The Jar Podcast | Marriage Counseling, Healthy Communication, Conflict Resolution, Rebuild Trust

Do you know you should be trying harder in your marriage but you’ve essentially given up?

Have you ever been so tired, you just stop putting in the effort?

You’re so exhausted that you just don’t care what you say or how you say it, even if it’s unkind?

These conversations and times of exhaustion are so difficult because we think we just need more sleep, eat healthy, or we’re told to just do some self-care routines… and yet we find ourselves right back in this position again and wonder why nothing’s working.

Like we talked about in the last episode, the problem here probably isn’t physical, our exhaustion isn’t just from chasing toddlers, overloading our calendars, or from lack of sleep. It’s true soul fatigue, and rather than applying bandaids of self-care, we’re in need of SOUL care.

So if you’re showing up today kinda in a fog, tired of your marriage, sick of your husband, and sick and tired of feeling this way, let me offer you 3 remedies that can begin healing your soul and make an improvement in your marriage.

Book referenced: Soul Keeping by John Ortberg

Loads of Love, Lydia

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Are you walking around your house right now feeling… heavy?

Is the weight just making you so exhausted you wish you could stay in bed all day?

You’re so hungry, but also too tired to eat anything. Or maybe you just don’t care and eat everything in sight, cuz, whatever, who cares anymore.

I’m not actually talking about the number on the scale or how you look in a mirror…

What’s weighing you down is deeper within you. Your hunger is more than physical. It’s the heaviness in your heart, the sadness in your soul, and the exhaustion from exerting all your efforts to doing all the right things, keeping up with the kids, the house, and the husband.

You’ve become accustomed to distracting yourself with more chores, more screentime, less eye contact, fewer conversations, more work. More shrugging, sighing, irritability, and you can’t seem to shake the funk you’re in. It feels like this dark cloud looming over you and is pretty depressing.

You are most likely experiencing something more than being overly tired or even utterly exhausted… even deeper down, you may be experiencing soul fatigue.

Today we’re going to talk about 3 Reasons why Soul Fatigue is Dangerous and how it impacts our marriages, relationships, and worse…our relationship with the Lord.

Book referenced: Soul Keeping by John Ortberg

Loads of Love, Lydia

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Not necessarily arguments, because, well, it takes two to argue and you’re just trying to get your husband to either open up and talk or respond to you when you’re talking!

You try to say something to him once, but he doesn’t seem to hear you and you end up repeating yourself because he doesn’t respond or acknowledge what you’re saying?

You feel like you’re just talking to yourself or the wall, or ya might as well be talkin' to the dog because at least then you wouldn’t have to expect a response.

You’re feeling pretty ignored and unheard…and honestly lonely right now.

As you’ll hear in today’s question from a listener, you are not alone in this feeling or struggle, and today I want to offer both some practical ways and also a deeper challenge to you to partner with God to help your husband listen to you and communicate better.

Related episodes:

#68 - Tired of Feeling Invalidated or Unheard During Conversations with Your Husband? 5 Steps to Having Better Communication in Your Marriage

#35 - Feeling Disappointed and Misunderstood When You Communicate with Your Husband? This Is For You.

Loads of Love, Lydia

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So many questions, so much confusion, and so many voices giving you permission in today’s society, how do you determine what God is saying about your marriage?

Your friends have probably already weighed in over a glass of wine with some “mm mmm’s” and some “uhh uhhh’s." Your mama’s already done given you a piece of her mind about “that man," and this one preacher you follow on social media said you deserve to be loved… and… well, who do you listen to?

How do you know if it’s ok to walk away from your marriage?

Have you wondered if God would be ok with you leaving your husband? If it’s biblically sound or acceptable?

What if you think you’ve tried everything you possibly could have and nothing’s changed? Are you just supposed to stick around and wait for him to change?

When is it ok to separate from your husband or even pursue divorce? Should you? How do you know what God is telling you to do?

Linda, listen, we need to talk. I have 5 biblically-based tools that will help you begin to make the right decision (warning: I don’t have all the answers, but I got some experiential wisdom I wanna share).

Come on, go grab your coffee and get ready, cuz here we go.

Books referenced: Discerning the Voice of God by Priscilla Shirer and The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian

Loads of Love, Lydia

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Are you feeling alone this New Year's Eve? Not filled with much hope for your marriage as you prepare for the new year? I've been there. In fact, 7 years ago today I sat all alone, uninvited, broken, and filled with shame, separated from my husband and unsure of the new year. 

Here are some questions that can help you reflect on this year, set goals for next year, and determine some action steps to take so that you can go where God's called you to in your marriage. This is a clip of the Live episode in the Christian Wife and Marriage Community (<----missed it? Join the group and watch the full thing!)

You are NOT alone, and there IS hope! 

Loads of Love, Lydia

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I remember what it felt like… reading through the divorce papers, first through tears, then with a burning sensation in my stomach when I saw the section explaining the holidays we’d split with the kids. 

How can I EVER spend a Christmas away from my boys? I literally didn’t think I could survive that. Weekends were hard enough.

I’ve never spent time near the holidays feeling so…hopeless. It felt dark, depressing, painful, and permanent. And maybe that’s you today. It’s Christmas Eve and the joy of the season is nonexistent and all hope is lost for what used to be or what could be.

Listen, Linda, I’ve been in that cold, dark place before, and although I can’t promise an outcome, I CAN show you how to hold onto hope in the middle of your broken marriage, in the pieces, in the night because Hope Himself has come and you CAN find hope in Him.

Loads of Love, Lydia

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Someone says “Merry Christmas” and you could just roll your eyes.

You see two friends laughing while shopping and you want to barf.

Even worse, someone asks you how you’re doing or what your plans are for the holidays, and you just instantly start crying.

Not everyone is looking forward to Christmas… in fact, this year? This year you would rather hide from everyone because the pain is too much to bear and things are just too different and difficult.

You feel swallowed by sorrow. You’re sitting there in sadness over your recent loss, your separation, your first Christmas divorced and sharing the kids, or a past hurt that resurfaces this time of year… you’re suddenly lonely and filled with regret or longing during a season that should be filled with joy and used to be so happy.

Today in part 3 of our Advent Series, you’ll find that your sadness is very real… and that there is One who sees you, sympathizes with you, and sits with you in your sorrow. But He won’t leave you there, and there is hope. Go grab your coffee and let’s talk. Here we go.

Loads of Love,

Lydia

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Just one more glass… and the regret and headache the next morning.

See him one more time… and cry in shame on your drive home the next morning.

Let those angry words fly… and choke on the shame of destructive words you can’t take back.

Deny the choices you’ve made… and hide the shame of lying until it burns inside.

We are faced with decisions on a regular basis: to continue to choose to give into temptation or to surrender our will to the Lord’s. To satisfy our immediate desires and gratifications or sacrifice in the moment for a deeper, more fulfilling satisfaction. To quit trying to surrender because the chains are too heavy and just give up and give back in.

Are you TIRED of Carrying the Weight of Shame in Your Life or Marriage? Come learn how to surrender your shame to the Lord and walk in FREEDOM as a daughter of the King!

Loads of Love, Lydia

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You’re going about the motions of showing up to the parties, baking the pies, hanging stockings, decorating the Christmas tree, and you’re putting on the smile and the “Merry Christmas!” to your neighbors when you walk outside. But when you walk back inside, there’s a heaviness. There’s a deep longing in your heart for more but you can’t quite put your finger on WHY you feel this way.

I KNOW you want to truly feel the joy of the season– you just would like the arguing with your husband to stop. You wish you wouldn’t snap at your kids who are so full of energy or suddenly yell at someone for asking the gazillionth question while you’re trying to bake that pie you signed up to bring to the potluck— sound familiar?

Most people chalk it up to the normal business that comes with the season. You don’t know that there may be a secret burden you’ve been carrying around that’s weighing you down and affecting your marriage and your mindset.

Today we’re digging into 3 signs you’re holding onto a secret burden of shame and how it’s impacting you.

Loads of Love, Lydia

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Your husband asks “What’s the matter?” and you want to yell “EVERYTHING’S THE MATTER!” because your to-do list is a mile long, the house is a pig sty, and you’re feeling all the pressure to say yes to every holiday event or get together with friends or sports teams or family.

The overwhelm hits, and you feel like all you can do is scream, cry, or escape. In today’s special guest episode, my friend and fellow podcaster Lisa Lizotte gives us 3 simple things to minimize overwhelm and simplify our mindset so we can function from and experience wholeness.

Lisa is happily married to her high school sweetheart, and 3 kids. I serve as a professional home organizer and habits coach at habitsandhome.com.

If you want to DECREASE overwhelm, frustration and pressure to perform yet continue to serve your family, love others, and have more joy in your daily routine, then come listen to her 3 simple things you can start doing today.

Check out Lisa's podcast The Habits and Home Show

Loads of Love,

Lydia

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