The Jerry Banfield Show

Hear solutions I have found for overcoming the self-sabotaging behaviors that defeated my best efforts to improve for most of my life. Helping others seems to give me my best chance to not screw myself over in my business, relationships, and health. Getting help with my most destructive habits was possible after I realized I could not fix the problem on my own willpower. For me, drinking alcohol to excess was my top self-defeating behavior and I found help going to Alcoholics Anonymous. While the most toxic problem in your life might be different, I would guess finding a community where people are having the same problems as you will provide a chance to escape from your top problems. As a member of a community, family, and friendships, I find the more I share about my own self-harming habits, the more I learn from others both in helping them do better and in learning how to do better myself. Reading self-help books also gives me inspiration and practical tips. Even with all of that effort, I still sometimes wind up in a bad mood for no good reason and remembering what I have shared in this podcast often helps the feelings to pass faster. My hope is that this podcast is a helpful part of your ongoing learning because I know it is helping me escape my self-sabotaging tendencies! The exercise for today is to spot another opportunity to help and get help with my own destructive nature today! Thank you for reading this and I hope you have a great day!

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Hear what I put into the smoothie I make each day that you see me drinking on most of my live videos on YouTube and Facebook! You might enjoy the story of how I started making this whole plant food raw vegan smoothie on a daily basis after reading the book "How Not To Die" by Dr. Michael Greger. I read the book as a recommendation from my uncle Joe who is a doctor with 40 years of experience as a general practitioner. The reason I was even willing to see him was that I had a rash all over my chest and back for nearly two years that seemed to respond to what I ate. With everything I ate having around 30 ingredients, how was I ever supposed to diagnose a food allergy? While the rash turned out to be a fungus that responds to sugar, the motivation to learn to do better with my eating was invaluable! When I made the switch to a whole plant food diet with a raw vegan foundation, I realized I needed a good way to eat vegetables. My wife suggested I blend my fruits and vegetables together to make a smoothie which now is the foundation of my diet every day! After years of counting calories and going to the gym, I have now lost at least 10 more pounds on top of the 50 pounds I had already lost just exercising and counting calories with MyFitnessPal daily for over a year. The best part is that I just drink this smoothie every day and eat beans, nuts, and whole grains for the rest of my diet until I am full. This is so incredibly simple that my eating is now more enjoyable and effective than ever all with less effort! Thank you for reading this and I hope it is helpful for you!

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Hear the strategy working for me to change behaviors I do not like from my dogs and child into actions I do like which eliminates the desire for me to yell, correct, discipline, and criticize. What I share is based on an understanding of positive and negative reinforcement loops. Most behavior begins as a harmless exploration of the world. From a dog, one bark or from a child picking up one item to play with it. When I provide loving attention in the form of praise, the behavior is likely to be repeated. The problem is that most of us want any attention so much that we are willing to behave badly to get it. We want to be seen even if it is in a bad way. At almost a year and a half old, my daughter plays with most of what she sees. She picks things up, pokes them, and sees what they can do. If I decide I do not want her to play with a certain thing and I try to fix that with any kind of negative verbal feedback, even if it is sweetly delivered Dolores Umbridge style rather than yelling, then the message I really send to my daughter is that "Daddy will notice you if you do that." This same message happens with my dogs when I used to yell at them to stop doing one thing or another. They hear "Hi I am seeing you right now" and for them this is better than going unnoticed. It used to drive me crazy to see how nearly everyone I saw had dogs that they had completely ineffective relationships with in terms of bad behavior. Now I understand that it only bothered me to see others yelling at their dogs pointlessly to stop barking only to have the dog do it again 30 more times within 10 minutes because I was using the same system to interact with my dogs even if it involved less yelling and more silent resentment on my part. Today I have freedom to see how to reward good behavior and replace what I do not like with positive attention to behavior I do like! Thank you for reading this and I hope it is helpful for you!

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Hear what I do when I am mad at a partner that helps me snap out of it faster which avoids the majority of the pain! This works with my wife, daughter, business partners, family, and friends. The basic strategy I use is to first notice that I am experiencing the pain of being angry and then to start focusing on remembering that the most important part of my relationship is that I chose to love the person. Most of the pain of being angry is in forgetting the most important part of the relationship with is how you feel about the partner. Instead of continually fueling the anger by reviewing what happened to "cause" the anger and what I am going to do about it, I shift the focus inside to see how much it hurts to be angry and focus on what I would choose to feel if I had a choice which is love. I use an example with my mother where I remember that I chose to be her son with the same being true for my friends, family, and wife. To be a good parent, I know it is critical to avoid being angry at my daughter because that is how I teach her to be angry. The less I teach her about how to be angry, the less she is likely to make that a part of her life. To reach my full potential, I try to use this with every person to realize my purpose in life is to learn how to love and when I am in anger I am lost. My exercise for today is to catch the moment I switch into anger and get to work even faster than I did last time I was angry on remembering my love for whichever partner I am angry at! Thank you for reading this and I hope it helps you in your life to listen and apply this episode as it has done for me!

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Hear how the questions I ask determine the results I get! For example, asking how do I make $10,000 a month in my business either fails to meet the objective or gets me the $10,000 in a way I do not enjoy. When I instead ask what I can do to make a business that helps you the most and gives you a way to give back to me, then the results are much greater than whatever I would have originally asked for. As a dog owner, I often have asked ineffective questions like how do I make my dogs stop barking or not knock the baby over. After I asked how could I be a better dog owner instead, I immediately got answers from my mother who is a veterinarian about how I could train my dogs first thing in the morning. It was easy for me to see once she made the suggestion that if I trained my dogs to go down on command, this would fix the problem of my daughter getting taken off her feet by the dogs running around. Empowered with better questions in most areas of my life today, the exercise I try is to find one more area where I could ask better questions. I found one right after this podcast where I was asking what should I do or what do I have time to do. Instead I tried asking what would be the most helpful and effective thing for me to do. From there I was motivated to do the live stream I am about to start now. Thank you for reading this description of my happier people podcast episode and I hope you enjoy it!

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Hear what works for me today to get the biggest results in my business in the last amount of time as well as having a happy marriage and good relationships with friends! The trick is that I look at my life as continually planting seeds for the future by giving the most I can in the last amount of time. This is the opposite of thinking about what I want, what will make me happy, how I can make money, and how I can get my partner to do what I want them to. Happiness I am learning is the byproduct of right living and I hope listening to this is helpful for you to live a life at the maximum level of happy for yourself today especially when working online and having a girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, husband, or fiancé!

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Would you like to feel that the work you are doing today especially with your Facebook marketing and business online is good enough? Hear my thoughts today on how the need to build an impressive business often prevented me from doing good work for the people asking for my help. When is enough to feel like we have made it when making money, getting Facebook page likes, asking for post shares, and trying to make viral videos? I see no end outside of today. With over 2 million likes on Facebook, you can see I went on what felt like a never ending cycle of trying to get more people to follow me only to discover what a poor job I was doing being of service to them. Today I feel good enough about my business and work to be of service to you here each day.

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Hear how hard I worked to be a cheap person most of my adult life only to waste all of those gains and more on foolish large purchases. Listen to how I would waste hundreds if not thousands of dollars going out at the bar and then rationalize not tipping at a restaurant. Be inspired in seeing what works for me today to be more generous with smaller expenses and more intelligent with larger expenses. Know that while I am not perfect today, I have made better decisions in the last two years with my finances than I ever have since I could hold a dollar bill. When you hear my struggle with asking for help with money only to get the same cheap principles applied back on me, I hope you will have more love and patience dealing with the same in your life. It hurts to be on the receiving end of other people acting cheap while then wasting all of their hard earned money on decisions like buying a house that is barely what is affordable or not learning more about retirement planning. Thank you for reading this and I hope you enjoy this episode of happier people podcast!

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Hear the sleep routines I use that help me get eight or more hours of sleep consistently each night while allowing the sleep I get to be fully effective in healing my mind and body. To begin, I explain what I do an hour before bedtime to prepare for sleep and I share stories of the struggles I experienced as an adult back to high school in getting enough sleep. The most consistent mistake I made was getting in bed with a stimulated mind from playing video games, checking Facebook, or working on my business. Today I try to avoid doing anything that is mentally stimulating within an hour of bedtime because this greatly reduces the chance of me tossing and turning in bed. As I go deeper into getting good sleep, I explore the possibility that you might already know what to do to get good sleep and be powerless to do any better. You might wake up on not enough sleep every day and swear you will do better that night only to end up in the same trap again. Many people use alcohol, prescription pills, and illegal drugs to attempt to assist with getting what you can easily get naturally IF you are healthy enough to be able to make change in your life based only on having better information. I share with you how I was motivated to get help with my drinking after seeing that even though I knew everything I needed to know to stay sober, I would forget all of that when I was thirsty for an alcoholic beverage and only remember how good I felt after the first few drinks. With sleep, this same process may happen where you find it is again 4 am and you stayed up six hours past your target bedtime. You may completely lose hope and just give up even trying to do better. I think being part of a community that can help with your sleep and having a partner that has healthy sleep routines are essential for making change in this area of great health importance. Thank you for reading this and I hope this episode is helpful! My exercise for today is to check the sleep routines I am using today and look for areas of improvement!

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Hear how I get through a day today where I have been hurting off and on with the feeling of an empty hole inside me and feeling like a person that is not good enough. I hope as I share how outwardly there is no problem in my life while inwardly everything is awful you will be able to relate and feel not so alone next time this happens with you. Each person that has shared the inside of their feelings on a tough day like this with me has helped me out to avoid years of suffering through being open to crying the pain out and asking for help. Listen to how I minimize the damage from a bad mood with my wife in the morning and open my arms to letting my family heal me throughout a day where a customer service message sends me over the top! Throughout the day, instead of focusing on why, I consistently try to feel what I am feeling and ask what I am feeling instead because dealing with the what of how I feel usually effortlessly shows the why once it passes. Getting stuck trying to explain why I feel the way I do usually keeps me feeling the same way. Thank you for reading this and I hope you enjoy listening to what I shared here!

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Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jerrybanfield/support