THE LOUDEST PODCAST

Hey! We got two BIG live shows coming up this weekend, so Mumkey's in NYC crashing on our couch for like two goddamn weeks. We've been going at it pretty hard since the moment he walked in the door, so apologies for this episode being late. Hope you tune into this Saturday night's livestream!

Get tickets to our BRAND NEW FRIDAY SHOW here:  https://bvz2.bpt.me

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Asterios' Patreon: http://www.patreon.com/asterios

Mumkey's Patreon: http://www.patreon.com/mumkey 

The Show's Amazon Link (bookmark it!): https://www.amazon.com/?&_encoding=UTF8&tag=asterios08-20

There's a lot of online chatter about how The Orville is good and Discovery is bad, or vice versa. So this week, I said, "I'll watch both shows and talk about them." And I did!

Follow Erich on YouTube, dammit!

https://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/4055468

Me and fellow Mumkey-verse podcaster Erich McCoy are both BIG fans of Star Trek: Discovery! So we'll be doing a weekly watchalong show for season two. This first episode focuses on the "Short Treks," a series of 15 minute in-universe shorts that CBS All Access made. 

If you don't know which to start with, I suggest "The Escape Artist," which stars and was directed by Rainn Wilson!

Who gets more triggered: Boomers or Zoomers? Is Louis CK's new material Louis P.U.? And what are the ingredients for my hot new drink, "The Orlando Sunrise?" Hear these things AND an update on the status of my all-new social media team on this week's Boomer vs. Zoomer, live from my mom's kitchen in Orlando Florida!

 

And yes: I'm not wearing any pants, because why would anyone do that? They're like leg prisons!

 

Here's the big news: Mumkey's got a new video out, and it's up to all of us to ensure that it stays alive on YouTube. Right after this taping, the "Jungle Jimmy" account was killed, which is the stupidest thing YouTube's weekend moderation team could have done.

 

Another podcast he's on, State of The Youtube, was totally demonitized at the channel level. Someone at that company has a hard-on for America's Sweetest Baby Boy and it's not fucking cool, and I wanna help him as much as I can.

 

Listen to this for ways you can help him too!

 

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SUPPORT THE SHOW!

 

Asterios' Patreon: http://www.patreon.com/asterios

Mumkey's Patreon: http://www.patreon.com/mumkey

 

Amazon Link (bookmark it!): https://www.amazon.com/?&_encoding=UTF8&tag=asterios08-20

Our LIVE BvZ is Saturday, January 26th @ 9PM EST! Get tickets here:

https://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/4041924

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Asterios is in Orlando...and Mumkey's in love!

This week, we talk about the BIGGEST ALEX'S OF 2019: Alex Jones, Alex Borstein, and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. Who does Mumkey want to fuck? The answer WON'T surprise you!

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Oh, thanks to everyone who bought stuff with our Amazon links last week! We made twenty bucks, which helps pay for Libsyn, Podbean and Soundcloud hosting.

If you wanna help us out a little more, buy shit through this amazon gimmick link that gives us money: https://www.amazon.com/?&_encoding=UTF8&tag=asterios08-20

What's the HOT new weight loss secret producing SHOCKING results? Hint: it's terrifying!

Also: Boomer Book Club reads the Fortnite novelization (read it! https://amzn.to/2RxfD4L) and Boomer News/Zoomer News talks Jon Favreau's girth!

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Because so many people have asked, here's how to get the products that almost killed me this episode:

Pavlok Shock Clock: https://amzn.to/2W52y26

Upright GO Posture Trainer: https://amzn.to/2RHQfdC

Overwatch Mousepad: https://amzn.to/2MnPd0p

Fortnite Novel: https://amzn.to/2FMiiBr

Last minute gift ideas for your porgs! Birds in diapers! Sexy lady foxes! And WHO is...Lego-lass??

 

All this and MORE in this very special episode of Porg Chatter. Happy Holidays!

Asterios here! Mumkey Jones, who usually writes this, is taking some much deserved chillout time. You probably already know this, but he got banned from YouTube -- a.k.a. his entire career -- for making fun of a mass murderer too hard. 2018 fucking sucks!

Your hosts:Asterios Kokkinos ► https://twitter.com/asteriosMumkey Jones ► https://www.instagram.com/mumkeyjonestv/

Send emails and voicemails to [email protected] by means of https://vocaroo.com

Patreon:Asterios ► https://www.patreon.com/asteriosMumkey ► https://www.patreon.com/mumkey

YOUTUBE HATES HIM. Mumkey Jones teaches kids this one weird trick to solving interpersonal conflict at school.

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Producer Jesse here. I'm gonna say say right off the bat that we record these episodes well in advance. Sometimes this means things feel a little dated, for example:

In the time since this episode was recorded, our guest host went from being a full-time Youtuber with over 300 thousand subscribers... to a cyber-hobo hauling his bindle of videos from platform to platform.

 

He's a zoomer. Never been doomed-er. I'm speaking of course of Mumkey Jones, who as I write has been banned from Youtube and had all of his channels deleted.

 

I have no doubt that he'll make it through this rough second act, but if you want to help our good friend on his way and see some more of his stuff, you can do that through his patreon at patreon.com/mumkey

 

Until then, close your eyes and let the smell of boy juice transport you back to the good old days. Here's our first question:

 

"My girlfriend is really into anime and watches it religiously. I'm not much of a weeb myself and I don't really watch anime outside of JJBA. How do I put up with it while watching as little anime as possible?" - Thotmas, 16

 

The weebs in the group suggest ways to placate her, but Asterios' years of experience tell him that shame is the real answer.

 

This next question suggests that it's not just Mumkey: other producers of fun, teen-friendly content are also at risk of losing their livelihood.

 

"I sat next to this guy in Chemistry last year that was suspiciously friendly, and I didn't think too much about it, and when he asked me last week if I knew anyone selling any drugs and I said no, he said he knew one of my friends was selling some, and if I do not get her to give him some then he'll report her. I don't want him talking to her because he's a manipulative asshole, and I and my friends don't mix well with that kind of people. What should I do?" - Sierra, 16

 

Mumkey preaches against the consumption of drugs, but only as a pretext for becoming an undercover highschool cop. If you guessed that Sriracha and Asterios' advice was not to commit more crimes, welcome to Asterios Kills a Kid.

 

We usually like to stick to fun lighthearted topics like resisting extortion, but this episode we get a little more serious:

 

"Hey, Asterios and Srirancha, sorry for the question in advance, it's not funny or lighthearted. My parents - both very nice, normal people - were yelling at each other for the first time ever tonight, and my dad called my mum a "lesbian bitch" and said she'd "have to be the one to tell the kids". The writing on the wall's pretty fucking clear. So what do I do now, if anything? It's not a black and white issue, so I'm a bit lost at the moment. Thanks and sorry again for the overly serious question, Polka Hat. P.S. Feel free to ignore this, honestly. It's not exactly the question for a show about WacDonald's tales, weed, and crippling French family members." - Polka Hat, 17

 

Sriracha and Mumkey present a frame challenge: is it really so bad that Polka Hat's parents are separating? Asterios' solution is sincere, and thoughtful, and exactly the reason we don't do many of these serious questions.

 

"Hi Asterios, I found you because I listen to Mumkey Jones. I take Architecture, and the guy who sits next to me is a rude asswipe. How do I tell someone to fuck off politely?" - Mel, 16

 

Asterios digs into his experience running Spite Incorporated in order to construct an elaborate, thematic scheme. Mumkey has a much simpler solution, and it involves bringing something to school. I won't say what, but it rhymes with fun! 

As always you can submit your questions on our website, or by voicemail at (347) 705-7617.

 

If you'd like to support the show you can go to patreon.com/asterios, and again, if you'd like to support Mumkey Jones head on over topatreon.com/mumkey.