High five your eye doctor, the kids love boozin' at home, your grandparents are splitting up, Burger King is getting sexy this week and stay hungry my friend, it could keep dementia at bay!

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DRY JANUARY IS FINALLY OVER!!

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You're supposed to be planning a vaca today, big boobs are out for 2024, some people just love conflict, the White House is cracking down on AI nudes and we are all gonna die if aliens ever show up!

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Sextortion is not as fun as it sounds, cleanliness is only important to half of us, half of us are coughing it all up to landlords, AI porn is having quite a weekend and more soup being thrown at the poor Mona Lisa!

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These planes are falling apart, the Doomsday Clock is ticking closer to the end of humanity, streaming is killing our wallets, we love our Apple pie and today we celebrate the redneckiest of all the states!

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Half of us are alarm clock liars, Norway is a nice place to kick back when it's all over, Tesla is down, an NBA star is out and a whole lot of us consider divorce in the first 6 months after we're married. 

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Remember writing things by hand? Me neither! Some of us still don't own a TV, we fold out laundry on the bed, we tailgate and we all hate self-checkout!

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Kevin came into town this weekend, the Pack is out, we may have to pay for the big game someday, some guy in Turkey is having a lousy go of it and GO DETROIT!!

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Plants talk to each other, we need about $100K to not freak out, man boobs will eventually kill you, laws are getting tweaked in Kentucky, Kraft is upping their flavor game and LIONS BABY!

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We may have an ever worse strain of COVID on the way, sleeping in the nude is best for your sex lives, Taco Bell is getting into the cereal game, say "I love you" with a pickle bouquet and today we celebrate the Mitten State!

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