What if dysregulation isn’t the problem? 

I know I know- that’s really hard to wrap our brain around! At least, it was for me. 

In this episode, I continue the conversation from last week’s interview with Deb Dana and take a deeper dive into one of her most powerful insights: that dysregulation is simply part of being human—and it’s the absence of repair that becomes the real challenge.

But I think for parents of kids with big, baffling behaviors, we need to pause and explore that a little more. Because- in your home- dysregulation is a real problem!!!

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why dysregulation is a natural part of being human, and how polyvagal theory reframes it with compassion and hope
• The difference between dysregulation itself and the behaviors that can emerge from it
• How offering repair—even when it isn’t received—can create powerful shifts in your child’s nervous system and in your own

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

• Polyvagal Theory as a Path to Hope: Regulation, Repair, and Connection with guest Deb Dana {EP 233}
• The Club – my online parent community with resources, events, and connections!!!!
• The Attachment Series - eBook
• Free Resource Library 

Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/polyvagalhope

Teaching kids about their owl, watchdog, and possum brain is one key piece of growing their owl brain and calming their watchdog and possum brain!

Register for this once-a-year webinar on September 4, 2025 at RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrain

You'll get access to the recording and OODLES of resources.

Club Members- you do NOT have to register!!!

***

Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!
You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!

RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

:::

Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Polyvagal theory isn’t just a theory- it’s a way of living that can transform how we show up for our kids, ourselves, and everyone around us. I’m SOOOO excited to introduce you to Deb Dana! Together, we explore how understanding our nervous systems brings hope, deepens connection, and makes repair possible even in the messiest moments.

In this episode you’ll learn:

• Why polyvagal theory is truly a theory of hope and how it can reframe your parenting challenges.
• How to increase cues of safety and decrease cues of danger—for you and your child.
• The essential role of repair in building connection, even when your child can’t (or won’t) receive it right away.

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

• https://www.rhythmofregulation.com/

Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/DebDana

Teaching kids about their owl, watchdog, and possum brain is one key piece of growing their owl brain and calming their watchdog and possum brain!

Register for this once-a-year webinar on September 4, 2025 at RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrain

You'll get access to the recording and OODLES of resources.

Club Members- you do NOT have to register!!!

***

Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!
You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!

RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion

:::

Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

When kids swear, it often feels jarring, disrespectful, or even threatening. But swearing isn’t about defiance or being a bad kid- it’s a clue about the state of your child’s nervous system. Swearing might mean your child is overwhelmed, dysregulated, or struggling to find their real voice. 

Of course, understanding the behavior isn’t excusing the behavior. BUT! When we understand where the behavior is coming from, we get much better and more effective ideas about how to address it.

In this episode, we explore what’s really going on beneath the swearing, why it might be possible to consider that swearing isn’t inherently bad, and how parents can respond in ways that build regulation, connection, and felt safety.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why your own reaction to swearing is the first thing to explore, and how to regulate through it
• What swearing might really be communicating, including pain, overwhelm, or a need for control
• How to scaffold emotional expression so your child learns to use their real voice instead of cussing
  
  
  

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

• • Regulated Does Not Equal Calm {EP 31}
  • Boundaries with Connection Part 1 of 3 {EP 111}
  • Boundaries With Verbal Aggression with Juliane Taylor Shore {EP 115}
  • How I've Strengthened my P

Teaching kids about their owl, watchdog, and possum brain is one key piece of growing their owl brain and calming their watchdog and possum brain!

Register for this once-a-year webinar on September 4, 2025 at RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrain

You'll get access to the recording and OODLES of resources.

Club Members- you do NOT have to register!!!

***

Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!
You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!

RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion

:::

Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

I’m so excited to introduce you to someone who has deeply influenced my work- Deb Wesselmann! Deb is a pioneer in integrating EMDR therapy with family therapy for children with early attachment trauma. In this episode, we chat about how Deb (and her colleagues) developed her attachment-focused EMDR model, why slow bilateral stimulation is so effective for complex trauma, and what it really means to create a secure holding environment for both kids and their parents. We also talk about the importance of therapists and other helpers doing their own work in therapy.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why Deb’s model of attachment-focused EMDR has transformed how we support children with early trauma
• The importance of helping both parents and children process trauma for lasting healing
• How bilateral stimulation, safety, and co-regulation come together in this powerful family therapy mode

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

• Learn more about Deb Wesselmann and her work: https://debrawesselmann.com/
• Register for Deb's upcoming online training in Attachment-Focused EMDR: https://debrawesselmann.com/#emdr-therapy
• Stay tuned for Deb and Christine Mark-Griffin’s upcoming EMDR workbook for kids, releasing in 2026!
• Learn more about EMDR Therapy: https://www.emdria.org

Read the full transcript at:

Teaching kids about their owl, watchdog, and possum brain is one key piece of growing their owl brain and calming their watchdog and possum brain!

Register for this once-a-year webinar on September 4, 2025 at RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrain

You'll get access to the recording and OODLES of resources.

Club Members- you do NOT have to register!!!

***

Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!
You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!

RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion

:::

Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) isn’t about being overly sensitive. It’s about a nervous system that experiences rejection as danger. In this episode, I explore RSD through the lens of relational neuroscience, attachment, memory, and regulation. Whether you see this in yourself or your child, this episode will help you understand why rejection feels so big, and what actually helps.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why RSD reactions are so intense and how they’re rooted in memory and nervous system states
• How attachment experiences shape our sensitivity to rejection
• What actually helps when RSD shows up (for you or your child), including co-regulation and self-compassion

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

• Trauma, Memory, & Behavior: Part 1 {EP 90}
• The Neurobiology of Toxic Shame {EP 119}
• 1% Better Is Enough. {EP 166}
• All Behavior Makes Sense {EP 198}

Read the full transcript at:RobynGobbel.com/rejectivesensitivity

Teaching kids about their owl, watchdog, and possum brain is one key piece of growing their owl brain and calming their watchdog and possum brain!

Register for this once-a-year webinar on September 4, 2025 at RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrain

You'll get access to the recording and OODLES of resources.

Club Members- you do NOT have to register!!!

***

Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!
You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!

RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

:::

Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Healing comes in all forms, including on farms, with horses, and of course, in relationship. My guest this week, Sara Sherman, is a graduate of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s Professional Immersion Program and the founder of Dandelion NeuroRelational Family Services in Minnesota. Sara and I have a delightful chat about what it means to bring relational healing to kids and families and how we can (and must!) think outside the box.

Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/neurorelational

Teaching kids about their owl, watchdog, and possum brain is one key piece of growing their owl brain and calming their watchdog and possum brain!

Register for this once-a-year webinar on September 4, 2025 at RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrain

You'll get access to the recording and OODLES of resources.

Club Members- you do NOT have to register!!!

***

Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!
You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!

RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion

:::

Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

{Replay of Episode 169 from March 2024} Parenting with co-regulating and seeing below our kids behaviors is actually a privilege we rarely talk about. It’s always a privilege, but especially when we consider different marginalized and oppressed identities that a lot of kids- and those of you listening- intersectionally hold. 

In this episode, you’ll learn

• The definition of privilege (it is NOT a criticism)
• The privilege of safety for folks with histories of trauma
• The privilege of safety for folks with other marginalized and oppressed identities
• How this relates to parenting 

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

• Mr. Chazz 
  • https://www.mrchazz.com/
  • https://www.instagram.com/mrchazz/
• Yolanda Williams & Parenting Decolonized
  • https://www.instagram.com/prntgdcolonized/
• What Happened to You? By Bruce Perry & Oprah Winfrey

Read the full transcript at:RobynGobbel.com/privilege

Teaching kids about their owl, watchdog, and possum brain is one key piece of growing their owl brain and calming their watchdog and possum brain!

Register for this once-a-year webinar on September 4, 2025 at RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrain

You'll get access to the recording and OODLES of resources.

Club Members- you do NOT have to register!!!

***

Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!
You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!

RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

:::

Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

What do you do when your child lives part-time in a home where regulation, connection, and felt safety aren't present? In this episode, I talk with Sybil Cummin, a therapist specializing in working with families navigating coercive control. Sybil shares practical guidance for showing up as a steady, safe presence for your child, even when the other parent’s home feels unpredictable or unsafe.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• What coercive control is and how it impacts both children and the parent trying to co-regulate.
• How to offer a felt sense of safety and connection, even when transitions are rocky.
• Why parents need safe spaces and support when navigating systems that require co-parenting with an unsafe partner.

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

• Rising Beyond PC! - Sybil's Website

Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/coercivecontrol

Teaching kids about their owl, watchdog, and possum brain is one key piece of growing their owl brain and calming their watchdog and possum brain!

Register for this once-a-year webinar on September 4, 2025 at RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrain

You'll get access to the recording and OODLES of resources.

Club Members- you do NOT have to register!!!

***

Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!
You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!

RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion

:::

Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Part of why you keep listening to this podcast is for parenting tools and strategies, right?? So, what do we do when it feels like nothing is working?!

What’s really going on when parenting tools feel useless and you want to shout “THIS ISN’T WORKING?!

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why parenting tools “work” when they come from connection, not protection
• What to ask yourself when it seems like nothing helps anymore
• How to know if your child’s needs have outpaced the support you can give on your own

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

• When Your Nervous System is Fried Infographic
• Mini Pep Talk for When You Feel Like You're Failing {EP 220}

Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/tools

Teaching kids about their owl, watchdog, and possum brain is one key piece of growing their owl brain and calming their watchdog and possum brain!

Register for this once-a-year webinar on September 4, 2025 at RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrain

You'll get access to the recording and OODLES of resources.

Club Members- you do NOT have to register!!!

***

Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!
You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!

RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

:::

Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

I know- sometimes it feels impossible to feel delight toward your child. I get it! 

BUT! If you can find even micro-moments of delight, it can be very powerful for both you and your child. 

In this episode, you'll learn:

• How is delight related to secure attachment
• The science behind why it’s sometimes very hard to find delight in kids with vulnerable nervous systems 
• How to intentionally look for and pause in moments of delight
• Why delight doesn’t just help your child, but your nervous system too
  
  

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

• Titrating Connection- Oppositional Series Part 4 {EP 159}

Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/delight

Teaching kids about their owl, watchdog, and possum brain is one key piece of growing their owl brain and calming their watchdog and possum brain!

Register for this once-a-year webinar on September 4, 2025 at RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrain

You'll get access to the recording and OODLES of resources.

Club Members- you do NOT have to register!!!

***

Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!
You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!

RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

:::

Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)