The only thing of note that happens in this episode is that we get into a snitty little quarrel about the pronunciation of IMPIOUS. Also some guys speak to Dante while half-submerged in their own graves. (Are those graves on fire? Please. Don’t waste our time with these qubibles. OF COURSE THEY ARE, you impious twit. Have you learned NOTHING from Virgil’s tour so far? If it can be on fire, it is.) 

Literally, we are all together in Dis, the city in Hell where everyone is hanging out in graves that are also on fire (fun!). Dante gets chatty with the sinners as per usual. Virgil talks about getting imprisoned by his own fanfic. The Furies are chilling and flailing. Finally Virgil pulls a Karen and calls the manager, aka....Hercules. (?!?) 

This episode is also where we update you on some of the things we promised we would look up, but never did because we are SLOTHFUL. We get into a digression on Theseus being a Dick, Athena being "mixed up," things Being Cake, whether Judas had free will, and whether Jesus was thinking about sex constantly. We'll never know! 

We also cannot remember the word PHARISEES for the entire episode; what loserly HERETICS we are. Nothing new here. 

To quote ourselves in this episode, "We are not cool." In fact, as it turns out, Dante has gotten more action while in Hell than we have for all of lockdown! This is good for public health but bad for the morale of the Divine House.

Dante continues to suck up to Virgil, meanwhile someone is crossing the river Styx REALLY fast, and it turns out his name is essentially Phlegm. (Phlegyas.) We run into Filippo Argenti, and approach the city of Dis, where Virgil has serious connections... or does he? 

Also: Scented candles. TGV trains. Chianti. Our dating lives. Really, it doesn't get less cool than this. 

OK, this was recorded DEEP in quarantine, hence our excitement at some delivery people on the road outside. FUN! Back in Hell, Dante comes across a lot of people who are greedy, rageful, and not doing so hot. Yikes. We cluck (like Plutus), and we conclude: f*&$ luck. 

We encounter the gluttons, and partake in some sketchy piano-playing, not in that order. 

OK, make sure you sacrifice to the gods properly or you might have to have your in-house inventor create a mechanical cow so your wife can have sex with a giant bull inside it! And you might end up with a huge-ass tail. Literally a huge ass-tail. With which you condemn souls in the circles of hell. <-- This is a fact-check to our analysis of Minos, because guess what, it WAS his fault that his wife had sex with a bull! It was NOT HER FAULT. What the hell. 

But no, dear listeners, this is actually a canto très tragique... doomed lovers, endless winds, SEXY BOOKS. Strap yourselves in. 

So we knew that Dante is obsessed with Virgil. But he really goes over the edge in this one. He even has some *secret convos* with his dead idols, including Homer, Horace, Lucan... also Orpheus is somehow hanging out with Seneca, and Dante shows some surprising cross-faith appreciation for Avicenna and Averroes. But mainly he fanboys. And we fangirl accordingly.  

The gates of hell remind us of writing our dissertations. 

Other things of note: 

- We can't stop laughing. 

- We don't realise that these are the most famous lines of the poem. 

- We enter hell. 

- Charon smacks people's butts! 

- Probably the most boring episode so far. 

Okay, it turns out Virgil didn't arrive totally out of nowhere... interesting. Lots of cameos from our favourite ladies, including one whose identity is a real mystery. We even had to RE-record this episode because it was so confusing! We love to see it. 

Hello and welcome to the Divine House Reads the Divine Comedy. 

Gracious listeners, in this episode we embark upon a journey to the low-fi Inferno. What even is this poem? Who was Dante Alighieri? What is the Divine House? WHAT IS DIVINITY?! 

These are some of the questions that we will discuss VERY deeply in this VERY serious podcast. Just two innocent grad students grappling with a 700-year-old medieval Italian text. No preparation needed. On our end or on yours! 

See you on the other side.