as Signifiers: Adam closes the episode by exploring Les Greenberg's Emotion-Focused Therapy, emphasizing how big emotions signify the need for mindful choices rather than impulsive reactions. Ali reflects on how this idea transformed her understanding of emotional responses in therapy.

Breakdown of Segments

• Introduction: Ali celebrates her recent graduation and discusses the mission of Delve Psychotherapy, including low-cost and pro bono options for therapy.

• The Go-Back Approach: Adam introduces the concept of revisiting conflicts calmly and strategically rather than reacting in the moment.

• Owning Your Choices: The hosts explore how avoiding conflict often leads to deeper resentment, and Adam reframes resentment as a matter of personal responsibility.

• Therapist-Client Role Play: Adam role-plays a session with "Kate," a fictional client pursuing a singing career, struggling with career stagnation and familial pressure. Adam emphasizes choice and agency, even when circumstances feel beyond control.

• Big Feelings as Signifiers: Adam and Ali discuss the importance of responding, rather than reacting, to emotions—using big feelings as a cue for meaningful decisions.

• Closing Thoughts: Ali reflects on the emotional depth of the role play, and Adam shares insights from Emotion-Focused Therapy as a framework for understanding choices and emotional processing.

References & Further Reading

• Hirschman, A. O. Exit, Voice, and Loyalty: Responses to Decline in Firms, Organizations, and States (1970).

• Greenberg, L. Emotion-Focused Therapy: Coaching Clients to Work Through Their Feelings (2002).

• Festinger, L. (1957). A Theory of Cognitive Dissonance.

• Gottman, J. & Gottman, J. Fight Right: Turning Conflict into a Pathway for Intimacy and Growth.

• Amanda Palmer. The Art of Asking: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help (2014).

Media Links
• Website: delvepsych.com
• Instagram: @delvepsychchicago
• YouTube: youtube.com/@DelvePsych20
• Substack: delvepsych.substack.com

Participants
Hosts – Ali McGarel, Adam Fominaya

Overview of Big Ideas
• Mood meets method – How a therapist’s own emotional state can quietly shape a session, and why a flawless “game‑face” isn’t always helpful.
• Authentic presence – Bringing real humanity into the room without letting clients slip into caretaking the clinician.
• The woods metaphor – Therapy as guiding someone through familiar yet ever‑shifting forest paths: the guide knows the terrain, but the traveler still spots hidden roots and snakes.
• Common factors over techniques – A strong alliance, felt safety, and shared meaning usually matter more than any single modality.
• Advice‑giving done right – From playful “buy‑a‑cat” suggestions to devil’s‑advocate maneuvers, directive moments can spark insight without robbing agency.
• Three decision drivers – When clients feel stuck, check for missing data, clearer analysis, or lived experience before acting.
• Love without score‑keeping – Choosing to love as a verb and refusing silent, transactional tally sheets in relationships.

Breakdown of Segments
• Opening & house‑keeping – Website/Substack shout‑outs.
• Mood in the therapy chair – Acting analogies, “leave your baggage at the door,” and when that fails.
• Therapeutic relationship defined – Power balance, client expertise, and mid‑way guiding.
• Common factors deep‑dive – Why research keeps circling back to alliance and safety.
• When clients want answers – Neutrality fatigue, strategic side‑taking, and permission‑giving advice.
• Decision‑making toolkit – Data, analysis, experience; mindfulness of imagined futures.
• Do not love transactionally – Loyalty, responsibility, and open requests over silent score‑cards.
• Wrap‑up & plugs – Affordable therapy offerings and a Substack tease.

References & Further Reading
• Rogers C. R. (1957). “The necessary and sufficient conditions of therapeutic personality change.”
• Bandura A. (1977). Social Learning Theory.
• Norcross J. C. & Lambert M. J. (2019). “Evidence‑based therapy relationships.”
• Wampold B. E. & Imel Z. E. (2015). The Great Psychotherapy Debate.
• Delve Psychotherapy Substack (2025). “Tell me what to do!!!”

Episode Title: Before Therapy – What Linklater’s Before Trilogy Teaches Us About Love, Process & Presence

Media Links

Website: delvepsych.com

Instagram: @delvepsychchicago

YouTube: youtube.com/@DelvePsych20

Substack: delvepsych.substack.com

Participants

Hosts: Ali McGarel, Adam Fominaya

Guest: Colleen Paul, LCPC — staff therapist & certified clinical trauma professional

Overview of Big Ideas

• Why the Before trilogy still resonates: raw, real-time conversation and authentic tension beat Hollywood fairy‑tales every time.

• Creative roots & counseling: acting, film study, and improv sharpen attunement to subtext, empathy, and rule‑breaking therapy.

• “Happiness is in the doing”: the hosts unpack Jesse’s line to explore process‑over‑outcome living with clients.

• Opening & closing pain: therapy as practice for tolerating discomfort while staying engaged in life’s story.

• Finding your “why”: Nietzsche’s maxim—“He who has a why to live can bear almost any how”—anchors change work.

Breakdown of Segments

• Welcome & clinic update – Delve’s services and low‑cost therapy options.

• Film geek meet‑cute – how Ali’s partner and Colleen’s film degree sparked the topic.

• Slice‑of‑life cinema – long takes, ambient eavesdropping, and why dialog‑driven films feel therapeutic.

• Real love vs. rom‑com myths – quirks that charm early on often trigger later conflict.

• Therapists’ thought experiment – what advice would they give Jesse or Céline between films?

• Process, purpose & disappointment – coaching clients who chase creative dreams through rejection.

• Quotes on the whiteboard – “Everything was fine … until you hit me with reality” and the value of confronting truth.

• Closing & how to connect with Delve therapists.

References & Further Listening/Reading

• Richard Linklater (dir.). Before Sunrise (1995), Before Sunset (2004), Before Midnight (2013).




• Friedrich Nietzsche. “He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.”




• Buddhist aphorism on seeing the world “as it is.”




• Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT) literature on values‑led action.

Enjoy the episode, and let us know what conversations the films spark for you!

Website: delvepsych.com

Instagram: @delvepsychchicago

YouTube: youtube.com/@DelvePsych20

Substack: delvepsych.substack.com

Hosts: Ali McGarel, Adam Fominaya

Why this podcast? Ali and Adam unveil Delve’s mission: demystify depth‑oriented psychotherapy for everyday life.

The Delve Model. Eight synergistic domains—psychodynamics, cognition, emotion, behavior, physiology, systems, identity, relationships—offer a 360° view of change.

Depth over quick fixes. Sustainable growth emerges by addressing the person beneath the symptom.

Real‑world applications. Three listener dilemmas (skeptical dad, late‑blooming dater, “no‑spark” partner) illustrate the model in action.

The courage to stay uncertain. Why people prefer bleak certainties to liberating unknowns.

References & Further Reading

• Stricker G. & Gold J. (eds.). The Comprehensive Handbook of Psychotherapy Integration (1988).
• Barrett L. F. How Emotions Are Made (2017) — plus her YouTube lectures on constructed emotion.
• Schachter S. & Singer J. (1962). “Cognitive, social, and physiological determinants of emotional state.”

Media Links

Website: delvepsych.com

Instagram: @delvepsychchicago

YouTube: youtube.com/@DelvePsych20

Substack: delvepsych.substack.com

Adam and Ali launch the Delve Podcast! We discuss our mission, professional relationship, and perspectives on the beginning of this journey.