The Jar Podcast | Marriage Counseling, Healthy Communication, Conflict Resolution, Rebuild Trust

Do you need a safe place where you can be vulnerable with your struggles in marriage without feeling judged, shamed, or embarrassed?

Ideally, it’s great to be able to do that in person with community in your church, but I know what it’s like to feel like you belong in the back or skip church altogether because what you’ve done is just too bad or shameful.

Not here, sis. Come join the Christian Wife and Marriage Community and get biblical guidance, encouragement, and prayer that can help you heal and find your identity and wholeness in Christ.

Loads of Love,

Lydia

You and your husband are sitting at the dining room table or in bed, or, our favorite place to have difficult discussions or arguments: the couch. The conversation is escalating, feelings are getting hurt, and you’re feeling more and more confused. 

What were we originally fighting about?

Why is this communication thing so HARD?!

You feel misunderstood and that he’s misinterpreting everything you’re saying, and, if you’re being honest with yourself, you might be misinterpreting some things he’s saying (even though in the moment you won’t admit it).

What is going wrong here?? 

Today we’re talking about two elements of communication that are a 2-step process that help make your communication more effective and lead to mutual understanding rather than confusion!

Loads of Love, Lydia

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Do you consider yourself dependent, codependent, independent to a fault, or independent and proud of it? Whether it's physical, emotional, social, etc. Where you fall?

Kinda like Goldilocks and the 3 Bears…

And, is there a healthier way? 

There is!

Today we’re going to just scratch the surface with the first step to building a healthy INTERdependence in your marriage.

Loads of Love, Lydia

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It probably wouldn’t take you long to think of a mistake you’ve made in your marriage, a sin you committed, a moment of selfish action that you wish you could take back, or some poor choices you aren’t proud of.

Whether it’s a string of explosive words during an argument, the angry look you gave, retaliating in bitterness, or the worst form of betrayal, no matter how justified you feel in the moment, regret inevitably sets in.

You know that feeling that comes immediately after: the sinking pit, that heat rising to your cheeks, the strong urge to run and hide?

Then there’s the lingering side effects you can’t seem to kick: the restless nights, the tears, the feeling sick to your stomach, the distance between you and the other person.

Regret can wreck you. It can ruin a relationship almost as much as, if not more than, the sin originally committed, the wrong initially done. 

What if instead of letting it wreck you, instead of it holding you back from having the marriage you want, you actually used it to your advantage? What if it actually made your marriage better? 

Related episodes:

Hypocrite or Holy Transformation? 4 Ways to Tell If It's Real Change

GIRL, Get Off the Spinning Wheel! What to Do When Sin Has a Hold on You

Are Your Past Mistakes Haunting You? A 3-Step Strategic Battle Plan to Help You Combat Shame and Guilt

Loads of Love, Lydia

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How do you know what a healthy marriage is? 

What would you say constitutes a healthy, God-centered relationship? 

How do you get healthy if you don’t know what healthy looks like?

It’s time to gain some insight and learn from an example.

Today I’m bringing to you, my parents, who are celebrating their 39th wedding anniversary today! 

Loads of Love, Lydia

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“I try so hard to work on communicating better with my husband. I don’t understand why I still can’t manage to have a happy marriage.”

“I deserve to have a good marriage, so why am I struggling with loving my husband? After all, isn’t this marriage  a blessing from God?”

“I’m tired of being the one making an effort. I’ve tried so hard to do what the Bible says, so why hasn’t God  made my marriage easier?”

“I just did all the laundry, put groceries away, cooked dinner, and kept the kids alive. Don’t I deserve to take a break?”

You don’t sound very happy, Linda. You sound disappointed in your marriage, with your husband, and even with God. I’m right, aren’t I? You’re starting to get uncomfortable, aren’t you?

I see you… cuz I’ve been you, and I get it. We think we deserve some things from our husbands, and even from God. We should get a certain outcome for our hard work.

Y’all. I’ma tell you why you might be feeling this way today’s episode, but, Linda, listen. I’m saying this with the same tough love I needed and still need sometimes:

Girl, you've an attitude problem (and so do I). We’re gonna dive deep today into something we don’t like to admit and may not want others to know about us as wives sometimes. Let’s check our pride at the door and talk about it.

Loads of Love, Lydia

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It’s all fun and games and “inspiration” in the beginning:

Til someone gets hurt…

Who said what she has isn’t enough and she has to have the next new thing?

Who said the news knows everything and we have to be inundated with “information” if it leads to anxiety and fear?

Who’s saying those things and holding your attention? Who’s influencing you? What’s really behind the bad attitude or the change in behavior?

Without knowing it, you may be imitating the wrong thing and becoming discontent or unsatisfied in your marriage or life.

Today we’re gonna dig into at least one of the reasons and some truth behind why that’s happening.

You might need some tough skin and big girl pants on today. Go grab your coffee and let’s do this.

Loads of Love, Lydia

I remember the feeling: it’s over.

There’s no way our marriage can bounce back from THAT.

There’s no way I can forgive him after what he’s done. He’ll never forgive me for what I’ve done. Too much damage. Too much pain. He isn’t even talking to me, and we’ve been separated for months! We’ve already met with our lawyers. We’ve already started to sign the papers! 

It’s done. 

Not so fast, Linda. Listen. That was me. Those words came out of MY mouth 8 years ago. And if you’ve said some of those same things, then, girl… my heart hurts for you and knows that pain so well. 

I posted a testimony in a couple of groups on Facebook the other day, on a special anniversary for my husband and me. No, not our wedding anniversary, but one of our benchmarks, one of our altars built during our reconciliation journey. And that post is causing a little bit of a stir…

Just when you think it’s too late for you and your husband, I hope that you, too, will leave inspired and know that there is HOPE, still.

Loads of Love, Lydia

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He’s not exactly throwing a temper tantrum, but pretty darn close to it. You know those moments when your husband says or does something that just seems… immature. You’re minding your business or you’re doing what you do and suddenly he is sulking about something or getting loud and upset about something. It seems so out of left field or disproportionate to the actual circumstances, and it’s draining. 

He can’t seem to figure it out or work through it, and he expects you to help him out of it or worse, is treating you as a scapegoat to whatever is going on in him. You’ve tried ignoring it, but that hasn’t helped. You’ve tried telling him it’s not your problem. THAT made it worse. And in your frustration of his prolonged silence, pouty mood, or angry outbursts, you’ve ended up calling his immaturity out and tell him to get over it and figure it out.

You’ve got enough kids to deal with and teach how to handle their emotions, you don’t have time and energy for another one, an adult, who should know better, right?

I know you’re tired, friend. I know you’ve been spinning your wheels on how to help him change or even see how immature he’s being or how it affects the family and you’re just… over it. 

Rome wasn’t built in a day, and this won’t be fixed or resolved that quickly either, but these steps will begin to help you handle his moments of immaturity in a mature way, in a God-honoring way, and with consistency, you’ll begin to see some change.

Loads of Love, Lydia

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“God, I’m tempted to lose hope because my dreams are shattered. I’m in so much pain, but I don’t see you fixing things, and that hurts, too. I know you see my pain but I wonder if you’ll do anything about it. I question your plan, why you aren’t stepping in or healing this.”

I wrote these words in my journal during a time about 8 years ago when God felt silent.