The Manspace

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Today is a continuation of our conversation about sex. We talk about ways society promotes unhealthy focus on limiting views of sexuality. We give scripts for how to discuss sex in mature and fully developed ways that incorporate multiple aspects of our personhood.

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Is sex a sticky topic in your relationship? Sex is taboo for a lot of couples. Today, we talk about some of the problematic things we guys say when trying figure this out with our partners. We also debate whether or not sex is a biological need.

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Have you turned into a stressed out, dried up, boring version of yourself? Today we talk about losing vital parts of who we are and the toll this takes on our well-being and relationships. We share parts of ourselves we have rediscovered and revived and encourage dudes everywhere to do the same.

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Disagreements are a natural part of relationships, so why do we push for consensus when we don't need to? In this episode, we talk about ways to tolerate and accept disagreements.

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Do you ever feel like you suck at something in your relationship, but you keep trying to get it right? Maybe you should stop trying. That doesn't mean giving up, it just means maybe it's something you don't need to do. Maybe you're hung up on an unspoken expectation that you can release yourself from through the "I suck, you suck" conversation. Check out this episode to learn more about how to do this.

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Today we talk about changing for the right reasons by finding your internal guideposts. Too often we are guided by someone else's demands for change, which leads to resistance and resentment. We share examples of situations that require us to act with more integrity and honesty.

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Safety first, right? We think not. Today we talk about how we sometimes embrace the wrong kind of vulnerability and forget the value of courage. We are happier when we take risks that align with our values and commitments.

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Today we talk about the importance of male friendships and some common barriers we experience.

3:43 - Jason Hibbs with Shop Sounds Podcast making friends at the urinal (https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/shop-sounds-podcast/id1514814400)

7:40 - Barriers to communication in male friendships.

10:16 - We don't always need to talk or talk about deep things, but we do need to be there for each other.

11:40 - Dr. Steve Harris and his way of being with his friends (www.the-manspace.com; https://www.cehd.umn.edu/fsos/directory/HarrisS.asp).

16:53 - Cultural differences in male affection.

17:40 - Male affection in the late 1800s (https://www.artofmanliness.com/people/relationships/bosom-buddies-a-photo-history-of-male-affection/).

20:20 - Depictions of men being there for each other without communicating in the film Secondhand Lions (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0327137/).

21:15 - The Men's Shed (https://usmenssheds.org/). Men need three things; 1) somewhere to go, 2) something to do, and 3) someone to talk to.

24:50 - Esther Perel's observations about how the loss of community has led to all of our social needs being put on the couple relationship (https://www.amazon.com/Mating-Captivity-Unlocking-Erotic-Intelligence/dp/0060753641). Bowling Alone by Robert Putnam discusses loss of community (http://bowlingalone.com/)

28:29 - Impact of retirement on loss of community for men and how that contributes to loneliness and suicide (

29:45 - Matthew McConaughey book Greenlights (https://www.amazon.com/Greenlights-Matthew-McConaughey/dp/0593139135); Greenlight moments can be invitations for connection.

30:25 - Risking to communicate how we feel about each other; connecting with the important guys in our lives.

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What are limits? I don't have limits, you have limits! We talk today about knowing when to push through the pain and when to pull back...and all the reasons we have a hard time striking this balance.

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Dr. Rob and Dr. Matt talk about times we have failed as dads and how we sometimes get pushed out of the parenting arena. We talk about how to step into fatherhood with more purpose by understanding our unique and vital contributions.

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