“Teaching my teen to independently regulate before bed to help him sleep. Sticking to a bedtime routine with a teen when schedules are all over the place.”

This message landed in my DMs yesterday, and my heart immediately went out to this mama. If you’re fostering teens, you already know the bedtime battle is nothing like what the parenting books describe.

I’ve been there – wondering if the “expert” sleep advice I’d read had ever been tested on a kid whose nervous system was permanently set to high alert.

After nearly three years of fostering and working with countless foster families (plus my background as a therapist), I’ve learned that traditional sleep advice often fails our kids spectacularly. Not because we’re doing it wrong, but because it wasn’t designed for children who’ve experienced trauma.

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If you’ve ever found yourself whispering “I just can’t do this right now” — and then immediately feeling guilt for even thinking it — this episode is for you.

As foster moms, we learn early on how to stretch our hearts beyond what feels possible. We say yes when others might say no. We hold space for heartbreak, navigate uncertainty, and pour love into children who may not stay forever. But what happens when the calling that once brought life to your soul starts to feel heavier than you can carry?

Here’s the truth I want you to take in fully: needing to pause is not the same as giving up.

Taking a step back — whether temporarily or indefinitely — doesn’t erase your impact, your worth, or your love for the children and families you’ve served. It simply means you’re human. And humans have seasons.

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As foster and adoptive moms, we sign up to hold space for big emotions — ours, our children’s, and often the system’s. But what happens when your child’s emotional world collides with your own? When their anxiety, anger, or attachment behaviors stir something deep within you — and suddenly you’re not sure who needs the comfort more: them, or you?

You’re not alone.

Many of the moms I work with in the Fearless Fostering community describe this season as “emotionally disorienting.” You want so badly to be your child’s safe place, but you’re also human. You have your own nervous system, your own capacity limits, and your own unresolved pain that can get triggered in the process.

Let’s talk about how to stay grounded, connected, and compassionate — for both your child and yourself — when emotions run high at home.

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Every once in a while, a post comes through our community that stops me in my tracks.

 A foster mama recently shared about her sweet little one—let’s call him Aiden—who’s been with her since he was just a week old. He’s 20 months now. He’s her joy. And soon, he may be leaving.

Reading her words—about anticipatory grief, exhaustion, the stress of parenting multiple children with high needs, and a marriage stretched thin—I felt the ache that only foster moms truly understand. It’s the ache of loving a child you might lose.

Today I want to speak to that place inside of you—the place that loves fiercely and grieves quietly, that feels both called and completely undone.

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There’s a kind of heartbreak that doesn’t get talked about enough — the quiet, complicated grief of a relinquished or failed adoption.
The world often doesn’t have a name for it, but you do.
You know what it feels like to have hoped, to have attached, to have planned… and to have it all unravel.

Maybe you were days away from finalization when everything shifted.
Maybe you made the incredibly brave, gut-wrenching decision to say “no” because your family simply couldn’t meet that child’s needs.
Or maybe, despite everything you gave — the late-night rocking, the therapy appointments, the prayers whispered in the dark — the system decided otherwise.

No matter what your specific story looks like, the ache is real. And the healing? It’s a process that deserves time, compassion, and space to breathe.

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This week, I'm sharing what I've been Reading, Eating, Playing, Obsessing over, Recommending, and Treating for the month of September...including admitting what made me cry at the EPCOT firework show...only God can judge me! Haha!

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Foster parenting is one of the most beautiful, heartbreaking, stretching, and transformative journeys a person can take. It’s a path filled with late-night calls, endless paperwork, uncertain outcomes, emotional highs, and devastating lows. And while so many foster moms step into this role with open hearts and the best intentions, the truth is: fostering can sometimes feel like too much.

That’s not because you’re not strong enough. It’s because foster parenting is uniquely demanding—mentally, emotionally, and physically. And without realizing it, you may find yourself moving closer and closer to burnout.

In this episode, I want to unpack what foster mom burnout looks like, why it happens, and—most importantly—what you can do to care for yourself so that you can continue caring for the children who need you.

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If there’s one word I hear over and over again from foster moms, it’s this: guilt.

We feel guilty for not doing enough, for not being enough, for wanting rest, for saying no to one more visit, one more placement, one more request from a caseworker. And when we do say no, we often sit with the heavy weight of second-guessing ourselves: Am I letting someone down? Am I failing as a foster parent?

But here’s the truth: boundaries are not selfish — they are essential. Without them, foster parenting will eat us alive. With them, we can actually show up more fully, more consistently, and more lovingly for the children in our care.

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One of the hardest parts of parenting children from hard places is the constant question: am I doing the right thing?

Every decision feels weighted:
Do I push or do I give grace?
 Do I set the boundary or soften it?
Do I make the accommodation or hold steady?

If you’re parenting a child with trauma or anxiety, you’ve likely asked yourself these questions on repeat. And you’re not alone.

Recently, one of the mamas in my Fearless Fostering community shared something that hit home for many of us:

This is such a brave, honest reflection — and one so many foster and adoptive parents will resonate with.

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Let’s be honest — most foster parent training programs are designed to check a box. They’re full of important information, but they often leave out how it actually feels to be a foster parent.

If you’re a foster parent or considering becoming one, you’ve probably heard something like:
“Just complete your training hours, pass your home study, and you’ll be ready to welcome a child into your home.”

But here’s the truth:
Foster parent training is just the starting line — not the full playbook. And no one talks about what happens after the state checks “approved” on your file.

As someone who has walked this road and now helps other foster moms navigate theirs through my Foster Mama Lifeline community, I want to tell you what training doesn’t prepare you for — and what you can do instead to feel truly equipped.

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