The Interracial Couple

We moved out of our home in Kenya to come back to America on an American Repatriation flight in the era of COVID-19. 

Day 1 back in Northern California, Cera learned how to weed whack - then woke up at night to a tick biting her thigh. She squeezed and killed it and woke up Matthew, who claimed that the tick was already dead. He did not believe that she had actually been bitten by a live tick. So the arguments started.

When we argue - we always both think we’re right. We BOTH have experiences and simply saw it differently. And we ALWAYS think our own experiences are the right ones and our partner just experienced it wrong!

In this case, we’ll never know who was truly right - but we both are 100% sure we are each right and the other is wrong.

ABOUT US

CERA graduated from UCLA with a degree in International Development and Entrepreneurship in 2018, after living in Los Angeles for eight years. 

She grew up in rural Kenya and at the age of nine, she lost her childhood home to civil war. That forced her to move to a Nairobi ghetto, where she experienced a different kind of poverty.

This experience shaped her mission. She returned to Kenya to start Ecodunia, a social enterprise that makes a difference in the lives of the poor by creating work opportunities and educating girls from under-priviledged communities. Ecodunia is not only driven by profit, but with a mission to lift people out of generational poverty, while making beautiful, useful and sustainable products.

MATTHEW started his career as an accidental filmmaker. He wrote a “practice script,”  hoping one day he could write one that he could sell or produce. That script became his first film, “Senses of Place,” which went on to win awards on the film festival circuit and was distributed by FilmBuff. 

Matthew then moved to Hollywood where he eventually made nine feature films, eight documentaries, and worked with actors Carrie-Anne Moss, Zac Efron, Edi Gathegi, Melora Hardin and many more. He worked with producers Kevin Costner, Bill Borden – Academy Award winner Francis Ford Coppola and Oscar-nominated director Mike Johnson. He has even shared the screen with Josh Brolin, Neil Patrick Harris, Kane Hodder, Naveen Andrews, and many more.

Last year, he released the documentary film, “Hardball: The Girls of Summer.” Currently, he lives between California and East Africa, writing and developing new projects, while consulting on film and TV projects. 

Visit his website to see his work – or check him out on IMDb.com

Are you on TikTok? This interracial couple is.And we decided to do the #coupleschallenge. 

We waded into the dangerous waters of “who is the better kisser?” “who says sorry first?” “who is the better dresser?” etc. 

We revealed our answers to each other on this week’s podcast. Some answers were obvious and unanimous - other answers were somewhere between surprising and infuriating. Turns out that our diversity is more than skin deep. We have great diversity in our viewpoints and understanding of events in our relationship.

If you choose to try it, do so at your own risk! Here are the questions:
1. Who has the cutest smile?
2. Who knows the other pone better?
3. Who says sorry first?
4. Who is the best cook?
5. Who is the better half?
6. Who is dresses better?
7. Who dresses the other?
8. Who takes forever to get out of the house?
9. Who spends the most money?
10. Who gives the best massages?
11. Who is the bigger baby?
12. Who was interested in the other one first?
13. Who is more likely to leave the gym first?
14. Who smells best?
15. Who is the best kisser?
16. Who loves the other one most?
17. Who is the social butterfly?
18. Who is less talented?
19. Who is the worst back seat driver?
20. Who is more jealous?
21. Who lies more?
22. Who can't wait for marriage and kids?

Drop your TikTok ID in the comments section so we can see how well y'all know each other.

Many people who follow the relationship guidance and advice of the Hollis’ felt duped when, after years of selling events and guidance on marriage, they announced they are getting divorced. 

This brought up a lot of questions for us - is it possible to feel like you are in the right marriage/relationship, while at the same time feeling like it’s just not right any more?  Can 2 different things be true at the same time? And when you are deep in question and discovery, even as a public figure, how can you share your honesty and vulnerability, while also honoring where you are. 

As Brene Brown reminds us, “If we share our shame story with the wrong person, they can easily become one more piece of flying debris in an already dangerous storm.” Was the general public the “wrong person” for them?

Lastly, honesty may seem like sharing what’s on your mind, but if you’re processing it and working through something, if you speak it before you know it’s really true for you, are you then doing more harm than good? And is verbal diarrhea really honesty, or is taking the proper time more honest?

I want a safe haven for Black people. I’m tired of seeing black people senselessly murdered for the color of their skin. I’m tired of being discriminated against most everywhere I go. 

In America, there is police brutality, racism, inequality - I could go on and on about the struggles and challenges facing African Americans.

Here in Africa, it’s not like black people catch a break. There is so much corruption and poverty - spearheaded by global greed and leaders more interested in lining their own pockets than lifting up their own people. Literally, I’m tired and frustrated seeing being a second class human - and seeing the endless brutality directed at blacks all over the world. 

Time’s up! It’s time we black people get what we deserve together. Time to get corrupt and racist people out of positions of power. Time for us to get equality and dignity. 

Why is it such a big deal for new couples to fart in front of each other? Is it embarrassment or shame? Is it inherent or cultural? 

Cera and Matthew discuss when they finally felt comfortable farting around each other and what that meant for their relationship. And how being comfortable and accepting about their bodies and bodily functions impacts honesty and comfort far beyond the gross things that our bodies naturally do.

Email thoughts and questions to [email protected]

Cera woke up in the morning feeling overwhelmed. Since we are working from home, we have employees who show up at our house at 9 am, rain or shine, whether we feel like sharing our space or not. And now, we also have family staying here, too.

To compound the need for personal space, we had a few challenging days in our relationship. We were needing space in our relationship, too. But, with employees and family in our home office, we had to keep a professional attitude at all times - and keep from airing dirty laundry.

Please e-mail your thoughts and questions to [email protected] 

Cera kept insisting Matthew get his hair cut and picked out a barber- who turned out to be a total disaster. While Cera felt guilt and shame, Matthew relaxed and let the barber have her way with him. 

It reminded us of all the times one person made a choice that had a negative impact on the other, and how we find ways to deal with guilt and shame, forgiveness and self forgiveness, and both taking responsibility.

Email thoughts and questions to [email protected]

And a big shout out to Feedspot for ranking us as a TOP INTERRACIAL PODCAST! We're on a mission to keep climbing that list by providing great stories and insights.

Enjoy this podcast on iTunes, Spotify and wherever you get your podcasts.

ABOUT CERA & MATTHEW

MATTHEW started his career as an accidental filmmaker. He wrote a “practice script,”  hoping one day he could write one that he could sell or produce. That script became his first film, “Senses of Place,” which went on to win awards on the film festival circuit and was distributed by FilmBuff. 

Matthew then moved to Hollywood where he eventually made nine feature films, eight documentaries, and worked with actors Carrie-Anne Moss, Zac Efron, Edi Gathegi, Melora Hardin and many more. He worked with producers Kevin Costner, Bill Borden – Academy Award winner Francis Ford Coppola and Oscar-nominated director Mike Johnson. He has even shared the screen with Josh Brolin, Neil Patrick Harris, Kane Hodder, Naveen Andrews, and many more.

Last year, he released the documentary film, “Hardball: The Girls of Summer.” Currently, he lives between California and East Africa, writing and developing new projects, while consulting on film and TV projects. 

Visit his website to see his work – or check him out on IMDb.com

CERA graduated from UCLA with a degree in International Development and Entrepreneurship in 2018, after living in Los Angeles for eight years. 

She grew up in rural Kenya and at the age of nine, she lost her childhood home to civil war. That forced her to move to a Nairobi ghetto, where she experienced a different kind of poverty.

This experience shaped her mission. She returned to Kenya to start Ecodunia, a social enterprise that makes a difference in the lives of the poor by creating work opportunities and educating girls from under-privileged communities. Ecodunia is not only driven by profit, but with a mission to lift people out of generational poverty, while making beautiful, useful and sustainable products. 

This week on It’s Not All Black and White, Cera and Matthew discuss the accidental phenomenon that their new friends that they have made together have been primarily other interracial couples. They discuss:

1. Friends in early life for Cera and Matthew
2. Making friends in 20s and 30s
3. Non-diverse friendships growing up in racially homogenous places/communities
4. Tinder racially profiled me
5. White men dating black women
6. Not long ago, we would have been illegal in Kenya AND the United States
7. Aware of the fact that we are a minority as an interracial couple
8. We are noticed, looked at, stared at, commented on when we go out
9. In Kenya, meeting interracial couples wasn’t intnetional, but who our friends are
10. Sharing unspoken, common experiences

Email thoughts and questions to [email protected] 

Enjoy this podcast on iTunes, Spotify and wherever you get your podcasts.

MATTHEW started his career as an accidental filmmaker. He wrote a “practice script,”  hoping one day he could write one that he could sell or produce. That script became his first film, “Senses of Place,” which went on to win awards on the film festival circuit and was distributed by FilmBuff. 

Matthew then moved to Hollywood where he eventually made nine feature films, eight documentaries, and worked with actors Carrie-Anne Moss, Zac Efron, Edi Gathegi, Melora Hardin and many more. He worked with producers Kevin Costner, Bill Borden – Academy Award winner Francis Ford Coppola and Oscar-nominated director Mike Johnson. He has even shared the screen with Josh Brolin, Neil Patrick Harris, Kane Hodder, Naveen Andrews, and many more.

Last year, he released the documentary film, “Hardball: The Girls of Summer.” Currently, he lives between California and East Africa, writing and developing new projects, while consulting on film and TV projects. 

Visit his website to see his work – or check him out on IMDb.com

CERA graduated from UCLA with a degree in International Development and Entrepreneurship in 2018, after living in Los Angeles for eight years. 

She grew up in rural Kenya and at the age of nine, she lost her childhood home to civil war. That forced her to move to a Nairobi ghetto, where she experienced a different kind of poverty.

This experience shaped her mission. She returned to Kenya to start Ecodunia, a social enterprise that makes a difference in the lives of the poor by creating work opportunities and educating girls from under-priviledged communities. Ecodunia is not only driven by profit, but with a mission to lift people out of generational poverty, while making beautiful, useful and sustainable products. 

This week on It’s Not All Black & White - the Interracial Couple Podcast, Cera and Matthew discuss how a big move from California to Africa impacted their relationship.

1. Excitement of moving and taking on a new adventure
2. Stress of packing up a life and moving, moving stress
3. A big life change together can be akin to getting married, even if you’re not
4. Moving to a new place together can bring you closer or tear you apart
5. Moving abroad
6. Major compromises
7. Choosing the compromise instead of settling for compromise

Email thoughts and questions to [email protected] 

Enjoy this podcast on iTunes, Spotify and wherever you get your podcasts.

This week on It’s Not All Black & White - the Interracial Couple Podcast, Cera and Matthew follow up on their conversation on the way back from running the Mt. Kilimanjaro Half Marathon, from Tanzania back to Kenya. In torrential rain and in the dark, Cera took the opportunity to drive home and improve her skills in an area where she has less experience, while Matthew had the challenge of staying calm.

They talk about:

1.  How they use their strengths to benefit the relationship and support the other in their weaker areas. 
2. Cera usually takes charge when getting around Kenya and all things Swahili. Matthew usually drives. Matthew does more of the cooking, Cera does more of the cleaning. 
3. Gaining confidence by doing - from the book The Confidence Code.
4. How married couples have the benefit of each doing what they do best for the benefit of the whole. 
5. They find the balance between doing what each does best, while supporting the other to improve in their weaker areas.
6. Running a marathon toward the Kilimanjaro Summit.

Email thoughts and questions to [email protected]