The Heart of Grief

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In July of 2025, Brian's wife of 45 years died. This loss has brought him into a new, deeper and more complex experience of grief. Christmas 2025 will be the first one in 4 1/2 decades without Diane's presence and participation. 

This episode of The Heart of Grief is the fusing of two episodes from December 2024. Part two of this combo is a focus on spiritual faith in the bereavement journey. This is drawn from Brian's personal Christian faith.

25 Creative Ways of Remembering Loved Ones at Christmas

Managing The Holiday Season

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Just Be Honest, by Clint Watkins

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Sometimes when people are faced with changes or endings in difficult or painful relationships, they wonder why they are feeling badly. Why are they grieving a relationship that was not enjoyable or good for them? 

In this episode, Brian explains the feelings that can often follow the death of someone we call a "Less-than-loved-one." While this can be very confusing for the grieving person, there is a simple explanation for it. We are left with conflicted feelings about many things we wish had been different in the relationship.

Brian explains how the Grief Recovery Method program offers both understanding and a healing process.

The Heart of Grief

The Grief Recovery Institute

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Professional grief counselors sometimes refer to the tasks of integrating grief into our lives going forward. The goal is to recognize the changes brought by a loss and incorporating the memories, influence and emotional/spiritual presence of a deceased loved one into our life. This is a right and worthy objective and professional care givers offer many suggestions of what this could include. For many grievers, however, there is a frustrating inability to move into these positive adjustments. Brian explains the common experience of  "unresolved grief," how it prevents healthy integration and how the Grief Recovery® Method process can resolve the barriers that keep us from moving forward.

The Heart of Grief

The Grief Recovery Institute

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Following a tragic, traumatic or completely preventable death, a griever's thoughts can  become focused on the cause or circumstances of the loss to the point where they are missing out on a good grieving process for the loss itself.  Recovery from the loss of a loved one calls for attention to the person who has died and to the relationship that has ended. The healing process remains essentially the same regardless of the cause or manner of death. This episode looks at why we suggest  a conscious separation be made between the cause of death and the grieving process for the loss.

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The Heart of Grief

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The grief of loss happens to all of us. Sometimes that hurt digs in deep and keeps resurfacing. There are a lot of ideas and programs designed to help us find healing. What can we feel confident in to really help? 

That’s what today's episode is about ... Has the Grief Recovery Method®  Program been shown to help? Does it really work? 

Brian reviews the evidence from academic research to convincing anecdotal support. Any way we look at it, this program offers measurable healing from the pain of loss.

A study at Kent State University looked at the program and confirms this conclusion. This study qualified the program to be designated as Evidence-Based. 

Establishing the Evidence: An Evaluation Study on the Effectiveness of The Grief Recovery Method® Program. The project was reported on in two articles Published in 2018 in the American Journal of Health Education.

Kent State Study 1

Kent State Study 2

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 In February 2022 Alain Parenteau's wife of 23 years died following a very difficult illness. For Al the addition of a series of other painful losses over a relatively short period of time left him very much aware that he didn’t posses the emotional tools needed to address the accumulated grief. Al’s journey through the Grief Recovery®  program was not an easy one. He had some serious doubts about it but found it to be truly transformative. He moved from “I just can’t do this now” to “Let’s give it another try.” To “How is this supposed to help me!?” to “Wow, this really works!” Now Al wants others to know about the game changing benefits of the program. Whether you've experienced the death of a spouse, a parent, a close friend or any other painful loss, Al's story will encourage you with the hope of a better day and a better way.

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Brian examines the idea of finding some meaning out of a difficult loss experience. What is meant by “meaning?” What do people look for in this regard? What do people find? What benefit does discovery or identification of some “meaning” bring to the griever? How does meaning fit into the perspectives of Grief Recovery? Does meaning accomplish resolution of the lingering pain and disappointments that are common following loss? 

G. Davis, Camille B. Wortman, Darrin R. Lehman, Roxane Cohen Silver, C. (2000). SEARCHING FOR MEANING IN LOSS: ARE CLINICAL ASSUMPTIONS CORRECT? Death Studies, 24(6), 497–540. https://doi.org/10.1080/07481180050121471

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This is the first in a series of interviews with participants from our grief recovery programs.  In this episode I’m talking with Bob Gaudet, a young man who came to recognize that many of the emotional challenges he was experiencing stemmed from a lost relationship with his long-estranged father, someone whom Bob refers to as a "living less than loved one." 

Bob’s story illustrates that

- Grief is not just about loosing a loved one 

- Men often find it hard to seek help for emotional pain

- Being brave isn't never being scared, it's doing the good thing even when it's scary

- Resolution of relational hurt can result in both emotional and physical health benefits

- Faith and Grief Recovery work hand in hand to accomplish relational healing  

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Healthy grieving requires that we address difficult emotions head on. 

Following a significant loss, our minds begin to review the relationship or the circumstances of the loss. Our various memories will prompt both enjoyable and distressing feelings. The enjoyable memories may lead to sadness that our loved one is no longer with us, yet the enjoyable memories themselves and the associated feelings are good. But what about the difficult memories and associated distressing feelings? Often, we hear from well-meaning people or think to ourselves “just focus on the happy memories… Just forget those painful ones and stick with the positive.”

But, can we just dismiss them like that? What happens when we attempt to remember only the positive? Is there a better way than the way of cover it up and press it down?

Karla McLaren: The Myth of Negative Emotions                                                                 

Cole James: Free Online Grief Course                                                                             

The Heart of Grief

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It’s commonly wondered if men grieve differently than women. I want to explore this with the goal of better understanding the differences and achieving greater success in promoting grief care programs among men.

While men are similarly equipped for emotional awareness and expression as women, recent science has revealed differences in brain function. This, together with well recognized differences in gender socialization,  results in men tending to avoid addressing the deep emotions of loss. Are the differences real game changers? Are men able to do grief as well as ladies? Do men need to process loss differently? Well, it seems there are both "yeses" and "nos" to these questions. Please listen for more of the man-grief story.

Two Minds: The Cognitive Differences Between Men and Women

Dr. Alan D. Wolfelt: Helping a Man Who is Grieving

Herb Knoll: The Widowers Support Network

Men Only Bereavement Facebook Group

Terry Lige: #Men With Hearts