The Grade Cricketer

Well, the pandemic has taken hold and for TGC that only means one thing: overlaying inappropriate and ill-advised cricketing analogies to describe the deepest health and economic crisis in living memory. Gee COVID-19’s hooping ‘em.

Because of the times, this week we’ve gone for a ‘we not me’ approach. To offset our intellectually limited analysis with something more responsible, we speak with Cricket Australia’s Chief Medical Officer, Dr John Orchard, about the game’s response, what we can do, and virtual circuits. He’s followed by Sports Feature Writer at Indy Sport in the UK, Vithushan Ehantharajah, before Sutherland, Yorkshire and England stalwart Tim Bresnan joins to talk Sachin, pro sportsmen, Leeds, and his new podcast, Taking the Covers Off (or something).

AskTGC tosses up a litany of verbiage about liking Australians, anxiety-free premierships, a strong riposte to a previous AskTGC, and whether or not wearing Budgies makes one more alpha.

Finally, a request: we are working on something very exciting which we’re hoping to announce to you guys soon. But we want to get the ball rolling on it now.

We are calling on anyone who’s played club cricket this year to make written submissions for:

- Best batting innings they saw this year – doesn’t have to be highest runs scored, can be for any reason

- Best bowling they saw this year

- Most frightening cricket dream they’ve had or heard of

- Leading Alpha

- Best Club Volunteer

- Best Rig

- Best Rare Unit

- Best Circuit story (that is not defamatory, unsavoury or libellous)

There are 8 categories – submissions are open now – please send them either to [email protected], or our Facebook DMs.

There will be more info on this in this coming week. Please ply us with those stories from clubland – anywhere around the world – and we will do the rest.

To finish: The Grade Cricketer will be here through isolation. We will keep casting. We have a few ideas in the works through this period, especially because there’s a good chance our English audience may not see much cricket, if any, through the summer. Stay tuned.

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Big thanks to Budgy Smuggler for their unyielding support.

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We have merch, namely Stubby Holders, and Smugglers. Head to https://gradecricketer.club/shop for the specifics

***

Big thanks to Jarryd Biviano @thefifthcreative and Julia Dowe for our podcast art, Toby Shain for the voiceovers + fake ad production, and Adrian Leung for our intro tune.

***

Email the show at [email protected]

EXTRA HOUR of AskTGC EVERY WEEK: https://patreon.com/gradecricketer

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In the wake of our dear global pandemic, we’ve decided to fast-forward the release of our Blue Carpet special – an episode commemorating a docuseries many of us now have the time to watch: The Test, from Amazon.

We “run the rule” (what does this mean?) over the series from a Parramatta carpark, highlighting its key questions: is it PR? Is it glorified club cricket? Did Justin Langer say it, or David Brent? The answers, as ever, may or may not surprise you.

Pez then catches up with docuseries Director Adrian Brown in CA Towers, before we head to the Blue Carpet at the SCG premiere, where among other things, we learn about JLs views on botox and champing, Tim Paine conducting a grade cricket coin toss in his Test blazer, Adam Zampa’s new mantra, collagen masks and optimum circuit results, before Pat Cummins asks us “how do you blokes have jobs?”

AskTGC rounds us out with questions about hating cricket, adultery, a horse called “Champ” at Cheltenham, and Trobrian Cricket: An Ingenious Response to Colonialism (also on Amazon Prime).

Look after yourselves, and lay low if you're able.

EXTRA HOUR of AskTGC EVERY WEEK: https://patreon.com/gradecricketer

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Australian Women win a World Cup, break records and make history at a packed MCG. They did it by having a stick first, absolutely smashing them and decimating the opposition before dancing on stage at a Katy Perry concert in full kit.

Have we ever felt safer?

There's a Men's series that allegedly happened in South Africa at the same time. Nothing has ever meant less. Marnus smashed ‘em but!

Alyssa Healy joins us post World-Cup-Winning-Circuit to discuss her six over cover, alpha-ing Mitch Starc, copping a send-off at 1/100 and Molly Strano wearing Katy Perry’s boots.

Peter Siddle and Nathan Lyon then join us from Sydney to talk about Amazon's documentary, The Test. In doing so, Sidds announces his retirement from Grade Cricket and rounding up his score at Edgbaston, while The Goat talks about Headingley, Joel Wilson and what Steve Smith said to him while they pursued as many runs as possible at Edgbaston.

Also, Tim Paine pops in to give some life advice that will likely end up as a tattoo on many listeners’ faces.

#AskTGC involves a group of Dads coming to training before finals and one of the better cricket dreams you’ll ever hear.

Big thanks to Budgy Smuggler for perpetually enduring us. It's footy season - "run off" them, if you will. Budgysmuggler.com.au

So too DMNs new podcast: Generation Betoota. It fearlessly brings the truth to the most often forgotten Australian demographic: the youth. Listen now only on Spotify.

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We do events, too. If you have sporting entertainment needs and prefer material sourced after 1975, please talk to us. We’ve performed across Australia and the UK, and love telling stories from clubland, or interviewing those who tell them even better. Contact [email protected] for more details.

***

We have merch, namely Stubby Holders, and Smugglers. Head to https://gradecricketer.club/shop for the specifics

***

Big thanks to Jarryd Biviano @thefifthcreative and Julia Dowe for our podcast art, Toby Shain for the voiceovers + fake ad production, and Adrian Leung for our intro tune.

***

Email the show at [email protected]

***

EXTRA HOUR of AskTGC EVERY WEEK: https://patreon.com/gradecricketer

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What’s the connection between club cricket collapses and not caring? Also: WWC, Jadeja’s catch, returning to Newlands, Copeland’s 300 and getting around Slug Wbster.

Seb Gotch is in unbelievable form as we chat about disappointing his AFL playing and coaching Dad, fashion statements, Ben Dunk putting a microphone down his box, growing up at the CA centre of excellence/Marvel movie lab, Twitter trolls with three beautiful daughters and how his Victorian coach told him he was the worst keeper he's ever seen while winning the Sheffield Shield.

#AskTGC gets into wearing Vic kit at swimming carnivals, divorce or die, dream analysis, handshakes and playing cricket on a leap year.

Big thanks to Budgy Smuggler for their unyielding support.

And get around Generation Betoota: fearlessly bringing the truth to the most often forgotten Australian demographic: the youth. Listen now only on Spotify

***

We do events, too. If you have sporting entertainment needs and prefer material sourced after 1975, please talk to us. We’ve performed across Australia and the UK, and love telling stories from clubland, or interviewing those who tell them even better. Contact [email protected] for more details.

***

We have merch, namely Stubby Holders, and Smugglers. Head to https://gradecricketer.club/shop for the specifics

***

Big thanks to Jarryd Biviano @thefifthcreative and Julia Dowe for our podcast art, Toby Shain for the voiceovers + fake ad production, and Adrian Leung for our intro tune.

***

Email the show at [email protected]

***

EXTRA HOUR of AskTGC EVERY WEEK: https://patreon.com/gradecricketer

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Women’s World Cup has kicked off in earnest and we dedicate the first ten minutes to wrong’uns: their violence, their humiliation, and how they look easy to play (for retired third-graders watching on TV). Mankads have also come up again – so we respond in-kind with side-mouthed, black and white analysis because, as we all know, “it’s in the laws”. New Zealand cruised against Sri Lanka, though it didn’t compare to their delectable dispatching of Thailand in a warm-up, which was followed by a coaching session. As we’ve always said, Jesus was the ultimate Alpha.

The Men’s Team is in South Africa, and saw Ashton Agar deliver a tangible, substantial, meaningful, game-influencing contribution – thus making good on his unrivalled potential. Which is good for a top 5 draft prospect. South Africa then won the second fixture with a weird score. At least Alex Carey got a hit.

The height-based selection of Kyle Jamieson proved a masterstroke as New Zealand destroyed India, which begs the question: can Kohli do it on a rainy day in … Wellington? Hashtag Kohli

We then speak with the wonderfully normal Jimmy Neesham in a truly refreshing conversation, hours after he’d spent 155 overs in the dirt for Wellington. We covered the World Cup, Twitter philosophies, retirement, finding himself, working in marketing, Canadian circuits, the pronunciation of Marnus Labuschagne and US Border Security drilling holes in his bat to search for drugs.

#AskTGC delved into dating dynamics in the United States, Space Jam, owning one’s virginity, a ten-year old decimating the opposition, and parallels between grade cricket and the military.

We don’t do it all for Budgy Smuggler, but we do a large amount of it for them. Head to budgysmuggler.com.au for TGCs latest line of smugglers, titled “Great Australian Rigs”

***

We do events, too. If you have sporting entertainment needs and prefer material sourced after 1975, please talk to us. We’ve performed across Australia and the UK, and love telling stories from clubland, or interviewing those who tell them even better. Contact [email protected] for more details.

***

We have merch, namely Stubby Holders, and Smugglers. Head to https://gradecricketer.club/shop for the specifics

***

Big thanks to Jarryd Biviano @thefifthcreative and Julia Dowe for our podcast art, Toby Shain for the voiceovers + fake ad production, and Adrian Leung for our intro tune.

***

Email the show at [email protected]

***

We’re able to do all of this thanks to the fit, intelligent, enterprising people at Budgy Smuggler. It either is, or is nearly, summer somewhere in the world. For the entirety of your colourful swimwear needs, head to budgysmuggler.com.au

EXTRA HOUR of AskTGC EVERY WEEK: https://patreon.com/gradecricketer

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

110. A Nation Expects, with Belinda Clark and Annabel Sutherland

The Women’s T20 World Cup is upon us, and as needy Australians perpetually dissatisfied with our sporting success we’re asking: how guaranteed is this trophy for Australia; and if Australia fails, should we be talking effigies? Either way, our lust for trophies has TGC engaged in this tournament, and we’ll be following Lanning, Perry and co’s march toward glory (that we can reflectively bask in on account of passport and birthright constructs).

Before then, we meander on the question of cricket in February – where your season’s dreams are over, the wickets are shit, and thoughts turn to your rig revolution through the winter – can you pull off a training singlet next season? Will that be the difference between your selection in the 2s trial, as opposed to the 3s? As ever, we tread the topics others simply will not.

Elsewhere, Matt Renshaw has taken a break from cricket, the Shield feels sleepy, and England has dismantled South Africa in a manner Australians will only respect once our own nation succumbs in the land where Australian cricket collapsed in 2018. Gee Moeen Ali looks good though.

We’re then joined by the very sporting Annabel Sutherland and Belinda Clark, who both oblige questions from two internet blokes who played a bit of 2s and 3s themselves. As EGM of Community Cricket in Australia, Belinda agrees to listen to the concerns of her constituents by hanging around for an extended AskTGC. Among other things, she concludes there may be “a bit of confusion in the minds of those playing.” Well observed, Belinda. Well observed.

As always, cheers to Budgy Smuggler for their ongoing support of the cast.

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THE T20 WORLD CUP CLUBS TICKETING PROGRAM

The T20 World Cup Clubs Ticketing Program is helping clubs that register to the program raise much needed funds by receiving $5 for every adult ticket they sell to the tournament, and $1 for every child ticket. Clubs around the country can continue to fundraise until the final.

Head to t20worldcup.com/clubs for more detail

***

We do events, too. If you have sporting entertainment needs and prefer material sourced after 1975, please talk to us. We’ve performed across Australia and the UK, and love telling stories from clubland, or interviewing those who tell them even better. Contact [email protected] for more details.

***

We have merch, namely Stubby Holders, and Smugglers. Head to https://gradecricketer.club/shop for the specifics

***

Big thanks to Jarryd Biviano @thefifthcreative and Julia Dowe for our podcast art, Toby Shain for the voiceovers + fake ad production, and Adrian Leung for our intro tune.

***

Email the show at [email protected]

***

We’re able to do all of this thanks to the fit, intelligent, enterprising people at Budgy Smuggler. It either is, or is nearly, summer somewhere in the world. For the entirety of your colourful swimwear needs, head to budgysmuggler.com.au

EXTRA HOUR of AskTGC EVERY WEEK: https://patreon.com/gradecricketer

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

EXTRA HOUR of AskTGC EVERY WEEK: https://patreon.com/gradecricketer

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week we discuss the art of the Mankad: what’s the best way to celebrate ruining someone’s weekend? The BBL finals are finally here, but are we excited about the big dance, or suffering from chronic fatigue syndrome? Meanwhile, New Zealand’s U19’s team are cheerfully carrying opponents off the field while ours are sledging Indian blokes on Instagram; seems like the future is in good hands. But what’s the “right kind” of youth indiscretion?

Jackson Bird joins us to talk about red ball/white ball social dynamics, BBL contract chat, and bowling on Australia’s worst fucking pitch (MCG), before Budgy Smuggler CEO Adam Linforth comes into the studio to give a live performance review of TGC’s ad reads, and reminisces about captaining former school mate Jackson Bird’s cricket team to victory. We also squeeze in a chat with future Australian coach Andrew McDonald while struggling to compose ourselves over his dulcet baritone register.

And #AskTGC tackles a range of psychological issues, including more dream analysis (submitted by the wife of a TGC host), the hidden meaning behind wearing an official test playing shirt in public, and whether we did really win the Ashes after all?

As always, cheers to Budgy Smuggler for their ongoing support of the cast.

***

We do events, too. If you have sporting entertainment needs and prefer material sourced after 1975, please talk to us. We’ve performed across Australia and the UK, and love telling stories from clubland, or interviewing those who tell them even better. Contact [email protected] for more details.

***

We have merch, namely Stubby Holders, and Smugglers. Head to https://gradecricketer.club/shop for the specifics

***

Big thanks to Jarryd Biviano @thefifthcreative and Julia Dowe for our podcast art, Toby Shain for the voiceovers + fake ad production, and Adrian Leung for our intro tune.

***

Email the show at [email protected]

***

We’re able to do all of this thanks to the fit, intelligent, enterprising people at Budgy Smuggler. It either is, or is nearly, summer somewhere in the world. For the entirety of your colourful swimwear needs, head to budgysmuggler.com.au

EXTRA HOUR of AskTGC EVERY WEEK: https://patreon.com/gradecricketer

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week, Ben Stokes is in trouble for firing back at an Ed Sheeran sledge from a South Africa fan at the Wanderers. Are we happy with his response, or is it a bit stock standard? Moreover, is it possible for anyone to go to this country and not get into some kind form of aggressive altercation/controversy? Either way, huge fears are held for Australia's upcoming ODI tour.

Back home, it's the Australia Day long weekend, but there’s no home international one day cricket on, and naturally we are indignant as consumers. Where are the canary yellow kits that have defined our summers since childhood? The BBL marches on – yes, technically there’s more cricket on than ever before – but do we care that the Melbourne Stars are fucking their chances of playing in the “big dance”? Once again, we show ourselves to be utterly consumed by nostalgia and probably out of touch with modern society. Meanwhile, Stars coach David Hussey gets fined for some tongue in cheek comments about pitches: harsh overreaction by cricket authorities, or wholly deserved sanction for deeply shit chat?

Michael Paul Vaughan OBE joins the show for some honest reflections on English cricket, including criticisms over Jofra Archer, Jos Buttler, and Joe Root's inability to get to three figures. We also touch on Stokes’ reaction to getting sledged at the Wanderers, plus the glorious 2005 Ashes triumph, before Vaughan walks us through his strategy for dealing with anonymous fuckwits on Twitter.

Finally, #AskTGC provides advice to a father who deliberately ‘barbecued’ his slow-scoring teammate (and son) in a lower grade fixture, facilitates a birthday shoutout on behalf of a young lady trapped in a relationship with a massive cricket nuffie, and attempts to define the origins of the word ‘salad’ once and for all.

As always, big thanks for the @BudgySmuggler crew for their long-standing support of The Grade Cricketer Podcast.

***

We do events, too. If you have sporting entertainment needs and prefer material sourced after 1975, please talk to us. We’ve performed across Australia and the UK, and love telling stories from clubland, or interviewing those who tell them even better. Contact [email protected] for more details.

***

We have merch, namely Stubby Holders, and Smugglers. Head to https://gradecricketer.club/shop for the specifics

***

Big thanks to Jarryd Biviano @thefifthcreative and Julia Dowe for our podcast art, Toby Shain for the voiceovers + fake ad production, and Adrian Leung for our intro tune.

***

Email the show at [email protected]

***

We’re able to do all of this thanks to the fit, intelligent, enterprising people at Budgy Smuggler. It either is, or is nearly, summer somewhere in the world. For the entirety of your colourful swimwear needs, head to budgysmuggler.com.au

EXTRA HOUR of AskTGC EVERY WEEK: https://patreon.com/gradecricketer

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

That weird India v Australia ODI series has already come and gone since our last podcast, and Mitch Starc bats five for Australia now. What else did we learn from these offshored ODIs, which took place at an ungodly hour behind a paywall, other than what the BCCI wants, it fucking gets?

The BBL rolls on (will it ever end?) and the Brisbane Heat are an absolute myth – as is AB deVilliers, according to three blokes from the internet with a combined test match tally of 0. Meanwhile, the ICC pitch ratings are in for the home summer: the WACA is “good” while the Gabba is “very good." But which is a more intimidating venue/airport/city for India to arrive at: Perth or Brisbane? And how do you get a job judging pitches?

It’s obvious now that Ben Stokes is the best player that England has ever produced. And the English cricket media is going wild over Ollie Pope, who’s variously the new Ian Bell/future highest run-scorer for England, depending on which Twitter cuck you’re following. (That is until they ruthlessly tear him down 12 months from now.) Meanwhile, Kagiso Rabada has earned a one-match suspension for yelling really loudly, or some shit, a situation that is perfectly summed up by the frequently cited and watertight speeding analogy. Also, Pakistan has picked a 14-year-old in their U19 World Cup team – more normal stuff from a normal cricketing nation.

In a TGC first, we welcome BBL rivals and Tasmanian grade club mates, Clive Rose and Beau Webster, to answer various questions about each other. From personal branding, Dennis Rodman, being called 'Slug', referring to enormous umpires as "The Big Man" and VIP booth circuiting in Hobart at 'Cargo'. You know, all the normal stuff.

And #AskTGC deals with a few important issues, including best practice around Friday night circuiting, while responding to a lower grader’s request for career advice via Linkedin InMail, before ruthlessly dispatching a bloke who has the audacity to sign off his question as ‘Chop King’.

Thanks again for the @BudgySmuggler team for backing this podcast week in week out. Great swimwear, great people – get around them and they in turn will get around you.

EXTRA HOUR of AskTGC EVERY WEEK: https://patreon.com/gradecricketer

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.