The Interracial Couple

This week on It’s Not All Black and White, Cera and Matthew talk about what causes stress and ways to relieve it. Stress plays in our relationship - and it seems like there’s no way to avoid it in the craziness of life. So, the ways to deal with it, and put pride aside in challenging moments is key.

Other topics we discuss

1. Trying to do too much in a day
2. Information overload
3. The weight of pursuing your life’s purpose
4. Dumping on each other in stressful times. 

Email thoughts and questions to [email protected]

This week on It’s Not All Black and White, Matthew and Cera look at the top 7 challenges many interracial couples face. Sometimes, we don’t even recognize the problems and challenges, so we looked to see what other interracial couples struggle with - to see if there was something impacting us that we didn’t even know about. 

Some of these affect us for sure. Others, not so much. 

1. Different expectations and assumptions. By the time we’re 7 years old, we already have many ingrained beliefs from our family and culture
2. Different way of communicating - different nuances of words or interpretations
3. Family disapproval
4. Social judgement (even when positive)
5. Greater need for compromise due to different social norms
6. “Us against the world” can lead to enmeshment and lack of boundaries 
7. Shy away from “hot topics” - i.e. racism

Email thoughts and questions to [email protected]

This week on It’s Not All Black & White - The Interracial Podcast (http://www.itsnotall.com)  we talk about Matthew’s brilliant idea to film cops taking bribes and then getting hauled to the police station for questioning and interrogation. 

We were on our way to pay tuition for a young girl whose parents couldn’t afford school fees as part of Ecodunia’s mission to create sustainable community and educate rural girls in Kenya. Our bus driver was pulled over and paid a bribe to corrupt cops. It’s business as usual here in Kenya - but corruption is one of the major roadblocks that keeps Kenya from moving forward. 

Filming punched our tickets to the police station, a meeting with the police chief, and a tense stand-off that ended with a sermon. Turns out being a white man comes with privilege, even in rural Kenya. The police chief didn’t see the upside in keeping us behind bars. 

In the end, it felt good to take a stand for what we believe in.

Email thoughts and questions to [email protected] 

This week on It’s Not All Black and White (http://www.itsnotall.com), Matthew and Cera discuss the decision to not heed the 48 hour notice given by the State Department to leave Kenya or stay indefinitely due to Corona virus travel restrictions. 

Can we be careful without panicking? Can we be astute without worry? Can we be responsible, level-headed, and compassionate for people who are economically disadvantaged as well as those whose health is at risk?

Email thoughts and questions to [email protected] 

This week on It’s Not All Black & White - the Interracial Couple Podcast, Cera and Matthew talk about their different food culture. Cera’s Kenyan upbringing, traditional African cuisine, and the cultural expectation that she would need to cook to get a good husband. Matthew’s American food up-bring was very different - American food, a Jewish mother and two parents who both cooked. 

So much of identity is wrapped in food and what we eat - and when two people with very different food cultures come together, it takes compromise and sometimes an adventurous spirit. 

This week, we discuss:

1. Intermediate fasting
2. Is breakfast the most important meal?
3. Tradition and culture around food
4. African cuisine
5. Food and identity
6. Eating out and sharing entrees
7. Cera’s fear of poached eggs
8. Cooking for your partner

Email thoughts and questions to [email protected] 

Cera’s company, Ecodunia, makes sustainable, fairtrade products in Kenya, Africa - cotton bags, leather wallets, and fish leather wallets. She produces them to export to the USA.

On the weekend before shipping overseas, we had a house full of products that needed to be folded, packaged, and boxed. The amount of work to get it ready, with a tight deadline, made the situation in our house ripe for anger, frustration and burnout. Even talking about it on the podcast, we rekindled and revisited some of that anger and frustration.

This week on It’s Not All Black & White - the Interracial Couple Podcast, Cera and Matthew talk about dealing with the conflict.

1. Failures in communication
2. Couple arguing and fighting when they actually want the same thing
3. Fighting for the “benefit” of each other and our relationship.
4. Knowing the other one is right but not wanting to admit it.
5. How to win when you lose an argument.
6. Not taking the anger into the next day
7. Being authentic, not being resentful
8. Taking care of yourself to take care of your partner
9. Solving the problem after the emotions have passed
10. How Michael A. Singer’s “The Untethered Soul” saved us from a fight

Email thoughts and questions to [email protected]

This week on It’s Not All Black & White - the Interracial Couple Podcast, Cera and Matthew talk about couples excercising for healthy body and a healthy relationship. Early in our relationship, we started running together even though Matthew had never run before. We hiked together and then got a gym membership together. We discuss:

1. Running and working out together
2. Family holiday running challenge - to keep the eating guilt down and the motivation up.
3. Cera hits the gym to do what most women don’t want to do - gain weight
4. Putting on 10 lbs of muscle 
5. Matthew hits the trail for marathon training
6. Running 10k, 15k, 20k plus
7. Getting ready for Mt. Kilimanjaro Marathon in Tanzania
8. Running toward the Kilimanjaro Summit

Email thoughts and questions to [email protected] 

On our third anniversary, Cera & Matthew talk about re-upping their subscription for another year. How they spent their anniversary day and set time to talk about what they love about each other, what they’re grateful for, what the other would like them to work on, and what one thing they themselves want to improve in the relationship for the coming year. 

Email thoughts and questions to [email protected] 

How race and nationality affect travel.

Matthew & Cera talk about traveling in the US, Europe and Africa as an interracial couple. They discuss how the power of some passports (USA) make travel easier, while others (Kenya) create roadblocks and challenges.

Email us at [email protected]

In this first episode, Cera and Matthew discuss how some words and expressions mean different things to different people, across race, language and culture. How we align our dreams and work together toward common goals.

Get in touch at [email protected]