How easily do I forget what I was afraid of before now that it is gone today? Where are the greatest fears of my life now years later? Today would you notice how many of the crazy and scary ideas in my mind disappeared or never happened at all or were not that bad when I experienced them to help you see that next time panic strikes, you will be rid of it soon enough?
When I was in third grade or so I remember going on a field trip out into the wildness somewhere. After running out of the bus and being excited to explore, I tried eating some red berries I found growing on a vine. Later I got the idea these berries were poisonous and I could get AIDS from them. As I rode the bus home, I remember being terrified that I would come down somehow with AIDS and end up dying from having tried some berries in the forest. Twenty years later it sounds ridiculous of course but how often do things today seem just as serious that in twenty more years will seem just as far out?
In starting producing music, I was browsing the Image Line website this morning because they make FL Studio 12 which I am using to create beats. At the same time, I was remembering my need to get some more samples and desire to try some loops to make it easier to make a song especially starting out and to provide more sounds to play with. When I found the option to buy all the samples, loops, and additional presets in a bundle for a huge discount, I jumped on it. Enter your credit card the website said and suddenly I was gripped with the same fear as I had been years earlier about the berries. Would this purchase for $1,300 run me out of money? How much would I regret buying this later? Was I trying to force myself to keep making music or actually doing something good? Did I really NEED this or was it just an impulse buy? Why not just by later? Thankfully today I have rules for these situations which help out. The rules dictate for smaller purchases to limit decision making and if I need it, just buy it right away. However, this reached past the $100 or so smaller purchase limit and into the "I really need to think about this" category. The deciding factor was in facing my fear. This purchase surely would not be a part of bankruptcy and even if it was, so what? I would still find a way to eat and live. The question really was am I serious about what I am doing and will this have a high probability of helping me make music? I went ahead with the purchase because I also prefer to make a decision and move forward rather than giving into temptation to decide later. Reviewing my options, I chose to buy or to never consider buying again with making the purchase to license the sounds looking like the best choice.
Is it right or wrong? I don't know. What I do know is I am happier today making decisions consistently instead of backing out, putting things off, or being afraid to take a leap of faith on what feels right. Thank you for reading about day 133 of Happier People podcast! My exercise is to be grateful for surviving so many fears and to remember how quickly fear passes and looks foolish in my day today!
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