The Divorce Course Podcast

🎧 Listen If…

• Your child has said they don't want to go to the other parent's house

• Your ex keeps saying "once they turn [a certain age] they can choose"

• You're worried your child is being pressured, coached, or caught in the middle

• You're hearing two completely different stories from your kids at handover

• You're amicable and thinking of just "letting the kids decide" (please listen first)

• You want to understand how children's views actually reach the court

General information only not legal advice. Always consult a qualified family lawyer about your situation.🛟 Discusses family violence & coercive control. In danger: 000. Support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732), Lifeline 13 11 14.

About This Episode

Mum and I unpack what the Family Law Act actually how children's views really reach a judge (family reports, child impact reports, ICLs), and how kids' wishes play out across the four divorce personality types.

⏱️ Timeline

00:00 Can a Child Choose Which Parent to Live With?

02:00 Why the Family Court Won't Ask Kids to Choose

06:27 The Best Interests of the Child Test (Section 60CC)

09:06 What Age Can a Child Decide Where to Live?

11:34 How a Child's Wishes Are Actually Heard in Family Law

13:25 Child-Inclusive Mediation Explained

15:22 Therapy, Family Reports & Expert Evidence

19:48 How to Get a Family Report Outside of Court

22:35 How Family Violence Changes Parenting Decisions

27:22 2024 Family Law Reforms & Common Custody Myths

28:29 Can You Force a Teenager to Follow Parenting Orders?

31:58 The Reality of Enforcing Orders With Teens

33:03 How to Future-Proof Your Parenting Orders

34:03 Why Older Teens Have More Say in Where They Live

34:35 The Manipulative & Controlling Ex: Hidden Motives

36:42 How to Spot Coercion & Coaching Tactics

39:04 Love Bombing, Bribery & When the Mask Slips

41:54 High-Conflict Exes: Kids Caught in the Middle

45:20 The Avoidant Parent & Parentification

49:02 Amicable Co-Parents: Why You Still Shouldn't Let Kids Decide

51:07 Key Takeaways: Voice Heard, Not Decision Made

54:43 Closing Notes & Legal Disclaimer

🎧 Episodes Mentioned

• Decoding the Child's Best Interests Referenced when discussing the full 60CC best-interests factors https://youtu.be/k4-QTbfW8XM?si=4ltIq0y0ceoMQWym

• Child-Inclusive Mediation Referenced when discussing how children's views are gathered out of court. https://youtu.be/HrEU6dFc0Ko?si=xvSAyfnMJ9oEfXnN

• Handover Hell – When Your Child Refuses to Go Referenced at the end for listeners dealing with handover-day resistance https://youtu.be/YphzOPZmC3k?si=Wf1RwzJMf-ix4N4K

Support & Resources

📞 1800 RESPECT 1800 737 732 | Lifeline 13 11 14 | Police 000

The Divorce Course → https://www.thedivorcecourse.com.au

If this helped, please follow, rate, review and share The Divorce Course Podcast so others can find it too.

All our best, Laura & Lyn – Your Guides By Your Side

🎧 Listen if you're wondering when you can make an offer, you've received one that floored you, you feel pressured to "be the reasonable one," your ex is high-conflict or controlling, or you've been told you have to go to mediation first.

⚠️ General information only, not legal advice Australian family law. Always consult a family lawyer.

🛟 Discusses coercive control & legal/financial abuse. Support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732). ⏱️ Episode Timeline

00:00 – What Is an Offer in a Divorce?

01:50 – What an Offer Really Is (and What Counteroffers Are)

02:30 – Do You Need a Lawyer to Make an Offer?

03:30 – Why Emotional, People-Pleasing Offers Backfire

04:30 – What You Need Before You Make an Offer: Your Property Pool

05:00 – Future Needs, Super vs Cash

06:00 – Knowing What You're Giving Up With Eyes Wide Open

07:00 – Rushed & Blindsided Offers:

08:00 – Buying Time Before You Agree

09:00 – Can You Get Out of Something You Signed Under Pressure?

10:30 – When Can You Make an Offer? Anytime You're Informed

12:30 – The Best Time to Make Your First Offer & Saving Legal Fees

13:50 – The Mediation Myth: You Don't Have to Go

15:40 – Why People Only Get Realistic at Mediation

17:00 – Time-Limited Offers: Pressure, Deadlines & the Downside

20:00 – Standing Offers:

22:00 – Do Offers Work in Parenting

24:30 – Calderbank Offers & Section 114UB Explained

25:50 – Offer Strategy for an Avoidant Ex

28:30 – Offer Strategy for a High-Conflict "Yeah, But" Ex

31:20 – Offer Strategy for an Amicable Ex & Collaborative Law

36:20 – Can You Offer Directly to Your Ex While Lawyers Are Engaged?

37:00 – Making Offers to a Narcissistic or Controlling Ex

39:00 – Don't Feed the Reaction: Grey Rock & Shuttle Negotiation

41:50 – What to Do When You Get a Bad Offer

42:50 – Ambit Claims & the Central Practice Direction

44:00 – Ask for the Authorities: Turning a Bad Offer to Your Advantage

46:30 – The Consequences of Refusing a Reasonable Offer

48:50 – Genuine Steps, Compulsory Offers & Costs Protection

50:00 – Why Offers Stay Hidden From the Judge Until the End

Calderbank Offers & Costs — • Costs, Family Court and Calderbank Offers ...

Can You Really Mediate With a Narcissist? — • Mediation and negotiation tips for divorci...

— www.thedivorcecourse.com.au Enrol (DIY Divorce Blueprint, AU) — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/enrol

🎧 Listen to this episode if…

• You're wondering if you actually need a lawyer for your divorce at all

• You're worried that spending too much now means you can't afford court later

• You're scared that "lawyering up" will make your ex worse

• You think it's all-or-nothing and want to know the middle ground

• Your ex is high-conflict, avoidant, controlling, or amicable and you need a strategy that fits

⚠️ Legal Disclaimer This podcast is general information only it is not legal advice. It reflects Australian family law and may not apply to your situation. Always consult a qualified family lawyer about your circumstances. Laws may have changed since recording.

Most people think there are only two options when it comes to lawyers in a divorce hand everything over, or go it completely alone. But that's not the truth, and believing it can cost you thousands.

In this episode, Laura and Lyn break down the three ways you can actually use a lawyer.

Then they get into what nobody talks about how your divorce personality type should completely change how you use a lawyer. A manipulative and controlling ex who runs up your fees needs a very different strategy to an avoidant ex who panics at a law firm's letterhead

This isn't an episode telling you to avoid lawyers. It's about using them strategically for the parts where legal expertise genuinely matters, and not for the parts that just drain your property pool.

00:00 – Do You Need a Lawyer for Divorce? The Big Myth

01:40 – The All-or-Nothing Lawyer Myth & Talking About Costs

03:00 – Why Spending Too Much on Lawyers Early Can Backfire

04:00 – The 2 Critical Times You MUST See a Lawyer

05:00 – Why Seeing a Lawyer Early Bursts Unrealistic Expectations

06:20 – Before You Sign: Why a Lawyer's Eye Matters

08:20 – The 3 Ways to Use a Lawyer: The First-Class Ride

09:50 – The 3 Ways to Use a Lawyer: Step In, Step Out

11:20 – Divorce Personality Types: Manipulative & Controlling

12:50 – Using Your Lawyer Strategically Against Fee-Running Tactics

15:00 – Should You Take a Lawyer or Barrister to Mediation?

17:00 – Divorce Personality Types: High Conflict

19:00 – Divorce Personality Types: The Avoidant Ex

21:30 – Divorce Personality Types: The Amicable Ex

23:40 – Project-Managing Your Lawyer & the Addario & Addario Case

26:00 – Why Understanding the Process Stops Panic Spending

33:00 – The Middle Way + Legal Aid & Community Legal Services

34:00 – The DIY Divorce Blueprint & Sign-Off

🎧 Episodes

1. How Much Does Getting Divorced Actually Cost? — https://youtu.be/x-sgBNjlTHo?si=ubdIhcS1mjSrQqEk

2. Bombarded With Legal Letters — https://youtu.be/z11Id8YdQn4?si=ucYfGThRuRcFYoH6

3. Mediation or Manipulation? — https://youtu.be/cmcFWXD2EBs?si=BMV5KY4CquSx1_dN

4. Do You Need to Take a Lawyer to Mediation? — https://youtu.be/GB2lJftxdh4?si=vNwQueYHJhFrY3aP

5. Community Legal Services: How to Use Them — https://youtu.be/4sEUhu6r07Q?si=1oYsGQ3vF1Eb2Y4M

📚 Links & Resources

📞 1800 RESPECT — 1800 737 732 (24/7 DV support) 📞 Lifeline — 13 11 14 🚓 Police — 000 (immediate danger) 🌐 The Divorce Course — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au 🎓 The DIY Divorce Blueprint — enrolments open until 10 June 2026 (click "Enroll Now")

💌 If this episode helped you understand how to use a lawyer wisely – and where you can save thousands – please follow, rate, review, and share The Divorce Course Podcast so others going through the same thing can find it too.

🎧 Listen to This Episode If…

• You want a real, plain-English breakdown of divorce process fees

• You're terrified to leave because you've heard divorce costs hundreds of thousands of dollars

• Your ex is telling you "leave the lawyers out of it" and you're not sure if they're right

• You've already started racking up legal fees and you're wondering where it's all going

• You want to understand exactly what you can do yourself versus what you actually need a lawyer for

• You're heading into mediation and don't know if you need a barrister too

⚠️ Legal Disclaimer

This podcast is general information only – it is not legal advice. The content reflects Australian family law. Always consult a qualified family lawyer. fees may have changed since this episode was recorded (figures quoted reflect May 2026 pricing).

This isn't an episode designed to scare you. Laura and Lyn walk you through where you have control, where you can save thousands by doing the work yourself,

00:00 – The Real Cost of Divorce: Why Some Pay $4K and Others $300K

02:36 – The Big Three Fears

04:14 – How Much Does a Divorce Application Actually Cost?

06:35 – Why Lawyers Charge for "Accepting Service"

08:01 – Negotiation Costs:

11:00 – Hourly Rates in 2026:

12:30 – The Cost of Phone Calls, Reviewing Offers & Meetings

14:30 – How Much to Draft Consent Orders

16:00 – Disclosure: The Biggest Budget Blowout in Divorce

19:00 – Paralegal Rates vs Lawyer Rates: Don't Overpay

20:30 – Drip-Feeding vs Dumping Disclosure

23:30 – Mediation Costs

24:50 – Do You Need a Barrister at Mediation?

27:00 – Half-Day vs Full-Day Mediation

29:30 – Hidden Costs

32:30 – The Court's Scale of Fees vs What Lawyers Actually Charge

33:30 – How Sending Late-Night Emails Costs You

34:30 – How People Waste Money

35:30 – Fighting Over Furniture, Revenge Litigation & Lawyer-as-Therapist

36:30 – Stubbornness, Unrealistic Expectations & Knowing When to Let Go

37:30 – Family Law Doesn't Deliver Justice or Retribution

39:00 – How Much to File Consent Orders ($205 Court Fee)

41:00 – How to Be Smart: When to Use a Lawyer and When Not To

41:30 – Saving Thousands on Disclosure by Doing It Yourself

43:00 – The One Meeting Strategy: Walk In Prepared, Walk Out Saving $10K

46:00 – Who Pays for Legal Fees? Section 114UB Explained

47:30 – Fee Exemptions, Cost Agreements & What to Expect

49:30 – Laura's Confession: The Bag of Receipts Story

🎧 Episodes Mentioned in This Episode

1. How to Choose a Mediator (Free vs Private Mediation) https://youtu.be/HKda6QswjAE?si=R27SD6WSDiLiI3VA

2. Do You Need a Lawyer for Mediation? https://youtu.be/GB2lJftxdh4?si=ur8ZMCkzPQ9dYFZN

3. Furniture in Divorce: How to Deal With It Without Blowing Your Budgethttps://youtu.be/oZ5h-gxckXU

4. Consent Orders Explained https://youtu.be/-DC72tq8FRM

🎟️ Free Webinar — Register at www.thedivorcecourse.com.au (click "Reserve My Seat")

• Family Law Act 1975 – Section 114UB (each party bears their own costs)

https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/legis/cth/consol_act/fla1975114/

• https://www.fcfcoa.gov.au/fl/costs

• https://www.fcfcoa.gov.au/fl/pubs/legal-costs

• The Divorce Course Disclosure Checklist —https://www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/disclosure_checklist_o

🎧 Listen to This Episode If…

• You've been told you have to go to mediation and you don't know where to start

• Your ex has already chosen a mediator and something feels off

• You can't afford the expensive mediator your ex is pushing for

• You're going through family violence and worried no mediator will take your matter

• You don't know the difference between free mediation and private mediation

• You want to know whether your mediator actually needs to be a lawyer

⚠️ Legal Disclaimer

This podcast is general information only it is not legal advice. The content reflects Australian family law and may not apply to your specific situation or jurisdiction. Always consult a qualified family lawyer about your individual circumstances. Laws may have changed since this episode was recorded.

🛟 Family Violence Trigger Warning

This episode discusses family violence and the challenges of mediating where there is a history of abuse, coercion, or control. If you or someone you know is in danger, call 000. For confidential support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732).

Episode Summary

You don't have to accept whichever mediator gets put in front of you. In this episode, Laura and Mum (family law accredited specialist Lynette Galvin) unpack one of the most under-discussed parts of separation how to actually choose a good mediator, and how to push back when the one your ex is suggesting doesn't feel right.

They cover the difference between free mediation (Relationships Australia, Interrelate, CentreCare) and private mediation, when you need an FDRP (Family Dispute Resolution Practitioner) versus when you don't, and whether your mediator really needs to be a lawyer or a former judge. Mum shares the exact wording she uses in letters when the other side proposes a biased or unaffordable mediator including the "panel of three" approach that keeps the process fair.

There's also an honest conversation about the gap in the system for people experiencing family violence, where mediators often refuse to take the matter on leaving survivors stuck heading to court when mediation could have solved the issue. Laura and Mum talk about what to look for in a mediator brave enough to handle high-conflict matters, and the practical safety steps (separate rooms, video links, safe exits) you can ask about.

And there's the reminder you might need most: you hold the cards. You don't have to agree to anything in mediation just because you've been pushed to. You can pause, walk away, and come back when you're ready.

⏱️ Episode Timeline

00:00 – How to Choose a Mediator: Why It Matters More Than You Think

01:00 – Legal Disclaimer & Why Mum Is a Qualified Mediator

01:40 – Can the Mediator Make or Break Your Mediation?

02:30 – How Lawyers Choose Mediators (And Their "Bottom of the Barrel" List)

03:40 – Can You Speak to a Mediator Before Choosing? Why Mum Says No

04:20 – How to Use Google Reviews to Vet a Mediator

05:30 – What Qualifications a Mediator Should Have (FDRP Explained)

07:00 – Does Your Mediator Need to Be a Lawyer? Property vs Children

08:30 – Why Social Workers Often Make the Best Children's Mediators

09:30 – Mediation and Family Violence: The Gap in the System

12:20 – Can You Change Mediators Halfway Through? The Honest Answer

13:50 – Red Flags: Biased, Agenda-Driven and "In Cahoots" Mediators

16:00 – When the Mediator's Office Is Next Door to Your Ex's Lawyer

17:00 – How to Push Back Without Slandering the Mediator

18:30 – What to Do If Your Ex Picks an Expensive Mediator You Can't Afford

19:30 – Free Mediation Options: Relationships Australia, Interrelate, CentreCare

20:20 – How Much Does a Private Mediator Cost? ($5K–$6K Reality Check)

21:30 – Why Free Services Have Long Wait Lists (And When to Go Private)

22:30 – The "Panel of Three" Letter Strategy You Can Use Today

24:00 – Should You Pay More If Your Case Is Serious?

24:50 – Free Mediation Pros and Cons (And Why Parenting Plans Aren't Enforceable)

27:40 – Private Mediators: Former Judges, Barristers and the "Iron Fist in Velvet Glove"

29:30 – Facilitative vs Evaluative vs Pure Mediation Styles Explained

31:30 – Can You Ask the Mediator If You're Getting a Good Deal? No.

32:30 – Pressure to Sign on the Day: How to Push Back

33:40 – Mediation Is Like a Boat in the Ocean — Pick Wisely

35:30 – How to Write the "Panel of Three" Letter to Your Ex

36:30 – Best Mediator Style by Ex Personality Type

38:30 – If You're Amicable, You Might Not Need Mediation At All

39:30 – You Hold the Cards: Don't Be Bullied Into an Agreement

🎧 Episodes Mentioned in This Episode

What Actually Happens Inside a Mediation - https://open.spotify.com/episode/2BvkcVNcHNrdWmXALC6bsA?si=31f56fce3c8d48a6

What a divorce mediator wish you knew - https://open.spotify.com/episode/4zeUIkV3O5LTQAHi0dXOGL?si=644698cb744647a8

📚 Links & Resources

📞 1800 RESPECT — 1800 737 732 (24/7 DV support)

📞 Lifeline — 13 11 14

🚓 Police — 000 (immediate danger)

🌐 The Divorce Course — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au

🎓 The Divorce Course Podcast — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/blog

Find an Accredited FDRP (Family Dispute Resolution Practitioner):

Attorney-General's Department — https://www.ag.gov.au/families-and-marriage/family-dispute-resolution

Free / Low-Cost Mediation Services:

• Relationships Australia — https://www.relationships.org.au

• Interrelate — https://www.interrelate.org.au

• CentreCare — https://centacare.com

Find a Family Law Accredited Specialist or Mediator:

• Queensland Law Society — https://www.qls.com.au

• Bar Association of Queensland — https://www.qldbar.asn.au

• (Or your state's equivalent Law Society / Bar Association)

The Divorce Course Free Webinar:

www.thedivorcecourse.com.au — click "Reserve My Seat"

Closing CTA

If this episode helped you understand how to choose a mediator who'll actually work for you, please follow, rate, review, and share The Divorce Course Podcast so others heading into mediation can find this information too.

All our best,

Laura & Lyn

Your Guides By Your Side

Co-Hosts of THE DIVORCE COURSE PODCAST

🎧 Listen to this episode if…

• You've been told "add-backs are dead" by your lawyer or your ex
• Your ex is wasting the property pool and you don't know how to stop it
• You've watched assets disappear since separation bank accounts, cars, super
• You're heading into mediation and need to know what to argue
• You want to understand what the Shinohara & Shinohara Case and Shamon & Sharon Case actually mean for your case
• You're worried about delay tactics while your ex quietly drains the joint money

⚠️ Legal Disclaimer

This podcast is general information only – it is not legal advice. The content reflects Australian family law and may not apply to your specific situation or jurisdiction. Always consult a qualified family lawyer about your individual circumstances. Laws may have changed since this episode was recorded.

Episode Summary

You may have heard the rumour – "add-backs are dead." Lawyers are quoting it, ex-partners are using it as an excuse, and people are panicking that there's nothing they can do when the property pool is being drained. In this episode, Laura and Mum unpack what add-backs actually are, why people think they've disappeared, and what the courts are really doing about wastage now.

The short answer? Add-backs aren't on the balance sheet anymore but wastage is absolutely still considered. Thanks to Shinohara & Shinohara [2025], the courts have stopped putting "imaginary money" into the property pool. But thanks to Section 79(5)(d) of the Family Law Act and the case of Shamon & Shamon [2025], wastage now adjusts the percentage split of what's left – and in Shamon, that meant the wife walked away with nearly 100% of the property pool plus costs.

Mum walks through what counts as wastage (selling assets cheap, gambling, blowing money post-separation, gifting funds to a new partner), what doesn't (post-separation income spent on living, ordinary marital spending), and how to protect the property pool before your ex empties it. She also explains exactly what to consider saying if a lawyer or mediator quotes Shinohara at you including the section number, the case names, and the strategy that works.

If you suspect your ex is wasting money or stalling property settlement, this is the episode to listen to before you do anything else.

⏱️ Episode Timeline

00:00 – Are Add-Backs Dead? The Property Pool Myth Going Around

01:00 – Legal Disclaimer & Australian Family Law Context

01:30 – What Is an Add-Back in Property Settlement?

03:15 – The Townsend Case: How Add-Backs Used to Work

04:25 – Property Pool vs Balance Sheet: What's the Difference?

05:25 – The 4 Steps of Property Settlement Explained

05:50 – Why People Think Add-Backs Are Dead: Shinohara Explained

07:15 – "Don't Put Pretend Money on the Balance Sheet"

07:55 – The Real Risk: Ex Spending Everything Before Settlement

08:45 – How Wastage Is Handled Now: Section 79(5)(d)

10:00 – Percentage Adjustments Instead of Balance Sheet Add-Backs

11:30 – The Shamon Case: Wife Got Nearly 100% Plus Costs

13:50 – What to Do If Your Ex Has Already Drained the Pool

14:30 – How to Protect the Property Pool: Caveats Explained

17:00 – Protecting Joint Bank Accounts and Cash

17:50 – Superannuation, Cars and Other Assets

19:50 – Arguing Wastage in Mediation (Not Court)

21:00 – How to Respectfully Tell Your Lawyer They're Wrong

24:30 – Free Webinar Reminder

24:40 – What to Write to Your Ex Before Settlement

26:25 – What Counts as Wastage: Kowaliw, Gambling & More

27:30 – Is Drinking and Drug Use Considered Wastage?

28:15 – Gifts to a New Partner: The Gollings & Scott Case

29:30 – Reckless Spending vs Ordinary Spending

30:15 – Bad Business Decisions Post-Separation

31:10 – So Are Add-Backs Dead? The Final Answer

32:30 – What Evidence You Need to Prove Wastage

33:50 – The Mechanism Has Changed, the Outcome Hasn't

34:25 – Your Toolkit: Section 79(5)(d) of the Family Law Act, Shamon, Townsend, Weir

35:30 – Why Acting Fast Matters in Financial Abuse

36:55 – Reviewer of the Month: Manal from Australia

38:30 – Final Thoughts: Wastage Rules

🎧 Episodes Mentioned in This Episode

1. Equalisation of Super: The Myth That Won't Die

https://youtu.be/YFkOnEsNybw?si=LAQd2SUq_YRVl9Ts

3. The Gilded Cage: Delay Tactics in Property Settlement

https://youtu.be/cs6-jHDt-Qk?si=ufuSLLwVmasbQKsL

4. Financial Abuse and Hidden Assets

https://youtu.be/D3-fV8C4gkM?si=JQMk6eqMXWUktsUf

📚 Links & Resources

📞 1800 RESPECT — 1800 737 732 (24/7 support)

📞 Lifeline — 13 11 14

🚓 Police — 000 (immediate danger)

🌐 The Divorce Course — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au

🎓 The Divorce Course Podcast — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/blog

🎟️ Free Webinar — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au (click "Reserve My Seat")

Cases Mentioned

• Shinohara & Shinohara [2025] — the case people are misreading https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/cases/cth/FedCFamC1A/2025/126.html
• Shamon & Shamon [2025] — https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/cases/cth/FedCFamC1A/2025/150.html
• Townsend & Townsend — the original add-back case (the taxi)
• Weir & Weir — the quarry / missing gravel case
• Kowaliw & Kowaliw [1981] — the trashed family home case
• Gollings & Scott — the engagement ring / post-separation income case

Legislation

• Family Law Act 1975 — Section 79(4), Section 79(5)(d) — https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/legis/cth/consol_act/fla1975114/s79.html
• Family Law Act 1975 — Section 90SM (de facto equivalent)

If this episode helped you understand wastage and feel ready to push back when someone says "add-backs are dead," please follow, rate, review, and share The Divorce Course Podcast so others going through the same thing can find this information too.

All our best,

Laura & Lyn

Your Guides By Your Side

Co-Hosts of THE DIVORCE COURSE PODCAST

🎧 Listen to this episode if:

• You want to understand if domestic violence can affect your property or parenting outcome

• You've been told by a lawyer to "leave the family violence out" of your case

• You're scared raising coercive control or domestic violence will backfire on you in mediation

• You're confused by social media saying the courts ignore family violence

• Your ex is still using coercive behaviour even after separation

• You're heading into mediation or court and don't know how to bring it up

⚠️ Legal Disclaimer & Family Violence Trigger Warning

This episode contains discussion of family violence, coercive control, post-separation abuse, and the impact of these behaviours on children, which may be distressing for some listeners.

If you are unsafe or experiencing family violence, please reach out for support.

Support is available in Australia: 📞 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 📞 Lifeline – 13 11 14 🚨 In an emergency, call 000

This podcast provides general educational information about Australian family law only and is not legal advice. Laura is not a lawyer. Every situation is different, and you should seek independent professional guidance tailored to your circumstances.

Episode Summary

Should you bring up coercive control and domestic violence in your family law case… or will it backfire?

If you've been online lately, you've probably seen wildly different opinions. Some people insist the courts ignore family violence completely. Others say the system is finally taking it seriously. And then there are the lawyers quietly telling clients to "just leave it out so we can settle." So who's right?

In this episode, Mum and I unpack how coercive control and domestic violence are actually treated in Australian family law right now and the recent appeal cases that show the courts are starting to listen. We walk through real 2023 and 2024 decisions including Burnell & Rockford, Lainhart & Elinson, Dejani & Dejani, and Sad & Raymond cases your lawyer may not have caught up with yet.

We talk about Section 4AB, Section 75, and Section 79 of the Family Law Act, why mediators sometimes forget you're still being coercively controlled while sitting across from your ex, and the very real "peace at any price" trap that costs people thousands in their settlement.

If you've been silenced, dismissed, or told it's not worth raising this episode is for you.

⏱️ Episode Timeline

00:00 – Coercive Control & Domestic Violence in Family Court: Should You Raise It?

01:00 – Meet Laura & Lynette: Family Law Mum & Daughter Duo

02:00 – Trigger Warning & Legal Disclaimer (Australia & Overseas)

03:00 – Why Social Media Gets Coercive Control So Wrong

04:00 – Why Lawyers Tell Clients to Leave It Out (And Why It's Wrong)

05:00 – Judge Best's Powerful Speech: "Soften Your Gaze"

06:00 – Why Both Parents Having Issues Doesn't Mean Equal Blame

07:00 – Section 4AB: The Family Violence Definition That Changed Everything

09:00 – Why Courts Now MUST Consider Family Violence Allegations

10:00 – The Old Kennon Case vs The New Law: What Changed

11:00 – Choosing the Right Lawyer When Domestic Violence Is Involved

12:00 – "Don't Raise It Or You Won't Settle" — The Lawyer Myth

13:00 – When NOT to Mention Family Violence in Property Mediation

14:00 – The Smarter Way to Negotiate Coercive Control in Mediation

16:00 – Parenting Cases: Why You MUST Raise Family Violence

17:00 – Lainhart & Elinson 2023: The Appeal Case Every Mum Should Know

18:00 – Section 60CC: Safety of Children Now Comes First

19:00 – Why Parents Don't Tell Lawyers the Full Truth (And Why You Must)

20:00 – Coercive Control in Parenting Cases Explained

21:00 – Counselling Orders: When the Court Mistakes Lip Service for Change

23:00 – False Alienation Claims: The New Coercive Control Tactic

24:00 – 50/50 Is No Longer the Default — Here's What Replaced It

26:00 – Free Divorce Webinar With Lynette (Family Law Specialist)

27:00 – Property Settlement: How Domestic Violence Affects Your Percentage

28:00 – Kennon & Kennon: The Original Family Violence Property Case

30:00 – Dejani & Dejani: When a Child's Health Issue Was Hidden

32:00 – Burnell & Rockford 2024: Coercive Control in Property Settlement

34:00 – Financial Abuse and PIN Numbers: What the Court Decided

35:00 – Why You Need These Cases at Your Mediation

37:00 – How Lawyers Use Cases as Negotiation Leverage

38:00 – Section 79 & Notice of Risk: The Mediation Framework

40:00 – Adding Percentage in Mediation Without Saying Why

41:00 – Why You Must Disclose Family Violence in Parenting Negotiations

43:00 – Settlement vs Court: The 10 Questions You Should Ask Yourself

44:00 – Why Mediators Forget You're Still Being Controlled

45:00 – How to Prove Coercive Control: Affidavits That Stand Up

47:00 – The Biggest Mistake: Peace at Any Price Mentality

48:00 – Why Post-Separation Abuse Often Gets Worse

49:00 – Don't Compromise on Children — Stand Your Ground

50:00 – Final Thoughts: It's Their Shame, Not Yours

🎧 Episodes Mentioned in This Episode 1. How to Put Coercive Control Into Writing for Court

https://youtu.be/SIyXCGXH5nw?si=-7tLxmBpVQb2dNOv

2. Is It Family Violence? A Walk Through the Family Law Act

https://youtu.be/YCddFx9cs_Y?si=DbJU6ePYSxDZFrEn

3. Settling vs Going to Court: 10 Questions to Ask Yourself

https://youtu.be/gYpW3znoY28?si=pdg6wWbjMWttMH94

📚 Cases Mentioned (Take These to Your Lawyer)

• Burnell & Rockford (2024) — Coercive control and financial abuse in property settlement https://austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/cases/cth/FedCFamC2F/2024/468.html

• Lainhart & Elinson (2023) — Full Court appeal, Deputy Chief Justice McClelland — family violence in parenting https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/cases/cth/FedCFamC1A/2023/200.html

• Dajani & Dajani [2025] FedCFamC1A 28 (26 February 2025) — Hidden health issues in children and the impact on contributions https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/cases/cth/FedCFamC1A/2025/28.html

• Sayed & Rehmann [2025] FedCFamC1A 145 (21 August 2025) — Family violence and property contributions https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/cases/cth/FedCFamC1A/2025/145.html

• Kennon & Kennon — The original family violence and property settlement case (Section 75)

📰 Resources Mentioned

Article: "Judge urges profession to soften your gaze when dealing with domestic and family violence" — QLS Proctor, 27 March 2024 (Federal Circuit & Family Court Judge Hannah Cara Best) https://www.qlsproctor.com.au/2026/03/judge-urges-profession-to-soften-your-gaze-when-dealing-with-dfv/

Family Law Act 1975 — Sections 4AB, 60CC, 75, 79 https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/legis/cth/consol_act/fla1975114/s4ab.html

🆘 Links & Resources

• 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 (24/7 family violence support)

• Lifeline – 13 11 14

• Emergency – 000

• The Divorce Course – www.thedivorcecourse.com.au

• Free Webinar with Lynette (family law accredited specialist) — register at thedivorcecourse.com.au

If this episode helped you feel braver about raising coercive control and domestic violence in your family law matter, please follow, rate, review, and share the podcast it helps other people in coercively controlling situations find this information too. You are not alone, and you don't have to stay silent.

🎧 Listen to this episode if:

• You're about to go through property settlement in divorce

• You're focused on the percentage but unsure what it actually means

• You're dealing with complex finances (trusts, companies, super, shares) or Simple Property Settlement

• You want to avoid making a financial mistake that costs you years

• You're wondering whether to take the house, cash, super or investments

⚖️ Legal Disclaimer & ⚠️ Family Violence Trigger Warning

This episode contains discussion of family violence, coercive control, and financial control, which may be distressing for some listeners.

If you are unsafe or need support: 📞 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 📞 Lifeline – 13 11 14 🚨 In an emergency, call 000

This podcast provides general educational information only and is not legal or financial advice. Please seek professional guidance tailored to your situation.

Most people going through property settlement are focused on one thing…

👉 What percentage am I going to get?

But here's what most people don't realise…

Two people can walk away with the same 50/50 split and end up in completely different financial positions.

Because it's not just about the percentage… 👉 it's about what that percentage actually looks like in your life.

In this episode, Mum and I sit down with financial planner Pedro Marin and break down the four key steps a financial planner takes during property settlement so you can avoid costly mistakes and actually set yourself up for your future.

We talk about everything from figuring out what's in your property pool, to deciding how to structure your settlement, to planning your future and finally, making sure everything is actually set up properly after the deal is done.

Because getting a settlement is one thing… 👉 making it work for your life is another.

⏱️ Episode Timeline

00:00 – Divorce Property Settlement: It's Not Just the Percentage 01:22 – Meet Financial Planner Pedro Marin 04:04 – Why Financial Planning Matters in Divorce 08:01 – Step 1: Mapping Your Property Pool in Divorce 10:46 – Trusts & Companies in Divorce Explained 12:46 – Step 2: How to Structure Your Property Settlement 15:41 – Cash vs Property vs Super vs Shares in Divorce 23:20 – Step 3: Planning Your Financial Future After Divorce 24:48 – Financial Advice Risks: What You Need to Know 25:32 – Setting Financial Goals After Separation 28:58 – When to Start Financial Planning in Divorce 32:41 – Using the Same Financial Planner as Your Ex 34:52 – Budgeting for Mediation & Property Settlement 37:30 – Step 4: Implementing Your Divorce Settlement 40:20 – Insurance, Risk & Protection After Divorce 43:49 – Wills, Estate Planning & Protecting Your Children 47:25 – Biggest Mistake: Emotional Decisions in Divorce 49:35 – How to Work With a Financial Planner (Pedro Marin) 51:19 – Final Takeaways & Legal Disclaimer

🎧 Additional Episodes Mentioned

• Weapons of Tax Destruction https://youtu.be/tsDlMphLRWk?si=1Fbpw7XJy9jxCK20

• Living Arrangements: Should You Keep or Sell the House? https://youtu.be/wknV5CB90yY?si=HGwH5m1AtXba5k7G

🔗 Links & Resources

• 🌐 Marin Wealth: https://marinwealth.com.au/

• 📥 Free Checklists: https://thedivorcecourse.com.au

• 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732

• Lifeline – 13 11 14

If this episode helped you think differently about your property settlement, make sure you follow, rate, review, and share the podcast — because someone else out there needs to hear this before they make a costly mistake.

🎧 Listen to this episode if:

• You're arguing over furniture or household items in divorce

• Your ex has taken everything or won't give anything back

• You've been told "you can't take anything if you leave"

• You want to avoid wasting money on legal fees over small items

• You're trying to work out what's actually fair vs worth fighting for

Legal Disclaimer & Family Violence Trigger Warning

This episode contains discussion of family violence, coercive control, and separation dynamics, which may be distressing for some listeners.

If you are unsafe, do not attempt to retrieve belongings alone.

This podcast provides general educational information only and is not legal advice. Every situation is different, and you should seek independent professional guidance tailored to your circumstances.

What happens to all the "stuff" when you separate?

Everyone talks about the house, the bank accounts, and the kids… but no one really talks about the furniture, the appliances, the artwork and yes, even the toilet brush.

In this episode, Mum and I unpack what actually happens to household contents in a property settlement, and why these seemingly small things can end up causing some of the biggest fights.

We break down what the law really says (and what it doesn't say), whether it matters who paid for something, and why arguing over furniture can end up costing you far more in legal fees than the item is even worth.

We also walk through four practical ways to divide furniture based on your ex's personality type whether they're amicable, avoidant, high conflict, or controlling so you can sort it out without derailing your entire settlement.

⏱️ Episode Timeline

00:00 – Furniture in Divorce: Common Myths You Need to Know

01:40 – Safety, Legal Disclaimer & Family Violence Warning

02:36 – What the Law Says About Furniture in Divorce

03:03 – Who Owns Furniture After Separation?

07:02 – Divorce and Possession: Who Keeps What?

07:41 – Myth: Do You Lose Furniture If You Leave the House?

09:45 – Cost vs Value: Is Furniture Worth Fighting Over?

11:32 – Emotional Furniture Fights in Divorce Explained

13:58 – Amicable Divorce: The Two List Method (Simple Solution)

16:24 – Avoidant Ex: How to Pack, Send & Move Their Stuff

18:54 – Shed Disputes & When to Get Legal Advice

20:54 – Free Divorce Resources You Can Use

21:43 – When to Move Out During Divorce (Timing Matters)

22:41 – High Conflict Divorce: Should You Sell Everything?

24:50 – Valuing Furniture in Divorce Negotiations

27:55 – Biggest Mistakes People Make With Furniture

31:11 – Don't Let Furniture Ruin Your Property Settlement

34:03 – Mindset Shift: It's Not About the Stuff

35:30 – Fresh Start After Divorce: Letting Go

39:47 – Final Takeaways: Fairness & Moving Forward

🎧 Additional Episodes Mentioned

• What About Their Stuff and Belongings? (Referenced when discussing how to handle an ex leaving items behind or refusing to collect them) https://youtu.be/T_tQUbhBxbQ?si=kt1ChMF08dquxgkr

Links & Resources

• 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732

• Lifeline – 13 11 14

If this episode helped you rethink how to approach the "stuff" in your separation, make sure you follow, rate, review, and share the podcast so others can avoid getting stuck in the same fights.

🎧 Listen to this episode if:

• You or your ex has a serious illness or disability

• You've been a carer during the relationship

• You have ongoing medical expenses

• You're worried about future financial support after separation

• You want to understand how courts assess health in property settlement

⚖️ Legal Disclaimer

This podcast is for educational purposes only and provides general information about Australian family law. It is not legal advice. Every situation is different, and you should seek independent professional guidance for your circumstances.

What happens in a property settlement when serious illness is part of the story?

In this episode, Mum (a family law specialist and family lawyer) and I unpack one of the most emotional and often misunderstood areas of family law: how health issues, illness, and medical needs may impact your property settlement percentage.

Because when you're going through separation, you're not just dividing assets… You're also dealing with uncertainty, fear, ongoing treatment, and the reality of what life will look like moving forward.

We talk about what happens if:

• you cared for a sick partner for years

• you are the one who is unwell

• there are ongoing medical expenses

• or even if someone has a life-limiting illness

We break down how the court looks at contributions vs future needs, why simply saying "I'm unwell" isn't enough, and how these factors can actually shift the percentages in your property settlement.

If illness has played a role in your relationship on either side this episode will help you understand how the law approaches it, and what it might mean for you.

⏱️ Episode Timeline - Health and Divorce: How Illness May Affect Property Settlement Percentage

00:00 – Illness and Divorce: How Health Impacts Property Settlement

00:22 – Why Health Changes Everything in Divorce Outcomes

01:32 – Meet the Hosts & Divorce Episode Overview

01:57 – Real Story: Endometriosis and Divorce Costs

03:07 – Divorce Property Settlement Explained (Step-by-Step)

04:38 – Caring for a Sick Partner in Divorce: Does It Count?

07:43 – What If You're the Sick Partner in Divorce?

09:46 – Divorce and Spousal Maintenance: Your Options

11:37 – Life Expectancy & Divorce Future Needs Explained

15:47 – Medical Expenses, Kids & Divorce (NDIS Explained)

19:12 – Proving Medical Needs in Divorce Settlements

21:00 – Short-Term vs Long-Term Illness in Divorce

21:41 – Temporary vs Chronic Illness in Divorce Cases

23:34 – Open-Ended Spousal Maintenance in Divorce

24:46 – Remission, Recovery & Divorce Medical Evidence

27:43 – How to Prove Illness in Divorce Court

30:18 – Divorce Surveillance, Fraud Claims & Mental Health

32:48 – When Both Parties Are Sick in Divorce

33:34 – Financial Obligations After Divorce Separation

35:19 – Divorce Agreements: Risks You Need to Know

37:20 – Rapid Fire Divorce Questions About Illness

39:07 – Divorce Mediation Tips When Illness Is Involved

40:46 – The Emotional Reality of Illness in Divorce

42:15 – Final Thoughts: Advocating for Yourself in Divorce

🎧 Episodes Mentioned in This Episode

1️⃣ Consent Orders vs Binding Financial Agreements - https://open.spotify.com/episode/5qgGhdAl5UaOo7LHb2Yf5Y?si=OFf8umvVQ7KAbzntw6AnVg

2️⃣ The Divorce Course (Program / Course Reference) www.thedivorcecourse.com.au

⚠️ Family Violence & Sensitive Content

This episode discusses illness, vulnerability, and complex family dynamics, which may be distressing for some listeners.

If you need support in Australia: 📞 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 📞 Lifeline – 13 11 14 🚨 In an emergency, call 000

⚖️ Legal Disclaimer

This podcast is for educational purposes only and provides general information about Australian family law. It is not legal advice. Every situation is different, and you should seek independent professional guidance for your circumstances.

If this episode helped you better understand how health can impact your divorce, please make sure to follow, rate, review, and share the podcast it helps others going through the same thing find this information too.