The Final Toast: Answering Your Burning Divorce Questions

In this farewell episode of How to Split a Toaster, family law attorney Seth Nelson and co-host Pete Wright tackle a collection of diverse listener questions about divorce, relationships, and co-parenting. From custody concerns to financial disputes, they address the complex challenges many face during separation.

Key Questions Addressed
The hosts explore crucial topics including coercive control in divorce, psychological evaluations for new partners, dissipation of assets, and enforcing custody agreements across international borders. Seth provides practical legal insights while Pete offers thoughtful perspective on navigating these challenging situations.

Notable Legal Insights

• Child support and alimony obligations remain non-dischargeable even in bankruptcy
• Courts take coercive control seriously when properly documented and presented
• Foreign divorce judgments can be domesticated and enforced in U.S. courts with proper procedure

Co-Parenting Challenges
Seth and Pete discuss strategies for handling difficult co-parenting dynamics, including:

• Managing relationships with new partners
• Protecting children during high-conflict divorces
• Navigating custody when mental health issues are involved
• Addressing parental alienation concerns

Financial Considerations
The episode covers important financial aspects of divorce:

• Division of marital assets and debts
• Handling joint business interests
• Pension division through QDROs
• Tax implications of custody arrangements

As their final episode, Seth and Pete reflect on over 230 episodes helping listeners navigate divorce while preserving relationships. While new episodes won't be produced, the extensive archive remains available as an ongoing resource for those facing divorce and separation challenges.

This farewell episode encapsulates the show's core mission: providing practical legal guidance and relationship-saving strategies to help listeners move forward constructively after divorce.

Links & Notes

• Schedule a consult with Seth
• Got a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!

• (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster

Looking in the Mirror: Finding Self-Awareness Through Divorce

Family law attorney Seth Nelson and Pete Wright welcome Lionel Moses, a Desert Storm veteran and relationship coach who helps people break unhealthy relationship patterns through what he calls "the mirror effect." This powerful episode of How to Split a Toaster explores how divorce can become a catalyst for essential self-discovery and growth.

The Mirror Effect in Relationships

Drawing from his experiences through two divorces, Lionel shares how seeing himself as the common denominator led to transformative insights about relationship patterns. As a self-described "people pleaser," he discovered that his tendency to fix others' problems masked deeper emotional needs that went unaddressed in his marriages.

Breaking Cycles Through Self-Awareness

Seth brings his legal expertise to the conversation, highlighting how emotional readiness impacts divorce proceedings. When clients focus exclusively on their former spouse's behavior rather than their own growth, it often complicates and extends the legal process. The discussion reveals how self-awareness can lead to more constructive co-parenting relationships and healthier future partnerships.

From Performance to Authenticity

Lionel's concept of "performative relationships" resonates throughout the conversation, as he describes moving from seeking external validation to developing genuine self-love. This transformation enabled him to build more authentic connections and achieve amicable co-parenting relationships—a goal many find challenging during divorce.

Key Insights
• Examine your patterns in relationships rather than focusing solely on your partner's behavior
• Develop emotional resilience by understanding your authentic needs versus performative habits
• Build self-awareness before entering new relationships to break recurring relationship cycles

This episode offers invaluable guidance for anyone navigating divorce or seeking healthier relationship patterns. Through Lionel's candid sharing and Seth's legal wisdom, listeners gain practical tools for self-reflection and personal growth during major life transitions.

Whether you're considering divorce, in the midst of proceedings, or rebuilding after separation, this conversation provides a roadmap for using life's challenges as opportunities for transformation and healing.

Links & Notes

• Find Lionel on his website, LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram
• Check out The Marriage Seed
• Schedule a consult with Seth

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Self-Sabotage in Divorce: Understanding Hidden Patterns

In this compelling episode of How to Split a Toaster, Seth Nelson and Pete Wright explore the psychology of self-sabotage during divorce with guest expert Dr. Philip Agrios. The conversation delves into how unconscious patterns can derail both relationships and divorce proceedings.

Understanding Self-Sabotage
Dr. Agrios identifies three fundamental reasons for self-sabotage: past success followed by loss, avoiding necessary actions, and fear that success brings more pain. These patterns particularly impact divorce proceedings where emotional stakes are high and rational decision-making is crucial.

Legal Impact and Court Behavior
Seth Nelson emphasizes how self-sabotage manifests in legal settings, particularly during depositions and court appearances. Clients often undermine their cases by over-talking, treating minor issues as emergencies, or failing to provide required documentation timely—all of which increase legal costs and complexity.

Key Insights:

• Self-sabotage often serves as unconscious protection from perceived greater pain
• Court time constraints require focusing on truly significant issues
• Understanding behavioral patterns helps navigate divorce more effectively

Breaking Free from Self-Sabotaging Patterns

The discussion outlines practical strategies for recognizing and addressing self-sabotage, including:

• Identifying protective behaviors versus growth behaviors
• Working with attorneys efficiently to manage costs
• Understanding personal triggers and responses

The episode provides valuable insights for anyone navigating divorce while dealing with self-sabotaging tendencies. Dr. Agrios' expertise combined with Seth's legal experience offers practical tools for maintaining focus and making better decisions during divorce proceedings.

Links & Notes

• Check out Dr. Philip Agrios on his website, LinkedIn, X/Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube
• Check out Dr. Philip’s book Life’s One Law
• Schedule a consult with Seth

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Digital Divorce: Managing Your Tech Life After Separation

Seth Nelson and Pete Wright discuss the often-overlooked digital aspects of divorce. They explore how to handle shared digital assets, from photos and passwords to smart home devices and streaming services.

Key Digital Assets to Address
The hosts identify several critical digital touchpoints that need attention during divorce:

• Cloud storage and shared photo albums
• Smart home devices and security systems
• Location sharing services and tracking
• Streaming services and digital purchases
• Password managers and account access
• Family calendars and school portals

Legal and Security Considerations
Seth emphasizes the importance of proper timing when modifying digital access, particularly regarding shared homes and accounts. The discussion covers potential legal issues with unauthorized account access and the benefits of starting fresh with new accounts post-divorce.

Key Insights:
• Create new separate accounts rather than trying to untangle shared ones
• Turn on two-factor authentication for all important accounts
• Don't delete digital content until after divorce proceedings conclude

Practical Digital Separation Steps
The hosts recommend:

• Digitizing physical photos and albums early in the process
• Setting up independent password management systems
• Establishing new banking relationships
• Creating fresh email accounts without personally identifiable information

Smart Home Security
Pete and Seth discuss the delicate timing of changing smart home access, emphasizing that modifications should align with legal possession arrangements rather than emotional impulses.

This episode provides essential guidance for maintaining digital boundaries while navigating divorce, highlighting both technical and legal considerations for separating intertwined digital lives.

Links & Notes

• Schedule a consult with Seth
• Got a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!

• (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster

Navigating Modern Divorce: Technology, Communication, and Moving Forward

In this listener Q&A episode of How to Split a Toaster, divorce attorney Seth Nelson and host Pete Wright tackle pressing questions about divorce in the digital age. The discussion covers everything from managing electronic communications with ex-partners to the challenges of relocation and new relationships.

Digital Age Divorce Challenges
The hosts explore how technology has transformed divorce and co-parenting, addressing concerns about constant communication through phones and co-parenting apps. Seth provides practical strategies for setting boundaries while maintaining necessary contact, especially regarding court-ordered response times and children's FaceTime calls.

Legal Considerations and Personal Growth
The conversation shifts to critical legal topics like relocation, annulments, and protecting oneself in future relationships. Seth emphasizes the importance of consulting local jurisdiction laws while offering insights on navigating high-conflict situations and managing communication effectively.

Mental Health and Moving Forward
A significant portion focuses on the value of mental health support before, during, and after divorce. The hosts discuss how emotional work can positively impact custody arrangements and co-parenting relationships, while emphasizing the importance of setting healthy boundaries.

Key Insights:
• Set clear communication boundaries through co-parenting apps and scheduled check-ins
• Consider mental health support early in the divorce process to improve outcomes
• Protect yourself legally and emotionally in future relationships through careful planning

The episode provides practical guidance for managing modern divorce challenges while maintaining focus on healthy relationships and effective co-parenting. Listeners gain valuable insights from both legal and personal growth perspectives, helping them navigate their divorce journey more effectively.

For anyone facing divorce in today's interconnected world, this episode offers essential strategies for managing technology, protecting their interests, and maintaining healthy boundaries while prioritizing children's well-being.

Links & Notes

• Read BIFF: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email and Social Media Meltdowns by Bill Eddy
• Tune in to It’s All Your Fault: The Hight Conflict People podcast with Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter
• Schedule a consult with Seth
• Got a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!

• (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster

What do you do when the most emotionally complicated part of your divorce isn’t your ex, your kids, or even the lawyer sitting across the table—but your living room? On this episode of How to Split a Toaster, family law attorney Seth Nelson and Pete Wright explore the profound entanglement between memory and materiality in divorce, with guest Nanette Murphy—a certified divorce and life transition coach who specializes in helping women navigate separation after long-term marriage.

Nanette brings a compassionate, lived-in expertise to the topic of shared spaces—how the family home, often the most contested asset, transforms into a symbol of what was, and what needs to be left behind. The conversation unpacks how emotional attachment to a home can cloud decision-making, stretch finances, and stall healing. From repainting walls to rerouting your daily path through the kitchen, Nanette offers strategies to reclaim space—both literally and psychologically.

Seth adds the critical legal perspective, offering insight into when it makes financial sense to keep the house, when to walk away, and how to ensure you’re not mortgaging your future just to hold onto your past. And Pete probes the deeper question: is your desire to stay rooted in care, or control? Together, the trio explores how to break up with your home, make peace with your stuff, and move forward with purpose.

Key Insights

• Letting go of the home can unlock emotional and financial freedom
• Redefining physical space helps rewire emotional memory
• Divorce coaching prepares clients to approach legal decisions with clarity

This episode is for anyone facing the wrenching choice of what to take—and what to leave behind—when your relationship ends but your memories remain. Divorce isn’t just a legal process. It’s a spatial one. A sensory one. And sometimes, the most healing thing you can do is move your pizza cutter to a new drawer.

Links & Notes

• Nanette Murphy: Live Life Now With Purpose
• Second Act: Navigating Gray Divorce

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We missed an episode! No, it doesn't happen often. But sometimes life kicks you in the sniffles. Here we are without an attorney and, as the old saying goes, "what's a podcast if we don't have an attorney?" I'm sure someone said that. In any case, thanks for being here and we'll see you next week!

Moving Forward: Understanding Second Marriages and Divorce Stigma

Family law attorney Seth Nelson and Pete Wright welcome guest Kara Chrobak to explore the complexities of second marriages and divorce stigma. Chrobak, a Colorado-based family law attorney specializing in high-net-worth cases, brings valuable insights into how society's views on multiple marriages impact relationship decisions.

The conversation examines why prenuptial agreements become increasingly important in subsequent marriages, particularly when children from previous relationships are involved. Seth explains how prenups can actually demonstrate commitment rather than distrust by allowing couples to thoughtfully plan their financial future.

The hosts and Chrobak dive into estate planning considerations across multiple marriages, addressing how life insurance policies, beneficiary designations, and asset distribution become more complex with each relationship transition. They explore practical solutions like aliquot reductions in life insurance policies to balance obligations to current and former spouses.

Key Insights:

• Prenuptial agreements can protect children from previous marriages while allowing couples to build shared assets
• Estate planning requires careful coordination between divorce agreements and current relationship needs
• Setting healthy relationship boundaries should be celebrated rather than stigmatized

The conversation reinforces that divorce—whether first, second, or subsequent—doesn't represent failure but rather demonstrates the courage to make healthy choices. Listeners gain practical insights into navigating complex legal and emotional terrain while maintaining focus on building positive future relationships.

Links & Notes

• Connect with Kara on LinkedIn
• Schedule a consult with Seth
• Got a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!

• (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster

Navigating Emotional Avoidance in Divorce

In this illuminating episode of How to Split a Toaster, family law attorney Seth Nelson and Pete Wright explore emotional avoidance during divorce with expert guest Dr. Michelle Maidenberg, a specialist in mindfulness and emotional resilience.

Understanding Values in Conflict

Dr. Maidenberg explains how our core values shape divorce decisions and reactions. Values aren't just what we claim to prioritize—they reveal themselves through our actions and emotional triggers. When two values conflict, such as financial security versus family time, the resulting tension often drives divorce disputes.

Breaking Down Emotional Avoidance

The conversation delves into how emotional avoidance manifests during divorce proceedings. Dr. Maidenberg describes various avoidance tactics people employ, from repression to distraction, while explaining how these coping mechanisms can ultimately hinder healing and resolution.

Practical Tools for Emotional Regulation

Dr. Maidenberg introduces therapeutic approaches including EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) for managing divorce-related trauma and anxiety. She emphasizes the importance of finding the right therapeutic relationship and approach for individual needs.

Key Insights:

• Identify conflicting core values to better understand emotional reactions during divorce
• Set appropriate boundaries around communication to maintain emotional stability
• Work with qualified professionals to develop personalized coping strategies

The Role of Professional Support

The episode highlights how legal counsel and mental health professionals can work together to support clients through divorce. Seth Nelson shares practical strategies for managing difficult communications, while Dr. Maidenberg offers therapeutic perspectives on processing divorce-related emotions.

Plus, the conversation explores how different therapeutic modalities—from CBT to mindfulness-based approaches—can help individuals navigate divorce's emotional challenges while staying true to their values.

This episode provides valuable insights for anyone seeking to better understand and manage their emotional responses during divorce, while offering practical tools for maintaining stability throughout the legal process.

Links & Notes

• Find Michelle on her website, LinkedIn, X, Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube
• Check out Michelle’s book “Ace Your Life: Unleash Your Best Self and Live the Life You Want”
• Schedule a consult with Seth
• Got a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!

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Healing After Betrayal—A Guide for Co-Parents

Divorce attorney Seth Nelson and co-host Pete Wright welcome relationship coach and betrayal trauma expert Mr. Jay for an insightful discussion about healing and co-parenting after profound betrayal. Drawing from both professional expertise and personal experience, Mr. Jay helps people navigate from devastating betrayal to healing, offering unique perspectives on how this specific trauma affects every aspect of life.

The conversation explores what makes betrayal trauma distinct from other forms of trauma—particularly how it reshapes not just our present and future, but also our understanding of the past. Seth and Pete dive deep into practical strategies for managing ongoing relationships with former spouses when children are involved, while Mr. Jay shares powerful insights about healing personal wounds first. The discussion covers everything from financial betrayals to infidelity, examining how different types of betrayal trauma affect co-parenting relationships and personal recovery.

Questions we answer in this episode:

• How is betrayal trauma different from other life challenges?
• What steps can I take to co-parent effectively after betrayal?
• How do I protect my emotional health while dealing with a betrayer?

Key Takeaways:

• Healing requires addressing both current wounds and past trauma
• Self-love and boundary-setting are crucial for emotional recovery
• Effective co-parenting starts with personal healing

The episode provides essential insights for anyone struggling with betrayal during or after divorce, offering practical tools for healing while maintaining necessary relationships for the children's sake. Mr. Jay's approach emphasizes personal growth and self-care as fundamental steps toward building a healthy post-divorce life.

Links & Notes

• Visit Mr. Jay’s website
• Find Mr. Jay on Instagram, X, Facebook, YouTube, LinkedIn, or his other links
• Check out Mr. Jay’s journal
• Schedule a consult with Seth
• Got a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!

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