The Happiness Standard

We spend so much of our lives trying to avoid regret—but what if regret is actually useful?

Discover the psychology of regret, anticipated regret, and decision-making, plus learn "The Regret Reset," a simple framework to transform regret into growth.

Episodes Mentioned:

Happiness Is A Verb: https://open.spotify.com/episode/6u37pF2YxCfvCjiT8mkJBh?si=XcX-FeoPRRe57fu_VlusxQ&utm_source=sms

Why Did We Stop Being Friends? : https://open.spotify.com/episode/70ZRcUFP3Jgy48D3RlKKfi?si=xZGhlyqNQTmHVc4wUdc-4g&utm_source=sms

Forgiveness Without Reconnection: https://open.spotify.com/episode/1fsdXQ0PUeG6bz4wZoPtQW?si=FH-QMtsDSR-Hvo1dYUSwGg&utm_source=sms

References:

Afifi, W. A., & Guerrero, L. K. (2000). Motivated cognitive processes underlying topic avoidance in close relationships. In S. Petronio (Ed.), Balancing the secrets of private disclosures (pp. 165–179). Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.

Gilovich, T., & Medvec, V. H. (1994). The temporal pattern to the experience of regret. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 67(3), 357–365. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.67.3.357

Kahneman, D., & Tversky, A. (1982). The simulation heuristic. In D. Kahneman, P. Slovic, & A. Tversky (Eds.), Judgment under uncertainty: Heuristics and biases (pp. 201–208). Cambridge University Press.

Markman, K. D., Gavanski, I., Sherman, S. J., & McMullen, M. N. (1993). The mental simulation of better and worse possible worlds. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 29(1), 87–109. https://doi.org/10.1006/jesp.1993.1005

Zeelenberg, M., & Pieters, R. (2007). A theory of regret regulation 1.0. Journal of Consumer Psychology, 17(1), 3–18. https://doi.org/10.1207/s15327663jcp1701_3

Big dreams sound inspiring—but dreams don't change your life. Habits do.

Dr. Sarah Eileen-Downey Akers discusses why goals aren't accomplishments, why we often confuse intention with progress, and how small daily actions become the person you're trying to be.

Episodes Mentioned:

https://open.spotify.com/episode/6u37pF2YxCfvCjiT8mkJBh?si=cRRpOhymTHqFPy-2VCxKQg&utm_source=sms

References:

Dillard, J. P. (1990). A goal-planning-action model of interpersonal influence. Communication Theory, 1(1), 1–27. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1468-2885.1991.tb00002.x

Gollwitzer, P. M., & Sheeran, P. (2006). Implementation intentions and goal achievement: A meta-analysis of effects and processes. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 38, 69–119. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0065-2601(06)38002-1

Lally, P., van Jaarsveld, C. H. M., Potts, H. W. W., & Wardle, J. (2010). How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology, 40(6), 998–1009. https://doi.org/10.1002/ejsp.674

Sheeran, P. (2002). Intention—Behavior relations: A conceptual and empirical review. European Review of Social Psychology, 12(1), 1–36. https://doi.org/10.1080/14792772143000003

What if happiness isn't the destination we've been told it is? What if it's actually a practice? Discover the psychology of happiness, why the next milestone never feels like enough, and the research-backed mindset shift that could change the way you experience everyday life.

Episodes Mentioned: https://open.spotify.com/episode/5oKvDiiUy63pmAwbawHbr6?si=dBSHQ8BvT_CYc1Hx8MT6JA

References:

Brickman, P., Coates, D., & Janoff-Bulman, R. (1978). Lottery winners and accident victims: Is happiness relative? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 36(8), 917–927. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.36.8.917

Fredrickson, B. L. (1998). What good are positive emotions? Review of General Psychology, 2(3), 300-319.

https://doi.org/10.1037/1089-2680.2.3.300

Waldinger, R. J., & Schulz, M. S. (2023). The good life: Lessons from the world's longest scientific study of happiness. Simon & Schuster. 

Still waiting for an apology? An explanation? One last conversation?

In this episode, Dr. Sarah Eileen-Downey Akers explores why closure is overrated—and how to find peace, heal, and move forward after endings that were never fully explained.

Boss, P. (1999). Ambiguous loss: Learning to live with unresolved grief. Harvard University Press.

Nolen-Hoeksema, S. (2000). The role of rumination in depressive disorders and mixed anxiety/depressive symptoms. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 109(3), 504–511. https://doi.org/10.1037/0021-843X.109.3.504

Zeigarnik, B. (1938). On finished and unfinished tasks. In W. D. Ellis (Ed.), A source book of Gestalt psychology (pp. 300–314). Harcourt, Brace.

Why do adult friendships feel so hard to maintain?

In Episode 19 of The Happiness Standard, Dr. Sarah Eileen-Downey Akers explores why friendships fade, what communication research teaches us about maintaining meaningful relationships, and why friendship loss can feel like a form of grief. If you've ever wondered what happened to a friendship—or how to build stronger ones—this episode is for you.

Episodes Mentioned

The Expectation Effect - https://open.spotify.com/episode/3D8Gji7BZ6YDRGRnoKqwKC?si=_V_SQzSaSkaiic9YrrfcUg

References 

Altman, I., & Taylor, D. A. (1973). Social penetration: The development of interpersonal relationships. Holt, Rinehart & Winston.

Demir, M., Özdemir, M., & Weitekamp, L. A. (2012). Looking to happy tomorrows with friends: Best and close friendships as they predict happiness. Journal of Happiness Studies, 13(6), 1179–1196.

Doka, K. J., & Davidson, J. D. (2016). Living with grief: Who we are, how we grieve. Routledge.

Duck, S. (1994). Meaningful relationships: Talking, sense, and relating. Sage.

Festinger, L., Schachter, S., & Back, K. (1950). Social pressures in informal groups: A study of human factors in housing. Stanford University Press.

Stafford, L., & Canary, D. J. (1991). Maintenance strategies and romantic relationship type, gender, and relational characteristics. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 8(2), 217–242.

You've been told confidence comes first.

What if that's wrong?

In Episode 18 of The Happiness Standard, Dr. Sarah Eileen-Downey Akers explores the psychology of confidence, self-efficacy, avoidance, and why the feeling you're waiting for actually comes after you begin. Discover the confidence catch—and why it could be the reason you feel stuck.

Episodes Mentioned:

Episode 11 - Congratulations! You Failed: https://open.spotify.com/episode/2iLl7CCtTI1x51LPkhLduC?si=kBefNzMjTXydR09znXwtEw

Episode 10 - You’re Measuring Wrong: https://open.spotify.com/episode/3YtpeCAX9IIX9cbj8nLf3o?si=jEzevaaCRNS56QgMMs2A6A

Episode 7 - My Birthday! https://open.spotify.com/episode/1eGi5VFROlucsDcA1NjJPr?si=SLAgy5jzSfeaYWgysrMfEQ

References

Bandura, A. (1977). Self-efficacy: Toward a unifying theory of behavioral change. Psychological Review, 84(2), 191–215. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-295X.84.2.191

Bandura, A. (1997). Self-efficacy: The exercise of control. W. H. Freeman.

Craske, M. G., Treanor, M., Conway, C. C., Zbozinek, T., & Vervliet, B. (2014). Maximizing exposure therapy: An inhibitory learning approach. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 58, 10–23. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2014.04.006

Masten, A. S. (2001). Ordinary magic: Resilience processes in development. American Psychologist, 56(3), 227–238. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.56.3.227

Mowrer, O. H. (1947). On the dual nature of learning: A reinterpretation of “conditioning” and “problem-solving.” Harvard Educational Review, 17, 102–148.

Southwick, S. M., Bonanno, G. A., Masten, A. S., Panter-Brick, C., & Yehuda, R. (2014). Resilience definitions, theory, and challenges: Interdisciplinary perspectives. European Journal of Psychotraumatology, 5(1), Article 25338. https://doi.org/10.3402/ejpt.v5.25338

What if the confidence you rely on isn't actually yours?

In Episode 17 of The Happiness Standard, Dr. Sarah Eileen-Downey Akers explores the hidden psychology behind validation, self-worth, confidence, and social approval.

Discover why external validation feels so rewarding, how it can quietly shape your happiness, and the surprising path to building confidence from within.

References:

Bandura, A. (1977). Self-efficacy: Toward a unifying theory of behavioral change. Psychological Review, 84(2), 191–215.

Baumeister, R. F., & Leary, M. R. (1995). The need to belong: Desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation. Psychological Bulletin, 117(3), 497–529.

Crocker, J., & Wolfe, C. T. (2001). Contingencies of self-worth. Psychological Review, 108(3), 593–623.

Izuma, K., Saito, D. N., & Sadato, N. (2008). Processing of social and monetary rewards in the human striatum. Neuron, 58(2), 284–294.

Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85–101.

Are your expectations communicated or assumed?

In EP 16 of The Happiness Standard, Dr. Sarah Eileen-Downey Akers explores how expectations shape our relationships, self-worth, and emotional wellbeing.

Learn how unmet expectations can lead to disappointment, why boundaries are essential for healthy communication, and how self-integrity helps build trust with yourself.

Through communication theory, practical strategies, and real-life examples, this episode offers tools for navigating relationships, setting boundaries, and managing expectations in a healthier way.

Episodes Mentioned:

Are You Giving Grace or Making Excuses? : https://open.spotify.com/episode/7LV5dyquSt77IFZi4lZZ2B?si=MV_DjfjCQ5-XSPab5tpDVg

Embracing Change: https://open.spotify.com/episode/4Rb0qH75B6lcyufxIgssu1?si=0CLHhk6oQrKoACrKkfHiOg

References:

Burgoon, J. K. (1993). Interpersonal expectations, expectancy violations, and emotional communication. Journal of Language and Social Psychology, 12(1–2), 30–48. https://doi.org/10.1177/0261927x93121003

Burgoon, J. K., & Jones, S. B. (1976). TOWARD a THEORY OF PERSONAL SPACE EXPECTATIONS AND THEIR VIOLATIONS. Human Communication Research, 2(2), 131–146.

Did COVID change the way you connect with people? In EP 15 of The Happiness Standard, Dr. Sarah Eileen-Downey Akers explores the rise of loneliness after the pandemic and why feeling disconnected impacts more than just our emotions.

Using research from Hawkley and Cacioppo (2010), this episode breaks down the psychological, relational, & physical effects of loneliness — and how we begin reconnecting again!

Podcasts Episodes Mentioned: 

Embracing Change: https://open.spotify.com/episode/4Rb0qH75B6lcyufxIgssu1?si=nG8FT8_DS62ukWeEOFIvDg

Anger Is Your Friend: https://open.spotify.com/episode/6FJJtqnCRTkHSM9wRYMh3b?si=kQUV-UaoSNyVTK1b05lTrw

References: 

Hawkley, L. C., & Cacioppo, J. T. (2010). Loneliness matters: a theoretical and empirical review of consequences and mechanisms. Annals of behavioral medicine : a publication of the Society of Behavioral Medicine, 40(2), 218–227. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12160-010-9210-8

In this episode of The Happiness Standard, we discuss embracing change, outgrowing relationships, letting go of people who are no longer aligned with your life, and navigating uncertainty when the future feels unclear.

Sometimes growth means accepting that not everyone is meant to come with you—and that not knowing what’s next doesn’t mean something is wrong. Even if that's scary!

Tune in for an honest conversation about change, healing, and becoming who you’re meant to be.