The Innovative Therapist

Episode 86. Y'all. I have a personal celebrity on the podcast today.

What to Expect in this Interview

In this interview, we cover:

The value of collaboration among people who are self-taught, and people with more traditional training

The parallels between shame in parenting and shame in eating and body stuff

What to do if you're concerned that your kid is eating too much sugar (note here that Randi uses some language here that I don't necessarily use and could feel like diet culture or restrictive for some, however, you can find a way to have boundaries in a way that works for you and your family) and how you can use putting boundaries around technology as a guide

What to do if your kids tells you they feel fat or someone made fun of their body

The crucial role of emotional safety in shifting behaviors

Why empathy alone isn't enough for behavior change - it's the combination of empathy plus boundaries is so important for long-term sustainable change

What empathy truly looks like and how to apply it for yourself and others

A brief introduction to how an Internal Family System (IFS) model applies to moving away from dieting and binge eating

Why boundaries are "the work" for most of us

Ready to Break the Emotional Eating Cycle for Good?

Ready to stop avoiding and break the binge eating cycle for good?

The first step is to tune in to your body with curiosity and awareness.

Grab the free step-by-step guide today!

Grab my free guide to disrupt the cycle of emotional eating today!

Who is Randi Rubenstein?

Randi Rubenstein helps parents navigate hard conversations. She has a soft spot for families with strong-willed kids and believes these kids need our help the most. 

Randi’s the founder of Mastermind Parenting, host of the Mastermind Parenting podcast and author of The Parent Gap.  At Mastermind Parenting, we believe every human deserves to have a family that gets along. 

Randi works with parents across the U.S. and is based in Houston, Texas where she lives with her husband, Scott, and they have 3 kids. 

"True empathy means that when someone tells you how they feel you just believe them."-Randi Rubenstein

Support Local Bookstores Near You!

Did you know that that if nothing slows their momentum, Amazon will have almost 80% of the book market by the end of 2025?

Look, I love the convenience of Amazon, but I’ve got a super cool way that you can support local bookstores and my blog and podcast simply by buying books like you already do! You can choose any bookstore on the list in the US (they plan to expand to other counties in the future) OR you can just let the donation get split between all stores. They have raised over 15 million dollars for local bookstores. On my bookshop, you will see my absolute favorite books related to health and wellness, courage and vulnerability, and even my favorite fiction and kids books!

My recent favorite related to achieving a deeper level of healing is No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model. This model of healing has been incredibly helpful to me personally. I'm also using it with clients and seeing great results. This book isn't specific to eating or weight concerns, but is really one of the best ways I've found to help work with that deeper root cause of any behavior you are struggling with and I think you'll find it super interesting and valuable.

So if you believe in supporting local businesses and want to support my blog and podcast, please consider buying your books through Bookshop from now on!

The Psychology of Wellness Bookshop Link.

Disclaimer: This blog and podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not a substitute for individual professional advice or treatment, including medical or mental health advice. It does not constitute a provider patient relationship.

Disclosure: Using the Bookshop.org links in this post means that I would get an affiliate fee if you purchase from the online bookshop (this supports my business, and local bookstores too!).

Episode 85. I am super excited to share this conversation for a few reasons. First, we talk about a topic that literally is relevant to everyone, regardless of your body size or history of how much you've struggled with your eating.

Second, I've been wanting to connect with Dr. Robyn Pashby for a while now, so many people told us we should chat! I learned a lot in this conversation, and I'm sure you will too.

What to Expect in this Interview

In this interview, we cover:

Why Dr. Pashby got into this work

Why she uses the term obesity or persons with obesity (and the intentionality around this choice) and how it actually can help reduce shame and help many people feel seen and supported

What is weight bias? What is internalized weight bias? (and a surprising stat about what countries you will find it in)

How to know if you have internalized weight bias

How internalized weight bias is impacting you (and how none of us are totally immune from it's impacts) psychologically and biologically (often without your awareness)

How a trauma informed approach is essential most of the time when you are dealing with an eating or weight concern (and why)

What you can do about internalized weight bias?

Ready to Break the Binge Eating Cycle for Good?

Ready to stop avoiding and break the binge eating cycle for good?

The first step is to disrupt the cycle.

My free practical guide has 23 positive ideas for things to do instead of eating. Don't worry, you wont find the standard diet culture BS advice (take a walk, have some water!)

Take the first step to finally stop binge eating and grab my free practical guide today!

Grab my free guide to disrupt the cycle of emotional and binge eating today!

Who is Dr. Robyn Pashby?

Dr. Robyn Pashby is a clinical health psychologist who specializes in the cognitive, behavioral and emotional aspects of disordered eating and high weight. She completed her undergraduate training at Colby College in Maine and then earned a Masters in Psychology from American University and a PhD in both Medical and Clinical Psychology from the Uniformed Services University of the Health Sciences (USUHS) F. Edward Hebert Medical School.  She completed her post-doctoral training at the Washington DC Veterans Hospital and her post-doctoral Fellowship in the Eating Behavior Lab at USUHS. Dr. Pashby is highly experienced in the use of evidence-based interventions for eating and weight concerns including Interpersonal Psychotherapy and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Her clinical specialization is in the psychological treatment of obesity, weight bias, and binge eating disorder as well as pre- and post-bariatric surgery concerns.  

Dr. Pashby is currently the owner and director of DC Health Psychology (DCHP), a group health psychology practice with an office in Washington DC and she is approved to work with clients using telehealth in more than 30 states around the US. She is currently serving as the Chair of the Mental Health Committee for the National Board of Directors of the Obesity Action Coalition, an international non-profit organization aimed at increasing awareness and education about obesity and reducing weight bias and stigma. She has been featured in various media outlets including NBC, CBS, Weight Watchers, Thrive Global and more.

Dr. Pashby lives in Washington D.C. with her husband, daughter, and dog. 

"If you feel held back from doing what you want to do to live the life you feel like living, whether that's working on your health by going to the gym, or going for a walk in your neighborhood or playing badminton on the beach, whatever it is, if you feel hindered by that, it's probably a reflection of weight bias and may be internalizing some of that."-Robyn Pashby, PhD

Support Local Bookstores Near You!

Did you know that that if nothing slows their momentum, Amazon will have almost 80% of the book market by the end of 2025?

Look, I love the convenience of Amazon, but I’ve got a super cool way that you can support local bookstores and my blog and podcast simply by buying books like you already do! You can choose any bookstore on the list in the US (they plan to expand to other counties in the future) OR you can just let the donation get split between all stores. They have raised over 15 million dollars for local bookstores. On my bookshop, you will see my absolute favorite books related to health and wellness, courage and vulnerability, and even my favorite fiction and kids books!

My recent favorite related to achieving a deeper level of healing is No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model. This model of healing has been incredibly helpful to me personally. I'm also using it with clients and seeing great results. This book isn't specific to eating or weight concerns, but is really one of the best ways I've found to help work with that deeper root cause of any behavior you are struggling with and I think you'll find it super interesting and valuable.

So if you believe in supporting local businesses and want to support my blog and podcast, please consider buying your books through Bookshop from now on!

The Psychology of Wellness Bookshop Link.

Disclaimer: This blog and podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not a substitute for individual professional advice or treatment, including medical or mental health advice. It does not constitute a provider patient relationship.

Disclosure: Using the Bookshop.org links in this post means that I would get an affiliate fee if you purchase from the online bookshop (this supports my business, and local bookstores too!).

Episode 84. Karen was spiraling. She had been doing so well. She was eating well, walking daily and feeling great. But for some reason today she felt off. She ate more than usual at lunch, maybe because she was scrolling mindlessly on her phone and saw a few upsetting posts about someone she went to high school with who is battling cancer. She kept scrolling, and before she knew it, she had eaten too much. She felt stuffed. Not super stuffed, but enough to feel uncomfortable.

She got mildly frustrated with herself after this, but doesn't totally spiral out... yet. She told herself, (somewhat subconsciously), "it's fine, it's one meal, you can get back on track immediately. Relax."

But she moves on with her day and doesn't acknowledge the actual thoughts that were going through her mind in the moment. Partly, because she's ashamed of them. She shouldn't feel so self-critical and she knows it isn't helpful. She needs to be kinder to herself, she knows this. She just tries to think of something else instead.

If she were really honest with herself, that simple act of eating more at lunch and feeling overfull triggered thoughts like:

"I can't believe you did that, you feel sick now, that's what you get."

"You were feeling so good, and now you're going to fall back in old habits."

And if we dig to the core thought, it was: "You're going to fail again."

She continued to feel off all day, and before she knew it she had an extra snack in the afternoon even though she definitely wasn't hungry.

By the time dinner came, she felt tired (physically and emotionally), mad at herself, and it was all she could do to heat up leftovers and have dinner in front of the TV. And why not pull out the ice cream, she clearly blew it for the day.

All because she didn't fully address what we really bothering her. That hidden sentence that popped up right after she ate a bit extra at lunch.

Ready to Stop Going it Alone?

One of my biggest regrets in life is not seeking good therapy sooner.

You deserve to feel truly guided on your relationship with food and your body.

MindBodyHealth is an incredible practice led by my great friend and colleague Dr. Sapna Dosh. This wonderful group of psychologists and dietitians provide evidence-based therapy in person in Washington DC and Arlington VA, and via teletherapy in over 30 states across the United States.

Go to MindBodyVA.com to set up your free consultation call and get matched with an excellent and totally vetted therapist today! Be sure to let them know the Motivation Made Easy podcast sent you. Your future self will thank you.

How Our Hidden Sentences Hold Us Back

You see, our brains avoid the truth of what we are really saying to ourselves about our eating, because it's painful. And a big part of us knows that that inner critic in us can be incredibly unhelpful.

Karen's logical attempts to reassure herself were well intentioned. But her brain was still triggered by all the hidden critical thoughts she wasn't acknowledging. The ones exacerbating the pain and silently keeping us stuck.

The Power of Mindset

Most of us have many unhelpful hidden sentences all the time.

And until we learn to unpack them and really examine them, and even look for the positive intention behind that part of us, they will continue to silently impact us, without our control.

Confession: I Used to Hate CBT

I have a confession to make. I used to really hate mindset work (aka cognitive behavioral therapy or CBT, in grad school). Even still the term mindset kind of annoys me, because it makes me think about all the things I learned that felt so invalidating.

Like, just notice you are doing "all or nothing thinking" and shift it. It's that simple, right?

Wrong.

I had so much unaddressed pain that felt unseen. Changing my mindset in that way felt completely impossible to me. I just wanted to yell, "It isn't that simple!" or "I have too many negative thoughts!" It often felt like wac-a-mole to try to challenge them all.

Can't Change It? Guess I'll Accept It

Because of this, I was drawn to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, which I took to mean, "just accept all the discomfort and do it anyways."

This came in handy at times. Like when I was anxious about writing my dissertation but needed to power through and do it anyways.

Just do it. Power through. Right?

For the record, I love ACT, and CBT now. They both provided me with valuable skills and mindsets and if you've been helped by them, I'm not going to discount that.

But for me at the time, ACT reinforced my tendency to just shove down my fear and "do it anyway." As it turns out, I'm pretty good at doing that.

I've used that skill many times in my life, and while it can be useful at times when something hard really needs to be done, it also can keep you stuck doing things that you deeply don't want to be doing, and were never meant to do.

The problem, this keeps you from showing up in the world doing the work you were actually meant to do.

Example: Twice in my life, I've gotten certified to teach a group fitness class. Two separate times, I've paid for and completed the needed trainings, and taught a handful of classes before realizing I truly hate it and was not meant to do that. I just wanted to TAKE a group fitness class, be led in it, and the practical side of me wanted to get paid to work out. If I'd believed myself the first time it happened, I'd have avoided wasting time and money.

What if we Could Relate to Our Thoughts, or the Part of Us that Has these Thoughts, in a Radically Different Way?

There's a time and a place for powering through the discomfort for sure, but looking back, I realized at times it made me ignore my body's signals and just keep going, when I was frankly already quite skilled at that.

I had a sense even then, maybe things could be better.

With intuitive eating, I found it. I stopped believing things like "once you struggle with your eating or weight, you always will" or "healthy habits always will be hard. You will never actually want to do them." Or one of my favorite statements, "you just need to train yourself to love salads."

Now, I'm beginning to realize more and more there's a whole world of potential for feeling better as it relates to our relationship with food and also beyond.

But we must also make sure we heal our deeper hurts. Our shame. Our deepest fears that have zero to do with food.

"Just think of food non-judgmentally."

I think this happens so often. I think it happens when people are working to overcome an eating disorder or learn intuitive eating. They learn that they should stop judging foods, and instead just describe the food. But the judgments are often so strong, it feels like they will never "think of cake as just cake" versus "bad" or "unhealthy."

The Hidden Sentences Are Deep

These hidden sentences don't always make sense, and they aren't always fun to uncover. But they are super fun to move past when we realize it's about truly lasting healing and actually works.

So if we go back to Karen, the part of her that's self critical and growing more and more frustrated with her as the day goes on, is a part that historically she's probably tried to get rid of, but instead, lets try to understand it.

How Mindsets Really Impact Us

Before we come back to Karen, I want to talk to you about a body of research that really supports the power of harnessing our mindset to feel more alive.

Dr. Alia Crum is a psychologist at Stanford who really has done incredible work in the area of mindset and health. The thing I love about her work, is that it shows how mindsets impact us not just in terms of our mood, but also our biology.

Kid's Allergy Treatments are more Effective with the Right Mindset

In this study, kids and their families were being treated for peanut allergies, where the kids would get injections of tiny amounts of peanuts as part of the treatment.

When kids and their families were told that symptoms are good ("it means the treatment is working") they were less anxious, less likely to contact staff about symptoms, had fewer symptoms as doses increased, were less likely to skip doses (better adherence to treatment), and shower greater increases in IgG4 levels (meaning the treatment worked better for them!).

The Milkshake Study

Milkshake study - I've been obsessed with the milkshake study for years. It shows us that if you think of a food as a "diet food" then your body responds as if you've eaten fewer calories and you feel less satisfied. Compared to if you think of food as indulgent and tasty, your hunger hormone drops more quickly.

This is true even when the milkshake consumed has the exact same amount of calories.

Mindset and Exercise Study

Mindset and exercise study

Exercise and Genetics Study

A fascinating study found that getting feedback on one's genetic risk for obesity as it relates to exercise actually impacted participants running endurance. This feedback and how they perceived their risk, appears to have had an even bigger impact than their actual genetic risk.

How to Stop Fighting Yourself and Develop a More Helpful Mindset

First, know that surface level mindset work isn't as effective. If you are thinking,

"This food isn't healthy. I shouldn't be eating it. If I eat this of course I'm going to stay out of shape."

Make sure you get to the deeper sentences first. Even though you may not logically feel like these things are true, most of us who are struggling with a behavior are at a deeper level quite self-critical. Saying things like,

"I'm bad, I'm lazy, I'm just making excuses."

Mindset: "I'm going to gain weight and develop health conditions." "My body isn't safe at this size, this isn't right or okay." and "I clearly can't do this"

Getting to Know That Part of You That Criticizes

...

Episode 83. We talk a lot on this podcast about the harmful ways weight is discussed in medical settings. But what about the harm that's caused when weight isn't discussed at all?

I sat down with Dr. Emily Cordes, DO to have this important conversation. Dr. Cordes was trained in a traditional medical setting as a primary care physician. However, she quickly realized that this path wasn't giving her what she needed as a professional. And she learned this, partly because she realized she wasn't getting what she needed as an individual.

Tune in to this great conversation all about how to understand the field of medicine and feel empowered to get your needs met within it.

We cover a lot in this conversation including:

How Emily went from conventional medical training to functional medicine (and why)

Weight is seen in medical training as a risk factor and why it isn't as emotionally charged as it is in our culture as a whole

How training in a culture of body positivity and inclusivity has impacted younger physicians

How traditional conversations makes it almost impossible to address weight related concerns in an effective way

Why many physicians opt out of the weight conversation entirely, and how that can do a big disservice

What she recommends in terms of making sure root causes are not missed and having respectful conversations about weight

I realized that what medicine could offer me personally, wasn't going to get me out of the way I felt.

Dr. Emily Cordes, DO

Ready to Stop Going it Alone?

One of my biggest regrets in life is not seeking good therapy sooner.

You deserve to feel truly guided on your relationship with food and your body.

MindBodyHealth is an incredible practice led by my great friend and colleague Dr. Sapna Dosh. This wonderful group of psychologists and dietitians provide evidence-based therapy in person in Washington DC and Arlington VA, and via teletherapy in over 30 states across the United States.

Go to MindBodyVA.com to set up your free consultation call and get matched with an excellent and totally vetted therapist today! Be sure to let them know the Motivation Made Easy podcast sent you. Your future self will thank you.

Support Local Bookstores Near You!

Did you know that that if nothing slows their momentum, Amazon will have almost 80% of the book market by the end of 2025?

Look, I love the convenience of Amazon, but I’ve got a super cool way that you can support local bookstores and my blog and podcast simply by buying books like you already do! You can choose any bookstore on the list in the US (they plan to expand to other counties in the future) OR you can just let the donation get split between all stores. They have raised over 15 million dollars for local bookstores. On my bookshop, you will see my absolute favorite books related to health and wellness, courage and vulnerability, and even my favorite fiction and kids books!

My recent favorite related to achieving a deeper level of healing is No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model. This book and model of therapy has been very helpful to me personally and I'm also using it with clients and seeing great results.

So if you believe in supporting local businesses and want to support m blog and podcast, please consider buying your books through Bookshop from now on!

The Psychology of Wellness Bookshop Link.

Disclaimer: This blog and podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not a substitute for individual professional advice or treatment, including medical or mental health advice. It does not constitute a provider patient relationship.

Disclosure: Using the Bookshop.org links in this post means that I would get an affiliate fee if you purchase from the online bookshop (this supports my business, and local bookstores too!).

Episode 82. A common question I get from people considering weight loss surgery is "will bariatric surgery help with binge eating?", or "can I actually practice intuitive eating or a non-diet approach to eating after surgery"? or "How can I try to get rid of diet mentality if I have to follow a specific diet?" These are excellent questions and today you will get all my thoughts on these topics.

Not interested in learning about weight loss surgery? Totally cool. However, you might want to stay tuned because a lot of this topic will still apply to you. The second question is actually relevant regardless of whether you have weight loss surgery, or, have another medical condition were a specific eating pattern is recommended (e.g., avoiding gluten for those with Celiac disease, minimizing dairy for those who have a degree of lactose intolerance, or reducing intake of animal protein for those who have heart disease or want to protect animal rights).

What to Expect In This Episode

The most common questions I get about bariatric (aka weight loss surgery) and intuitive eating

What the research says about weight loss surgery and intuitive eating

How autonomous motivation fits into all of this

What you need to know if you or someone you love has had surgery or is considering it

Ready to Break the Binge Eating Cycle for Good?

Ready to stop avoiding and break the binge eating cycle for good?

The first step is to disrupt the cycle.

My free practical guide has 23 positive ideas for things to do instead of eating. Don't worry, you wont find the standard diet culture BS advice (take a walk, have some water!)

Take the first step to finally stop binge eating and grab my free practical guide today!

Grab my free guide to disrupt the cycle of emotional and binge eating today!

Weight Loss Surgery & Intuitive Eating - Can They Be Friends?

At first glance, these fields may seem like complete opposites.

How on earth can you "reject the diet mentality" and still pursue a surgery that requires a specific diet and imposes long-term limitations (often) on what it's recommended that you eat, and the amount that feels comfortable to eat with your post-surgical stomach?

I get the confusion. And frankly, this topic is controversial and not everyone will agree with me on this. That said, I definitely do think that you can learn or re-learn to be an intuitive eater before or after having bariatric surgery.

In fact, our conversation just last episode with Amy Braden is living proof of this.

To check on this, let's review the 10 principles of Intuitive Eating.

Reject the diet mentality.

Honor your hunger.

Make peace with food - including unconditional permission to eat.

Challenge the food police.

Discover the satisfaction factor.

Feel your fullness.

Cope with your emotions with kindness.

Respect your body.

Movement - feel the difference.

Honor your health - gentle nutrition.

Easier to Swallow? No Pun Intended

It seems to me that the principles of honoring hunger and fullness, and coping with your emotions with kindness are likely less controversial. This is consistent with principles of mindful eating and awareness, and in my experience, most people whether or not they have had surgery, are on board with these concepts.

Reject the Diet Mentality

Quote from Intuitive Eating website:

Throw out the diet books and magazine articles that offer you the false hope of losing weight quickly, easily, and permanently. Get angry at diet culture that promotes weight loss and the lies that have led you to feel as if you were a failure every time a new diet stopped working and you gained back all of the weight. If you allow even one small hope to linger that a new and better diet or food plan might be lurking around the corner, it will prevent you from being free to rediscover Intuitive Eating.

Although I've said before and I'll say it again I think you can reject the diet mentality after bariatric surgery, reading this description of the principle is a reminder of why this statement may be confusing.

How can you "get angry at diet culture that promotes weight loss" and still pursue surgery?

Although this has nuance, you can absolutely be angry at the lies that long term substantial weight loss should be achievable and easy for all, and still choose bariatric surgery.

The reality is that for many people, likely due to their genetic makeup and/or a long history of dieting, their body size and biological set point (the weight their body wants to maintain when not restricting, see this episode and post for more detail on this) will end up being higher than they would like it.

Although they should feel free to pursue health promoting behaviors at that body size without worrying about losing weight, many people decide they still desire weight loss.

And weight loss surgery is more effective at long-term weight loss than behavioral weight loss (making behavioral changes, typically reducing calories).

Research Supports Intuitive Eating After Surgery

Post Operative Intuitive Eating

In a small study of 90 post operative patients (3 months to 5 years post-op), it was found that higher Intuitive Eating Scores were associated with more satisfaction from meals, more mindful eating patterns, and more self-efficacy with maintaining eating patterns long term.

That is, they were more confident in themselves that "I got this."

People scoring higher in intuitive eating after surgery also felt more in control of their eating, were more likely to have a positive relationship to food, and were more likely to make time for relaxation, and regular physical activity.

On the flip side, people who were more intuitive eaters had less emotional eating, less fear of weight regain, and lower levels of stress. They also had a lower likelihood of prioritizing other's needs before their own.

https://bariatrictimes.com/intuitive-eating-healthier-relationship/

In other study, a similar finding was observed in a larger group of post-op females (N = 401) where intuitive eating was also associated with more weight loss.

Things to Remember About Binge Eating and Weight Loss Surgery

Although there isn't a ton of research in this area, the research that exists is supportive of people who want to take an intuitive eating based approach post-bariatric surgery.

That said, here are some things to keep in mind as it relates to bariatric surgery, binge eating, and intuitive eating.

Weight loss or bariatric surgery (or any specific diet for that matter) is unlikely to cure your binge eating long-term. The most common regret I hear from people post-surgery (actually from anyone in therapy) is that they wish they'd sought out resources like therapy sooner to address their relationship with food.

The weight loss focus of bariatric clinics can be tough to navigate alone. Because the worlds of intuitive eating and bariatric surgery don't have a ton of overlap, it's essential to find people who can help you with your specific experience. That is, if you are working on building self-trust and listening to your body, you may need to communicate to your bariatric surgery clinic what is and isn't helpful to you (e.g., talking about food quality versus amounts, or focusing less on the scale and more on overall health).

Working with your body, instead of against it, works. I've been doing this work for many years now, and I've never been more convinced of its effectiveness. We need more data to confirm this, but my anecdotal experience of many years working with folks who had bariatric surgery, is that a self-trust based approach provides a sustainable and enjoyable solution that can be a breath of fresh air.

You can trust your body, and you can trust yourself. So much of what I work on with people 1 on 1 is regaining a sense of trust in themselves and their body. It takes time and effort to re-learn to listen to your body's signals, after sometimes an entire lifetime of trying to ignore or suppress them. The cool thing is, your body is resilient. As Amy said last episode, "your body will forgive an awful lot."

Support Local Bookstores Near You!

Did you know that that if nothing slows their momentum, Amazon will have almost 80% of the book market by the end of 2025?

Look, I love the convenience of Amazon, but I’ve got a super cool way that you can support local bookstores and my blog and podcast simply by buying books like you already do! You can choose any bookstore on the list in the US (they plan to expand to other counties in the future) OR you can just let the donation get split between all stores. They have raised over 15 million dollars for local bookstores. On my bookshop, you will see my absolute favorite books related to health and wellness, courage and vulnerability, and even my favorite fiction and kids books!

My recent favorite related to achieving a deeper level of healing is No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model. This book and model of therapy has been very helpful to me personally and I'm also using it with clients and seeing great results.

So if you believe in supporting local businesses and want to support my blog and podcast, please consider buying your books through Bookshop from now on!

The Psychology of Wellness Bookshop Link.

Disclaimer: This blog and podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not a substitute for individual professional advice or treatment, including medical or mental health advice. It does not constitute a provider patient relationship.

Disclosure: Using the Bookshop.org links in this post means that I would get an affiliate fee if you purchase from the online bookshop (this supports my business, and local bookstores too!).

Episode 81.

"My metabolism is damaged."

This is a common concern I hear.

And I get it. Chronic weight loss dieting does often have a very negative impact on our bodies and our metabolism. Ignoring hunger, going long periods of time without eating, eating foods because some "expert" told us it was good for us, often leads to stress, inflammation, mistrust of our bodies signals and ultimately mistrust of ourselves.

And yet, today's guest is Amy Braden, would generously shares her story and reminds us that our body still loves us, and there still is hope.

There is also more than one way to be an intuitive eater and develop self-trust.

Amy Braden is a podcast listener who accepted my invitation to share her story. She said something early in the interview that I cannot get enough of.

She was talking about how our bodies hold a lot of wisdom, especially when we learn to listen and appreciate them, versus try to control and shape them. And then Amy said:

“And when you actually take care of them and nourish them, they will forgive an awful lot, and love you.” - Amy Braden

Highlights of the Conversation:

A great example of what self-advocacy looks like in medical and mental health settings

How hard it is to get appropriate treatment for binge eating disorder

What Amy wishes she'd have known about intuitive eating

Why Amy is grateful that she waited to get bariatric surgery

How discussions about weight and weight loss can coincide with discussions about intuitive eating and self-trust

The role of meditation in her journey

Ready to Break the Binge Eating Cycle for Good?

Ready to stop avoiding and break the binge eating cycle for good?

The first step is to disrupt the cycle.

My free practical guide has 23 positive ideas for things to do instead of eating. Don't worry, you wont find the standard diet culture BS advice (take a walk, have some water!)

Take the first step to finally stop binge eating and grab my free practical guide today!

Grab my free guide to disrupt the cycle of emotional and binge eating today!

Support Local Bookstores Near You!

Did you know that that if nothing slows their momentum, Amazon will have almost 80% of the book market by the end of 2025?

Look, I love the convenience of Amazon, but I’ve got a super cool way that you can support local bookstores and my blog and podcast simply by buying books like you already do! You can choose any bookstore on the list in the US (they plan to expand to other counties in the future) OR you can just let the donation get split between all stores. They have raised over 15 million dollars for local bookstores. On my bookshop, you will see my absolute favorite books related to health and wellness, courage and vulnerability, and even my favorite fiction and kids books!

My recent favorite related to achieving a deeper level of healing is No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model. This book and model of therapy has been very helpful to me personally and I'm also using it with clients and seeing great results.

So if you believe in supporting local businesses and want to support my blog and podcast, please consider buying your books through Bookshop from now on!

The Psychology of Wellness Bookshop Link.

Disclaimer: This blog and podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not a substitute for individual professional advice or treatment, including medical or mental health advice. It does not constitute a provider patient relationship.

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Episode 80. What do you think is the reason for your binge eating or emotional eating?

And when I say binge eating, what I mean is any eating you are doing where you feel even slightly out of control, guilty about it, feel like you "should" restrict certain foods, have certain food rules (even if they feel like they are "healthy" rules).

Any and all of that is a form of disordered eating, and although it's very normalized, it does not need to be your reality.

What to Expect in this Episode:

My Iceberg Analogy for eating behavior (and why it works for almost any behavior)

What types of things keep us stick in the binge eating cycle

The most common mistakes that keep us stuck for years longer than we want to be

Tangible steps to get yourself unstuck

"I am binge eating because..."

Most people when they come to work with me, or hear what I do have some sense of what they think might be causing their binge eating.

They probably don't know for sure, but they have some guesses.

Here are some of them:

I just need to have more self control, more willpower (aka I'm weak)

I am addicted to sweets or carbs (aka something is wrong with my brain, and therefore me)

"No childhood sh*t, I just need some strategies."

Have you seen Brene Brown's Ted Talk on the Power of Vulnerability?

If not, it's time to become one of the 18 million views it's gotten at the time of this writing and recording.

She said something that always makes me laugh:

"No childhood sh*t, I just need some strategies."

I can soooo relate to this. As a psychologist and a science minded person, I so badly wanted to be able to fix my emotional pain with books, learning, and strategies.

All the Strategies in the World Won't Help If You Don't Address the Root Cause

But guess what? All the best strategies in the world won't help if you don't get to the root of the issue.

And as it turns out, most of our pain comes from childhood sh*t, or other early experiences. Although some of our pain may come from painful interactions as an adult.

So while strategies may provide some Band-aid type relief, it's unlikely to solve the root of the issue.

Examples of possible Band-aid fixes as it relates to our eating habits:

Getting a new eating plan, meal prep strategy, reading a new book (e.g., Paleo, plant-based)

Joining a new gym

Eating to cover up our emotions or discomfort

The Issue with Dieting

The thing that is so confusing to so many, and was confusing to me, is that we see the surface behavior only. The "tip of the iceberg" if you will.

I've had many people tell me lately that they are trying a new approach for their eating. The most common one lately is intermittent fasting. But the other common one is eating less gluten or carbohydrate heavy foods.

But there are subtle things that I hear, that suggest to me their new plan is unlikely to work. Not because the plan is bad necessarily. I know a few people who do a lower gluten diet without any diet mentality at all, and they feel good.

But I hear things like:

"I really should be eating better, [and I'll work on it soon]" (diet mentality)

"I can't lose weight because I continue to eat or drink [enter any food perceived as unhealthy here]" (self-blame and shame)

"I just need to return to a more consistent schedule." (suggests to me that the eating plan they chose wont work for them long-term)

"I've lost X amount of lbs so far." (indicates that they are focused on weight loss, versus internal motivators)

When really, it's the stuff underneath the water's surface that's keeping us stuck.

There's Nothing Wrong with You, and You Can Act More Skillfully

People often also think that something is wrong with their character. Like something about them is defective.

They also usually think that they need to just "control themselves" and "make a plan."

Some of them might think there's some pain or traumatic experience they might uncover. This typically causes them fear, but usually by the time they get to me they're are like, "Okay, let's figure this out." Their distress at their eating (often due to weight gain) finally raises enough of a red flag to them that they come in for help.

What they don't think is causing it is their internalized judgment around their eating.

They rarely think that dieting, diet mentality, is causing their binge eating. They don't consider themselves restricting at all. "Did you hear how much I eat? I'm clearly not restrictive!" they tell me.

And I get it. I didn't think I was restricting either. Not one bit.

And yet, there hasn't been one person yet who has come to see me to work on binge eating who wasn't restricting to some extent, either behaviorally (not allowing themselves certain foods due to fear of weight gain) or mentally (judging themselves harshly for each certain foods, which our brain and body actually interpret as restriction).

What else is it about?

Want to know what else they do not come in saying.

They do not come in saying, "Hey Shawn, I've had some really painful experiences growing up. My parents did the very best they could with the tools they had, but I think that some of the painful experiences from my childhood might be part of why I focus so much hatred on my body. My body feels more like something I can control versus my emotions which feel scary and like unchartered territory."

Instead, they say:

I'm ashamed of myself

I think something might be wrong with me

I'm not sure if I'm loveable (they often don't say this on a logical conscious level, but after some digging)

Uncovering Diet Mentality

Uncovering your hidden diet mentality is a crucial step. It's incredibly powerful. When you start to realize that your body can be trusted. It's pretty darn amazing, actually.

No matter it's size, no matter the messages you've gotten about it and what it "should" look like (thin, lean, etc.) or what it "should" feel (not hungry 2 hours after eating, not hungry for "excessive" sweets), your body is awesome. And it knows what its doing.

But What if There's Something Deeper?

And, just to give you a heads up, there always is. But it may not be what you think.

Let me take a second to paint a picture for you first.

For a moment, just imagine that we taught emotional intelligence, self-compassion, and unconditional self-worth to all parents. So as they were learning, they could teach and model this to their kids from day one.

What if we helped parents and all the humans they were raising know that although there is no perfect parenting, we can learn to do better, and we absolutely should.

What our Upbringing Has to do with Our Binge Eating

But you know what? It isn't about all the parenting strategies.

It's about the parents own self-worth.

It's about the fact that "do as I say, not as I do" does not work.

And if your parents didn't learn unconditional love and self worth for themselves (very few did, btw), they actually couldn't have passed that to you.

So, again, there's always something deeper.

Not because you are a flawed, weak human, as you've been told. But because you are a human, raised by imperfect humans. And because the human experience is messy, painful, and hard.

And beautiful, of course. But we can't bypass the underneath stuff.

The Elusive Unconditional Self-Worth

If you've been following the podcast for a while you know that I took a break over the summer. A much needed one.

So I've had some time to really reflect on what I'm doing, and why. And how to best do it.

I've also had time to reflect on just why I pushed myself so hard last year. Part of it? I freaking love a good challenge. I was a new business owner and I wanted to crush it.

And, even though I've talked on here about shame and sharing your story, and I truly don't have shame about my eating disorder history anymore, I was still avoiding some other pain.

That avoidance was showing up as overworking, doing things that didn't feel right to me but ignoring it, and saying yes to all the opportunities.

I was operating from a place of not enoughness, and realistically, it's just not sustainable.

Get to the Root Cause

Even though I've worked through a lot of layers of my eating and body shame, the middle of that iceberg, some of that pain relates back to painful experiences I've had in my life that I had never fully acknowledged or addressed.

Much of this relates back to childhood experiences, and ways that I interpreted my world and my surroundings, and internalized beliefs that simply don't serve me.

Some examples include:

"My pain isn't valid" (why do you think I did the episode on comparative suffering, I've been trying to logically validate my pain for years), or

"It's not okay to want what I want."

"My worth is dependent on what I achieve."

For me at least, I actually was never directly told any of these things. But it's the way I interpreted my world.

I internalized them and they were operating under the surface, without my awareness.

These are the roots of the tree, and when we see them, we can shift them and truly start to heal for real.

We can stop putting our worth in external achievements, the opinions of others.

We can start saying no to the things that drain us, the yes to the things that light us up.

We can know that our pain and experiences are valid, no matter what they are. And the more we validate them, the less we project our pain onto others.

And then if we are a parent, we can actually start passing those things along.

It Still Isn't About the Food

The more I learn about what actually leads to true and deep healing of human pain, the more I realize that the diet cycle and focus on weight and controlling our bodies, is definitely a culturally caused issue (that is,...

Episode 79. Struggling with consistency for healthy habits?

Over and over you have the intention, but it just isn't happening.

It's good for you. You feel excellent after you do it. And yet, you keep failing.

Guess what?

It's time to change how you are talking to yourself.

Today we are going to talk about how language affects our motivation for healthy habits and how one simple shift can make a big difference.

"I Really Need to Lose Weight"

Most people that come to see me know they need to work on their relationship with food and their body.

They often realize that they really have a lot of shame around eating and their body and this needs to change. They might even say "I really want to understand how to love myself."

Know what 99% of them say as well?

"Aaaand, I know it isn't the main focus, but I really also need to lose weight." (and they they give me a look like, "You understand this right, Shawn? This weight isn't healthy for me. I need you to get that.")

I believe part of this is just wanting to feel understood. Like, "you get how uncomfortable I am right? How much I feel a desire to make a major change and feel good right?"

And I absolutely do.

And the way we often talk to ourselves about our eating habits makes it almost impossible to make sustainable healthy habit changes.

Understanding the Impact of Language on Our Motivation for Healthy Habits

Right now, you might be thinking:

But Shawn, I really do need to lose weight, my body is super unhealthy right now, orI don't understand why saying that is a problem, some people really do need to lose weight for their health.Why is it so bad to say what I want?

Others, especially health care professionals who have been taught that weight gain causes health problems, might be outraged.

They might think:

That's irresponsible Shawn, if we can't have a conversation with someone who needs to lose weight for health reasons, we are not doing our jobs

To be clear, there's nothing wrong with:

Having a desire for weight loss (most people do for a variety of reasons)Discussing someone's weight as it relates to their health (notice I didn't say cause here)

Unpacking The "Need" to Lose Weight Comment

To explain why I hate this sentence "I need to lose weight" so much, we need to step back a minute and consider how it impacts you when you say it.

I want you to imagine that you have a certain habit change you want to make. Lets say you maybe want to exercise more.

Want Versus Need and the Impact of Language

You might think to yourself, "gosh I really need to exercise more," I'm really slacking in that area.

Let's Do an Experiment

Consider the statement for a moment, and just take a moment to tune into your body.

"I really need to exercise more."

Notice any physical sensations or emotions you feel in your body.

For most of us, when we say I "need" to do something, we might feel mildly tense, perhaps a little anxious. It feels like pressure, expectation, and like a "should." We may feel guilt that we haven't yet.

Although we may want to do the behavior, that sentence directly impacts how we feel. And makes us less likely to do it.

"I really need to exercise more."

Now Try it Another Way

This time, let's made a slight tweak to,

"I really want to exercise more."

Now tune in to your body and notice what is there. Maybe take a breath in, and out. Just notice for a few seconds, if your body feels any different than before.

You see, that one swap can make a big difference. We feel more calm, relaxed, and more drawn to actually do the behavior we truly want to do.

Instead of guilt, we may actually feel excited.

For those who have been following me for a long time, this is the difference between external should-based motivation, to internal and sustainable motivation (aka autonomous motivation).

"But Shawn, I really do need to lose weight."

You may feel strongly that you need to lose weight to feel good in your body. You also may really want to lose weight. You might think, "okay I'll just say I want to lose weight then. Whatever!"

But hold up. There's a more to unpack, and this may just be the thing that's been silently keeping you stuck.

You may feel you need to lose weight for a number of reasons, including:

You have likely been told your entire life that weight loss is healthy. And that weight loss is good for your health. If your BMI falls out of the "normal range" you are likely to feel this pressure the most, but even if you are in the "normal range" you may still deeply believe that smaller is better and that weight loss would be good for you. There are many flaws in this argument that are explained in more depth in this post. This is how we are all taught, so it certainly makes sense that you would think this way (I did for many many years).There is also a ton of social pressure to be in a smaller body. Weight bias and stigma and fatphobia (bias and discrimination against persons in larger bodies) is everywhere and incredibly harmful. And the reality is, there's a decent chance weight loss could lead you to gain more social status and acceptance. Unfortunately, it could change how people view you, and could make life easier for you socially. It may make it easier to get a job, find a partner, either because of the realities of how people view smaller bodies, or due to your increased confidence, or both.During the time you have gained weight, your health may have also been getting worse. Although body changes are normal, sometimes when we are gaining weight (especially if we've dieted for years) we also have a lot of shame and fear that gets masked by food. And because when we are feeling a lot of shame and holding it in, it puts a lot of stress on our bodies, and may make us do other healthier habits less (e.g., less exercise, less time with friends, less nutritious eating). You may have developed more pain, lower endurance, or just felt lower energy as you gained weight. Your blood sugar control may be worse at a higher weight. Therefore, your brain assumes weight is the issue here, and thus weight loss is "needed" to feel better physically and mentally.

Your Feelings and Desires Are Valid

All of what you are feeling related to your weight and your body is valid.

No one else is in your body and therefore no one else can tell you how you do or don't feel about weight loss and your body size.

And the fact of the matter is, that focusing on weight loss when we make habit changes rarely gets us anywhere.

Habit Change for Weight Loss Rarely Works (at least not for long)

Most of the time, when people focus on weight loss as their reason for eating differently, or moving their body, they actually tend to gain weight over time.

Why is this?

There are a number of reasons. One being that focus on habit change for the purpose of weight loss external motivation and this type of motivation typically doesn't last.

Internal motivation aka autonomous motivation (I eat a salad because I like it or it makes me feel good or is consistent with the person I want to be) tends to stick more over the long haul.

The other main reason is that most of the time, when we focus on weight loss or say things like "I really need to lose weight" we are coming from a similar place as we talked about above. A place of stress, guilt, and very often unworthiness.

When we make changes or push ourselves to exercise or eat a delicious salad from a place of "I'm not enough," these changes rarely stick.

And most of the time when we make changes for the purpose of weight loss, its from a place of "I'm not okay at this weight." Either "I'm not okay meaning I'm not good enough" and/or "I'm not okay, I might develop a health issue and die soon."

Both of these are incredibly stressful places to be, and often pushing ourselves into a health habit change (join the gym and force yourself to go for 5 days in a row) causes stress and typically, just does not work.

Do You Actually Have No Choice?

Typically the idea that we need to do something means we think we must. We have zero choice in the matter. We gotta. No matter how we feel.

Our culture is quite obsessed with shoulds.

"Pull yourself up by the bootstraps and work hard!" It's the American way.

And yet, freedom of choice is what makes us feel motivated for the long-term.

What Do We Actually Need To Do?

So lets see again, what do we actually need to do?

We need to breathe to stay alive.

We need to drink water (assuming we want to stay alive).

We need to sleep.

We need nourishment of some kind (again, assuming we want to stay alive).

But do we actually need to exercise regularly, eat plenty of fruits and vegetables, sleep 8 hours a night, get all the things on our to do list done?

Nope.

We may deeply want to, we may believe it's the very best way to live our best lives and be healthy.

But we don't need to.

You always have a choice.

But the problem is, most people will read that statement and immediately go down the self-blame track, "yeah I know I have a choice, and I'm not doing it, I'm the worst, I suck, blah blah..."

The reason for this is when people gain weight or are in a larger body, you are told that it's your fault. They aren't told:

Bodies are meant to be different sizesThe body mass index is a ridiculous measure - no one should ever use itThe dieting you've been doing your whole life, is the reason you have gained weight

"I need to eat better or I may get sick and die."

At this point you might be thinking,

"Okay Shawn, maybe I don't need to lose weight or whatever, but I have a family history of heart disease. My dad died of a heart attack when he was 55 and I'm 52. I'm on his path. I clearly need to change things."

I disagree.

You don't need to. It's your choice whether you change things or not

"I know what I need to do to [stop binge eating/emotional eating], I'm just not doing it."

If I had a dollar for every time a client said that to me, I'd be a very rich woman.

I'm here to tell you, all the knowledge in the world probably won't be enough.

I should know.

I got my Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology studying weight management and binge eating.

And even after all of that, I couldn't solve my own binge eating and what I thought of as my "weight issue."

As I was binge eating and gaining weight, my internal dialogue sounded like...

"I know what I need to do, I'm just not doing it."

"There must be something wrong with me."

Now I know the truth. The truth is there's something wrong with the system.

Are you ready to stop binge eating permanently?

If you feel:

Out of control or ashamed of your binge eating, emotional eating, or your weight, and

Are ready to take action with things that will actually help you stop the cycle...

This post is for you.

Hey there. I'm Shawn Hondorp. I'm a clinical psychologist and I've studied the psychology of eating behavior since 2008.

In this post, I review the key things that helped me and so many of my clients stop binge eating permanently.

F*ck Coping, Start Healing

I recently learned of a book called F*ck Coping Start Healing.

It's about healing from anxiety (I haven't actually read it yet).

But I love the title. Don't you?

At this point in my life, I'm very tired of quick fixes or surface-level strategies.

During my 13 years of struggle with binge eating, I spent years trying surface-level strategies that left me frustrated and exhausted.

I had many periods of what the medical field would call "remission." During these periods, which lasted weeks or sometimes months, I wouldn't binge at all, or I would do so rarely. Or I would only feel slightly out of control.

There was even a period of a little over a year where I felt really at peace with food and myself after I lost weight with Weight Watchers. I thought I was "cured."

But it never lasted.

Skipping the Band-Aid Solutions

We may be able to help someone who is abusing alcohol to stop drinking temporarily by putting them in a rehab center or by removing all alcohol from their home and taking away their keys.

But is that going to lead to long-term change?

Probably not.

We need to understand the root cause of the drinking to prevent it from happening again.

It's Normal to Want the Quick Fix

The desire for the quick fix makes perfect sense.

Of course, you want to do things that help you feel good now. Our brains are biologically wired to avoid pain and seek comfort.

When it comes to eating struggles, all of the following offer temporary relief from pain:

Eating a big bowl of Lucky Charms and watching Bridgerton on Netflix

Skipping a meal because we are busy at work, and secretly thinking "Good, hopefully, I will lose some weight" and feeling in control

Planning a next diet or fitness effort

Vulnerability is Courage in You, and Weakness in Me

Do you ever read what others write online and think, "Wow that's brave, but I could never do that."

If so, I have been where you are.

Back in 2009, I was deep in my binge eating disorder shame spiral. No one knew how much I was struggling. And I wanted to keep it that way.

I was going to solve this dang problem myself if it was the last thing I did.

And, once I solved it, then maybe I'd share my story.

Ready to Break the Binge Eating Cycle for Good?

Ready to stop avoiding and break the binge eating cycle for good?

The first step is to disrupt the cycle.

My free practical guide has 23 positive ideas for things to do instead of eating. Don't worry, you won't find the standard diet culture BS advice (take a walk, have some water!)

Take the first step to finally stop binge eating and grab my free practical guide today!

Grab my free guide to disrupt the cycle of emotional and binge eating today!

The Power of One Woman's Story

I started listening to podcasts in 2008 when I was living in Philadelphia and going to grad school.

I would walk to and from campus every day, often with one of my beloved podcasts playing in my headphones.

Podcast listening wasn't as convenient as it is today. I had to download the podcasts from my desktop computer to iTunes, and then plug in my iPod and transfer the episodes to it.

It was not a fast process.

But I had a sense there was something for me to gain from this one woman's story and I just knew I had to keep listening.

I Had All the Tools, or So I Thought

I had access to all the tools and resources related to evidence-based approaches to eating disorders and weight management.

Literally, that's why I went to Drexel University.

I led groups for NIH-funded weight management trials comparing standard behavioral treatments to more innovative treatments. I read and researched the psychology and biology of eating behavior every day.

I worked with top leaders in the eating disorder and weight management fields.

"Maybe I'm Not Broken..."

Even with access to all these resources, want to know what helped me the most during this time?

Listening to Renee Stephens' podcast where she shared her story of having a binge eating disorder, eating food out of the trash, and eventually achieving peace and freedom in her relationship with food.

Her struggle made me feel a tiny bit less like a total hypocrite and a fraud.

It took away a tiny bit of my shame. And gave me hope.

Are We Really Helping People?

This was also the time when I really started to question things.

I wasn't seeing any clients or group members make incredible transformations and achieve long-term peace in their relationship with food.

Maybe it wasn't me, or the clients, or the research participants that were the ones who were broken at all.

Maybe it's the system.

"It Will Always Be a Struggle for You."

One of the things you often hear about in the eating disorder and weight management worlds is if you have an eating disorder, or struggle with your weight, you will probably always struggle.

But don't worry... you can "learn to "manage it."

How inspiring .

Is it Even Possible to Not Struggle for the Rest of Your Life?

I remember hearing Renee say things I had never heard before, like:

There's a positive intention behind every behavior, meaning you are trying to get something good for yourself when you are eating (e.g., freedom from pain, boredom, comfort, etc.)

Ask yourself "How will eating this make me feel over time?"

It is possible to feel relaxed around food and at peace with your body

How do you want to feel in your body?

Glimmers of Hope and Empowerment

At this point in my journey when I was listening to Renee's story, I was still in a diet mentality in many ways. However, I found it really helpful to ask myself some of the above questions.

For the first time, I started to really make a conscious choice to eat or not from a place of self-respect and care.

I found myself passing up the extra donuts left in the lab, not due to concern about calories, but instead due to knowing how I'd feel- really sluggish and unproductive over the next several hours.

For once, I actually felt a little empowered. And a little hope. Maybe I could heal myself fully (not just "manage").

Something Was Still Keeping Me Stuck

Despite making some improvements with my eating, I was still pretty stuck and binge eating with some regularity. And still incredibly ashamed.

Without realizing it, I was still in a diet mentality and restrictive mindset, even though if you'd asked me at that time, I'd tell you:

"I definitely don't diet. Diets don't work. I'm just trying to eat to feel good in my body."

"I do not restrict myself from any food." (I didn't limit any foods, but I was still in a restrictive mindset)

"I never skip meals." (I literally never did)

The Things Still Keeping Me Stuck in the Binge Cycle...

1. I was still focused on weight loss.

Without realizing it, I was still really hoping that eating in this way would help me lose weight.

In hindsight, there were a few things about "The Inside Out Weight Loss" podcast that were unhelpful for me.

First, the name of the podcast itself indicated that weight loss was the most important goal (and was still in our control).

Second, Renee would often use the term "naturally slender" to describe people we would want to aspire to be like. (Example: "You know, those people we love to hate who seem to be able to eat anything they want and are always slim" was often said.)

The Podcast Wasn't Immune to the "Thinner is Better" Mantra

This podcast, like most things, was influenced by diet culture and the idea that thinner bodies are the "best" body type. It made several inaccurate assumptions, like:

"We should all strive to be naturally slender."

"If you do the work to take great care of yourself, you will naturally become thin!"

It completely ignores reality. For many people, eating intuitively and remaining in tune with their bodies, their bodies remain a shape other than "slender."

Without realizing it, this podcast reinforced the idea that we are all taught.

Thinner is better. It's the way to be. "Healthier."

Although the podcast has many great messages about listening to your body, trusting it, and loving yourself, those messages were somewhat drowned out.

And since I wasn't automatically becoming "naturally slender" based on following the strategies, I still felt I wasn't "fixed."

2. I was still alone on this journey.

The second thing that kept me stuck was my deep shame about my struggle. It caused me to keep to myself and continue to try to "solve it myself."

Unfortunately,...

Episode 77. What Does My Body Image Have to Do With My Anxiety?

For this special episode I sat down with my friend and colleague Dr. Julia King, a fellow psychologist who specializes in anxiety, body image and disordered eating.

We cover a lot in this conversation including:

How your anxiety is keeping you stuck in a cycle of disordered eating and poor body image

The book that totally changed Dr. King's and my life, and how you can feel more empowered than ever with how you spend your time

First steps to jump out of the emotional eating cycle and address what's really bothering you

And much more!

Ready to Break the Binge Eating Cycle for Good?

Ready to stop avoiding and break the binge eating cycle for good?

The first step is to disrupt the cycle.

My free practical guide has 23 positive ideas for things to do instead of eating. Don't worry, you wont find the standard diet culture BS advice (take a walk, have some water!)

Take the first step to finally stop binge eating and grab my free practical guide today!

Grab my free guide to disrupt the cycle of emotional and binge eating today!

Support Local Bookstores Near You!

Did you know that that if nothing slows their momentum, Amazon will have almost 80% of the book market by the end of 2025?

Look, I love the convenience of Amazon, but I’ve got a super cool way that you can support local bookstores and my blog and podcast simply by buying books like you already do! You can choose any bookstore on the list in the US (they plan to expand to other counties in the future) OR you can just let the donation get split between all stores. They have raised over 15 million dollars for local bookstores. On my bookshop, you will see my absolute favorite books related to health and wellness, courage and vulnerability, and even my favorite fiction and kids books!

My recent favorite related to achieving a deeper level of healing is No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model. This book and model of therapy has been very helpful to me personally and I'm also using it with clients and seeing great results.

So if you believe in supporting local businesses and want to support m blog and podcast, please consider buying your books through Bookshop from now on!

The Psychology of Wellness Bookshop Link.

Disclaimer: This blog and podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not a substitute for individual professional advice or treatment, including medical or mental health advice. It does not constitute a provider patient relationship.

Disclosure: Using the Bookshop.org links in this post means that I would get an affiliate fee if you purchase from the online bookshop (this supports my business, and local bookstores too!).