The Everyday Human

September: On Friendship and Connection

September 26

But you looked to your companion and said, “What do you think?”

“Die here with him or go on looking for his paradise,” they said.

You know it’s foolish to believe. To hold on to such a fragile thing as hope, but you nodded and the two of you continued on.

You crest the hill the fool spoke of, but you’re already wary. There has been no change in the hot and poisonous winds and no color has painted the sky.

You stand at the top, looking out. It’s a valley, alright. But where there might have once been a crystal lake, there is a bubbling pool of black sludge, not even deep enough to cover the white bones growing from it. Great pines have become charred skeletons from another world. Piles of ash where once grew grass, now waiting to be scattered on the wind.

Yes, hope is a fragile thing.

Your companion sits, reaches up and takes your hand and you come down beside them. You can go no farther. The land forbids it as does your body.

Your companion leans on your shoulder, sighs. “I’m glad you’re with me,” they say. “Here at the end of all things.”

• Reflection title: Who Do You See Beside You?
• Creative inspiration: J.R.R. Tolkien, The Return of the King
• Reflection question: Who was it you saw beside you, there at the end of all things?
  
  

September: On Friendship and Connection

September 25

Any time I’d find myself uncomfortable in school, it’d pop into my head—a reminder that when I survived the day, I’d have Bowie, Jaha, Sarah, Peter, May, and the rest of the Shining Force to hang out and save the world with. I’d laugh with them, strategize, and get dead serious when it was time to take down King Galam and Zeon. It was a game, sure, but it was also a place where I found the belonging I was looking for. Something which started as just a fun JRPG to pass the time became a friend . . . a best friend.

It’s an odd but natural thing we humans do, and there can be a certain charm to it, that is, befriending inanimate objects or animals or plants. It can be a display of companionship and empathy and connection. Kids do it all the time with their stuffed animals or imaginary friends. But we must be careful, it can also be a sign of deeper underlying troubles—an indirect cry for help rising from a distraught individual sinking in turbulent waters.

So, yeah. There it is. My best friend in my freshman year of high school was a video game. And I still have it. It’s in my Sega Genesis (which still works!) on the small table right next to my desk as I write this. 

I think I’ll say hi and give it a replay soon. 

• Reflection title: My Best Non-Human Friend
• Creative inspiration: Anaïs Nin, The Diary of Anaïs Nin, 1931–1934: Vol. 1
• Reflection question: What was my best non-human friend? What did it help me overcome, and how was it there for me?

September: On Friendship and Connection

September 24

The laughter and silliness shared with my friends was fun and goofy, and while, to a degree, these friendships served to help me through some of the toughest times I had growing up, I also laughed and goofed around for the sake of laughing and goofing around. Staying up late, playing video games, or watching silly movies and cracking up until our bellies near split—those were some of the most wonderful times of my life.

Yes, much can be said about friendship, but it cannot be overstated how important and wonderful it is, no matter your age, to shed the titles and cares you carry for just a little while, to act a little silly, to goof off, and to laugh. All for the sake of it.

• Reflection title: For the Sake of Laughing
• Creative inspiration: Markus Zusak, The Book Thief
• Reflection question: What were some of the funnest and silliest times I’ve had with my friends? Am I overdue for a little laughter with them?

September: On Friendship and Connection

September 23

Someone being there for you, you being there for someone. To have another to sit with you and share in your sorrow, that is a sort of rescue in itself. And while someone is with you, you’re able to experience it for yourself . . . this very human thing of being broken by emotion. You’re able to let the pain feed on you. To let it bury its fangs in your flesh and tear you asunder. To give yourself the permission to cry and to sob. Because you know in that moment you are safe with another. 

A friend, a partner, a brother, a sister, a parent, and you—you all have this power. 

And while it is a kind thing we can do, to ease the suffering of others, it is also an obligation. We all share in a common humanity and if we can all share in our triumphs and pleasures, then we must also share in one another’s suffering. It is how we get through it. It is how we survive. By being—truly being—together. 

• Reflection title: You Don’t Have To Carry It Alone
• Creative inspiration: Virginia Woolf, The Waves
• Reflection question: As a friend, who have I helped by sharing in their pain? Who has helped me? And am I currently in need of that support?

September: On Friendship and Connection

September 22

Nothing good can ever come from burying the truth—however big or small, truth is truth. That being said, it usually starts with something small, doesn’t it? A white lie that you “get away with.” Intentional or not, it becomes easier to lie after that—about something just a little bigger, maybe, and then bigger than that until there’s a graveyard of truths bulldozed over by the industry of lies and cover-ups. This is where the real decay sets in, slowly eating away at the foundation that the love and friendship was built upon.

So if you ever find yourself tempted, put down the shovel and don’t even bother. Let the truth out. Let it see the light. Let it breathe. And as they say, the truth shall set you free.

• Reflection title: Put Down the Shovel
• Creative inspiration: Charles Dickens, Master Humphrey’s Clock
• Reflection question: Am I honest in my relationships? What have I concealed and why? What am I afraid of?
  
  

September: On Friendship and Connection

September 21

I’ve never had friends like the ones I had when I was twelve again, because it isn’t possible. That was a select pane in the stained-glass window of my life. Those friendships and experiences I had in 1997 could only exist in that moment and place in time. I don’t talk to those guys anymore either, sometimes I wonder how they’re doing, what they’re up to, but most days I don’t. And that’s okay. Nostalgia is fine, but we can’t live in the past because that risks throwing away the present.

They weren’t perfect friendships by any means (no such thing exists), but I’m grateful for the time and experiences we shared together because they helped build the person I am today.

• Reflection title: Will I Ever Have Friends Like You Again?
• Creative inspiration: Stand By Me
• Reflection question: What friendships from my youth helped build the person I am today? What did I learn from them and about myself in those formative years?

September: On Friendship and Connection

September 20

About two hours later, I feel a gentle shaking on my shoulder. It takes a moment to remember who I am, where I am, and who might be waking me. “I could use some rest,” Esdras says, though somehow, he still doesn’t look tired.

“Sure, buddy,” I say, getting up to give him my spot on the bench. Evan’s still sleeping, but that’s fine. A few more hours till dawn and we’ll try and find some breakfast and a proper place to stay. For now, the city is quiet. The statue watches over us, silent in the lamplight, and my companions sleep. I’m tired as hell, no denying that, but there’s beauty and pride and comfort in knowing a friend will watch over you while you sleep, and that you will do the same for them.

• Reflection title: Will You Spell Me For a Little While?
• Creative inspiration: Stephen Crane, "The Open Boat"
• Reflection question: Who will spell for me for a little while when I’m tired? At the same time, am I doing enough for my friends who need me?

September: On Friendship and Connection

September 19

I am fortunate to have a circle of friends and collaborators who do this for me, and I, in turn, do it for them. Many of my closest friends today also work in the arts. It was the act of creation that drew us together in the first place—comics, games, novels, short stories, poetry. When I send a script to an artist I regularly work with, they’ll read it carefully and critically, pointing out what works well, challenging assumptions I make, and highlighting things that could use a bit of improvement. 

This is how we grow as creators and as people. I listen carefully to what they have to say. I put myself in their shoes and try to see from their perspective. I leave my ego at the door and accept that I am not even close to perfect and will always have room to grow. And without fail, the end work of art is always better for it.

If you have a circle of those who are wise and who challenge you to go beyond your current levels of wisdom and knowledge—to push past stagnation—count yourself fortunate. If you are searching for such a circle, keep looking until you find it. Acknowledging your desire to grow is the first step.

• Reflection title: Push Past Stagnation
• Creative inspiration: C.S. Lewis, Hamlet: The Prince or the Poem?
• Reflection question: Who challenges me to be wiser and better? Am I fortunate to have such a circle, or should I create one?

September: On Friendship and Connection

September 18

Have you ever truly considered the why of friendships and partnerships? What is the purpose of these odd and growing or decaying things? I might wager it’s to make this thing called life enjoyable. Or perhaps to have someone to share in and ease the inevitable suffering that we must endure at one time or another. It’s to not wander alone along the road of life. It’s to share in the beauty that you see as you go. It’s to protect one another from the dangers and horrors that exist on the other side of the coin. It’s to look at the person who goes through it all with you—the good, the bad, and the ugly—with pride of who they are. 

And, it is to be grateful that they are on this journey with you.

• Reflection title: It Is With Pride . . .
• Creative inspiration: Robert Louis Stevenson, Travels with a Donkey in the Cevennes
• Reflection question: Who, with me on this journey, do I find great pride in? Who do I hope or believe finds great pride in their friendship with me?

September: On Friendship and Connection

September 17

Missing someone can be a healthy thing in a relationship. “Absense makes the heart grow fonder” is a cliche for a reason. Space in any relationship, plutonic, familial, or romantic, is key. Without it, we can so easily smother each other. Time for solitude and seeing or speaking with other people is essential to see a relationship thrive. In a healthy bond, the time reuniting after spending time apart can feel like new life and new energy has been breathed into it. Time spent apart allows for growth individually and as a partnership.

So the next time you find yourself missing someone, embrace it. Embrace the love and companionship you share that allows you to miss them in the first place. Embrace it and understand it—and consider it a reminder to not take your relationship for granted. But be wary of depending so much on another that you simply cannot bear to be away from them—that you feel the air in a room without them has become unhealthy. Because that in itself is . . . unhealthy.

• Reflection title: Miss Them . . . but Not Too Much
• Creative inspiration: John Keats, Letters of John Keats to Fanny Brawne
• Reflection question: Am I missing my friends and loved ones just the right amount? Or too much or too little?