The Intimate Lifestyle

Every Tuesday on Modern SexTalks we come at you with Just the Tip Tuesday where we offer a 10 minute segment from a previous episode.  Our episodes can be a bit long sometimes, and it can be hard to remember everything, so this is an option to get bite sized bits of information on a weekly basis. Today's episode is a short segment from EP160: Sex Work Secrets from an ex-Madam | Raven.

Raven is a retired sex worker, who went to Japan at a young age to escape a humdrum routine she calls life. There she learned the art and trade of being a modern geisha and a high-end-escort-slash-sex-worker, under the care of a mama-san who ensures the clients treat the women in her club like princesses.

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When we say addiction, we automatically think drugs. But addiction can be about almost anything – sex addiction, porn, food, literally anything.

Whatever form of addiction one may have, there is one common thing that gets messed up, and that is our relationships. This is what Ben and I wanted to unpack in our conversation.

Ben Goresky is an addiction counselor, helping other men through Evolving Man, where he provides resources on relationships, masculinity, and health. What's interesting with Ben was he suffered from addiction and was sent to rehab when he was just 15 years old. It is this personal experience that allowed him to coach and provide counsel to other addicts effectively and with credibility. And it’s with this experience as an addictions counsellor that he’s able to now coach men with compassion, and without judgement, through the many challenges they’ve been faced with that hold them back in love and life.

In this episode, we discussed:

• A brief background of his life, relationship, and his current projects, initiatives, and involvements (2:17).
• His addiction to escape, the substances he's used and getting acquainted with other addicts in rehab (6:20).
• What he experienced and saw inside rehab, and the mentality that made him think that he should be deeper into drugs (7:53).
• How an addict's mind works, and what he sees as the foundation of addiction in one's consciousness (11:04; 18:40).
• The addict’s grand narrative before discovering drugs, while doing drugs, and the vicious cycle involved in it (12:45).
• Personal experiences, feelings, and actions under the influence of drugs as a teenager (16:50).
• The uniqueness of each addiction and the intensity of the experiences people get out of it (20:40).
• How Ben got clean through his father’s persistence, rehabilitation, counseling, by ‘hitting bottom', and a realization of what’s actually happening (25:55).
• The importance of fostering relationships and building credibility as a coach when helping others overcome addiction (36:50).
• The first phase of the 12 steps to recovery and how it gets the addict to face the pain (39:55).
• How addiction would’ve changed the trajectory of his life and relationships, and the personal growth and self-help activities he continuously took to improve his current life and relationships (44:24).
• What shadow work is, how it affects people’s behaviors and relationships, and how it manifests in different people (47:13).
• How the changes he’s gone through and lessons learned allowed him to be grateful for the life and relationships he has right now (51:03).

This was a thoughtful conversation that laid out the origins of addiction and understanding early recovery. If you or someone you know would benefit from having a coaching session with Ben,  you can reach him through his website Evolving Man, his Facebook page Evolving Man Coaching, or email him at [email protected].

Appreciate the time you took to listen to the show, if you have feedback, questions or suggestion about this episode or for the show, email me at info [at] theintimatelifestyle.com – I’d love to hear them!

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Every Tuesday on Modern SexTalks we come at you with Just the Tip Tuesday where we offer a 10 minute segment from a previous episode.  Our episodes can be a bit long sometimes, and it can be hard to remember everything, so this is an option to get bite sized bits of information on a weekly basis. Today's episode is a short segment from EP158:Hypnosis and Seduction with Ross Jeffries.

Ever wondered how you can pick up and seduce women effectively? Ross Jeffries just might help you in this area… and more.

Ross is a master hypnotist and NLP practitioner – so I might have been under the power of his hypnosis on this episode.

 Ross Jeffries applies and teaches conversational hypnosis to seduce women and this is what we will deep-dive on today. If you perceive that the practice of hypnosis overrides human autonomy and volition, let our conversation guide you on how this seemingly sketchy practice can help people traverse relationships.

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There are few things that are certain in life – and death is one of those.

Death has always been seen as the conclusion of life. But for Stephen Garrett, he sees new beginnings and opportunities in death to cultivate positivity and powerful change. Stephen is a death coach, but it hasn’t always been the case.

For some time, he served people as a life coach but noticed that while this enabled people to change their lives, it is often short-lived. He observed, however, that death is a more potent tool to create profound and long-lasting changes.

He believes that we must face and embrace death instead of avoiding it. In this episode, we discussed the emotions that accompany death and share our own experiences dealing with the death of loved ones, and people close to us who have also struggled with grief and loss.

Just some of the things we covered today are:

• The deeper purpose of being a death educator and coach, and the process of getting rid of grief which is not done alone, and must be received by another individual without judgment (1:40).
• The Dying to Live experience/program he does with his clients and my emotional experience of writing my own eulogy (6:20).
• Seeing death as a teacher, friend, and ally, instead of an enemy, and allowing it to inspire life instead of discouraging it (11:17; 1:01:12).
• Present day fear of death caused by lack of practice and exposure, unlike 150 years ago when the natural cycle of life is more apparent through nature, home and family (12:23).
• How our demeanor towards elders reflect our fear of death (14:03).
• The markers/signposts of grief, and why Stephen does not want to necessarily use the term ‘stages',
• and his take on how Shakespeare described parting as a sweet sorrow (22:41).
• Stephen’s insights on the grief associated with infertility, stillbirth, babies, and children dying (27:28).
• How love/joy and grief/sorrow are correlated, and the difficulty getting over these feelings (32:39).
• The point when grief and sorrow become unhealthy, the potential effects of suppressing or dwelling too much on sorrow, and how to balance the darkness with the lightness (40:20).
• The significance of practicing gratitude amidst challenges, and how it allows us to manage our priorities and see what’s important in our life (45:04).
• Grieving relationships to get emotional and mental baggage out, and what you can do for someone who is grieving (52:33).
• The two components of the grieving process, the role of rituals and exercises in the appreciation of the life or relationship that was lived and experienced (58:26).
• Experiencing loneliness in the spiritual and physical plane, and the inevitable attachment after a loss (1:03:35).
• Loving someone who has experienced grief and loss (1:09:22).

To connect with Stephen and other related links, see below:

Stephen Garrett | Author, Coach & Educator

Phone: 604-328-7054

Email: stephen[at]embraceyourdeath.com

Alive In Death | Death, Dying, Grief and Self-Care Training for Health Care Providers

Begin with the End in Mind - 7 Habits of Highly Effective People | Stephen Covey

The reality is relationships aren't just about the good times – hardships, breakups, and even death happen. This life-changing and riveting conversation allowed me to gain a deeper understanding of love, relationships and the cycle of life, and I hope it did the same for you. 

If you have questions, feedback, or suggestions on the episode or the show, I’d love to hear it – email us at info [at] theintimatelifestyle.com.

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Every Tuesday on Modern SexTalks we come at you with Just the Tip Tuesday where we offer a 10 minute segment from a previous episode.  Our episodes can be a bit long sometimes, and it can be hard to remember everything, so this is an option to get bite sized bits of information on a weekly basis. Today's episode is a short segment from EP156: Customizing Your Relationship with Amy Gahran.

Amy Gahran aka Aggie Sex, is the author of the book Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator which delves into customizing your relationships to fit your needs.

Still don't quite understand the relationship escalator from that short description? Amy, who's appeared on CNN.com and Entrepreneur.com, goes deep into this topic and how it relates to how people behave in their relationships.  

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Every Tuesday on Modern SexTalks we come at you with Just the Tip Tuesday where we offer a 10 minute segment from a previous episode.  Our episodes can be a bit long sometimes, and it can be hard to remember everything, so this is an option to get bite sized bits of information on a weekly basis. Today's episode is a short segment from EP151: No More Mr Nice Guy with Dr Robert Glover.

 Today’s guest is Dr. Robert Glover – an internationally recognized authority on the Nice Guy Syndrome. He wrote No More Mr. Nice Guy – a book I have read twice and found to be really insightful in understanding the male psyche. As a result of his work, Dr. Glover has helped thousands of nice guys transform from being passive, resentful victims to empowered, integrated males.

 A self-professed recovering nice guy himself, he took the time to chat with me about bad boys and nice guys, and how being nice can cause resentment, anxiety and repressed anger in relation to getting the sex life, relationship, success, among other things that they think they deserve.

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Do you know the most natural-feeling condom brand and type there is out there? Or do you know how a tissue roll can gauge you or your partner’s penis size compared to the rest of the world?

Those are just some of the things you’ll learn on this week’s very informative episode, as Matt Mandell, CEO of Condomania joins me on the show. Condomania is a company that was established in 1991 during the peak of the AIDS crisis and has been America's, if not the world's first condom source. With the dawn of the internet, Condomania created their website as early as 1995 that allows people to shop for their condom needs and more, one of the pioneers of e-commerce.

Matt and I talked about condoms, lubricants, issues, my unusual sexual fear, and other topics not as widely talked about as they are experienced in the real world on this episode with a healthy dose of humor.

Topics we’ve covered are:

• Condomania’s product mix and loyal customer base (1:46).
• The emotional and/or mental issues involved with being on the opposite poles of the scale based on the FDA’s standards on condom size (6:40).
• The extent of the service they provide from a wide range of condom options, supplementary tools like sex toys, and even supporting their clients on a personal level and educating them about sex that is not penis-centric or size-dependent (9:08).
• Condom size categories and a basic measurement hack how to gauge one’s standing in the small-average-large condom size spectrum (12:57).
• Natural lambskin condoms, what it’s made of, and its pros and cons, and the difference in terms of shape and feel between different types of condoms. (15:44)
• A personal narrative of condoms slipping, common causes to condom slipping off apart from size, and how to resolve this issue (24:43).
• Reasons why condoms break and the significance of lube in the problem (30:38).
• The limitations that hinder Condomania from legally catering to people in the extreme zones with regards to penis size (32:16).
• The range of the sizes of the condom they produce from the smallest to largest, the brands that produce the smaller sizes, and measuring for custom orders (35:15).
• Where condoms are manufactured, the different materials used, and the differences in manufacturing between the different types of condoms (40:05).
• Lubricants and special lube products that affect sexual contact stimuli (47:30).
• Commonly reported issues or problems that guys encounter using condoms (50:58).
• Different type of lubes, how they work, how and where to use them, their benefits, and things to watch out for (2:33).
• Condomania’s user-driven approach to merchandising, and integrity in ensuring the safety of their clients through their product lineup and by even providing Condom Liability Insurance (1:01:05).
• His personal insights on the effectiveness of sexual performance boosting and penis size enhancement products and procedures (1:05:40).

To connect with Matt and check out the product line-up of Condomania, check the info below:

https://www.condomania.com

matt [at] condomania.com

1-800-9-CONDOM (1-800-9266366)

This conversation has been very informative, even for me who’s relatively learned on the subject of sex. If you think it was quite enlightening too, highly recommend that you share this so more people will be better educated about the tools used for intimacy like condoms and lubricants.

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Is being a Yes Man (or Woman) getting you in trouble more than good? Then maybe you should learn the art of properly saying “No”.

Little Woo is the founder of the School of Enchantment, where she serves as a mentor and coach, guiding people in their relationships and lives. She teaches a program for those who are going through big changes and wants to transition towards a more magical life through creativity and freedom, so they can walk the enchanted path of compassion, creation, and celebration. 

On this episode, we focused on the often seen as difficult practice of saying “No”, dealing with conflicts and the other consequences attributed from saying “No”, as well as our personal experiences in conflicts and rejection.

Some of the points we’ve touched on today are:

• How cynical she was in the past, and the 7-year journey that prompted her to look inside, learn how to swim instead of drowning, let go of feeling powerless, and eventually helping other people with similar journeys (5:00).
• How mixed signals and incongruence of how we view the world and how we respond to people and situations reflects in our energy and relationships (9:00).
• The negative perception of the word ‘No’, how it conveys boundaries and confrontation, and how she sees the word ‘No’ not as the problem (12:02).
• How learning to effectively say ‘No’ made certain things easier for her (14:25).
• The difficulties in saying ‘No' and how guilt plays a big role in this, rooted in certain false beliefs (16:20).
• Responding to guilt and getting caught up with other people’s trauma and victim mentality by shifting energies instead of just merely choosing between fight or flee (22:02).
• How getting ‘No’ for an answer benefits both parties, allowing growth, healing, empowerment and removing blame from the participants (24:10).
• Handling conflict and displeasure so we can be bigger than the momentary discomfort that comes from a ‘No’ and developing trust, stronger bonds and authenticity through the experience (34:04).
• How the concepts of FOMO, shortage of resource and shortage of love makes people say ‘Yes' in fear of missing opportunities and overcoming the scarcity mindset by acknowledging choices and abundance (40:56).
• Developing muscles to handle people’s discomfort, how to respond as a mentor to not take people’s reactions personally, and to give and receive truth graciously (53:31)

A great insight in conflict resolution, as well as managing our relationships, careers or businesses, and other opportunities we face in life. It had been a pleasure talking with Little Woo, if you would like to know more about her programs and join the walk to the enchanted path of magical humans, you can head to LittleWoo.Org or shoot her an email at treasures [at] littlewoo.org

Thanks for tuning in today, I hope you find this episode insightful as I did. If you have feedback or suggestions on the episode or the show, I’d love to hear it – email us at info [at] theintimatelifestyle.com.

Help us out by leaving a rating and a review in iTunes.

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Every Tuesday on Modern SexTalks we come at you with Just the Tip Tuesday where we offer a 10 minute segment from a previous episode.  Our episodes can be a bit long sometimes, and it can be hard to remember everything, so this is an option to get bite sized bits of information on a weekly basis. Today's episode is a short segment from EP145: Master and Slave Relationships and Healthy Power Dynamics with Severyn Kain

Master Severyn is a BDSM Master, alternative lifestyle presenter, and kink event organizer who has been active in the realm of BDSM, kink, and fetishism for the last 10 years (if to include the years he's been lurking and playing spectator on the events – it will total 15 years).

Today we discuss the development of his interest in BDSM and kink, events and activities in the community, defining terms used in the lifestyle, the relationship dynamics in BDSM, and integrating healthy power dynamics rooted from BDSM to traditional relationships.

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Sexual shame and performance mindset are just some of issues that have plagued human sexuality. An episode 2 years in the making, today’s guest, Jordan Gray, is someone I’ve known for years – I’ve seen him grow his business revolving around sex and relationship from the ground up.

A sex and relationship coach for 7 and a half years, he started it through offline coaching and expanded online 5 years ago. His business had been growing steadily since, allowing him to reach and help people around the world with their relationships and sexuality.

Today, Jordan Gray joins me on the show to talk about shame, performance mindset, (which he personally experienced), his recommendations to overcome these, and a few social justice rants sprinkled with some movie references.

Listen as we discuss:

• How he ended up in the field of sex and relationship coaching which may be traced as early as when he was 15 years old, and a major break-up that drove him to figure out social skills and dating (3:34).
• The concept of sex positivity and how a majority of humanity lives with sexual shame in default which he's compared to being raised into a Western diet (6:10).
• Netherland’s sex-positive culture where sex education starts as early as kindergarten, impacting teen pregnancy rates, STD/STI cases and sexual experience (10:13).
• Our experience and journey with sexual shame and how Jordan views sexual shame, addiction and performance mindset (13:27).
• His clients’ recurring issues involving shame, addiction, anxiety, approval-seeking, and conditional love that is reflected years in the future in different areas of their lives like their careers, businesses, relationships, and sex (17:25).
• The ways sexual performance mindset manifests as key performance indicators (22:25), and dealing with performance mindset, rejection and people in our relationships (23:08).
• How his relativistic worldview affects how he deals with people with different value systems and life choices (25:30).
• What he poses as the antidote to move through sexual shame by acknowledging that sex is about feelings instead of performance (27:48), espousing love in our relationships, and practicing self-compassion (42:27).
• The role that self-reflection and self-awareness of our inner narrative plays in attracting people, into our lives, who reinforce these stories about ourselves (29:20).
• How women experience sexual shame and performance mindset through body image issues, submission, servitude and orgasm-centeredness (36:31).
• The idea of sacrificing some relationships to make room for self-honor (45:00).
• How I dealt with a client who has these issues by changing their mindset so they view sex as an experience instead of just about orgasm, and Jordan’s insights on how to resolve it (47:26).
• Overcoming performance mindset, how the process of healing happens by taking pressure off one’s self, and a behavioral therapy type approach where you do what it is that you’re scared of (52:21).

I hope you enjoyed our conversation and was able to understand the issues and the resolutions Jordan recommends to overcome these, have better relationships and enjoy sex better. If you want to reach Jordan Gray, check out JordanGrayConsulting.

Did you enjoy the episode? I would love to hear your thoughts or questions by emailing info [at] theintimatelifestyle.com. I’d also love it if you can share this to your social networks so The Intimate Lifestyle can reach more people and gain support.

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