It's a sabbatical, mother-fucker! I'm taking some time off!

 

Also in this episode: talking, and stuff!

*Disclaimer: The following episode description was written prior to recording the episode, thus the events described within the following, and aforementioned, episode description may vary wildly from the events portrayed within the actual episode.

 

It's the first episode from Mars! I'm so glad to have landed! The cryo-sleep was a rolling nightmare of boundless introspection, similar, I imagine, to being skinned alive by alien-creatures who just keep chatting away in their weird alien-creature language as they slowly peel back the layers of living flesh! I'm so glad I had taken care of myself and built a body stacked with hard, well-oiled muscles! That, along with my limberness from a lifetime of Yoga and Pilates, assures me a top-spot as a servant to the governing matriarchy here on on Mars!

 

Also in this episode: earthquakes, oatmeal cookies, the “Juice”, savage indifference, a melon, seventeen, building permits, knee-length skirts, Kia, doing the Petri dishes, lost and found, CTE, Alabama in the summer, crystal chandeliers, spelling difficult words correctly on the first try and the elation that follows, spelling simple words incorrectly after multiple tries and the shame that follows, and lice!

To continue in the vein of endless self-exploration, and unregulated self-experimentation: On December 1st 1997, Dan Schoonover - a self-described Spontaneous Internal Combustion Expert - died in a plane crash! Dan was my dad! We had a complicated relationship, which was made exponentially more complicated after his death! Here is a weird, brief, profile of Dan, and my experience of his life!

 

Also in this episode: viscera, knives, blood, guns, overzealous law enforcement officials, drug rings, motorcycle clubs, plane crashes, complicated and extracted reactions to trauma/grief, underage driving, the slow extinction of a certain breed of enigmatic outlaw, cyclical depression, repression, pain, suffer! Suffer! SUFFER!

A monumental step in the evolution of The Face/Off Podcast! In this episode we begin the process of peeling back the dead flesh of old, tired notions, and then start to apply the healing, medicated honey of intense emotional self-auditing! Episode 023 is the break! Everything is shattered!

 

Also look for: introspection, guilt, shame, Jason Momoa, Dan Cumming, hairy bearded dynamic men, minimization of massive emotions, southern sounding prison guards, flailing limbs & garbage, oily tears of repression, George H.W. Bush, Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, Donald Trump, revolution, and the abolition of titles!

I was abducted by a 375th level general from the Tenth Order of the Elastic Sun Tribe and subjected to a right of passage too gruesome to retell! Let it be known that I rejected the titles offered to me after the ordeal, and let them know, in no uncertain terms, that their shiny, platinum award trophies meant less than nothing to me! I screamed, “I am a free man!” as I lept towards injury and ruin from the crenelated heights of their fortress walls!

 

Topics that might* be covered in this episode: Illuminati scum, citrus, the power of prayer, death from above, several rants about how “I'm so fucking enlightened”, snakes, birds, unicorns, wizards 'n shit, demons, angels, angles, dingles, dongles, dangles, and corn on the cob.

 

*All, some, or none of these topics may be covered.

It's a god-damn firefight! A real blitzkrieg on the front line! Some other combination of vaguely military terms that I actually don't know the meaning of, much less the proper usage of! Sentences that end with prepositions! Some other combinations of vaguely grammatical words that I actually don't know the meaning of, much less the proper usage of! Nouns! Verbs! Adjectives! Attica! Attica! Eat the rich!

 

Also in this episode: Misgivings, fear, Sugarman, Nanette, Hot Rod's Cafe, dogs are very strange, Boris as a name – Boris as a lifestyle, Swede sponsored pet hippopotamus, hurting loved ones, The Pain Body, slavery, egg salad, reparations, eugenics, and jealously run rampant!

Winter is in the air and Face/Off is still M.I.A. In the latest episode of The - now nearly ironically named - Face/Off Podcast! Everything is dying! Celebrate by reaching for the bottom, and only finding mud!

 

Also in this episode: drunken shenanigans, one silky voiced cowboy/furniture mover, new bikes, exercise dread, sling walkers for senior pugs, extreme lack of expectation, disappointment in spite of the extreme nature of the aforementioned lack of expectation, potentially problematic situational avoidance, purposeful creation of problematic situations, and twins.

Dropping back into the fold after some indeterminate distance of time and space - time and space needed for contemplating the ceiling from the vantage point of carpet (the whole ordeal requiring an unheard of - and frankly obscene - amount of destruction and reconstruction to cut a hole in the living room floor of the world, and then to construct a sub-flooring deep enough to bring the surface of my eyeballs (while laying on my back) to the level of the top of the strands of carpet that make up the floor covering on the aforementioned living room floor of the world. Happy to report that there is nothing new on - or in fact under - the ceiling.

 

Also inside: Robocop, homelessness in better climates than this, guilt, shame, mousetraps - metaphorical and literal, suicide, David Foster Wallace, Chip 'n Dales Rescue Rangers and the disillusioned sense of the singular value of a life lived under the iron-fist rule of a fiat currency, more shame, questioning the motives of The Self, and Public Art = Shit.

Welcome to The Face/Off Podcast! It's some sorta whack-ass, new-age, self-help, bro-spiritual, pseudo-intellectual, rambling, hippy idiot's fever dream of an apocalyptic hellscape paradise by way of endless dip-shittery, and bottomless buckets of duck dick crazy notions, musings, and paranoid misgivings! Plus: 18% more Face/Off in this episode!

 

Also: Betraying the instincts, elevators, The Matrix, writing advice for kleptopsychics, racism, sexism, trans-phobia, homo-phobia, hate-filled hearts, fat hearts, fat bodies, fat brains, fat thoughts, Jack Reacher revisited, robbery, Tyra Banks, growing changing, mutating, becoming something new and exciting, and a brief appearance by Eckhart Tolle!

On location in a parking lot across the street from Mascot Pizza in dreary, dreadful, drab Spokane Washington! Who is this man sitting in a nondescript automobile of some mercurial nature, speaking into a microphone? Why has he come to our little parking lot across The street from Mascot Pizza in dreary, dreadful, drab Spokane Washington? What are his intentions? How can we stop him or help him depending on the nature of the aforementioned intentions?

 

Also: punch a Nazi or hug a Nazi? Drastic changes or incremental changes? The state of comedy: shitty or not so shitty? Building a sturdy comedy table: a real thing or just some bullshit? True accountability vs. Bro accountability? Shaggy 2 Dope: Drop kick fail or Pratt-fall success? Glorious wide-screen or fucking shitty garbage-ass tall-screen?