The Dunce Caps

This week Rob & Chris explore another list of click bate bullshit and dive deep into the world of strange ancient medicines.

TLDR: Rub poop in that cut and eat some of this mummy dust.

This week Rob & Chris finish out their list of Japan's 12 Coolest Samurai Part 2 and its even FAAAAAAAAAABBBBBBBBERER!

TLDR: We botched the intro, its Samurai, not weird medicines. whoops.

This week Rob & Chris go through a list Japan's 12 Coolest Samurai Part 1 and its FAAAAAAAAAAAAAB!

TLDR: "That's just 2 guys painted black on some shoulders. Get this bullshit outta here!"

This week Rob & Chris dive deep into the world of wizards! From the most reliable sources on the internet!

TLDR: "Dimitri Diablo can sometimes be seen driving his purple Lamborghini Diablo"- Mystic Investigations

Now that Rob and Chris have finally finished the Ancient History book; they've decided to take a break from books all together and dive a little deeper into some topics they've brushed over in past. That and whatever other dumb stuff they decide to look up on the internet. To kick off this textbook interim the guys learn about the origins of the Dunce Cap.

TLDR:

The final episode of the this book! Its the end of old school Rome for Rob & Chris. Rome realizes people follow their local lacrosse coach more than some random dick king. So they divide the power into sections after 9 kings get murdered in a row. After a bunch of confusion, Constantine finally comes out on top as the ruler of Rome, but with the help of Jesus who came to him in a dream. Supposedly. Regardless, Christianity takes over and ends the fun, orgy having Rome we all know and love forever. On the bright side, Rob & Chris come up with a great new Jamaica themed restaurant idea called, Sean Paul's Grill. Jah Dust anything on the menu for $2.99!

TLDR: "...and she that apple. That's as far as I got. That book is bad."

This is it for Rob & Chris... almost. Part 1 of the last chapter of this long ass book! Rome is weak and barely hanging on. Meanwhile Persia aka the Sha, is making a comeback...but these DOGS WON'T SHUT UP! Also a bunch of Goths arrive in swarms to destroy Rome... not American goths, Nordic goths; the kind who listen to black metal and burn down churches. 'Forgettable' Phillip, the king of Rome, pays off the goths, but runs out of goats, so they get fucked up. Zoroastrianism comes back in a big way and they turn Valerian, a different Roman king, into a human step stool. Things are not looking good for Rome.

TLDR: "Jay-Z's always looked weird, but he looks extra weird now."

This week Rob & Chris are doing half China and half Rome. In China the Yellow Turbans claim to have magic that no one can actually see and the eunuchs are stirring up the government by putting hits out their officials... until they're slaughtered, leaving the eunuchs extinct. Rob & Chris go for a hike with a cool priest and we find out that the show's producer, Couper, has a hidden chryo vault filled with his seamen. Meanwhile in Rome...2 brothers rule until one murders the other, but doesn't want to talk about it. So stop! But soon after he gets murdered while shitting his pants from a tummy ache and a new emperor "Black Hole" takes over. But, he ends up worshiping a rock he found and cuts his own dick on purpose. The Romans don't like that, so they murder him and drag his dead body through the town square, a race track, the sewer, and then tied to a pier. That's how it ends. Its dope.

TLDR:

"We're not called wizards! We're sorcerers dammit!"

-Chinese Wizard

Rob & Chris are getting closer to the fall of Rome after a stint of peaceful years comprised of grown men adopting other grown men so they can be emperor as their son heir... the plan was working flawlessly. Until this one sensitive emperor Marcus Aurelius, sold all his shit and moved into a tent and elected his actual, "greek" dickhead, son Commodus the next in line; all cause his co-king brother Lucius had a seizure. Meanwhile Rob brings some cheese wiz to a kosher deli and Chris just wants a juice box. Also Rome gets super sick with small pox for a long time cause they elected another guido wannabe mobster, Septimus as emperor. Who also hires his sons to be co-emperors... and, unsurprisingly, are dicks too.

TLDR: Make your friend king, not your son. Don't be like the China.

This week Rob & Chris are back in China. The Hans don't molest their royal kids like the Romans do, but they do kill them.. a lot. While all these these dead kid kings are happening, the dickless servants, Eunuchs, starts adopting son recruits and form a secret society called the Ten Regular Attendants. Outside the royal walls, the rest of China is forming miniature dynasties, but then all of it gets shut the fuck down with a plague, a flood, then a bunch of bugs, a barbarian invasion, and then everyone gets super sick again. Luckily these young magic enthusiasts called the Yellow Turbans, bring hope to the sad/poor/sick people.

TLDR: "All I've got is holes bro!"