Navigating Emotional Avoidance in Divorce

In this illuminating episode of How to Split a Toaster, family law attorney Seth Nelson and Pete Wright explore emotional avoidance during divorce with expert guest Dr. Michelle Maidenberg, a specialist in mindfulness and emotional resilience.

Understanding Values in Conflict

Dr. Maidenberg explains how our core values shape divorce decisions and reactions. Values aren't just what we claim to prioritize—they reveal themselves through our actions and emotional triggers. When two values conflict, such as financial security versus family time, the resulting tension often drives divorce disputes.

Breaking Down Emotional Avoidance

The conversation delves into how emotional avoidance manifests during divorce proceedings. Dr. Maidenberg describes various avoidance tactics people employ, from repression to distraction, while explaining how these coping mechanisms can ultimately hinder healing and resolution.

Practical Tools for Emotional Regulation

Dr. Maidenberg introduces therapeutic approaches including EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) for managing divorce-related trauma and anxiety. She emphasizes the importance of finding the right therapeutic relationship and approach for individual needs.

Key Insights:

• Identify conflicting core values to better understand emotional reactions during divorce
• Set appropriate boundaries around communication to maintain emotional stability
• Work with qualified professionals to develop personalized coping strategies

The Role of Professional Support

The episode highlights how legal counsel and mental health professionals can work together to support clients through divorce. Seth Nelson shares practical strategies for managing difficult communications, while Dr. Maidenberg offers therapeutic perspectives on processing divorce-related emotions.

Plus, the conversation explores how different therapeutic modalities—from CBT to mindfulness-based approaches—can help individuals navigate divorce's emotional challenges while staying true to their values.

This episode provides valuable insights for anyone seeking to better understand and manage their emotional responses during divorce, while offering practical tools for maintaining stability throughout the legal process.

Links & Notes

• Find Michelle on her website, LinkedIn, X, Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube
• Check out Michelle’s book “Ace Your Life: Unleash Your Best Self and Live the Life You Want”
• Schedule a consult with Seth
• Got a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!

• (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster

Healing After Betrayal—A Guide for Co-Parents

Divorce attorney Seth Nelson and co-host Pete Wright welcome relationship coach and betrayal trauma expert Mr. Jay for an insightful discussion about healing and co-parenting after profound betrayal. Drawing from both professional expertise and personal experience, Mr. Jay helps people navigate from devastating betrayal to healing, offering unique perspectives on how this specific trauma affects every aspect of life.

The conversation explores what makes betrayal trauma distinct from other forms of trauma—particularly how it reshapes not just our present and future, but also our understanding of the past. Seth and Pete dive deep into practical strategies for managing ongoing relationships with former spouses when children are involved, while Mr. Jay shares powerful insights about healing personal wounds first. The discussion covers everything from financial betrayals to infidelity, examining how different types of betrayal trauma affect co-parenting relationships and personal recovery.

Questions we answer in this episode:

• How is betrayal trauma different from other life challenges?
• What steps can I take to co-parent effectively after betrayal?
• How do I protect my emotional health while dealing with a betrayer?

Key Takeaways:

• Healing requires addressing both current wounds and past trauma
• Self-love and boundary-setting are crucial for emotional recovery
• Effective co-parenting starts with personal healing

The episode provides essential insights for anyone struggling with betrayal during or after divorce, offering practical tools for healing while maintaining necessary relationships for the children's sake. Mr. Jay's approach emphasizes personal growth and self-care as fundamental steps toward building a healthy post-divorce life.

Links & Notes

• Visit Mr. Jay’s website
• Find Mr. Jay on Instagram, X, Facebook, YouTube, LinkedIn, or his other links
• Check out Mr. Jay’s journal
• Schedule a consult with Seth
• Got a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!

• (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster

Faith, Family Law, and Finding Peace: Understanding Catholic Annulments

In this enlightening episode, divorce attorney Seth Nelson and Pete Wright welcome Father David Mowry, a Roman Catholic priest and assistant professor at the University of St. Mary of the Lake in Mundelein, Illinois. With the recent election of Pope Leo XIV (the first American-born Pope), the conversation explores the intersection of Catholic faith and family law, specifically focusing on the church's approach to marriage, divorce, and annulments.

Seth and Pete dive deep into the Catholic Church's perspective on marriage as both a sacred covenant and a legal institution. Father Mowry explains how annulments differ fundamentally from civil divorces, detailing the extensive process and support systems the Church has in place. The discussion reveals how the Church's approach to failed marriages isn't about finding loopholes, but rather about determining whether a true marriage existed in the first place according to Catholic teaching.

Questions we answer in this episode:

• How does a Catholic annulment differ from a civil divorce?
• What happens if one spouse refuses to participate in the annulment process?
• How does the Church support children whose parents are going through divorce?

Key Takeaways:

• The Catholic Church views marriage as a permanent covenant—annulments determine if a valid marriage ever existed
• Annulment processes include extensive pastoral and legal support systems
• Local priests serve as initial guides but specialized Church courts handle the formal proceedings

This episode offers invaluable insights for anyone navigating the complex intersection of faith and divorce. Whether you're Catholic or simply interested in understanding different approaches to marriage dissolution, Father Mowry's explanation of the Church's compassionate yet structured approach to failed marriages provides a fascinating perspective on healing and moving forward.

Links & Notes

• Learn more about Father David Mowry on his website
• Schedule a consult with Seth
• Got a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!

• (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster

Mastering Stoic Empathy During and After Divorce

Divorce attorney Seth Nelson and co-host Pete Wright welcome leadership expert and author Shermin Kruse to explore how combining stoicism with empathy can transform the divorce experience. Kruse, who grew up in war-torn Iran before becoming a lawyer and author, brings unique insights on maintaining emotional control while staying attuned to others' perspectives during high-conflict situations.

Seth and Pete dive deep into practical applications of stoic empathy—from courtroom strategies to co-parenting interactions. The conversation explores how intentional discomfort practice builds resilience, while cognitive empathy helps navigate challenging relationships. Kruse shares powerful examples from her personal journey and professional experience, demonstrating how these principles can help anyone handle difficult conversations and negotiations more effectively. The discussion particularly focuses on how divorcing couples can maintain their authentic selves while managing conflict constructively.

Questions we answer in this episode:

• How can I stay calm and focused when dealing with a hostile ex-spouse?
• What practical exercises help build emotional resilience during divorce?
• How do I balance being strong with staying empathetic in co-parenting?

Key Takeaways:

• Practice discomfort in safe settings to build emotional control
• Use active listening and pausing to better understand others' perspectives
• Remember your responses are in your control, even when others' actions aren't

This episode offers invaluable insights for anyone navigating divorce or high-conflict relationships. Kruse's blend of philosophical wisdom and practical experience provides actionable strategies for maintaining composure while building stronger post-divorce relationships.

Links & Notes

• Find Sher on her website, LinkedIn, Instagram, or Facebook
• Tune in to Sher’s podcast Stoic Empathy
• Check out Sher’s book Stoic Empathy
• Schedule a consult with Seth
• Got a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!

• (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster

Ancient Wisdom Meets Modern Divorce: A Guide to Repair and Healing

Seth Nelson, a Tampa divorce attorney, and Pete Wright explore the complex journey of repentance and repair during divorce with special guest Rabbi Danya Ruttenberg, author of "On Repentance and Repair: Making Amends in an Unapologetic World." Rabbi Ruttenberg brings ancient Jewish wisdom to modern relationship challenges, offering insights into healing and growth when marriages end.

The conversation dives deep into what true repair means in divorce, exploring the difference between reconciliation and healing. Seth and Pete discuss with Rabbi Ruttenberg her five-step framework for meaningful repentance, examining how these principles apply specifically to divorce situations. The discussion illuminates how personal accountability and genuine healing can occur even when one party refuses to participate in the repair process, and explores the impact of this work on co-parenting relationships.

Questions we answer in this episode:

• Can you heal from divorce without receiving an apology from your ex?
• How do you move forward when the other person won't take accountability?
• What role does personal accountability play in divorce healing?

Key Takeaways:

• True healing requires owning your part, regardless of the other person's actions
• The five steps of repentance provide a practical framework for divorce healing
• Modeling accountability and repair helps children navigate divorce impacts better

This episode offers invaluable insights for anyone navigating divorce or its aftermath. Rabbi Ruttenberg's framework, combined with Seth's legal expertise and Pete's facilitation, creates a powerful roadmap for personal growth and healing during one of life's most challenging transitions.

Links & Notes

• lifeisasacredtext.com 
• Get Rabbi Ruttenberg’s book “On Repentance and Repair”
• Schedule a consult with Seth
• Got a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!

• (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster

Protecting Your Kids Through Divorce: A Mental Health Expert's Guide

Seth Nelson and Pete Wright welcome Dr. Larry Waldman, a psychologist with over four decades of clinical experience helping families navigate divorce. As the author of "Love Your Child More Than You Hate Your Ex," Dr. Waldman shares crucial insights on protecting children from trauma during divorce and maintaining healthy parent-child relationships through major life transitions.

The conversation explores the often-invisible ways parents unknowingly traumatize their children during divorce, from erasing evidence of the other parent to making children emotional confidants. Dr. Waldman, Seth, and Pete discuss practical strategies for maintaining stability, fostering healthy co-parenting relationships, and ensuring children feel secure and supported throughout the divorce process. Their discussion weaves together psychological insights with legal considerations, offering a comprehensive guide for parents navigating this challenging transition.

Questions we answer in this episode:

• How do parents unknowingly traumatize their children during divorce?
• What's the best way to handle transitions between homes?
• When should older children have input in scheduling decisions?

Key Takeaways:

• Keep photos of both parents visible in children's spaces
• Focus on positive experiences during transitions between homes
• Maintain appropriate parent-child boundaries; don't make children confidants

This episode provides essential guidance for any parent going through divorce, offering both practical strategies and deeper insights into protecting children's emotional well-being. Dr. Waldman's expertise, combined with Seth's legal perspective and Pete's facilitation, creates a valuable resource for maintaining healthy family relationships during and after divorce.

Links & Notes

• Get Dr. Waldman’s book “Love Your Child More Than You Hate Your Ex”
• Schedule a consult with Seth
• Got a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!

• (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster

De-escalating High-Conflict Divorce: A Rabbi's Perspective on Finding Peace

Rabbi Avi Kahan joins Seth Nelson and Pete Wright to explore how de-escalation techniques and cultural sensitivity can help families reach sustainable resolutions during divorce. As a mediator handling complex religious and cultural divorce cases, Rabbi Kahan brings unique insights into managing high-conflict situations and helping couples transition from being spouses to successful co-parents.

The conversation delves deep into how fear and conflict often mask deeper emotional struggles during divorce. Seth and Pete explore with Rabbi Kahan how the legal system's focus on "fairness" can sometimes escalate tensions, while religious and cultural perspectives might offer alternative paths to resolution. They discuss how divorce doesn't actually separate parents—it unifies them in a new way as co-parents, requiring them to articulate a new future together for their children's sake.

Questions we answer in this episode:

• How can you de-escalate high-conflict divorce situations?
• What role does "fairness" really play in divorce proceedings?
• How can religious perspectives help in understanding divorce as transformation rather than failure?

Key Takeaways:

• Focus on living your life, not your divorce—don't let temporary legal proceedings define your actions
• De-escalation often requires helping both parties want the divorce, not just need it
• Court litigation can force parents to suppress their authentic selves, potentially harming children

The episode offers valuable insights for anyone navigating a contentious divorce, especially those dealing with cultural or religious complexities. Rabbi Kahan's perspective on viewing divorce as a unifying rather than separating force provides a fresh framework for approaching this challenging life transition. 

Links & Notes

• Visit Rabbi Avi Kahan on the web, Instagram, LinkedIn, or YouTube
• Schedule a consult with Seth
• Got a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!

• (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster

Helping Kids Navigate Divorce with Parent Coach Danielle Lindner

Seth Nelson and Pete Wright welcome parent coach and early childhood education expert Danielle Lindner to discuss how children process divorce and what parents can do to help them stay resilient. Lindner, author of "The Parent's Pocket Guide to Surviving the Preschool Years" and several children's books, specializes in helping families raise emotionally healthy kids while maintaining their own wellbeing during major life transitions.

Seth and Pete explore key indicators that children might be struggling with divorce, often manifesting in behavior changes opposite to their typical personality. The discussion delves into positive parenting strategies during divorce—including the importance of consistency, emotional validation, and avoiding negative talk about the other parent. Lindner emphasizes the power of age-appropriate communication and explains how "scaffolding"—building supportive steps toward greater emotional agency—can help children develop resilience during challenging times.

Questions we answer in this episode:

• How can you tell if your child is struggling with divorce beyond what they're telling you?
• When should you consider bringing in professional help for your children?
• How do you handle introducing new partners when kids express negative feelings?

Key Takeaways:

• Maintain consistency and kindness across both households
• Validate children's feelings without overloading them with information
• Consider early intervention with counseling—it's better to start early than wait for problems

This episode provides practical, actionable advice for parents navigating divorce with young children. Whether you're just beginning the process or already co-parenting, Lindner's expertise offers valuable insights into supporting children's emotional health while maintaining positive family relationships during and after divorce.

Links & Notes

• Find Danielle on her website, LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube
• Check out Danielle’s books
• Schedule a consult with Seth
• Got a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!

• (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster

Breaking Free from Toxic Family Patterns During Divorce

In this compelling episode, Seth Nelson and Pete Wright are joined by Jerry Wise, a family systems coach with over 45 years of experience helping people heal from dysfunctional and emotionally immature family dynamics. They explore how divorce often isn't the hardest part of ending a marriage—it's breaking free from the dysfunctional patterns that shaped you before you even got married.

Seth and Pete dive deep with Jerry into the concept of emotional enmeshment and how it affects divorce proceedings and co-parenting relationships. They discuss practical strategies for recognizing when you're emotionally fused with your ex-spouse and techniques for breaking free from these patterns. The conversation takes fascinating turns as they explore how unresolved family-of-origin issues can impact current relationships and how to prevent passing these patterns to the next generation.

Questions we answer in this episode:

• How do I know if I'm emotionally enmeshed with my ex?
• What can I do when I feel triggered by my ex's behavior?
• How do I protect my children from inheriting dysfunctional relationship patterns?

Key Takeaways:

• Focus on yourself and your healing instead of blaming your ex
• Learn to respond rather than react to triggering situations
• Work on breaking unhealthy patterns before they affect your children

This episode offers invaluable insights for anyone navigating divorce or struggling with challenging family dynamics. Jerry's expertise, combined with Seth and Pete's practical legal and personal experience, provides listeners with actionable strategies for breaking free from toxic patterns and building healthier relationships moving forward.

Links & Notes

• Find Jerry on his website, Instagram, or YouTube
• Check out Jerry’s Road to Self program
• Schedule a consult with Seth
• Got a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!

• (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster

In this special season finale episode of How to Split a Toaster, family law attorney Seth Nelson joins Pete Wright to wrap up their comprehensive "Your Divorce Case" series by tackling pressing listener questions. This episode marks the conclusion of Season 10, where they've guided listeners through every aspect of the divorce process, from initial consultation to appeals.

The episode dives deep into real-world divorce scenarios submitted by listeners, covering everything from custody arrangements for children with ADHD to hidden cryptocurrency assets and international divorce complications. The discussion provides practical insights into how these situations are typically handled in the courtroom, while breaking down complex legal concepts into understandable terms. The conversation consistently emphasizes the importance of consulting with local counsel, as laws and procedures vary by jurisdiction.

Questions we answer in this episode:

• How do courts typically handle parenting plans when parents disagree about medical treatment?
• What options exist when you suspect hidden financial assets?
• How are digital assets like cryptocurrency handled in divorce proceedings?

Key Takeaways:

• Settlement opportunities can arise at any point during the divorce process - even during trial
• Court orders and requirements vary significantly by jurisdiction
• Documentation and proper legal counsel are crucial throughout the divorce process

This episode serves as both an excellent standalone resource for specific divorce questions and a fitting conclusion to the season-long examination of the divorce process. Whether you're just starting your divorce journey or looking for specific guidance on complex issues, this episode offers valuable insights into navigating the legal and emotional challenges of divorce.

Links & Notes

• Schedule a consult with Seth
• Got a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!

• (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster