If you’re a foster or adoptive mom, there’s a good chance you’ve felt it.

That deep, nagging guilt that whispers:

You’re not doing enough. You should have handled that better. You shouldn’t feel this way. They deserve more than you can give.

I call it the guilt spiral—and it’s a space so many of us end up in, often without even realizing it. It starts small, with a moment of self-doubt. But it snowballs quickly, pulling us into a pit of shame, anxiety, and relentless pressure to be everything for everyone.

I’ve been there—more than once. And I want to talk about it today because I know how lonely and exhausting it feels to carry guilt silently. I also know that it doesn’t have to be this way.

In this post, I’m sharing why the guilt spiral happens so often in foster and adoptive motherhood, how it affects us (and our families), and most importantly—how to get out of it.

Let’s breathe some truth and grace into this together.

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