On today’s episode we’re talking about divorce and the impact it has on kids. This is a really touchy subject and it comes without any judgement at all. Adam’s parents got divorced when he was 6 years old and we feel divorce can be a necessary thing depending on the situation and how bad it is. Rosie never experienced the feelings that come with having divorced parents, which Adam explains, such as feeling guilty during the times when he wasn’t spending time with his dad, or feeling afraid when he wasn’t with his mom. Adam was a confident, happy little kid, but he remembers after the divorce he found fear and worry always accompanying him, even though his parents tried their best not to put the weight of the divorce on their kids’ shoulders.

It’s good to talk about these things 2:20
What brings on the worry in children 5:45
Avoid trying to push your opinion on them 14:22
Remembering how everything changed 23:53
Talking about the issue and the pain 29:25

“One thing when we got together, I said to Rosie, ‘Look, up until we have kids, you can go whenever you want. And after we have kids, then we have to fight for our marriage, unless it’s so diabolically bad that being together is just going to scar the kids.’ You know what I mean? It’s tough. This is really an intense topic to talk about.” 2:50

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Rosie has a lot of anticipation for this next baby birth, and the reason is she didn’t have any for her last birth, but it ended up being a bit more bumpy than anticipated. She is currently struggling to remember the breaks in between contractions that make giving birth more bearable, so she’s trying to change her thinking to focus on the techniques that will make things go smoother. The moment you have your baby and finally get to go see the child after you’re ready is when you go to the stars. That’s when the whole thing is worth it.

The block Rosie has in her head 4:40
Why hypnobirthing is such a blessing 9:47
Taking the birth one step at a time 14:18
What Rosie is apprehensive about 19:22
One thing we want to share 20:36

“When I go to practice in my head, the visualization of the birth, I keep thinking of the pain of Ezra and I can’t relax. And my only job is to relax and to breathe the baby. So I don’t know if it’s an exaggerated image in my head, or if it’s under exaggerated, and it’s like your body is designed to forget.” 6:16

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Rosie is due to have a baby in January and we’re preparing to make sure the kids and the new baby get the time that they need and deserve and that their needs are being met, and then we’re also trying to make sure all our personal needs are fulfilled. Rosie has found that getting things done at night time is ideal for if you want to be productive and not be bothered by your kids. Adam talks about making sure he’s putting deposits in the love bank for Rosie to ensure he’s not just making withdrawals, and then focusing on his health to be like his grandfather, who is in his mid 80’s, but is quite fit and in shape.

Making sure everyone is taken care of 1:24
Simplifying things and making room for more 5:31
Overcoming challenges 8:27
Making more deposits into the love bank 14:01
Focusing on health 18:26
Balancing your family life and productivity 23:07

“If you have people relying on you in some sense based in the goals that you’re taking on, sometimes we need that little bit of pressure to help us not drag our feet early in the morning or late at night when we need to get the things done that we want to get done.” 11:47

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We’ve been thinking about our family this past year or two and what we want to do as a family, and as joint leaders/spouses/parents in our home what we want to focus on more in 2022 and what we can do to increase the happiness, success, and fun with our family. We’ve broken it down into 3 parts, which are having more fun as a family, learning more as a family, and exploring more. Adam talks about how he wants to turn off work Adam when he gets home and turn on dad Adam to be able to be a more fun, loving father. We’ve realized that your children will pursue learning when it’s in subjects that interest them and we want to find a balance between building a solid foundation for them in life and helping them pursue their passion.

Having more fun 2:28
Learn more 9:41
Hacking TV time 16:42
Exploration 17:48

“We went up there and we were trying to find fossils and all sorts of stuff, we didn’t know how difficult it would be to find fossils, and they’re all cliffs and stuff, so it became something that we couldn’t really do, but there are so many things that you can do as a family in 2022 where you can make learning enjoyable and fun, and you can learn as a family.” 11:53

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What we want to talk about is things you can get on top of earlier and do a little differently to make Christmas day a little bit more simple and special for you. Adam likes to cook the Christmas meal, especially the meats and this year Adam’s going to prepare things especially simple and explains how he will do this, such as preparing everything the day before. Make sure when someone gives you a gift and you didn’t get one for them, graciously and gratefully take the gift and don’t mention the fact that you didn’t get them anything, to avoid making them feel bad.

Food and cooking 2:48
Avoiding the bad foods and making alternatives 5:51
Planning ahead to make sure everything is ready for the kids and everyone 8:01
Adam’s tradition 12:29
Make sure to be ready for giving and receiving 15:44

“I’d like to be able to go somewhere Christmas Eve and just have a stroll around, and enjoy everyone else buzzing and trying to get their bits, but not to be in that rushed state, and I think that’s my main focus with the kids is what are all the things I can do Christmas Eve or now, these couple days leading up to it, just to be more relaxed on Christmas day.” 9:43

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Some people believe that others are born with self confidence and that it just comes naturally, but we’re of the belief that self confidence is something that we gain hour to hour. We discuss the importance of allocating your time intelligently so that you are focused on the things that matter, being productive instead of unproductive, which in turn will build your confidence. Try to think about what something is that you could be doing in the moment to be productive and build your own or your kids’ self confidence.

Looking at life with purpose 1:55
Why being present/focused is so important 3:57
Being productive 6:39
Starting and stopping 12:03
Having the kids do something productive 17:21

“When you’re in the zone and you do the next thing in front of you, 9/10 times if something or somebody was going to get in the way or sabotage you, they’ll be moved out of your way. You’ll have to do nothing about it. So you’ll start to come into less contact with people who could sabotage you and you’ll come into more contact with people who can pull you along towards your goal or help you in what you’re doing.” 24:56

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We’ve covered a few episodes on home birthing before, but we wanted to do a sort of follow up episode and give some more information on what to expect. Adam thought home births were for weirdos, that your baby could die super fast, and that everyone would think we were strange. We have since learned that none of these things are true. If you have a midwife, basically the only thing they can’t provide is the pain relief that you’d get if you were in a hospital. We learned that Rosie’s whole body started getting more agitated and experienced more pain when she would change position and now we’re at a point where we don’t worry about medical intervention. We’re OK with asking direct questions during the process.

A bad home birth story Rosie had heard before her first birth 3:09
The term midwife 6:30
Being more in control 12:54
Preparing for the best possible outcome 18:45
Being able to develop empathy 24:39

“So for me, I prepare for the best possible outcome, which is having a home birth. I have everything done that I could possibly do on my end, but then I let go and I just surrender to the process. If I get to have my baby at home, brilliant. If I don’t, I go with that.” 18:45

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We’ve realized that there are times when we need to be around each other and communicate, but there are also times when one of us may need to be alone and have some time to ourselves to be able to think. When you have that alone time, you can use it to love yourself and it can provide you with tools to bring your best self to your marriage. When money was tight in our marriage, things were more stressful and it was hard for us to be at our best, but when Rosie is able to invest some money into her happiness for example, she is able to be her best self.

Adam couldn’t stop interrupting Rosie’s time 2:03
Why it’s important to have separate time 7:05
Allocating money for the little things 13:51
Actively trying to have the best relationship 20:19

“I think the biggest thing for a relationship is that you have to value how the other person wants to spend their time, their money, and their energy … if somebody isn’t spending their time, money, and energy on things they value, eventually they’ll stop being who they really are and they’ll kind of start resenting being with you.” 12:42

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On today’s episode we have a very special guest and a special topic with Mike Julianelle from the hilarious Instagram page @dadandburied. His page is all about the truth of parenting and we discuss how he got into his platform, expressing his sarcastic and cynical opinions on what it’s like to be a parent. There’s no class or program out there that can truly prepare you for being a parent, but jumping in and becoming one yourself is really the one way to understand what it’s like to be one and it’s not always sunshine and roses. Mike talks about the importance of finding the fun in life and parenting to balance things out and because of the hard nature of it.

How his page started 1:08
Being honest about parenting 4:14
Helping parents know they’re not alone 12:09
There’s no way to prepare 20:33
When you have your first baby 27:14
Finding the fun in it all 34:26

“Nobody likes getting unsolicited parenting advice from anybody, but getting it from somebody who doesn’t have kids is outrageous. I went to a cookout years ago and one of my brother’s friends who doesn’t have kids, but who was an uncle to his own brother’s kids was talking about ‘Oh I know what to do, I took them to the zoo, I did all this.’ I’m like look, you had them for two hours for a weekend and then you dropped them off. Of course it was easy, of course it was fun. It is not the same as the 24/7, 365 grind that really wears on you day in and day out.”

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We are six weeks out before Rosie gives birth and she wanted to share some tips she’s learned over her 4 births that can help you prepare for labour. We’re hoping to have a home birth and Rosie has been listening to audios that talk about hypnobirthing and has been able to learn about everything that could possibly go wrong in order to be ready in case those things happen. One thing we’ve learned is that knowing where your posture is can prevent complications in labour. Rosie went in to see the doctor about her posture and we learned that her posture has been affected by all the children we’ve had, having to hold them and breastfeed.

What Rosie loves about the audios 3:30
The physical setup, posture, and preparation 5:00
Nutrition 12:12
Some important notes 18:18

“You might want to start thinking about doing stretches or just thinking about your physical posture, like what are ways you can improve it? It could be yoga, you could be following someone online or YouTube and just watching what type of stretching moves they’re doing, but your posture and the baby’s posture is so important, and sitting back in a lounge chair is the worst thing that you can be doing in this kind of stage of pregnancy.” 6:09

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