THE LOUDEST PODCAST

What do you do when you're three seasons deep and out of ideas?

 

You get META, baby!

 

This week, we discuss VOY 3x24, "Worst Case Scenario."

 

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It gives us a tantalizing look into what might happen if Chakotay ever did anything interesting, through a holodeck Maquis mutiny gone wrong.

 

It also gives a peek behind the curtain of the Voyager writing staff, where annoying actors and their nuisance notes can be deactivated like an EMH without his 26th century portable holo-emitter.

 

Man, I wish they had just put a giant "H" into his forehead like good ol' Arnold Rimmer:

 

 

Anyway, please for the love of god someone suggest a good episode of Voyager before I throw myself into a malfunctioning plasma conduit.

WATCH HERE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NvDS-x3Ohcc

ok forget the cartoon girls i should not have let these three people into my apartment and given them my cell phone number. they're all insane. each one crazier than the last. one of them goes off on supervillian monologues and the other made a "joke" about carrying illegal weapons then quickly tried to correct his "joke" but it's like...dude, we know. anyway, it's a girl from my superhero academy vs a girl from "kill a la kill" vs a third girl on this week's waifu wars!

After a week hiatus, we're back with more Boomer/Zoomer action! Despite the extra week to refine our discombobulated minds, we still haven't fully recovered from the infamous Andy Signore interview from the previous episode! Meanwhile, we attempt to answer the universe's oldest questions from the perspective of our respective generations: Who was Captain N? What is the difference between Boomer and Zoomer bullying? Is ABBA the greatest band of all time? WHY DO BOOMERS LOVE MINIONS? What would a Virtual Reality Boomer Paradise look like? All this and more on the third episode of BOOMER VS ZOOMER!

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Your hosts:

Asterios Kokkinos ► https://twitter.com/asterios

Mumkey Jones ► https://twitter.com/mumkeyjonestv

 

VOTE: Which song from our pasts was more embarrassing?

► https://www.strawpoll.me/16721877

 

Send emails and voicemails to [email protected] by means of https://vocaroo.com

 

Patreon:

Asterios ► https://www.patreon.com/asterios

Mumkey ► https://www.patreon.com/mumkey

Henlo it’s Skinachos. Asterios won’t let me watch anime until I write this post copy, so enjoy this episode of Porg Chatter before I put myself in an Idolm@ster coma like the worthless piece of human garbage that I am. Speaking of rotting garbage, in this episode, we return from the Mecca of Porgs: Orlando, Florida. I have recently come into possession of three new sons:

Caffeine (a coffee cup with a lobotomy)

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Dumpling (a mechanical talking porg who apparently hates women)

And Kevin (a stuffed porg who’s closer to me emotionally than drinky-drivey lawyer Kevin Landau is physically to his ankle alcohol monitor).

Plus, there’s still one more week to enter our iTunes review contest to win your very own stuffed porglet! All you have to do is write a review on iTunes, then send a screencap of it to [email protected].

Lmao imagine being able to build traps and shit and everyone still hates you THIS POST WAS MADE BY PORG GANG. Enjoy!

We're back for episode two with a very special guest: Andy Signore, the creator of Honest Trailers, Movie Fights, and multiple enraged Twitter accounts. Is Andy innocent of the various claims multiple parties have made against him? Did he listen to episode one of this podcast before agreeing to come on for episode two? Will Asterios quit the show in a fit of righteous indignation? All this and more this week on BOOMER vs ZOOMER!

I'm Asterios Kokkinos, and in meme terms, I'm a goddamn boomer. I'm 37 years old. I got the original Nintendo for christmas and freaked the fuck out. I remember a time when we didn't have an internet, and mobile phones were only for assholes like Zach Morris...the ultimate boomer.

I'm friends with a hilarious man named Mumkey Jones, who's a goddamn zoomer. He's 23 years old. He probably grew up with a Playstation Vita or something, or I dunno, maybe he was crazy into Minecraft or...man I honestly have no idea. 

And that's kinda what this podcast is about! A boomer and a zoomer, coming together every week and trying to understand each other...while discussing whatever stupid fucked up shit is happening in the world these days. 

But secretly, this podcast is just an excuse for me to talk to one of the funniest dudes I know. There's no way he'll read this so don't tell him.

Who won "The Hell In The Cell?" Certainly not the people who paid hundreds of dollars to not see a finish!

But also: not me. I think Eric beat me by a point or two -- I called The Shield to win both the tag match AND the cage match, and I was dead wrong. Who'd guess the WWE would start protecting its heels?!

This month, we suss out who'll win or lose at The Great Australian Bash, or whatever the hell it's called. And: from now on, we'll be streaming these episodes LIVE, right after the go-home Smackdown, at 10pm EST. So subscribe to youtube.com/asterios for a notification!

Boys Discover These 3 Tricks to Finding Love. Can You Guess Them All? (Hint: Fortnite)

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I'm Producer Jesse and I may have made a mistake. I set up search analytics for our website, asterioskillsakid.com, and noticed that we were showing up in some odd search results for things like "veggietales transcript" and hardcore porn.

So I sent it along to Asterios and Sriracha for a laugh and well... if three episodes from now the entire podcast is just keywords you know who to blame.

But until then let's see what questions we've got this week! First up, here's one from CRINGE, our old friend from episode 3.

“I must ask another question because it's a pressing issue, my cousin is visiting my area from France and he looks way better than me. I'm basically a fat manlet version of him. So he's attracting all of the chicks. I thought after his nose broke during a soccer game it would severely take him down a few notches. But it didn't because now he's getting more attention because of it. Any advice on how I can be better than him somehow without injuring myself for sympathy? Thanks.” – CRINGE the edgelord, 16

Continuing on his path to becoming a better person, CRINGE aspires to become better than his cousin. Instead of pointing out that this probably isn't healthy, Asterios and Sriracha dive right into ways to take this cousin's French ass down.

Our next questioner has a problem from the other side of the river.

“I broke up with my girlfriend a few months ago and I haven't talked to her since. I'm starting to miss her what do I do?” – David, 17

Many of our listeners might not be able to relate, but those that can might benefit from Asterios and Sriracha's advice: DON'T DO IT.

Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on our listeners. Some of them have very legitimate reasons for not going out with girls, like Luke:

“How do I meet girls? I go to an all boys school and my social circle is entirely composted of guys, what do I do?” – Luke, 16

In the face of this problem Asterios can't help but let his inner boomer show through, but Sriracha comes to the rescue with two little letters: T.A. Good luck out there Luke!

Have a question for Asterios and Sriracha? Make sure to keyword stuff that baby and send it on down from our submit question page. Or leave a voicemail at (347) 705-7617.

Boys Discover These 3 Tricks to Finding Love. Can You Guess Them All? (Hint: Fortnite )

I'm Producer Jesse and I may have made a mistake. I set up search analytics for our website, asterioskillsakid.com, and noticed that we were showing up in some odd search results for things like "veggietales transcript" and hardcore porn.

So I sent it along to Asterios and Sriracha for a laugh and well... if three episodes from now the entire podcast is just keywords you know who to blame.

But until then let's see what questions we've got this week! First up, here's one from CRINGE, our old friend from episode 3.

“I must ask another question because it's a pressing issue, my cousin is visiting my area from France and he looks way better than me. I'm basically a fat manlet version of him. So he's attracting all of the chicks. I thought after his nose broke during a soccer game it would severely take him down a few notches. But it didn't because now he's getting more attention because of it. Any advice on how I can be better than him somehow without injuring myself for sympathy? Thanks.” – CRINGE the edgelord, 16

Continuing on his path to becoming a better person, CRINGE aspires to become better than his cousin. Instead of pointing out that this probably isn't healthy, Asterios and Sriracha dive right into ways to take this cousin's French ass down.

Our next questioner has a problem from the other side of the river.

“I broke up with my girlfriend a few months ago and I haven't talked to her since. I'm starting to miss her what do I do?” – David, 17

Many of our listeners might not be able to relate, but those that can might benefit from Asterios and Sriracha's advice: DON'T DO IT.

Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on our listeners. Some of them have very legitimate reasons for not going out with girls, like Luke:

“How do I meet girls? I go to an all boys school and my social circle is entirely composted of guys, what do I do?” – Luke, 16

In the face of this problem Asterios can't help but let his inner boomer show through, but Sriracha comes to the rescue with two little letters: T.A. Good luck out there Luke!

Have a question for Asterios and Sriracha? Make sure to keyword stuff that baby and send it on down from our submit question page. Or leave a voicemail at (347) 705-7617.

More people could use a little Zwick in their lives!

That's why I'm launching ZWICK APPRECIATION WEEK. It's a campaign to tell content creators about America's Favorite Editor Boi, and find ways for them to work together.

Why would I share my secret weapon? Because he's so goddamn good, I know he could help a LOT of people. Podcasters would sound better, YouTubers would have crisper looking videos...he could make everyone's stuff funnier and lives easier!

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Not only does Zwick edit every  episode of The Five Minute Podcast (over 500), but he's also the man who gave the sonically layered approach to Science Friction. He uses clips and sound effects so seamlessly, I think it sounds better than "professional" radio shows.

And he does more than just shine shit up. He adds jokes, enhances our voices, and uses his honed comedic judgement to cut out boring bullshit. Much like his colleagues Producer Jesse & Editor Kimball, he's just an all-around superstar. 

So it's time to get the word out. If you make a podcast, or know someone who does, have them email [email protected]. 

Let's make EVERYONE funnier, tighter, and better sounding...together.