The Intimate Lifestyle

This week’s episode is a continuation of the previous one. But this time around, his partner – Ally, is joining the two of us.

If you weren’t able to catch the previous episode yet, I suggest you give it a listen. This way, you get some context on their relationship, and what we’re gonna be talking about. You can listen to it here.

Now, we skipped the formalities of introduction as I typically do on the show as we just continued where we left off from our conversation last week. Our conversation revolved around their relationship, it's progression and dynamics. We also touched on society's perception of relationships. 

Subjects that the three of us discussed include:

• How polyamory can aid the common monogamy-infidelity issue (02:59).
• The concept of monogamy and Ally's past relationships as a serial monogamist (04:24).
• The general misconception that polyamory is avoidance of commitment (07:30).
• Handling arguments in a polyamorous relationship vis-à-vis a traditional one (09:27).
• Weddings, marriages, and the commitment that they share in their relationship (11:54).
• The concept of tribal intimacy, and the dynamics and perks of their relationship compared to traditional ones (15:25).
• Processing jealousy and how sexual encounters with other lovers make them feel (22:02).
• How their other lovers respond to their relationship set-up (32:44).
• ‘Working a schedule’ with their multiple lovers (33:47; 37:55).
• The reluctant yet organic development of their relationship, and how they see it evolving further in the future (36:07; 41:48).
• Meeting and inviting new people into their ‘tribe’, and the foundation and depth of their relationships (38:11; 47:50).
• The importance of transparency to manage people’s expectations about their lifestyle (44:49).
• How polyamory lets individuals have a better awareness of the possibility of an end to a relationship (51:46).
• The pressure that monogamy places on individuals (56:20).
• How society views the traditional concept of marriage (1:01:40).
• The importance of establishing a relationship with yourself (1:04:50).

That was a really fun chat! Did you enjoy as much as I did? Hearing Ally’s take on their relationship only strengthened the position established in the previous episode. The insights the two of them shared can really get one to reflect and challenge what we know about commitment, relationships, and even marriage.

If you think someone will benefit from listening from this episode, I urge you to share this with them. This allows the show to reach more people, create awareness, and educate them too.

For feedback and inquiries, or if there’s anyone you’d like to suggest as a guest… give me a shout out at info [at] theintimatelifestyle.com. I’d love to hear from you.

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For some, the idea of being in a relationship with just one person can downright drive them crazy. But imagine being in a relationship with FOUR. That is bound to get crazy, right?

Wrong.

My friend, who will remain unnamed, lets us take a peek into his world. One where polyamory and group sex is preferred, if not the norm. Join us as we try to understand him and his lifestyle, and unpack the intricacies and dynamics of a polyamorous relationship.

Below are some of the things we’ve touched on our conversation:

• His interests and the role sexuality plays in his life (02:41).
• How I recall meeting him at a sex party and how our interesting our introduction was(04:50).
• His explanation on the way he approaches people, and what he perceives as the reason why other people do not do this (08:07).
• His approach to relationships that provides self-reliance and freedom from concepts of possession and jealousy (10:04).
• How many partners he has and his primary partner's lovers (13:03).
• The process of getting educated about polyamory, jealousy, and compersion (15:36).
• The type of relationships he had prior his awakening to the life and relationships that he authentically wants (18:41).
• The dynamics of the lifestyle, relationship, and sexual encounters he and his partners are in (23:21).
• Navigating his partners’ feelings before, during and after a relationship with him (31:28).
• Cultivating deep connections and intimacy with all the individuals involved in the relationship (36:01).
• Dealing with feelings of insecurity and being left out in a group sex scenario (38:22).
• Why he chose not to compartmentalize his sexuality from his life (40:14).
• What he sees as foremost before getting into a relationship (43:14).
• How he opens up the subject of polyamory and introducing group sex to a new lover (45:00).

We also throw in some pop culture references and anecdotes about sexual repression, past relationships, and group sex. This episode made me understand what goes on a polyamorous person's mind, or at least, His version of it. As he has stressed, there really is no one template or formula to navigate this type of relationship. Or any relationship, really. If there’s a key takeaway, it is to live as authentically as possible.

STAY TUNED FOR PART 2 NEXT WEEK!

I hope you enjoyed this episode. If you know other individuals living an authentic lifestyle – someone in an off the beaten path who can be an informative resource and guest… email me at info [at] theintimatelifestyle.com with your suggestions!

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Every Tuesday on Modern SexTalks we come at you with Just the Tip Tuesday where we offer a 10 minute segment from a previous episode.  Our episodes can be a bit long sometimes, and it can be hard to remember everything, so this is an option to get bite sized bits of information on a weekly basis. Today's episode is a short segment from EP174: Condom Magic with Matt Mandell.

 Do you know the most natural-feeling condom brand and type there is out there? Or do you know how a tissue roll can gauge you or your partner’s penis size compared to the rest of the world?

 Those are just some of the things you’ll learn on this week’s very informative episode, as Matt Mandell, CEO of Condomania joins me on the show.

Like us on Facebook and Instagram! And help us out by leaving a rating and a review in iTunes.

Every Tuesday on Modern SexTalks we come at you with Just the Tip Tuesday where we offer a 10 minute segment from a previous episode.  Our episodes can be a bit long sometimes, and it can be hard to remember everything, so this is an option to get bite sized bits of information on a weekly basis. Today's episode is a short segment from EP172: How to Say No and Set Boundaries with Little Woo.

Little Woo is the founder of the School of Enchantment, where she serves as a mentor and coach, guiding people in their relationships and lives. She teaches a program for those who are going through big changes and wants to transition towards a more magical life through creativity and freedom, so they can walk the enchanted path of compassion, creation, and celebration.

On this episode, we focused on the often seen as difficult practice of saying “No”, dealing with conflicts and the other consequences attributed from saying “No”, as well as our personal experiences in conflicts and rejection.

Like us on Facebook and Instagram! And help us out by leaving a rating and a review in iTunes.

Every Tuesday on Modern SexTalks we come at you with Just the Tip Tuesday where we offer a 10 minute segment from a previous episode.  Our episodes can be a bit long sometimes, and it can be hard to remember everything, so this is an option to get bite sized bits of information on a weekly basis. Today's episode is a short segment from EP170: Sexual Shame with Jordan Gray.

A sex and relationship coach for 7 and a half years, he started it through offline coaching and expanded online 5 years ago. His business had been growing steadily since, allowing him to reach and help people around the world with their relationships and sexuality.

Today, Jordan Gray joins me on the show to talk about shame, performance mindset, (which he personally experienced), his recommendations to overcome these, and a few social justice rants sprinkled with some movie references.

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Alternative sexuality, kink, and BDSM are some things that people often keep in the dark. But in this episode, we'll be shedding some light on them

This week’s guest is Robin Beatch, aka Red Robin, and she identifies as a genderfluid, polyamorous switch. She was previously a stripper, professional dominatrix, and a nurse. All these past experiences integrated into her present profession. She currently teaches alternative sexuality. She supports and educates different communities through body acceptance, experimenting with sexuality, among others.

If the length of our conversation is any indication, there’s so much that we discussed and learned from each other. More often me learning from her, really. We’ve tackled everything from what got her into it, what professional dominatrixes do and different types of kinks.

Some of the specific subjects we've touched on are:

• Her background raised in a Mennonite household where sex education was fear-based and how she ended up working in the sex industry (01:42; 06:58).
• What she does as an alternative sex educator (04:03).
• How stripping empowered her and being a dominatrix gave her more control over her life (07:51).
• The distinction between hurting versus harming, and how pleasure can be derived from pain (15:31).
• What is a scene and how does BDSM provides a greater level of care than traditional relationships or sex (20:50).
• The significance of intuition, discernment, and calibration in BDSM, and why she does not rely on safewords (23:54; 34: 25; 1:18:45).
• A crash course on terminologies, scenarios and roles in BDSM (26;13; 35:41; 46:54; 1:05:22).
• The different reasons people go for pain, and the importance of understanding the intent of each participant (31:46).
• Ways to check the other party's limits and pain threshold (36:20).
• What are muggles, how to introduce kink, and to build-up scenes based on the person’s experience (38:43; 55:41).
• How psychological pain and humiliation play out into the scenes (51:44).
• Where she draws inspiration to stay creative with domination (1:02:46).
• The importance of learning and understanding the BDSM power play (1:10:55).
• How things that went wrong and lessons learned emphasized the need to do understand BDSM power dynamics. (1:21:25).
• Issues on consent, miscommunication, rape, and the important concept of vetting (1:24:15).
• A story about a client with whom she had 4-hour long needle play with (1:34:45).
• Her advice for someone looking for a pro-dom session, and which channels to use to best find one (1:37:00).

It was really entertaining and enlightening talking with Robin. She’s got so much to share that more than an hour and a half seemed to still be insufficient to cover everything. Good thing she does these talks for a living, so check out her upcoming talks and conferences if you want more.

If you want to connect with Robin, you can get in touch with her at Alternative Sexuality, or through her Fetlife account.

If you have questions or any feedback for the show, I’d love to hear it – email us at info [at] theintimatelifestyle.com. Feel free to share our conversation to your social networks too!

Help us out by leaving a rating and a review in iTunes.

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Every Tuesday on Modern SexTalks we come at you with Just the Tip Tuesday where we offer a 10 minute segment from a previous episode.  Our episodes can be a bit long sometimes, and it can be hard to remember everything, so this is an option to get bite sized bits of information on a weekly basis. Today's episode is a short segment from EP168: 5 Thieves that Steal Your Happiness with Dr John Izzo.

There are many other social contract theories out there that claim otherwise. John Izzo, the author of the book The Five Thieves of Happiness, debunks this claim saying that happiness is actually human’s natural state.

Dr. John Izzo has over two decades worth of credentials in the field of business, leadership, success, social responsibility and happiness where he’s written books, and spoken numerous conferences and summits.

Like us on Facebook and Instagram! And help us out by leaving a rating and a review in iTunes.

People often see conflicts in a bad light and try to avoid it at all costs – be it with your family, friends, colleagues… and especially with your partner. But what would you think if I tell you that conflict can actually be a positive thing?

Our guest for this episode is Vienna Pharaon, and conflict is one of her specialties. Vienna is a licensed marriage and family therapist and is behind New York Couples Counseling where she helps individuals, couples and families traverse different issues. She offers services based on the issues experienced by her clients where she uses compassion, intuition, and collaboration to encourage transformation.

People are afraid to face conflict and avoid it as much as possible, yet it is inevitable. Vienna, however, welcomes conflict and sees it as a gateway to deeper connections and better relationships. This is what we deep-dived into in our conversation.

Some of the topics we discussed are:

• Her work as a marriage and family therapist (05:26), and the systemic nature of the job looking at how different systems shape our lives and belief systems (11:50).
• The dating culture in New York and the horror stories brought about by a career-centric city culture causing misalignment in priorities (07:56).
• My sunglasses analogy relating to awareness and subconscious (14:57), and the importance of working on both ourselves and our relationships towards happiness (16:07).
• The role that our past plays on how we perceive conflicts, and how conflicts give us the opportunity to learn and understand our partners more (20:55).
• Transforming unhealthy to healthy conflict through our behavior and reaction (27:58).
• How to shift our perspective when you're in the moment by claiming your ‘adult time out’ to bring gentleness into the space (30:20; 42:41).
• Seeing anger as an informative emotion that is often the result of another emotion (35:20).
• Distinguishing unhealthy and healthy conflict based on how the parties accept their responsibility and contribution to the interaction and conflict (38:15).
• Striking a balance of accepting responsibility for your behavior and getting the other person to acknowledge and do the same on their end (44:43).
• Gottman’s insights on couples’ issues, the statistic of which is unsolvable, and the concept of positive to negative ratio of healthy relationships (53:32).
• The concept of negativity threshold and how this impacts conflict management (57:36).
• Why I see the idea of giving parts of ourselves into a relationship is comparable to the science of sword-making (1:00:07).
• How to deal with conflicts in a healthy manner that it becomes transformative and a source of deeper intimacy (1:03:31).

If you want to reach Vienna, you may check

New York Couples Counseling | Mindful Marriage and Family Therapy

Vienna Pharaon (@mindfulMFT) | Instagram

Vienna provided a very enlightening outlook that hopefully will help us all in dealing with our relationships. The insights she shared are great techniques and hacks to diffuse conflicts and improve our relationships, whether it is with our partners, families and other people in general.

I learned a ton on this conversation and hope know that you did too. If you think someone will benefit from listening to this, feel free to share this with them as well.

For feedback and inquiries, give me a shout out at info [at] theintimatelifestyle.com – I’d love to hear from you.

Help us out by leaving a rating and a review in iTunes.

Like us on Facebook!

Check out our Resource Page.

Every Tuesday on Modern SexTalks we come at you with Just the Tip Tuesday where we offer a 10 minute segment from a previous episode.  Our episodes can be a bit long sometimes, and it can be hard to remember everything, so this is an option to get bite sized bits of information on a weekly basis. Today's episode is a short segment from EP164: Jealousy and it's "Cure" with Lianna Walden.

 Lianna Walden is a sex and relationship coach who has a very interesting story. She was married for over 20 years and for 12 of those years, she was in a non-monogamous marriage with a bisexual man. She's learned a lot about jealousy and she's sharing what she did, and what you can do, to overcome jealousy.

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Strippers are often perceived in society as promiscuous and sex thirsty women willing to get paid to show off their bodies, or even more…

Maria – not her real name, is a friend and is/was a stripper for 6 years. She joins me as today’s guest as she shares her insights about stripping as a career, and to prove that some (if not most) strippers are actually happy individuals who are not broken and lonely.

Sex work is an industry often seen in the fringes of society, never totally accepted but operates implicitly anyway. People who delve into sex work often get judged and receive flack for their choice of livelihood. While society paints a distorted and dark imagery to the industry, if you take away its sexual nature, sex work at its core is really just sales and hospitality work.

This episode hopes to shed light on an industry that thrives after dark, in hopes of debunking stereotypes and social stigma. We try to draw a clearer picture of the inner workings of a stripper through Maria's experiences, and maybe learn what the ‘perv row' is. Some of the topics we've discussed in this fun and light conversation are:

• What led her to decide to work as a stripper when she was just 18 (2:30).
• Why she felt fortunate and lucky to work in a gentleman’s club (7:43), and how another stripper took Maria under her wing to learn the ropes, rules, and other tricks of the trade (23:20).
• Her personal choice to stick with stripping and not going past that (9:30), how the workplace made her empowered and confident to define her boundaries (12:45) and how she keeps away from the ongoing temptation of crossing these limits (27:52).
• How the night club environment impacts the lifestyle and health of its employees (8:39; 15:00), and her experience with alcohol and drugs (19:15)
• An aspect she appreciated with stripping as a career offered (21:11).
• The stigma that came with the job, and how her family reacted upon knowing that she was stripping (26:13)
• What convinced her to think that every woman should experience stripping at some point in their lives (30:51).
• The danger involved with being a stripper, trusting the strip club's tight security to safeguard her, the importance of keeping vigilant, and the reason why strippers adopt a stage name (38:07).
• The stereotypes, assumptions, and expectations that society have about strippers (46:02).
• Attributing her ‘success’ as a stripper not to flaunting her sexuality or doing hard-sell but by connecting with people and letting her personality speak (49:56).
• Building confidence in a setting where rejection is high and earning through experience a toolkit for stripper success (55:35).
• Misconceptions about strippers as promiscuous, and the fact that they cannot be generalized, with each having different stories behind deciding to take that track (1:06:50).

It was a very candid yet powerful look into a stripper’s life, and I hope you loved it as much I did talking to Maria. If you know anyone who might be interested or would benefit from hearing Maria’s perspective, share this with them.

Thanks for tuning in today, and your continuous support to the show. If you have feedback or suggestions on the episode or the show, I’d love to hear it – email us at info [at] theintimatelifestyle.com.

Help us out by leaving a rating and a review in iTunes.

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