Absolutely LOVED this talk with my pal and former Fearless Fostering member, Christi Chatman. In addition to being a foster mama, Christi is a therapist and big believer in therapy (especially embodied therapy for all that we hold in our bodies) for foster mamas. She shares her foster care journey thus far, what was painful and frustrating, as well as encouragement for how to persevere and heal from the wounds of foster mama trauma.

You can find Christi on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/christi_chatman/

Learn more about my Fearless Fostering Program and apply here: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1dDWEAyUJFNC6gQj4R7bBb9bFZKcFWCl-yTY8pW2NZfA/edit#response=ACYDBNh_D4bXIebgjtBJjip3XwLSi-s24mCfEL9UiioWUgIo-D9Fp0mdpM1ekqlzMcjtGJc

Charell Star is a former foster youth, lifelong advocate, and brilliant storyteller - she joins me in conversation on this episode to share her story and her debut memoir: Trashbag Tales & Other Stories From An Accidentally Happy Life.

Find Charell's book here: https://charellstar.com/

Connect with her on social media here: https://www.instagram.com/charellstar/#instagram

When you begin your foster care journey, you prepare for a lot of things.

You prepare your home.

You prepare your heart.

You prepare for trauma, transitions, and the unknown.

But almost no one prepares you for one of the most sacred, painful, complex, and often overlooked relationships in foster care:

The relationship between you and your child’s biological mother.

Join the Foster Mama Lifeline here: https://stan.store/fearless_fostering/p/reclaimed-mama-community-pfdw5q2k

Free Resources here: https://stan.store/fearless_fostering

If you’ve ever stood face-to-face with a child in full-blown meltdown mode—screaming, hitting, crying, or shutting down—you know the pressure.

Your heart races. Your brain scrambles for the “right” response.

And suddenly, you’re the one feeling completely dysregulated.

This is one of the hardest truths about parenting—especially in foster care:

You can’t support a dysregulated child unless you know how to regulate yourself.

And that’s not easy when the moment feels personal, chaotic, or just plain exhausting.

Let’s break it down:

What regulation actually is (and what it’s not)

Why foster parents are more prone to dysregulation

Real strategies you can use in the moment

What to say when you freeze

And how to recover when it doesn’t go well (because sometimes, it won’t)

First 5 Scripts Freebie: https://stan.store/fearless_fostering

Foster Mama Lifeline Community: https://stan.store/fearless_fostering/p/reclaimed-mama-community-pfdw5q2k

When I first started parenting kids from hard places, I thought I was prepared.

I had read the books.

I had attended the trainings.

I had even practiced my calm voice in the mirror (true story).

But nothing fully prepared me for the moment I was in the middle of a screaming match with a 6-year-old who had flipped a table over, while my heart was racing, my voice was shaking, and I was thinking,

“What am I doing wrong?”

The truth is, nothing. I wasn’t doing it wrong—I just didn’t know what I know now.

If you’re navigating frequent meltdowns, power struggles, or total shutdowns, you’re not alone. These behaviors can feel overwhelming and even scary at times. And most of us were never taught what to do with them—especially in the context of trauma.

So today, I want to share with you the 3 things I wish I knew sooner about handling hard behaviors. These lessons have completely shifted how I show up as a foster mom and a therapist—and they might just do the same for you.

Join the Foster Mama Lifeline here: https://stan.store/fearless_fostering/p/reclaimed-mama-community-pfdw5q2k

More freebies and resources here: https://stan.store/fearless_fostering

If you’re a foster or adoptive mom, there’s a good chance you’ve felt it.

That deep, nagging guilt that whispers:

You’re not doing enough. You should have handled that better. You shouldn’t feel this way. They deserve more than you can give.

I call it the guilt spiral—and it’s a space so many of us end up in, often without even realizing it. It starts small, with a moment of self-doubt. But it snowballs quickly, pulling us into a pit of shame, anxiety, and relentless pressure to be everything for everyone.

I’ve been there—more than once. And I want to talk about it today because I know how lonely and exhausting it feels to carry guilt silently. I also know that it doesn’t have to be this way.

In this post, I’m sharing why the guilt spiral happens so often in foster and adoptive motherhood, how it affects us (and our families), and most importantly—how to get out of it.

Let’s breathe some truth and grace into this together.

Join the Foster Mama LIfeline Here: https://stan.store/fearless_fostering

When I began fostering, I felt like I had prepared as much as any human possibly could. I read all the books. I watched the webinars. I went to the trainings. I talked to seasoned foster parents. I even practiced “holding space” for imaginary scenarios in my head. I was ready—or so I thought.

But no amount of preparation can fully equip you for the lived experience of foster parenting, especially in that first raw, vulnerable year.

Now, years later, as a therapist who supports foster and adoptive moms, I can look back on that time with a bit more grace. I see the mistakes I made—not with shame—but with curiosity and compassion. Because those missteps were also my greatest teachers.

Here are the biggest mistakes I made in my first year of fostering—and the lessons they taught me.

Join the Foster Mama Lifeline here: https://stan.store/fearless_fostering/p/reclaimed-mama-community-pfdw5q2k

Find free resources + more support here: https://stan.store/fearless_fostering

As a former school social worker and someone currently serving as a long-term social work sub in a public school, I’ve had a front-row seat to how schools function behind the scenes. I’ve also witnessed how challenging it can be for foster mamas to advocate for their children in the school system. Many foster children enter school carrying the weight of trauma, attachment challenges, and emotional stress, all of which can affect their ability to learn and thrive in a traditional classroom setting.

Join my Foster Mama Lifeline Here: https://stan.store/fearless_fostering/p/reclaimed-mama-community-pfdw5q2k

Get more support and freebies here: https://stan.store/fearless_fostering

Fact: Foster care disproportionately affects families of color. In this episode, I'm having a SUPER raw and real conversation with foster mama and foster care advocate Gaile Osborne. Gaile is the executive director of the Foster Family Alliance of North Carolina and has learned firsthand that most of us well-meaning foster mamas DO have work to do when it comes to being anti-racist and educating our extended family and friends to do the same.

Learn more about the Alliance here: https://www.ffa-nc.org/

Get more support, including my Foster Mama Lifeline Community here: https://stan.store/fearless_fostering

As a foster mama, you carry a weight that few truly understand—the sleepless nights worrying about your child’s emotional well-being, the endless advocacy to ensure they get the right support, and the deep emotional investment in their healing. You’re juggling doctor’s appointments, IEP meetings, sibling visits, birth parent relationships, and behaviors that other parents don’t have to navigate.

And through it all, you’re expected to keep going.

But have you ever stopped to think about what it costs you to stay in this cycle of exhaustion?

Most of us don’t. We push through, telling ourselves that our kids need us. That we’ll take a break later. That we don’t have time for self-care. That we just need to be stronger.

But burnout isn’t just a bad day or a rough week. It’s a long-term depletion—and it has real consequences for your health, your family, and your ability to show up as the mom you want to be.

Get the Foster Mama Survival Kit here: https://stan.store/fearless_fostering/p/solutions-for-foster-care-stress