Divorce, by definition, is damaging. Taking apart a relationship impacts us far beyond the law. Today on the show, clinical psychologist Dr. Margaret Rutherford joins us to talk about how the stresses of divorce can sneak up on us in ways we might not expect. In addition to her practice, she’s the author of Perfectly Hidden Depression: How to Break Free from the Perfectionism that Masks Your Depression, and host of The SelfWork Podcast. Margaret, welcome to the Toaster.About Dr. Margaret RutherfordDr. Margaret Rutherford, a clinical psychologist, has practiced for twenty-six years in Fayetteville, Arkansas. Earning the 2009 Arkansas Private Practitioner of the Year award for her volunteer work at a local free health clinic, she began blogging and podcasting in 2012 to destigmatize mental illness and educate the public about therapy and treatment. With her compassionate and common-sense style, her work can be found on her website, as well as HuffPost, Psych Central, Psychology Today, The Mighty, the Gottman Blog and others. She hosts a weekly podcast, The SelfWork Podcast with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. And her book, Perfectly Hidden Depression: How to Break Free from the Perfectionism that Masks Your Depression, is published by New Harbinger and available at Amazon, Barnes and Noble or your local bookstore.Links & Notes

• Perfectly Hidden Depression: How to Break Free from the Perfectionism That Masks Your Depression by Margaret Rutherford
• About Dr. Margaret Rutherford
• Subscribe to The SelfWork Podcast
• Recommended Reading: Coming Apart by Daphne Rose Kingma

• (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster
• (00:29) - Dr. Margaret Rutherford and Getting Emotionally Divorced
• (07:47) - Divorced as a Defining Term
• (10:19) - Starting the Process
• (12:28) - Divorce mimics the marriage it comes from.
• (14:57) - Learning to Look at Your Own Life
• (21:45) - Rebound Relationships
• (24:04) - Second Divorces
• (30:08) - Vulnerability as a Sign of Strength
• (33:06) - Those Unable to Let Go
• (35:11) - Creating a Healthy Space
• (38:10) - Accepting Where You Are
• (39:17) - Finding a Therapist
• (42:15) - Wrapping Up