After discussing the great lack of classic Halloween songs, Kelcey and his friends decide to take matters into their own hands. Btw, Sally has been banned from writing show descriptions. She knows why.

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I can’t believe we made it. After all of Kelcey’s stupid songs about fucking teachers and liking horrible TV. How is he still the boss??? That’s not boss. That’s BAD. Anyway, glad this is the last one. I’m gonna go hang out in one of Benjamin’s estates. Maybe finally find some raccoon gold. It’s out there. #THETRUTHISOUTTHEREABOUTRACCOONGOLD. SALLY OUT.

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So I’m sure it’s obvious to everyone listening that I needed to do this. My song last episode helped but it’s time to actually step up. I had to do it. I had to save the show. Had to step up. Like Bush after 9/11. Except instead of starting a war I made everyone funnier than normal. Ok so the opposite of Bush. I’M AL GORE AND I SHOULDA WON.

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Alright people, it’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for… I’ve performed my first song. And it was the undisputed highlight of the 8th episode. Kelcey said he had to save it for the 8th episode so that we end with a bang. But there’s two more after this, so I guess he really thought we should end with crappy episodes with a bang right before? Whatever. BANG BANG BITCH.

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OMG I CANNOT BELIEVE THEY GOT HIM TO DO THIS. I think maybe he’s my favorite person alive. Or, whatever he is. I think he’s a person. Or, part-person, part-snake. Also love Simon Cowell. I wonder if he’s part-snake. He’s definitely part-asshole. I guess we all are. Also Kelcey, fuck you for that song. You’re losing it.

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Bomb scare? Hmmmm, don’t know anything about that, not sure why the episode is called that. Weird. Anyway, this is the 6th episode, over half-way now, thank god. I mean, I’m having a good time, but I’m pretty sure these are all dogshit. Prolly should step in. I dunno. And Bronco should like raccoons more. You know about raccoon gold, right? Uh oh. Nevermind.

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AN APOLOGY TO AMY: Amy I’m sorry. I’m sorry you’re so boring that you would’ve never gone to the lengths I went to to make sure our time in Vegas was BALLER AF. I’m sorry I spiked your drink and created a rouse in which I safely led you towards having fun and being a fun person. Please forgive me... I just hope I can forgive myself. Love, Sally

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Ah, poor Benji. I read Janet wrong. WAY WRONG. Anyway, we had Primus on and it was tight. That guy can shred the bass. Kelcey, if you’re reading this, bite me, Primus should have played, but Benji prolly shouldn’t have drugged you like that. That’s a Sally MOOOOVVVEEEEEE! I also love raves now.

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K, so I like Amy’s cousin WAY MORE than Amy. Don’t tell her I said that. Ah fuck it I’ll tell her. Janet’s just hooked on Molly and I love it, right? She’s also kinda hot. Makes sense Benji went for her. If I wasn’t married… anyway, this is the third one. I went a little nuts towards the end. But there was a lot at stake right? You be the judge. JUDGE JUDY IN THE HOOUUSSE.

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Alright, so this is the next one. Everyone was crying over not having dressing rooms, but I wasn’t cause, ya know, I’m an adult. I can take it. I can take what life gives me. Cause I’m the BEST OF THE BUNCH. Oh, and Bronco thinks his Saturn is a monster truck, and I’m down with that.

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