The Divorce Course Podcast

🎧 Listen to this episode if…

• You have no idea what's happening with the kids this Christmas

• Your ex just announced their Christmas plans like it's already decided

• You didn't know there's a family court deadline in November

• You want Christmas clauses in your orders with no wriggle room

• Every handover is a fight and you're dreading the silly season

⚠️ Disclaimer: General information only, not legal advice. Based on Australian family law (WA differs). Always get independent legal advice.

🛟 This episode discusses family violence and coercive control. If you're in danger call 000. Support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) | Orange Door | Lifeline 13 11 14.

About this episode:

What about Christmas morning? What if there are no orders and your ex announces the plan like it's done? Mum and I cover the family court Christmas deadline, what to do if you have no orders, your options; changeover on the day, alternating blocks, or letting Christmas fall where it lands and how to make sure your christmas plans have no loopholes

⏱️ Timeline

00:00 – Who Gets Christmas Morning?

01:30 – Family Violence Warning & Disclaimer

03:00 – Why Christmas Is Chaos in Family Law Offices

04:00 – Your First Christmas Separated

05:30 – The Creep Strategy at Christmas

06:30 – The Court Deadline: Second Friday in November

08:00 – Why Christmas Isn't Legally "Urgent"

09:30 – Your Ex Just Announces the Plan? What to Do

12:30 – Propose a Child-Focused Plan in Writing

14:30 – Already in Court? Interim Applications

16:00 – Don't Poke the Bear vs a Dog Off the Leash

18:30 – Too Afraid to Ask? You've Been Trained

20:30 – Reasonable Question + Crazy Response = Proof

22:30 – Option 1: Changeover on Christmas Day

24:00 – Changeover by Divorce Personality Type

26:00 – Option 2: Christmas Eve–Boxing Day Alternate Years

26:30 – The Travel Trap in Christmas Orders

27:30 – Presents That Can't Travel: The Clause You Need

28:30 – Option 3: Let Christmas Fall Where It Lands

29:00 – How School Holidays Are Split in Orders

30:00 – Gazetted Holidays and Pupil-Free Day Traps

32:00 – Contact Centres at Christmas: Book Now

33:30 – Christmas Phone Call Clauses

35:30 – Handover Locations: Drive There First

38:30 – Do Kids Get a Say?

40:00 – Parenting Plan vs Consent Orders

41:00 – Why Exes Misbehave in December

42:30 – Non-Compliance and Enforcement

44:30 – Making It Watertight: Times, Not Descriptions

47:30 – The Lateness Rule at Handover

48:30 – No Wriggle Room & the Spirit of the Orders

51:50 – Your October Checklist

53:00 – The Notice of Intention to File

56:00 – Rapid Fire: Presents, No-Shows, Three Strikes

58:30 – New Partners at Changeover

1:01:30 – Plans for Every Divorce Personality Type

1:07:50 – Kidsmas

🎧 Episodes mentioned:

The Creep Strategy Exposed (Ep 336) →

https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/domestic-violence-in-custody-battles-the-creep/id1503451022?i=1000788566797

Separated for the Holidays? (Ep 178) →

https://youtu.be/tdDduzuSK8I?si=3dUJ6YitO0TTXnFT

Co-Parenting & the School Holidays (Ep 78) → https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flibR76WrNc

Divorce Holiday Survival Guide (Ep 224) → https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/divorce-holiday-survival-guide-how-to-communicate-when/id1503451022?i=1000740365814

📞 1800 RESPECT — 1800 737 732 | Orange Door | Lifeline — 13 11 14 | Police — 000

🌐 www.thedivorcecourse.com.au – free resources + DIY Divorce Blueprint (Module 3 parenting templates)

If this helped you get ahead of Christmas, please subscribe, like and share so others can find it too.

All our best,

Laura & Lyn Your Guides By Your Side

🎧 Listen to this episode if…

• You've sent emails and heard nothing back for weeks
• The strategy has completely changed without a discussion
• The family violence you disclosed isn't even in your affidavit
• Your lawyer is great at invoices but not much else
• You're thinking about leaving your lawyer but don't know the steps

⚠️ Disclaimer: General information only, not legal advice. Based on Australian family law. Always get independent legal advice, and consider all aspects before deciding to leave your lawyer. 🛟 This episode discusses family violence and coercive control. If you're in danger call 000. Support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732).

About this episode: Bad lawyer, bad fit – or a good lawyer having a bad month? Mum and I walk through what a good lawyer relationship looks like, reasonable response times, why strategies change (and when backpedaling is a red flag), what to do when your lawyer minimises family violence, how to question a bill without feeling horrible, the repair conversation to have before you leave, and the exact steps to change lawyers without leaving yourself in the lurch. You're the client – it's okay to ask questions.

⏱️ Timeline 00:00 – Warning Signs Your Divorce Lawyer Might Be the Problem 01:00 – Why Family Lawyers Are Hardworking (And Human) 02:00 – You're the Client: Permission to Ask Questions 04:00 – Legal Disclaimer and Family Violence Warning 05:00 – What a Good Lawyer Relationship Looks Like 06:00 – What Your Lawyer Should Explain Without Being Asked 07:00 – A Good First Meeting: Chronologies and Probing Questions 09:00 – Over-Promising Lawyers and the Polaroid Analogy 10:00 – How Long Should You Wait to Hear Back? 11:00 – Busy Lawyer vs Neglectful Lawyer 13:00 – Never Miss a Court Deadline 15:00 – Radio Silence? The Email to Send the Principal 16:00 – Will Complaining Make My Lawyer Hate Me? 17:00 – Trust and Full Disclosure 18:00 – The Dot-Point Chronology Trick 19:00 – Illegal Activity and Legal Professional Privilege 21:00 – Section 128 Certificates 22:00 – Affairs, New Partners and Why Lawyers Don't Judge 23:00 – Strategy Changes and Backpedaling 27:00 – Defensive Lawyers and Letters of Advice 28:00 – When Lawyers Gatekeep Family Violence 29:00 – Section 43: Safety Over Everything 30:00 – The 2024 Reforms: Is Your Lawyer Up to Date? 34:00 – What a Normal Legal Bill Looks Like 35:00 – What You Can Question in a Bill 38:00 – The Repair Conversation 39:00 – Meeting the Principal and Testing Their Reaction 41:00 – Project Managing Your Case 43:00 – Leaving Your Lawyer: Pause the File, Check Timing 44:00 – Find Your New Lawyer First 45:00 – Outstanding Bills and Court Portal Access 46:00 – Rapid Fire: Second Opinions and Support People 48:00 – Step In, Step Out 49:00 – Is It Though? Why Questioning Is Everything

🎧 Episodes mentioned: Legal Gatekeeping: Is Your Lawyer Telling Your Full Story? → https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/legal-gatekeeping-is-your-lawyer-telling-your-full-story/id1503451022?i=1000666744026 Choosing a Family Lawyer – The Red Flags Not to Ignore → https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/choosing-a-family-lawyer-the-red-flags-not-to-ignore/id1503451022?i=1000555058558 Take the Divorce Personality Quiz → https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/take-the-divorce-personality-quiz-learn-why-your/id1503451022?i=1000748290587 Decoding Divorce Word Salad Legal Letters → https://open.spotify.com/episode/4qiOSiGK9yOrt0lEdqCudQ

📞 1800 RESPECT — 1800 737 732 | Lifeline — 13 11 14 | Police — 000 🌐 www.thedivorcecourse.com.au – free checklists + DIY Divorce Blueprint

If this helped you work out whether your lawyer is the right fit, please subscribe, like and share so others can find it too.

All our best, Laura & Lyn – Your Guides By Your Side

🎧 Listen to this episode if…

• Your ex is rewriting your shared history in lawyer's letters or affidavits
• Money is disappearing before your property settlement
• You suspect secret super, hidden cash, or crypto
• Your ex has turned your family or your own accountant against you
• The person who hurt you is now playing the victim
• You want to know these patterns are predictable and you're not alone
• You suspect your ex is a narc

⚠️ Disclaimer: General information only, not legal advice. Based on Australian family law. Originally recorded in 2021 – laws may have changed. Always get independent legal advice. 🛟 This episode discusses family violence and coercive control. If you're in danger call 000. Support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) | Lifeline 13 11 14.

About this episode: From the vault over 300 episodes back to one of the very first and most requested episodes we ever recorded. Mum draws on 35+ years in family law to open up The Narcissist Playbook: the 10 patterns she sees again and again with controlling and manipulative exes in divorce. If the playbook existed, it would have two chapters "I only care about me" and "I tell lies." Once you can see the patterns, you can see the next move coming.

⏱️ Timeline 00:00 – From the Vault: Why We're Replaying The Narcissist Playbook 01:00 – Family Violence Warning & Disclaimer 02:00 – The Two Rules of the Narcissist Playbook 04:00 – Pattern 1: They Rewrite History 07:00 – How to Prove the Lies: Photos, Receipts, Credibility 09:00 – Pattern 2: Spending Money Before Property Settlement 10:00 – Add-Backs: How Wasted Money Gets Counted 11:00 – Pattern 3: Secret Super, Bank Accounts and Hidden Cash 12:00 – Crypto and Digital Wallets 13:00 – Positive Credit Card Balances and Gambling Accounts 14:00 – Pattern 4: Undermining You With Family and Kids 16:00 – Building Your Support Group 17:00 – Pattern 5: Playing the Victim and DV Cross-Applications 18:00 – Keeping a Diary of Coercive Control 21:00 – Pattern 6: Parent of the Year Transformation 22:00 – Toys, Trips and Trash Talk: The Cost to Kids 24:00 – Genuine Change vs Performance 25:00 – Pattern 7: They Re-Partner Almost at Once 26:00 – Recruiting the New Partner Into the Campaign 27:00 – When the New Partner Wakes Up: Witnesses and Subpoenas 28:00 – Pattern 8: Turning Joint Professionals Against You 30:00 – Get Your Own Accountant and Team 31:00 – Pattern 9: Claiming Credit for Your Contributions 33:00 – Why Judges See Through It 34:00 – Pattern 10: Reversing the Blame 35:00 – How Courts Catch the Lies 37:00 – New Court Rules: Responding to Their Affidavit 38:00 – The Ten Patterns Recapped 39:00 – Reviewer of the Month: Free 30-Minute Consult With Lyn

🎧 Episode mentioned: Finance and Financial Planners (with Pedro)

📞 1800 RESPECT — 1800 737 732 | Lifeline — 13 11 14 | Police — 000 🌐 www.thedivorcecourse.com.au – free resources + DIY Divorce Blueprint ✉️ Questions: [email protected] or DM @thedivorcecourse ⭐ Review the podcast each month for a chance to win a free 30-minute chat with Lyn

If this episode helped you recognise the patterns and feel less alone, please subscribe, like and share so others can find it too.

All our best, Laura & Lyn – Your Guides By Your Side

🎧 Listen to this episode if…

• You've been told to "just get the house valued" but nobody's explained who, how, or what it costs
• Your ex reckons the house is worth a completely different number
• Your ex won't let a valuer through the door – or is stalling on purpose
• You separated years ago and don't know which date the house gets valued at
• You're heading into mediation and need a number that holds up

⚠️ Disclaimer: General information only, not legal advice. Based on Australian family law. Always get independent legal advice for your circumstances. 🛟 This episode discusses manipulative and controlling behaviour. If you're in danger call 000. Support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732).

About this episode: You can't divide the property until you know what it's worth. Mum and I unpack appraisals vs valuations, the panel-of-three process for choosing a single expert valuer, the joint letter, the seven-day rule that stops a stalling ex, the dirty tricks people pull, and the date trap – your house is valued at mediation or trial, not the day you separated. Plus strategies for every personality type, from amicable to manipulative and controlling.

⏱️ Timeline 00:00 – What Is Your House Really Worth in Divorce? 01:00 – Why a Valuation Is the Foundation of Property Settlement 02:00 – Legal Disclaimer 03:00 – Why Property Division Is a Mathematical Exercise 04:00 – Rates Notices and Numbers That Don't Count 05:00 – The "Willing But Not Anxious" Test 06:00 – Appraisal vs Valuation: Why Court Wants One Number 07:00 – The Divide-By-Four Trick for Appraisals 08:00 – Selling, Keeping or Being Bought Out 09:00 – Consent Orders With a Formula 10:00 – Keeping the House: Agreed Number or Single Expert 11:00 – Dirty Tricks: Half-Finished Renovations 13:00 – Avoidant Exes Living in the House 14:00 – The Valuer vs Agent Tactic 16:00 – The Panel of Three: Choosing a Valuer Fairly 17:00 – The Joint Letter to the Valuer 18:00 – The Seven-Day Rule That Stops a Stalling Ex 19:00 – Single Expert Valuers: What You're Signing Up For 20:00 – Retrospective Valuations 21:00 – What a Valuation Costs and Who Pays 23:00 – Getting Your Ex to Pay 24:00 – What Happens on Valuation Day 25:00 – Falling House Prices and Timing 26:00 – Do You Need to Be There? 27:00 – Do It Before Mediation 28:00 – What If You Disagree With the Valuation? 29:00 – Shadow Valuers and Cross-Examination 30:00 – When the Valuation Comes in Below the Mortgage 32:00 – The Date Trap: Value at Mediation, Not Separation 33:00 – Building a Wastage Argument 34:00 – Falling Markets and Updated Valuations 36:00 – Why Court Won't Punish Market Timing 37:00 – Court-Ordered Sales and Auctions 39:00 – Rapid Fire: Mortgages, Equity, Selling Costs 41:00 – Valuing the House Without Your Ex's Permission 42:00 – Amicable and Avoidant Exes 44:00 – High Conflict: Single Expert Takes the Fight Out 45:00 – Manipulative Exes on Inspection Day 47:00 – Delay Tactics and Final Thoughts

🎧 Episodes mentioned: Renovations and Divorce:

📞 1800 RESPECT — 1800 737 732 | Lifeline — 13 11 14 | Police — 000 🌐 www.thedivorcecourse.com.au – free resources + DIY Divorce Blueprint waitlist ⚖️ Case: Woodland & Todd

• Your ex keeps saying supervised visits are "going well" so it's time for unsupervised

• You got a lawyer letter that says "this won't look good for you in court"

• You're being pressured into an agreement your instincts say isn't safe

• You've been told "you'll be accused of alienation"

• Your ex has done a online course and now claims they've changed

• You want to know what the courts are saying about supervised time and safety

This is general information only it is not legal advice. The content reflects Australian family law and may not apply to your specific situation. Always consult a lawyer about your circumstances. Laws may have changed since this episode was recorded. This episode discusses family violence, coercive control and child safety. If you are in danger, call 000. For support: (1800 737 732).

00:00 – The Creep Strategy

02:30 – Separated Under One Roof

04:00 – What Supervised Visits and Contact Centres Are

06:00 – The Creep in Action:

09:30 – Pressure Tactics: Alienation Accusations & Court Threats

11:45 – Pressure From Your Own Lawyer

12:30 – Step-Up Orders

15:15 – Does Refusing Unsupervised Time Look Bad in Court?

17:00 – The 50/50 Myth Busted

19:15 – The Trap: Agreeing to Unsupervised Time

22:45 – An Ex Who Refuses Supervised Time

25:15 – Dorval & Augustin [2025]:

27:30 – Drew & Mason [2025]:

29:20 – Bergsberg & Hyde [2026]:

36:15 – When Step-Up Orders Are Appropriate

37:30 – Condition-Based Orders, Drug Testing

39:50 –You're Protecting Your Kids, Not Punishing Your Ex

41:00 – The Mediation Phrase

42:30 – How to Answer Pressure Letters

1. Episode 141 – Decoding Divorce Word Salad Legal Letters:

2. Episode 309 – Refusing 50/50 Care?

3. Episode 73 – Drug & Alcohol Abuse:

4. Episode 183 – Parental Alienation False Allegations: 📞 Lifeline — 13 11 14🌐 The Divorce Course — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au🎓 The Divorce Course Podcast —www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/blog for links to cases

🎧 Listen to this episode if…

- Your divorce negotiations have stalled and every message gets "no" or no reply at all - Your ex keeps delaying and you can't work out why - You're stuck arguing over percentages and getting nowhere - Your ex is "sitting pretty" with no reason to settle - You're wondering whether it's time to send that final warning letter

⚠️ Legal Disclaimer This podcast is general information only it is not legal advice. Always consult a qualified family lawyer about your individual circumstances.

🛟 Family Violence Trigger Warning This episode touches on coercive control and controlling ex-partners. If you're in danger, call 000. Confidential support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) or Lifeline (13 11 14).

Have your negotiations stalled? In this episode, Mum and I go through 10 practical ways to move the needle when your divorce feels completely stuck in three phases. First, the soften-and-unstick approach: diagnosing why your ex is stalling, repackaging your offer, getting off percentages, and showing them how the settlement will actually happen. Then smart pressure: keeping a live offer on the table, treating terrible offers as data, letting the law do the arguing, and making the maths impossible to ignore. And if none of that works, we show you how to make staying stuck expensive from spousal maintenance to the notice of intention to file, the warning letter Mum describes as "an unblocked drain" for stalled negotiations. No one stays stuck forever and we're here with you every step of the way.

⏱️ Episode Timeline 00:00 – Divorce Negotiations Stuck? 10 Tips to Move the Needle 01:00 – Three Phases: Soften, Smart Pressure, Make Stalling Expensive 02:00 – Why Divorce Negotiations Stall in Almost Every Case 03:00 – The Four Divorce Personality Types That Get Stuck 05:00 – Tip 1: Diagnose Why the Stall Is Happening 06:00 – Tip 2: Change the Packaging, Not the Offer 08:00 – Tip 3: Get Off the Percentages 10:00 – Why 50/50 Means Nothing Without Agreed Values 12:00 – Tip 4: Show the How, Not Just the Outcome 15:00 – Tip 5: Keep a Live Offer on the Table at All Times 17:00 – Making Offers When Disclosure Is Missing 20:00 – Tip 6: Treat Terrible Offers as Data and Bank Every Concession 23:00 – Tip 7: Let the Law Do the Arguing 25:00 – Finding Family Law Cases on AustLII and the Court Website 26:00 – Tip 8: Make the Maths Impossible to Ignore 29:00 – The 2% Spiral: When Arguing Costs More Than It's Worth 31:00 – Tip 9: Remove the Comfort Funding the Stall 33:00 – Spousal Maintenance: Not Sitting Pretty Anymore 35:00 – Tip 10: The Notice of Intention to File 38:00 – What Happens After You Send the Warning Letter 40:00 – Recap: All 10 Tips to Unstick Your Divorce 43:00 – Mindset: No One Stays Stuck Forever 48:00 – DIY Divorce Blueprint: Doors Closing

🎧 Episodes Mentioned Take the Divorce Personality Quiz (Ep 302) → https://podcasts.apple.com/ph/podcast/take-the-divorce-personality-quiz-learn-why-your/id1503451022?i=1000748290587 Percentages in Divorce Property Settlements Explained (Ep 214) → https://podcasts.apple.com/ph/podcast/percentages-in-divorce-property-settlements-explained/id1503451022?i=1000729446519 Costs, Family Court and Calderbank Offers (Ep 64) → https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/costs-family-court-and-calderbank-offers/id1503451022?i=1000575595095 Divorce Dynamic: Balancing Power & Progress (Ep 165) → https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/divorce-dynamic-balancing-power-progress/id1503451022?i=1000666075743

🔗 Links & Resources 📞 1800 RESPECT — 1800 737 732 (24/7 DV support) 📞 Lifeline — 13 11 14 🚓 Police — 000 (immediate danger) 🌐 The Divorce Course — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au 🎓 Podcast blog & notes — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/blog 🎓 Enrol in the DIY Divorce Blueprint — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/enroll

If this episode helped you find a way to get your stuck divorce moving again, please follow, rate, review, and share The Divorce Course Podcast so others going through the same thing can find this information too.

All our best, Laura & Lyn Your Guides By Your Side Co-Hosts of THE DIVORCE COURSE PODCAST

• Are exhausted from justifying your divorce to everyone around you

• Have family pressuring you to "keep it amicable" or reconcile

• Suspect your ex has recruited your friends, in-laws or family

• Aren't sure your lawyer is actually in your corner

This is general information only, not legal advice always consult a lawyer about your circumstances. This episode discusses family violence and coercive control. In danger? Call 000. Support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732).

You can do everything right in your divorce and still be exhausted because of the people standing around you

00:00 – Divorce Support Team: Why the People Around You Matter

02:30 – Why You Never Plan Your Team (But Should)

03:30 – Lyn's Divorce 40 Years Ago: Judgement in a Country Town

04:30 – Your Ex Is Not on Your Support Team

06:00 – Family Members: Who Helps and Who Hurts

08:00 – "Keep It Amicable" Is Code for "Just Give In"

09:30 – When Family Cares More About How It Looks

10:30 – Family Violence: When Family Pressure Becomes Unsafe

11:00 – It's Not Your Job to Explain Coercive Control to Everyone

12:00 – The One Loyal Family Member Who Saw Behind the Mask

13:00 – What to Say to Pressuring Family Members

14:30 – In-Laws: Pausing Even the Good Relationships

17:00 – Enabler In-Laws and When to Distance Fast

19:00 – Family Violence Orders: When Family Contact Breaks the Rules

20:30 – Friends: Who Rolls Up Their Sleeves vs Who Stays "Neutral"

23:00 – Judgy Friends and the Gossip Collectors

25:00 – Screenshots to Your Ex: The Social Media Trap

26:30 – Don't Forget the Fun Friends: Finding Glimmers of Joy

28:30 – Online Support Groups: The Risks Nobody Talks About

30:00 – Commenting Publicly About Your Case: Court Consequences

32:00 – The Tom Holland Rule for Handling Criticism

32:45 – Choosing a Lawyer: What the Right One Looks Like

36:00 – Lawyer Red Flags: Gatekeeping Your Story (Episode 166)

37:00 – Brave Lawyers vs Lawyers Afraid of Court

38:30 – The Three As: Affability, Availability, Ability

39:30 – Why You Need Your Own Psychologist

41:00 – Emotion-Driven Strategy: The Most Expensive Mistake

42:30 – Kids and School: One Contact Person + the Counsellor

45:30 – Church and Faith Communities: Support or Pressure?

49:00 – Your Kids Can't Be on Your Team

50:00 – Bad Podcasts, Reddit and Wrong Information

53:00 – Rapid Fire: Neutral Besties, Slow Lawyers & Nosy Sisters

56:30 – High-Conflict Ex: What Your Team Needs to Be

58:30 – Avoidant Ex: The Friends Who Do the Hard Yakka

59:30 – Manipulative & Controlling Ex: Vetting for Flying Monkeys

1:00:30 – Amicable Split: Why You Still Need a Team

1:01:45 – "It's My Decision": Mum's Cushion Wisdom

10 Essential Boundaries for a Healthier Divorce (Ep 173)

When In-Laws Interfere in Your Divorce (Ep 305)

Legal Gatekeeping: Is Your Lawyer Telling Your Full Story? (Ep 166)

1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 | Lifeline – 13 11 14 | Police – 000

The Divorce Course – www.thedivorcecourse.com.au

If this episode helped you work out who belongs in your corner, please follow, rate, review and share The Divorce Course Podcast.

• You and your ex wrote something down, signed it, and you think it is sorted

• You spent a full day in mediation and signed a heads of agreement

• You have a parenting plan sitting in a drawer and you are relying on it

• You are about to sign something and you are not sure what it actually means

• Your ex agreed to something and has now changed their mind

• You want to know how to lock an agreement in so it cannot be undone

⚠️ General information only, not legal advice. Australian family law, and laws may have changed since recording. Always get your own independent legal advice.

🛟 This episode discusses coercive control, post-separation abuse and signing under duress. In danger, call 000. Support: 1800 RESPECT 1800 737 732.

00:00 – Is Your Divorce Agreement Actually Legally Binding?

01:00 – Welcome, Legal Disclaimer & Family Violence Warning

02:00 – The Four Ways People Reach an Agreement in Divorce

03:00 – Kitchen Table Agreements: Why They Are Not Enforceable

04:00 – Your Property Pool Is Valued Later, Not at Separation

05:00 – The Lotto Case: Post-Separation Money Is Still Shared

06:30 – You Cannot Split Superannuation Without Court Orders

08:20 – Stamp Duty, Refinancing & the Exemption You Lose

11:00 – No Clean Break: They Can Always Come Back for More

12:00 – Time Limits Keep Running While You Wait

13:40 – What a Kitchen Table Agreement Is Actually Good For

15:00 – Recap: The Six Risks of a Private Divorce Agreement

16:10 – Mediation: Is a Signed Heads of Agreement Binding?

18:40 – Settler's Remorse: Why One in Five Deals Fall Over

20:00 – When Your Ex Uses Mediation to Waste Your Time

21:00 – Why Mediation Feels Official When It Is Not

23:00 – How to Prepare Before You Walk Into Mediation

24:00 – Parenting Plans: Are They Legally Enforceable?

25:00 – What a Judge Actually Does With Your Parenting Plan

26:30 – Parenting Plan or Consent Orders: How to Choose

29:00 – Coerced Into 50/50? Stepped Parenting Plans Explained

31:00 – Pressured to Sign a Plan Before They Move Out

33:30 – Consent Orders: The One Agreement That Is Enforceable

35:20 – Contravention: What Happens If They Breach the Orders

36:40 – The Disclosure Catch That Can Undo Your Consent Orders

38:00 – Why Parenting and Property Orders Stay Separate

39:20 – Rapid Fire: Fraud, Duress & Recorded Conversations

40:40 – Which Agreement Suits Your Divorce Personality Type?

42:40 – Baby Steps: Final Thoughts & Next Steps

Consent Orders or BFAs: Which Would You Choose? – https://share.google/BNQYdg1fGEoB1cD3l

Farmer & Bramley – the lottery win after separation case

Woodland & Todd – the property pool is assessed at the date of hearing

Family Law Act 1975 (Cth) s 90 – stamp duty exemption on transfers made under a court order

📞 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 (24/7 DV support)

📞 Lifeline – 13 11 14

🚓 Police – 000 (immediate danger)

🌐 The Divorce Course – www.thedivorcecourse.com.au

🎓 Blog & Podcast – www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/blog

If this episode helped you understand what makes an agreement binding, please follow, rate, review and share The Divorce Course Podcast so others going through the same thing can find this information too.

You left. So why doesn't it feel over yet?

• You've left, but the healing and closure you expected haven't arrived yet

• You can't tell which parts of your anxiety are trauma and which parts are just you

• Your body still reacts even though it's been months or years

• You're frightened of repeating the pattern with someone new

• You're still second-guessing your own judgment and decisions

• You want to know where to turn for support and what actually helps

Part six, the final episode of our coercive control series, is all about you. Clinical psychologist Krasi Kirova joins Mum and me on the trauma that stays in your body, the window of tolerance and how to widen it, the shark cage, why coercive control has been called a cult of one, and how long recovery really takes.

Guest: Krasi Kirova, Clinical Psychologist.

00:00 – Healing After Coercive Control: Getting Yourself Back

02:00 – Disclaimer and Family Violence Trigger Warning

03:00 – "Which Parts Are Trauma and Which Parts Are Me?"

05:00 – What Trauma Really Is: What Happens Inside You

06:00 – Complex Trauma vs One-Off Trauma Explained

08:00 – "My Body Is Still in the Trenches" a Year On

09:00 – The Window of Tolerance and Why Yours Narrowed

11:00 – Calming Your Nervous System in the Moment

12:00 – Widening the Window: Rest, Sleep and Movement

17:00 – Sensory Tools vs Daily Practices: What Helps Most

19:00 – Co-Regulation: Why You Heal Around Safe People

22:00 – "How Do I Trust My Own Judgment Again?"

24:00 – Trust Is Built in Small Increments, Not All at Once

26:00 – How Capable People End Up There More Than Once

28:00 – The Shark Cage: Building Your Own Protection

30:00 – Red Flags and Writing Your Own No-Go List

33:00 – Testing a New Partner and Knowing Your Alarm Bells

37:00 – Krasi's Research Call-Out: Share Your Experience

39:00 – "Will I Ever Understand Why He Did This?"

42:00 – Still Living by Their Rules: Coercive Control as a Cult of One

44:00 – Rebuilding Autonomy and Learning to Tolerate Guilt

48:00 – Untangling Self-Blame and "The Part I Played"

52:00 – How Long Does Recovery Actually Take?

54:00 – Post-Traumatic Growth and What Becomes Possible

59:00 – Where to Turn: Services That Can Actually Help

01:03:00 – Closing the Series and the Cushions

Ep 323 – Coercive Control vs a Bad Relationship https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/coercive-control-vs-a-bad-relationship-how-to-tell/id1503451022?i=1000774925805

Ep 324 – Coercive Control Separated Under One Roof https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/coercive-control-while-separated-under-one-roof-how/id1503451022?i=1000775886114

Ep 325 – Financial Abuse and Coercive Control https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/financial-abuse-and-coercive-control-when-money/id1503451022?i=1000776879697

Ep 326 – Coercive Control and Your Kids https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/coercive-control-and-your-kids-how-to-protect-your/id1503451022?i=1000777679728

Ep 330 – How Do I Prove Coercive Control? https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/how-do-i-prove-coercive-control-the-evidence-that/id1503451022?i=1000779988943

Ep 216 – The Post-Divorce Glow-Up https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/the-post-divorce-glow-up-steps-to-emotional-recovery/id1503451022?i=1000731905804

Ep 322 – Survival Mode in Divorce: 3 Anchors https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/survival-mode-in-divorce-3-anchors-to-steady-yourself/id1503451022?i=1000773944015

🌐 www.thedivorcecourse.com.au | 🎓 www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/blog

Krasi's research survey: https://jtwqtij4vdy.typeform.com/to/bjpm4Gy2

The Body Keeps the Score (Bessel van der Kolk) | The Shark Cage (Ursula Benstead) | Emma Katz research | EMDR

If this episode helped, please follow, rate, review and share The Divorce Course Podcast.

• Your ex has said they will not discuss money until parenting is agreed

• You are not sure whether to sort property or parenting first, or both together

• You are separated under one roof and nothing is moving

• You have been handed an offer with a 24-hour deadline and it feels like pressure

• Your ex has suddenly started pushing hard for 50/50 after showing little interest

• You are heading into mediation and want to know what to do if they ambush you

General information only, not legal advice. Australian family law. Always get advice about your own situation.

This episode discusses coercive control and financial abuse. In danger, call 000. Support: 1800 RESPECT 1800 737 732. Lifeline 13 11 14.

"I am not discussing property until parenting is sorted." It sounds like a rule. It is not.

Mum and I unpack whether the order matters, where property and parenting really overlap, the time limits you cannot miss, and the eight stalling tactics we are seeing right now – the hostage swap, the circle walk, the 50/50 care play, the disclosure drip, the attrition strategy, the mediation ambush, the generosity trap and weaponised urgency. Plus the interim property distribution most self-represented people have never heard of.

00:00 – Property or Parenting First? Why Your Ex Wants to Control the Order

02:00 – Where Property and Parenting Actually Collide

04:00 – Why Some Exes Insist on Parenting First

06:00 – When Stalling Becomes Coercive Control and Economic Abuse

07:00 – Property Time Limits: De Facto vs Married Explained

09:00 – Can You Run Property and Parenting Together? Yes

11:00 – Mediation, 60I Certificates and Doing Both at Once

12:00 – Is There Any Good Reason to Keep Them Separate?

15:00 – "Who Died and Made Them Boss?" Taking Back Control

17:00 – Dirty Trick 1: The Hostage Swap

18:00 – The Line That Shuts It Down: "That's Not the Law"

20:00 – The Power Imbalance Test You Can Do Today

22:00 – Dirty Trick 2: The Circle Walk

23:00 – Interim Property Distribution: The Real Circuit Breaker

26:00 – Dirty Trick 3: The 50/50 Care Play

29:00 – Dirty Trick 4: The Disclosure Drip and Section 71B

31:00 – Dirty Trick 5: The Attrition Strategy and Wearing You Down

34:00 – Dirty Trick 6: The Mediation Ambush

36:00 – Filing in Court: Why the Registrar Changes Everything

38:00 – Dirty Trick 7: The Generosity Trap

40:00 – Dirty Trick 8: Weaponised Urgency and Fake Deadlines

42:00 – Sequencing by Personality Type: Which Order Suits Which Ex

44:00 – Rapid Fire: Your Biggest Property and Parenting Questions

47:00 – Rapid Fire for People Already in Court

50:00 – The Double-Sided Cushion: Your Two Sticky Notes

Episode 213 – The Hidden Connection: Custody Battles & Property Splits in Divorce

https://podcasts.apple.com/ph/podcast/the-hidden-connection-custody-battles-property-splits/id1503451022?i=1000728151220

Episode 191 – What Your Lawyer Might Forget to Tell You: Unlocking Funds Before Property Settlement Is Final

https://podcasts.apple.com/ph/podcast/what-your-lawyer-might-forget-to-tell-you-unlocking/id1503451022?i=1000702792838

Episode 218 – Business Tricks in Divorce: 10 Sneaky Tactics to Watch Out For and Outsmart

https://podcasts.apple.com/ph/podcast/business-tricks-in-divorce-10-sneaky-tactics-to-watch/id1503451022?i=1000733969897

🌐 www.thedivorcecourse.com.au | 🎓 www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/blog

Family Law Act 1975 – s 60CC, s 71B, s 79 | Federal Circuit and Family Court – www.fcfcoa.gov.au

If this episode helped, please follow, rate, review and share The Divorce Course Podcast.

All our best,

Laura & Lyn

Your Guides By Your Side

Co-Hosts of THE DIVORCE COURSE PODCAST