The Jar Podcast | Marriage Counseling, Healthy Communication, Conflict Resolution, Rebuild Trust

You feel the burning sensation in the pit of your stomach. The tightness in your chest. The inability to take a deep breath.

The clenched jaw and gritted teeth. Your mind goes spirals downward with a string of things that he’s done wrong, you’ve done wrong, the list goes on and on to eventually you can no longer decipher the reality from the made-up lies.

You act out. You have big outbursts with words you can’t take back. You hurt him where it’ll hurt him most. You betray his trust. You yell and cry and want to throw your hands up and say I quit! I’m out.

You’re angry.

This can’t be good, right? Anger is… wrong… right?? It feels scary and uncontrollable and unpredictable…so it’s bad, right?

What if I told you it might not be? What if I told you that it can be a tool when used correctly?

Here are 3 ways you can use your anger to invoke change and cause spiritual growth instead of sabotaging your marriage.

Tyson & Jules Morlet: wedintowar.com

Loads of Love, Lydia

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Your husband is not leading you spiritually, and you’re tired of always being the one to start family devotions and just wish he would take initiative.

You feel like you have to force him to grow in his relationship with the Lord and lead your family.

You’re trying to be a Godly wife and support him but you’re frustrated with his spiritual immaturity.

How do you stay patient? How do you wait for him to lead? How do you obey God when your husband isn’t even trying? How can you possibly be a Godly wife, Holy Spirit-led, grow Fruit of the Spirit, and raise your kids well, when he isn’t stepping up to the plate?

Or worse…What if your husband refuses to be a spiritual leader? Sadly, it's a question I hear all too often. Many Christian wives cry out in frustration and disappointment, longing for their husbands to do what God has called them. 

Well, Linda, listen, this isn’t easy, and I don’t have easy answers but I do have some questions and insight that can help you be a Godly wife even when your husband isn’t leading. 

Loads of Love, Lydia

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What makes you feel loved by your husband? Is it kind words, when he thanks you for a job well done, or when he calls you his favorite pet name? Is it when he pitches in around the house, does the dishes without being asked, or changes a dirty diaper? 

How about when he comes home with flowers, brings you a beautiful necklace for Valentine’s Day, or your favorite cookies on his way home from work? Perhaps it’s when he puts his phone down and has a real, undivided attention conversation with you? A babysitter is called and he takes you out on a real date? It might even be when he holds your hand, lets you put his feet on him as you watch a movie on the couch, or gives you a big hug.

If you’ve been around long enough, you’ve probably heard the term “Love Languages” before. If you haven’t, we’ll get into it a bit today. Most people would say knowing these about each other are super important to the marriage… and I mostly agree.

But I also have a unique perspective that might surprise you or make you mad, either one, I’m here for it. 

Go grab your coffee and let’s go.

Loads of Love, Lydia

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You’re frustrated with how you and your husband seem to be communicating better but then you’re suddenly back to arguing.

You feel like you keep trying and trying to make a change in your marriage, only to be back at square one.

The lack of growth is discouraging, and you just want to call it quits, cry, or give up! You’re stretched thin in exhaustion, tired of returning to the old you, the old ways of doing things.

What you want is to start fresh, start over, or spark a new fire between you two.

This unlikely answer won’t be easy to hear… but hey, we can do hard things. Come on, go grab your big girl pants and get your coffee and let’s go.

Loads of Love, Lydia

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Does your anxiety get the best of you during conversations with your husband?

Do you notice your anxious thoughts (and heart rate) racing as you try to keep up with all the things?

Come hear my not-so-funny (but kinda funny) story of what happened last week when 8 family members decided to show up with one day’s notice and my anxiety skyrocketed and brought on some things about myself I’m facing.

Together, we’ll learn and apply these 3 components to handling high anxiety moments and how to work through hearing hard truths about our shortcomings, without shame.

Loads of Love, Lydia

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He looks at you one day and says, “I don’t love you anymore.”

You check the mail and there’s a large brown envelope with a thick packet of divorce papers you weren’t expecting.

Or maybe you’ve sensed it coming but still stand there in shock as he says, “I want a divorce.”

Now what?

Everything you knew, everything you thought would be is suddenly crumbling apart. You have flashbacks of standing on the altar vowing forever, and it’s suddenly being cut short.

This isn’t what you want, but you feel helpless in this moment and frozen in place.

Now what? How do you handle the hard news and the stress of your marriage suddenly ending?

Oh, friend, I know the pain. Whether this is unexpected or you think you deserve it, there’s no condemnation here. Just compassion and some experiential wisdom of what helped me walk through this. I wanna share 3 ways to handle this difficult news and navigate your next steps with grace.

Loads of Love, Lydia

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If you’re in a place right now where you don’t feel heard by your husband,

Your feelings aren’t validated, and the sadness creeps in,

Your disappointment deepens every time he says “I will” but it turns into a “he didn’t,”

Or you’re sitting there thinking “how did we get here? How did I get here? I don’t deserve this…”

But you feel stuck because, well, you’re the one who made this choice, and you’re here because you decided to be...

Then, listen, Linda, this message is for you today. I feel the weight of your disappointment. I’ve been there, and I sometimes still battle against it! 

Today I’m going to give you some biblically-based truth, friend-to-friend feedback,  that will shift your mindset and can help decrease the weight of disappointment in your marriage so you can find hope again.

Loads of Love, Lydia

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Demanding?

Dominating?

Forcing someone else to adjust their behavior to fit my sudden needs?

All definitions of THIS one very toxic trait you may not be aware you bring to your marriage or how it's ruining your marriage, one conversation at a time.

Today, there's one simple trick to take this toxic trait and turn it into a tool to stop damaging your marriage and start to improve communication with your husband.

Loads of Love, Lydia

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Demanding?

Dominating?

Forcing someone else to adjust their behavior to fit my sudden needs?

All definitions of THIS one very toxic trait you may not be aware you bring to your marriage or how it's ruining your marriage, one conversation at a time. 

Today, there's one simple trick to take this toxic trait and turn it into a tool to stop damaging your marriage and start to improve communication with your husband.

Loads of Love, Lydia

--> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show!

--> Leave a 5-star rating & written review

--> Leave me a SpeakPipe question!

--> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community