the Mudroom

Before we start I want to give a warning that I'm going to discuss some potentially sensitive topics.   

I want to talk to you about when our kids say scary sh*t.   Like when they say something violent, or really freaking dark.   

I want to approach this with compassion and sensitivity because I know it’s unsettling and uncomfortable. Sometimes parents are even too embarrassed to admit what it was their child said but…  It’s a reality for a lot of parents.   

Sometimes children say the most off-putting things.  It can be targeted at their sibling, or even you. Sometimes about themselves or a peer. Heck, it might be about someone random or just a fictional character, but when you hear it it’s shocking either way!   

Are they just repeating something they saw from a TV show they shouldn’t have been watching or from an older friend who wasn’t paying attention to their words?   

Or is this an indication of a bigger problem?  

I’ll avoid listing specific examples of this in the email because I have an inkling that if you're even remotely thinking “this is something that I can relate to” then you likely can.   

And I promise you’re not alone with this challenge.  

That’s why this week’s topic is going to be how we as parents can respond to our children when they say scary or dark things while also not shaming them or scaring them.

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

Maybe it’s because April is around the corner and it’s Autism Awareness Month?   

Or maybe it’s just more parents becoming aware of neurodiversity in children and having more thoughts about it...  But I've been getting more and more questions and concerns from parents worried that maybe their child might be autistic.   

The important thing to know about autism is that the signs can overlap with so many other things.  And early indicators of autism can also be completely developmentally appropriate behavior at certain stages- it’s when those signs remain present past a certain age/stage that they become red flags.  But let me tell you early intervention can make a world of difference!   

I know because my expertise and background is also in early intervention!  So in this week’s MudRoom, I’ll be discussing what are those possible signs and early indicators of autism and what to do next if you suspect your child may be autistic.   

This conversation isn’t meant to be a diagnosis, but rather a resource to help you navigate the process of finding answers and help you identify what behaviours you may want to keep a more observant eye out for.

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

These conversations aren’t easy.   

But they also must be had.  We’ve got to be honest and talk to our children about what’s happening in the Ukraine.   

Sometimes we forget that children absorb information at an astonishing rate.   

And I know you’re thinking “but we don’t watch the news in front of them” or you ask grandparents and friends to change the subject when it comes up at dinner but think about just how many times your kiddo has surprised you by asking a question about something you didn’t even know they had heard about?   

These types of discussions can be challenging, delicate, and emotionally sensitive topics that feel far too heavy to be talking to our littlest children about but the fact of the matter is  If they’re not hearing it from you, there is a big chance they’ll hear it from someone else.  It might be from a school friend who picked up something, a radio commercial, watching a TV program while waiting in the doctor’s office…  And the last thing we want to do is stick our heads in the sand and leave them confused and without someone to help them process what they’re hearing in a healthy, safe, and respectful environment.   

So, exactly how do we have this conversation?   

In this episode we´ll discuss: 

- How to talk to your kids about Ukraine without making them fearful or stressed. 

- Why it´s important to have these type of conversations

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

These conversations aren’t easy.   

But they also must be had.  

We’ve got to be honest and talk to our children about what’s happening in the Ukraine.   

Sometimes we forget that children absorb information at an astonishing rate.   

And I know you’re thinking “but we don’t watch the news in front of them” or you ask grandparents and friends to change the subject when it comes up at dinner but think about just how many times your kiddo has surprised you by asking a question about something you didn’t even know they had heard about?   

These types of discussions can be challenging, delicate, and emotionally sensitive topics that feel far too heavy to be talking to our littlest children about but the fact of the matter is If they’re not hearing it from you, there is a big chance they’ll hear it from someone else.  

It might be from a school friend who picked up something, a radio commercial, watching a TV program while waiting in the doctor’s office…  And the last thing we want to do is stick our heads in the sand and leave them confused and without someone to help them process what they’re hearing in a healthy, safe, and respectful environment.   

So, exactly how do we have this conversation?   

In this episode we´ll discuss: 

- How to talk to your kids about Ukraine without making them fearful or stressed. 

- Why it´s important to have these type of conversations

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

We talk often about the importance of play for children and chat about this false expectation that children automatically know how to share (they have to learn that skill).   

Especially when it comes to siblings and breaking up arguments over that week’s favorite toy.   

But have we talked about the developmental stages of play?   

If you’re thinking “what the heck is that?” allow me to explain.  As your child grows, the way they play changes and evolves.  And this has a huge impact on not only their behavior and how they interact with their peers and siblings, but also our expectations of them.  

You see, you can’t expect an 18-month-old to play the same way your 3-year-old plays- and I’ve found that once parents begin to understand the difference in play stages, it significantly reduces stress.  

When you have a more realistic view about what to expect from your children at certain ages, discipline stops becoming a power struggle and shallow compliance and becomes more of a skill-building opportunity.   

In this episode we´ll discuss: 

- What each play stage is 

- At which age you would typically see these different stages 

- Some examples of what play looks like during each stage 

- How to help siblings who are indifferent play stages play together

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

We’ve seen the iconic scene from the Mean Girls movie where Gretchen has finally had enough and yells at Regina “YOU CAN’T SIT WITH US!”  And while it’s a funny fictional scene in a movie, as parents I know we all sigh in relief knowing that we’re not raising our children to be like that.   

Right?  Well, I’ve been hearing parents worry about their children being mean lately and it may have upticked recently in light of all these unprecedented events happening.   

We want our children to be kind and generous so it’s understandable that when we see our children behaving the opposite way, we start to worry.   

After all, no one wants their child to have a Regina George moment, right?  

So, how do we teach our children to be kind?  

In this episode we´ll discuss: 

- The actual definition of kindness and the act of kindness. 

- What “being mean” actually means. 

- And a crucial thing children need to be nice (and how you can help them with that)

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

So we’ve talked about bribing before, right?   

“If you do this thing, then I’ll buy you the toy or get you the ice cream.”   

And most of us agree that bribing doesn’t work as a disciplinary measure.   

So, we think of other ways to “motivate” our children.   

Enter the contingent instructions.  It feels similar to bribing but instead of giving the child something tangible for complying, we offer them permission to do something else.   

For example: “if you pick up your toys then you can play video games.”  Or “once you stop yelling then you can go play.”   

I understand the thought process behind this method. You’re hoping to give them some motivation to do what you want.   

Now, this is going to be a bit of a gut punch because I know the intention is often not to be manipulative but…  It’s manipulative.   (ouch)  And I can already hear the uproar!   

This is a popular method of discipline, so if this is manipulation, then what the heck are you supposed to do to get your kid to listen to you?!  

I’m going to give you a hint. The answer is time to regulate themselves.   

But (this is important) we often inadvertently take away that time to regulate themselves and hold it, hostage, by using these contingent instructions.   

How you ask?   

In this episode we´ll discuss: 

- How can we motivate our children? 

- Effective discipline methods 

- How can we get them to actually listen to us?

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

I get this question quite a bit from parents and caregivers who are looking into joining ParentAbility or are generally curious about what I do.   

The question is: If my child already gets therapy, do I need a parenting coach?   (And vice versa.)   

As with most things in life, the short answer is “it depends”.   

There are so many different factors that can impact the answer to this and at the end of the day, you are the expert on your child and their needs.  But I still wanted to take some time to break down exactly what those factors are.  

In this episode we´ll discuss: 

- The difference between a parenting coach and a therapist. 

- How parenting coaching can help your child in therapy. 

- The different ways I’ve worked with my clients to help them and their child.

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

If you have a 4/5 year old in your home you might be noticing an increase in emotional meltdowns in your home.   

It can feel pretty sudden too!   

Just out of the blue it’s like you’re in some kind of Real Housewives drama show and your little one is the screenwriter, producer, and the star.  

The rest of the family are just background characters walking on eggshells, hoping not to set them off.    

This is common at this age and it’s a stage I call the Limbic Leap.   

Basically it’s a huge developmental milestone where their amygdala (the “security-system” portion of their brain) is going through quite the growth spurt.   

So while their brain is re-calibrating, they’re a bit more sensitive than normal.   

This means there may be more teary eyed confessions about taking a block from a friend 2 weeks ago and worrying that the friend now hates them.   

More outbursts about why you’re the biggest meanie for asking them to pick up their crayons.   And probably a healthy dose of high-pitched “I can’t dooooo iiiiiiitttttttttt” moments for tasks they’ve done a million times before.  

I have a whole breakdown about the Limbic Leap and what’s going on in their brain while it’s happening right here.   Now here’s the kicker.   

The pandemic has made this already challenging time period in their growth that much more challenging and its impacting their behaviour in all kinds of ways.   

I’ve noticed a few common behaviour’s happening after conversations with my clients, the parents inside ParentAbility, and from threads inside the free parenting community The Parenting Posse- so let’ go ‘head and talk about it!  

On this episode we´ll discuss: 

- Why are kids having more breakdowns than usual? 

- How has the pandemic affected them emotionally 

- Learning how to handle it

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

A lot of us have been on lockdown for quite some time.  

Which has resulted in a lot of parents welcoming a new little one or are now expecting. 😉  

Congrats!   

That means your current child/ren are now becoming big siblings which can be simultaneously exciting and terrifying.  A new playmate and companion for your kids oooorrrr also more opportunity for possible fighting and conflict.   

We’ve all seen those videos about older siblings either melting down and shrieking in horror at the baby announcement or breaking down in tears of absolute joy. It feels almost like a pendulum. It can either go one way or another.   

If you’re worried about whether your children will get along or not, you wouldn’t be the only parent to be stressed about it.   

Having navigated the transition from one child to two, and helping other parents and their child make the transition too, I can tell you it doesn’t have to feel like rolling the dice between whether they’ll hate each other or not.   

There are some things you can do to encourage a healthy bond and sibling relationship between your children, whether you’re adding #2 or # 5.   

In this episode we´ll discuss: 

- How you can help your kid handle this addition. 

- How to encourage a healthy bond between siblings. 

-  What you can expect from it  

Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices