I've not written a blog for months. I've been moving house, had little internet connection, and been generally busy, and tired. I'm glad that this past couple of weeks I had felt like I have the time and space to start writing again, so there will be blogs to come, soon.

I wanted to put something down to express my gratitude for all of you who have listened to and supported my podcast over the past three years. I didn't think that it would go anywhere, or that anyone would really listen to it. Well, you did. So thank you.

I've had such support for the podcast, that I feel extremely guilty about announcing that I will not be producing any more episodes. But, as I discovered in the last 6 months or so, feeling guilty about stopping is not a good enough reason to keep going. I'd rather than stop completely than keep it going, but only publish episodes sporadically.

Podcasts are a lot of work. Finding people to interview, scheduling interviews, and editing audio after interviews. If I am quick, an episode may take 6 hours start to finish (including scheduling etc), but many episodes take more like 10.

It is a time thing. It's not that I don't have time. I can always make time. These days, my "free" time — time to do absolutely nothing productive at all — is increasingly precious and glorious to me. I am growing less inclined to give it up. I'm more selfish about my time — unapologetically, I enjoy that I enjoy being just me, without being the 'doing stuff' me.

This 'wanting to do nothing' is actually exactly something that scared me when I had anorexia. I was scared that if I allowed myself to rest, I would always want to rest. I would forget how to be productive. My 'value' would decrease. Because when I was sick, I thought my value was in my ability to never rest, and always be productive. (Which, if you think about it, in a famine, would be about right.)

The wonderful thing about being human in a brain that doesn't have anorexia any more, doesn't perceive that resources are scarce, and therefore doesn't believe that value is in productivity, is that I have the freedom to see the real value of being human. I know that sounds incredibly deep and ridiculous, but it is true.

The other night, I was going to make this podcast. I had an hour or so. I was making my way up my back porch steps, and one of the puppies followed me up and "pawed" me on the leg, asking for attention. Years ago, when my value was in being productive, I either wouldn't have noticed him, or I would have noticed him, and gone inside anyway. These days, I'm more inclined to sit on the floor and play with the dogs because they asked than I am to go inside and start editing audio. Sometimes it is a puppy. Sometimes it is a horse. Sometimes it is a pattern that the wind has made in the snow that I need to stare at. Sometimes, very often, it is snuggling with Matt.

I never take for granted my recovered brain. A brain that allows me to see the value in happiness, and being human. Never, ever, take it for granted. I feel blessed to have known a brain in starvation mode, if only because it allows me to know the bliss of not being there.

Anyway. That's my way of saying there will be no more podcasts. Just because it is the right time to stop. I appreciate you for listening.

In this podcast Tabitha talks to Donna about her experience of bariatric surgery and eating disorder recovery

The social importance of food

Blog post: https://tabithafarrar.com/2019/09/food-is-so-much-more-than-just-nutrition-by-design/

This week, Tabitha talks to peer mentor JD Ouellette about experts by experience and peer mentoring in the eating disorder field. 

JD Ouellette is a peer coach with a specialty in "Full Metal Apron" Eating Disorders Parent coaching. She is the mother of a young adult in full recovery and living a relapse-prevention lifestyle. JD works globally with families who have a loved one of any age impacted by an eating disorder on education, system navigation, boundaries to support full recovery, and interventions. Having experienced cutting edge treatment at the UC San Diego Eating Disorders Center for Treatment and Research, she understands that families who receive comprehensive psychoeducation and specific skills training can make all the difference in the outcome.

Warning: This episode may be difficult or triggering for some listeners. It involves talking about a person who recently died of anorexia.

In this podcast, Tabitha talks about a person who recently died as a result of the malnutrition associated with anorexia. 

Sarah was a joyful, incredibly like-able, intelligent woman with a good sense of humour. She came to me as a client, and someone determined to recover. She was also a person who had been through 30 years of traditional treatment, but never lost hope in her ability to get well. Sarah wasn't non- compliant, she was the opposite of difficult, and she was on her way and actively in recovery when she died. Apparently, a lifetime of malnutrition had resulted in a weak heart, and it was too little too late. Sarah was truly let down by the traditional treatment model. The tragedy is that at the time of her death, she was at the best place she had been for years. Sarah didn't die in the way we stereotypically expect people with anorexia die in a IP bed rejecting food. Sarah was eating better, feeling better, and actively living her recovery when she died. 

The effects of malnutrition are serious and can be long-lasting. Treatment has to prioritise unrestricted eating, and spreading the message that hunger and desire to eat can be trusted. 

 In this podcast, Tabitha takes to the wonderful Dr Jennifer Gaudiani about trans and non-binary individuals in eating disorder treatment. 

The Gaudiani Clinic provides superb expert outpatient medical care to adolescents and adults of all sizes, shapes, and genders with eating disorders or disordered eating. The Gaudiani Clinic also offers comprehensive person-centered care to those who are recovered from an eating disorder. Through a collaborative, communicative, multi-disciplinary approach, the Clinic cares for the whole person, in the context of their values.

Under the care of Jennifer L. Gaudiani, MD, CEDS, FAED, patients receive expert medical care provided in a comfortable and highly discreet private practice setting. Dr. Gaudiani is one of the only outpatient internists in the United States who carries the Certified Eating Disorder Specialist designation and is internationally recognized as an expert in the eating disorder field. In her role as an expert outpatient medical doctor, Dr. Gaudiani can function as a patient’s primary care physician or as an expert adjunctive physician as part of a multidisciplinary team.

The Gaudiani Clinic is located in Denver, Colorado with both local and telemedicine treatment plans available.

Dr. Gaudiani also offers professional services including private and group consultation, professional webinars, and presentations.

Jen's book on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Sick-Enough-Jennifer-L-Gaudiani-dp-0815382456/dp/0815382456/ref=mt_paperback?_encoding=UTF8&me=&qid=1553546290  

Clinic: www.gaudianiclinic.com

In this podcast Tabitha Farrar talks to Dr Cynthia Bulik about recent study that identifies eight risk loci and implicates metabo-psychiatric origins for anorexia nervosa. 

Link to paper: https://www.nature.com/articles/s41588-019-0439-2

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Dr. Bulik, a clinical psychologist, is Distinguished Professor of Eating Disorders in the Department of Psychiatry, professor of nutrition in the Gillings School of Global Public Health and founding director of the UNC Center of Excellence for Eating Disorders. 

She is also professor of medical epidemiology and biostatistics at Karolinska Institutet in Stockholm, Sweden, where she spends half of her time. 

Her research includes treatment, laboratory, epidemiological, twin and molecular genetic studies of eating disorders and weight regulation. She has written more than 590 scientific papers and chapters on eating disorders and is the author of  Crave: Why You Binge Eat and How to Stop, The Woman in the Mirror, Midlife Eating Disorders: Your Journey to Recovery, and Binge Control: A Compact Recovery Guide. 

She is a recipient of the Eating Disorders Coalition Research Award, the Academy for Eating Disorders' Leadership Award for Research, the Price Family National Eating Disorders Association Research Award  and the Women’s Leadership Council Faculty-to-Faculty Mentorship Award. 

Dr. Bulik is past president of the Academy for Eating Disorders, past vice-president of the Eating Disorders Coalition and past Associate Editor of the International Journal of Eating Disorders. She holds the first endowed professorship in eating disorders in the United States.

Her academic life is balanced by being happily married with three children and performing as an ice dancer and ballroom dancer.

In this podcast, Tabitha answers the question "What are your thoughts on the term Atypical Anorexia?"

Dannielle B. Grossman is a California licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice in Truckee, California. She also works by phone and FaceTime with clients throughout California.