the Mudroom

Someone recently told me that I don’t have a podcast or blog post on something I talk about all the time and my jaw just about hit the floor when I realized

Oh crap! They’re right!

Though I know you’ve likely heard me talk about executive functioning skills before, I haven’t “formally” discussed them outside of ParentAbility and I think it’s a great time to remedy that!

Because these skills quite literally dictate our ability to do just about everything.

You know that morning routine you have; stumbling to the coffee machine to turn it on so your coffee is ready by the time you’re done in the restroom? That’s executive functioning skills.

Calculating if you have enough time to do a U-turn and grab the form that needed to be turned in to your child’s teacher today? Execute functioning skills.

Choosing to take a deep breath and smile when a rude person shoves their way in front of you at the coffee shop instead of using colorful, potty words? 😤

Yup! You guessed it! 🥳 That’s you using executtive functioning skills!

These feel so everyday and run-of-the-mill to us as adults, that it’s easy to forget that these are learned and practiced skills. We didn’t just pop out already knowing how to problem solve and resist impulses.

The same goes for your child.

I use the analogy all the time: trying to function without strong EF skills is the equivalent of trying to cut down down a tree with a dull saw. Miserable and ineffective.

What’s often labled as misbehavior is usually just a deficit or lapse in a skill needing to be refined and practiced.

So, in this episode I’m going to share what those different executive functioning skills are and how it’s impacting your child’s behavior.

I’m also going to give you a sneak peak of the 3-step strategy I teach the parents inside of the paid membership ParentAbility. 👀

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

Chicken nuggets or quesadillas?

Blue shoes or red slippers?

Apple juice or orange juice?

These seem like fairly easy decisions for kids to make, right?

After all, you’re supposed to give them options, right?

You’re trying to give them some agency over their life and help them feel included.

Except lately whenever you give your child a choice, it’s a catastrophe.

They melt down, or they procrastinate about what they want until the options aren’t even available anymore; maybe they’ve just been refuse every single choice you give them until you’re both frustrated.

So, what gives?

Why do children struggle with decision making, even if it’s two, seemingly simple options to choose between?

Well, that’s exactly what we’ll be chatting about in this episode-- why children have a hard time making decisions and what you can do to help.

Spoiler alert: it has to do with skill building, because while it feels like making a decision is just a matter of picking which option you like more, there’s actually a few different skill sets that are needed for this.

And once we pinpoint what those missing skills are, then we can start figuring out solutions and stop the chaotic cycle of indecision and tantrums.

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

Chicken nuggets or quesadillas?

Blue shoes or red slippers?

Apple juice or orange juice?

These seem like fairly easy decisions for kids to make, right?

After all, you’re supposed to give them options, right?

You’re trying to give them some agency over their life and help them feel included.

Except lately whenever you give your child a choice, it’s a catastrophe.

They melt down, or they procrastinate about what they want until the options aren’t even available anymore; maybe they’ve just been refuse every single choice you give them until you’re both frustrated.

So, what gives?

Why do children struggle with decision making, even if it’s two, seemingly simple options to choose between?

Well, that’s exactly what we’ll be chatting about in this episode-- why children have a hard time making decisions and what you can do to help.

Spoiler alert: it has to do with skill building, because while it feels like making a decision is just a matter of picking which option you like more, there’s actually a few different skill sets that are needed for this.

And once we pinpoint what those missing skills are, then we can start figuring out solutions and stop the chaotic cycle of indecision and tantrums.

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

Optimism can be difficult when you’re a parent in the middle of a challenging time period with your kid.

When your kid has been smacking everybody who comes within a 2 foot radius or stripping off their clothes in public whenever you tell them no, hearing “but look at how far they’ve come” makes you want to roll your eyes.

But even though they haven’t stopped the behaviour completely, there’s still plenty of reason to recognize progress.

Even small, incremental steps.

And it’s not just to make you as the parent feel a little less miserable (although, that’s a solid reason to celebrate).

🎉 There are actual reasons to find and celebrate mini milestones and recognize moments of progress in your child’s behaviour, even if they’re not quite at the goal yet.

In this week’s episode I’m going to share 2 big reasons to recognize progress in your child’s behaviour that parents tend to lose sight of when you’re in the thick of things.

I’m also going to dig a little bit into a solution for the frustrated parents when progress isn’t being made as quickly as they’d like it to.

Especially when it comes to behaviours like hitting or kicking.

After all, it’s easier said than done to focus on the positive changes made when they’re still being aggressive and I don’t want to just brush over that, so we’re gonna chat about it!

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

There’s nothing quite as lovely as the beautiful, musical sound of a child whining at you from across the room.

I mean, what parent doesn’t love that heart-warming screech of “he took my toooooyyyyy”?

It’s one of the best parts of being a parent. 🥰

Jk

Sarcasm.

I hope you know that was sarcasm.

For many parents, there’s a very visceral reaction to whining. Like nails on a chalkboard.

And young children don’t always read our expressions and think “geez, maybe I should stop. My whining seems to be stressing out the adults.”

Once they start it can feel like they just keep going, their tone progressively getting more high pitched until you’re considering hot gluing noise cancellation headphones into your ears.

But why exactly do kids whine?

Contrary to popular belief, it’s not to drive us up the wall.

Like many behaviours, there’s a reason behind it. And if you’ve been listening to the MudRoom for a while I’d bet you have an inkling of what the answer is.

Did you guess, dysregulation?

Because if you did– ding ding ding! You’re correct.

In this episode I’m going to explain why children resort to whining, but more importantly for your sanity, I’m going to give you three ways to reduce it.

I mean, honestly, there’s no way to completely erase the piercing complaints.

Everyone gets into gumpy, petulant moods and even adults find themselves getting a little whiny when the self-check out is just as long as the regular lines.

But there are certainly things we can do to help our children communicate in more effective, respectful (and less annoying) ways.

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

Homework.

Let’s talk about why it sucks.

It’s not everyday that I insist on certain things when it comes to parenting. I may give a firm suggestion and repeat it over and over with the hopes parent’s can see why I’m making that suggestion, but I say it all the time, parents are the experts on their own children.

But when it comes to homework?

For younger kids it’s a firm ditch it. Be like Elsa and let it go.

And that’s not a matter of opinion.

Professional, peer reviewed study after study confirms this.

Homework for children in Elementary school and younger has little to no benefit for children. As a matter of fact, it can be harmful in some cases!

But if that’s true, why does your little one keep coming home with packets of worksheets decorated with crayons and bumblebee’s meant to make it “fun”?

And even more importantly, what can you do about it?

In this episode that’s going to be our topic of conversation; the harm of having children do homework and how to advocate for your child.

Plus, why teacher’s keep assigning homework (even when they know what the studies say themselves).

Don’t worry. I’m not telling you to go storming into your child’s pre kinder class and fling the packet back on the teacher’s desk

But I am going to share the data behind why it’s beneficial to opt out of homework for your child and how to muster up the courage to let your child’s teacher know.

Even if you’re not fully convinced about ditching homework, I encourage you to join the discussion. You’ll get a better understanding of the benefits of letting go of homework for your children.

Our brain’s are a marvelous thing!

Maybe you’ve heard it compared to a super computer before, and it’s because it pretty much is.

From how it processes and stores information to its uncanny ability to learn new things and adapt.

But even more amazing?

We’re constantly sharing information with one another.

Our brain’s might be like super computer’s but it still needs a very human component to function, connection.

The emotion that comes from interacting and strengthening our relationships with other human being’s is such an important aspect of our growth and this is definitely a crucial part of children’s growth and development.

They need to be connected to you.

Literally.

Well, not as in getting wires attached to one another or having them on your hip all day- but the way you connect with your child/ren has an impact on their brain development and how they process their emotions and subsequent behaviour.

Curious how this works?

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

Children can feel like a never ending mystery.

Because you know that you’ve seen your child put their shoes on.

Day after day, they’ve managed to put their feet in, pull the back up over their heel, tighten the velcro…

Yet here they are pouting in front of the door and insisting that it’s the most impossible task they’ve ever been asked to do.

Like they haven’t been putting their shoes on by themselves.

Every morning,

Without your help

And doing this for months now.

So what the actual hell is happening now?

Why do kids start acting like they can’t do something you’ve seen them do a million times over?

Especially if it’s seemingly simple things like using the water filter to get their own cup of water, putting on a jacket, getting their crayons from the top shelf by using the step stool you conveniently placed next to the shelf.

For a lot of parents it can be incredibly frustrating, particularly if it was a skill that meant less work for you.

Like getting their own cup of water? Once they mastered using the filter it meant you didn’t have to get up every time you child swore they were dying of thirst.

But suddenly you’ve found yourself once again going in and out of the kitchen a million times, having to help them with a task you know they already know how to do. 😪

What gives?

When parents are considering joining my membership program ParentAbility or when they join the Facebook community and start learning more about the discipline methods I teach, there’s always this lingering concern:

Am I being strict enough?

I know this concern generally comes from genuine care for their child/ren.

We don’t want our kids growing up into little gremlins with no discipline and wrecking havoc across Targets, restaurants, and schools.

We’re trying to raise them to be respectful, kind, and caring problem-solvers who are able to hear the word “no” without trying to swipe off all the toys on the shelf in retaliation.

So the fear that “gentle parenting” is too soft on children and means you let kids do absolutely anything they want has snuck its way into parenting circles far and wide.

The truth is that there’s a difference between being authoritative vs being an authoritarian.

And this distinction is crucial when it comes to understanding positive and respectful discipline methods and techniques.

This episode I’m going to share what the difference is between authoritative and authoritarian and how this applies to our parenting methods.

And hopefully clear up the misconception that gentle parenting means you have to be a permissive doormat to the whims of your 3-year-old.

You absolutely can still set boundaries and expectations with your child while still respecting them as individual human beings who are still growing and learning.

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

When it comes to our children, parents are assigned the role of protector, a pillar of strength, always knowing the answer and in complete control of the situation.

So, when something becomes overwhelming, or we get frustrated, sad, even angry, there’s almost this panic to hide those emotions from our children.

It's a borderline taboo and for a lot of parents it feels wrong.

I don’t think parents outright hear someone tell them “don’t let your kids see you cry” but the idea that showing “negative” emotion in front of our kids is a bad thing is subtly suggested.

How many movies have you seen where the mom smiles as she waves her kid off to school, double checks to make sure no one else is around, and then falls apart behind the closed door?

Or silently crying in the drivers seat and insisting everything is okay to shield the children from their sadness as if it’s this dangerous thing?

And if we’re brave enough to dig a little deeper here, maybe you’ve learned it from you parents or other adults in your life when you were younger. There are so many adults who can’t recall seeing adults be vulnerable when they were children.

Besides anger (or happiness), there aren’t many millennials who remember seeing their parents openly share other emotions, much less witness how they navigated or resolved that moment.

The fear is > crying or showing strong emotion in front of your kids is going to harm them in some way.

So the message current parents learned from that > don’t cry in front of your kids.

I want to explore that a little bit.

In this week’s mudroom we’re going to have a heart-to-heart about crying in front of your kids.

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices