What do you do when the most emotionally complicated part of your divorce isn’t your ex, your kids, or even the lawyer sitting across the table—but your living room? On this episode of How to Split a Toaster, family law attorney Seth Nelson and Pete Wright explore the profound entanglement between memory and materiality in divorce, with guest Nanette Murphy—a certified divorce and life transition coach who specializes in helping women navigate separation after long-term marriage.

Nanette brings a compassionate, lived-in expertise to the topic of shared spaces—how the family home, often the most contested asset, transforms into a symbol of what was, and what needs to be left behind. The conversation unpacks how emotional attachment to a home can cloud decision-making, stretch finances, and stall healing. From repainting walls to rerouting your daily path through the kitchen, Nanette offers strategies to reclaim space—both literally and psychologically.

Seth adds the critical legal perspective, offering insight into when it makes financial sense to keep the house, when to walk away, and how to ensure you’re not mortgaging your future just to hold onto your past. And Pete probes the deeper question: is your desire to stay rooted in care, or control? Together, the trio explores how to break up with your home, make peace with your stuff, and move forward with purpose.

Key Insights

• Letting go of the home can unlock emotional and financial freedom
• Redefining physical space helps rewire emotional memory
• Divorce coaching prepares clients to approach legal decisions with clarity

This episode is for anyone facing the wrenching choice of what to take—and what to leave behind—when your relationship ends but your memories remain. Divorce isn’t just a legal process. It’s a spatial one. A sensory one. And sometimes, the most healing thing you can do is move your pizza cutter to a new drawer.

Links & Notes

• Nanette Murphy: Live Life Now With Purpose
• Second Act: Navigating Gray Divorce

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We missed an episode! No, it doesn't happen often. But sometimes life kicks you in the sniffles. Here we are without an attorney and, as the old saying goes, "what's a podcast if we don't have an attorney?" I'm sure someone said that. In any case, thanks for being here and we'll see you next week!

Moving Forward: Understanding Second Marriages and Divorce Stigma

Family law attorney Seth Nelson and Pete Wright welcome guest Kara Chrobak to explore the complexities of second marriages and divorce stigma. Chrobak, a Colorado-based family law attorney specializing in high-net-worth cases, brings valuable insights into how society's views on multiple marriages impact relationship decisions.

The conversation examines why prenuptial agreements become increasingly important in subsequent marriages, particularly when children from previous relationships are involved. Seth explains how prenups can actually demonstrate commitment rather than distrust by allowing couples to thoughtfully plan their financial future.

The hosts and Chrobak dive into estate planning considerations across multiple marriages, addressing how life insurance policies, beneficiary designations, and asset distribution become more complex with each relationship transition. They explore practical solutions like aliquot reductions in life insurance policies to balance obligations to current and former spouses.

Key Insights:

• Prenuptial agreements can protect children from previous marriages while allowing couples to build shared assets
• Estate planning requires careful coordination between divorce agreements and current relationship needs
• Setting healthy relationship boundaries should be celebrated rather than stigmatized

The conversation reinforces that divorce—whether first, second, or subsequent—doesn't represent failure but rather demonstrates the courage to make healthy choices. Listeners gain practical insights into navigating complex legal and emotional terrain while maintaining focus on building positive future relationships.

Links & Notes

• Connect with Kara on LinkedIn
• Schedule a consult with Seth
• Got a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!

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Navigating Emotional Avoidance in Divorce

In this illuminating episode of How to Split a Toaster, family law attorney Seth Nelson and Pete Wright explore emotional avoidance during divorce with expert guest Dr. Michelle Maidenberg, a specialist in mindfulness and emotional resilience.

Understanding Values in Conflict

Dr. Maidenberg explains how our core values shape divorce decisions and reactions. Values aren't just what we claim to prioritize—they reveal themselves through our actions and emotional triggers. When two values conflict, such as financial security versus family time, the resulting tension often drives divorce disputes.

Breaking Down Emotional Avoidance

The conversation delves into how emotional avoidance manifests during divorce proceedings. Dr. Maidenberg describes various avoidance tactics people employ, from repression to distraction, while explaining how these coping mechanisms can ultimately hinder healing and resolution.

Practical Tools for Emotional Regulation

Dr. Maidenberg introduces therapeutic approaches including EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) for managing divorce-related trauma and anxiety. She emphasizes the importance of finding the right therapeutic relationship and approach for individual needs.

Key Insights:

• Identify conflicting core values to better understand emotional reactions during divorce
• Set appropriate boundaries around communication to maintain emotional stability
• Work with qualified professionals to develop personalized coping strategies

The Role of Professional Support

The episode highlights how legal counsel and mental health professionals can work together to support clients through divorce. Seth Nelson shares practical strategies for managing difficult communications, while Dr. Maidenberg offers therapeutic perspectives on processing divorce-related emotions.

Plus, the conversation explores how different therapeutic modalities—from CBT to mindfulness-based approaches—can help individuals navigate divorce's emotional challenges while staying true to their values.

This episode provides valuable insights for anyone seeking to better understand and manage their emotional responses during divorce, while offering practical tools for maintaining stability throughout the legal process.

Links & Notes

• Find Michelle on her website, LinkedIn, X, Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube
• Check out Michelle’s book “Ace Your Life: Unleash Your Best Self and Live the Life You Want”
• Schedule a consult with Seth
• Got a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!

• (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster

Healing After Betrayal—A Guide for Co-Parents

Divorce attorney Seth Nelson and co-host Pete Wright welcome relationship coach and betrayal trauma expert Mr. Jay for an insightful discussion about healing and co-parenting after profound betrayal. Drawing from both professional expertise and personal experience, Mr. Jay helps people navigate from devastating betrayal to healing, offering unique perspectives on how this specific trauma affects every aspect of life.

The conversation explores what makes betrayal trauma distinct from other forms of trauma—particularly how it reshapes not just our present and future, but also our understanding of the past. Seth and Pete dive deep into practical strategies for managing ongoing relationships with former spouses when children are involved, while Mr. Jay shares powerful insights about healing personal wounds first. The discussion covers everything from financial betrayals to infidelity, examining how different types of betrayal trauma affect co-parenting relationships and personal recovery.

Questions we answer in this episode:

• How is betrayal trauma different from other life challenges?
• What steps can I take to co-parent effectively after betrayal?
• How do I protect my emotional health while dealing with a betrayer?

Key Takeaways:

• Healing requires addressing both current wounds and past trauma
• Self-love and boundary-setting are crucial for emotional recovery
• Effective co-parenting starts with personal healing

The episode provides essential insights for anyone struggling with betrayal during or after divorce, offering practical tools for healing while maintaining necessary relationships for the children's sake. Mr. Jay's approach emphasizes personal growth and self-care as fundamental steps toward building a healthy post-divorce life.

Links & Notes

• Visit Mr. Jay’s website
• Find Mr. Jay on Instagram, X, Facebook, YouTube, LinkedIn, or his other links
• Check out Mr. Jay’s journal
• Schedule a consult with Seth
• Got a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!

• (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster

Faith, Family Law, and Finding Peace: Understanding Catholic Annulments

In this enlightening episode, divorce attorney Seth Nelson and Pete Wright welcome Father David Mowry, a Roman Catholic priest and assistant professor at the University of St. Mary of the Lake in Mundelein, Illinois. With the recent election of Pope Leo XIV (the first American-born Pope), the conversation explores the intersection of Catholic faith and family law, specifically focusing on the church's approach to marriage, divorce, and annulments.

Seth and Pete dive deep into the Catholic Church's perspective on marriage as both a sacred covenant and a legal institution. Father Mowry explains how annulments differ fundamentally from civil divorces, detailing the extensive process and support systems the Church has in place. The discussion reveals how the Church's approach to failed marriages isn't about finding loopholes, but rather about determining whether a true marriage existed in the first place according to Catholic teaching.

Questions we answer in this episode:

• How does a Catholic annulment differ from a civil divorce?
• What happens if one spouse refuses to participate in the annulment process?
• How does the Church support children whose parents are going through divorce?

Key Takeaways:

• The Catholic Church views marriage as a permanent covenant—annulments determine if a valid marriage ever existed
• Annulment processes include extensive pastoral and legal support systems
• Local priests serve as initial guides but specialized Church courts handle the formal proceedings

This episode offers invaluable insights for anyone navigating the complex intersection of faith and divorce. Whether you're Catholic or simply interested in understanding different approaches to marriage dissolution, Father Mowry's explanation of the Church's compassionate yet structured approach to failed marriages provides a fascinating perspective on healing and moving forward.

Links & Notes

• Learn more about Father David Mowry on his website
• Schedule a consult with Seth
• Got a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!

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Mastering Stoic Empathy During and After Divorce

Divorce attorney Seth Nelson and co-host Pete Wright welcome leadership expert and author Shermin Kruse to explore how combining stoicism with empathy can transform the divorce experience. Kruse, who grew up in war-torn Iran before becoming a lawyer and author, brings unique insights on maintaining emotional control while staying attuned to others' perspectives during high-conflict situations.

Seth and Pete dive deep into practical applications of stoic empathy—from courtroom strategies to co-parenting interactions. The conversation explores how intentional discomfort practice builds resilience, while cognitive empathy helps navigate challenging relationships. Kruse shares powerful examples from her personal journey and professional experience, demonstrating how these principles can help anyone handle difficult conversations and negotiations more effectively. The discussion particularly focuses on how divorcing couples can maintain their authentic selves while managing conflict constructively.

Questions we answer in this episode:

• How can I stay calm and focused when dealing with a hostile ex-spouse?
• What practical exercises help build emotional resilience during divorce?
• How do I balance being strong with staying empathetic in co-parenting?

Key Takeaways:

• Practice discomfort in safe settings to build emotional control
• Use active listening and pausing to better understand others' perspectives
• Remember your responses are in your control, even when others' actions aren't

This episode offers invaluable insights for anyone navigating divorce or high-conflict relationships. Kruse's blend of philosophical wisdom and practical experience provides actionable strategies for maintaining composure while building stronger post-divorce relationships.

Links & Notes

• Find Sher on her website, LinkedIn, Instagram, or Facebook
• Tune in to Sher’s podcast Stoic Empathy
• Check out Sher’s book Stoic Empathy
• Schedule a consult with Seth
• Got a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!

• (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster

Ancient Wisdom Meets Modern Divorce: A Guide to Repair and Healing

Seth Nelson, a Tampa divorce attorney, and Pete Wright explore the complex journey of repentance and repair during divorce with special guest Rabbi Danya Ruttenberg, author of "On Repentance and Repair: Making Amends in an Unapologetic World." Rabbi Ruttenberg brings ancient Jewish wisdom to modern relationship challenges, offering insights into healing and growth when marriages end.

The conversation dives deep into what true repair means in divorce, exploring the difference between reconciliation and healing. Seth and Pete discuss with Rabbi Ruttenberg her five-step framework for meaningful repentance, examining how these principles apply specifically to divorce situations. The discussion illuminates how personal accountability and genuine healing can occur even when one party refuses to participate in the repair process, and explores the impact of this work on co-parenting relationships.

Questions we answer in this episode:

• Can you heal from divorce without receiving an apology from your ex?
• How do you move forward when the other person won't take accountability?
• What role does personal accountability play in divorce healing?

Key Takeaways:

• True healing requires owning your part, regardless of the other person's actions
• The five steps of repentance provide a practical framework for divorce healing
• Modeling accountability and repair helps children navigate divorce impacts better

This episode offers invaluable insights for anyone navigating divorce or its aftermath. Rabbi Ruttenberg's framework, combined with Seth's legal expertise and Pete's facilitation, creates a powerful roadmap for personal growth and healing during one of life's most challenging transitions.

Links & Notes

• lifeisasacredtext.com 
• Get Rabbi Ruttenberg’s book “On Repentance and Repair”
• Schedule a consult with Seth
• Got a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!

• (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster

Protecting Your Kids Through Divorce: A Mental Health Expert's Guide

Seth Nelson and Pete Wright welcome Dr. Larry Waldman, a psychologist with over four decades of clinical experience helping families navigate divorce. As the author of "Love Your Child More Than You Hate Your Ex," Dr. Waldman shares crucial insights on protecting children from trauma during divorce and maintaining healthy parent-child relationships through major life transitions.

The conversation explores the often-invisible ways parents unknowingly traumatize their children during divorce, from erasing evidence of the other parent to making children emotional confidants. Dr. Waldman, Seth, and Pete discuss practical strategies for maintaining stability, fostering healthy co-parenting relationships, and ensuring children feel secure and supported throughout the divorce process. Their discussion weaves together psychological insights with legal considerations, offering a comprehensive guide for parents navigating this challenging transition.

Questions we answer in this episode:

• How do parents unknowingly traumatize their children during divorce?
• What's the best way to handle transitions between homes?
• When should older children have input in scheduling decisions?

Key Takeaways:

• Keep photos of both parents visible in children's spaces
• Focus on positive experiences during transitions between homes
• Maintain appropriate parent-child boundaries; don't make children confidants

This episode provides essential guidance for any parent going through divorce, offering both practical strategies and deeper insights into protecting children's emotional well-being. Dr. Waldman's expertise, combined with Seth's legal perspective and Pete's facilitation, creates a valuable resource for maintaining healthy family relationships during and after divorce.

Links & Notes

• Get Dr. Waldman’s book “Love Your Child More Than You Hate Your Ex”
• Schedule a consult with Seth
• Got a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!

• (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster

De-escalating High-Conflict Divorce: A Rabbi's Perspective on Finding Peace

Rabbi Avi Kahan joins Seth Nelson and Pete Wright to explore how de-escalation techniques and cultural sensitivity can help families reach sustainable resolutions during divorce. As a mediator handling complex religious and cultural divorce cases, Rabbi Kahan brings unique insights into managing high-conflict situations and helping couples transition from being spouses to successful co-parents.

The conversation delves deep into how fear and conflict often mask deeper emotional struggles during divorce. Seth and Pete explore with Rabbi Kahan how the legal system's focus on "fairness" can sometimes escalate tensions, while religious and cultural perspectives might offer alternative paths to resolution. They discuss how divorce doesn't actually separate parents—it unifies them in a new way as co-parents, requiring them to articulate a new future together for their children's sake.

Questions we answer in this episode:

• How can you de-escalate high-conflict divorce situations?
• What role does "fairness" really play in divorce proceedings?
• How can religious perspectives help in understanding divorce as transformation rather than failure?

Key Takeaways:

• Focus on living your life, not your divorce—don't let temporary legal proceedings define your actions
• De-escalation often requires helping both parties want the divorce, not just need it
• Court litigation can force parents to suppress their authentic selves, potentially harming children

The episode offers valuable insights for anyone navigating a contentious divorce, especially those dealing with cultural or religious complexities. Rabbi Kahan's perspective on viewing divorce as a unifying rather than separating force provides a fresh framework for approaching this challenging life transition. 

Links & Notes

• Visit Rabbi Avi Kahan on the web, Instagram, LinkedIn, or YouTube
• Schedule a consult with Seth
• Got a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!

• (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster