The Never Relevant Podcast

This movie is about a rich guy who's doing it all wrong. Some people just can't handle holding material authority over nearly everyone in their lives. If I was a rich guy, I'd do it right. I would be a COOL rich guy. No one would ever feel uncomfortable around me; they would always know it's OK to say "no" to me; they would never have cause to think about how much power I have to determine the conditions under which they live. Here is my plan: use all of my personal wealth to build a public access party castle, sequester myself in the highest spire, and allow my body to mummify as I wait for everyone to forget I exist. Eventually people will come to believe that the inexhaustible canape towers, the chocolate fountains that never run dry, the terraced and frothing bathnasiums (separated into horny and non-horny sections) are just the facilities of a really really cool public park. You might say this doesn't solve my own isolation and misery, as the hypothetical rich guy wielding all this relationship-disintegrating power. I would respond that in the long term, it does - eventually, after decades of solitude in my pleasure prison, I would crawl into my sarcophagus and, peacefully, expire. Never Relevant is the Citizen Kane of podcasts. You should listen to each episode while you watch the movie or show it's about, but you don't have to. It is hosted by Patrick, John, and Joshua.

Hugh's out this ep, so it's Pat, John and bonus Joshua yukking and snarfing through a tense, gripping drama about fatherhood, human depravity and creative carpentry.Never Relevant knows that podcasting is the war we wage against god. You should listen to each episode while you watch the movie or show it's about, but you don't have to. It is hosted by Patrick, John, and Joshua (who can go home when he finishes all of the mazes in the book).

Damn king really sorry to hear that the insurance claim for your terminally ill son's lifesaving surgery didn't go through. Hey, wanna come rob a bank with me and some guys i met last week? Cool, we're leaving in 15 minutes. Don't worry, I have a brilliant plan that revolves around our wheelman, Garboni Trashcanza, who I trust implicitly. Look at how he's driving with his knees so he can use one fist to hammer a stromboli down his throat and the other hand to give bicyclists the finger - he's got the stuff. Never Relevant is a cartel of Twisted Metal superfans. You should listen to each episode while you watch the movie or show it's about, but you don't have to. It is hosted by Patrick, Hugh, and John.

A mythic clash of titans, the ultimate power fantasy - a swag-zero CIA pariah wading through choking wreaths of CG smoke in a display of inhuman willpower to wreak pretty mild vengeance on his natural enemy: a swagged out private military golf dad. Kids of whatever generation follows Z (I personally think they will be called gen roman numeral 1) will divide themselves into warring cliques of gray men and golf dads. Smooth-crotched, oviparous human 2.0s will carve monuments of this shit thousands of years from now.Never Relevant is an enduring symbol of dramatic mediocrity. You should listen to each episode while you watch the movie or show it's about, but you don't have to. It is hosted by Patrick, Hugh, and John.

This one goes out to Sex Horse. You're a real American hero, Sex Horse. Never Relevant is sensually riding Sex Horse. You should listen to each episode while you watch the movie or show it's about, but you don't have to. It is hosted by Patrick, the ghost of Hugh trapped in a fedora, and John.

Get in line maggot, you're about to receive tactical lore from the operator sages of Stephen King Strategic Command in the form of an intensive two-and-a-half hour case study on repelling an evil god by channeling warrior spirit. If you're ready to take the task of defending your town from computer monsters and evil trucks into your own hands, pick up that standard issue pneumatic cattle-killer and give me a hearty yawp!Never Relevant is the conspiracy board kid in your friend group. You should listen to each episode while you watch the movie or show it's about, but you don't have to. It is hosted by Patrick, Hugh the silent clown, and John.

(To the tune of London Bridges) Zero more days 'til Halloween, Halloween, Halloween; zero more days 'til Halloween, fire the druidic laser! Never Relevant offers three high-quality masks to choose from - we have the classic Patrick, the fun and flirty Hugh, and for the selective connoisseur, John. You should listen to each episode while you watch the movie or show it's about, but you don't have to.

In part B of our unexpectedly child death-heavy Halloween double feature, it's time to explore the scariest haunted house of all: Italy.Never Relevant is the first full-frontal sex scene in podcasting. You should listen to each episode while you watch the movie or show it's about, but you don't have to. It is hosted by Patrick, Hugh, and John.

Just a chill, meditative movie about fishin' for the big one.Never Relevant is out there on the dock with a line in the water, enjoying the sea breeze and the feeling of sand between its toes. You should listen to each episode while you watch the movie or show it's about, but you don't have to. It is hosted by Patrick, Hugh, and (day 1 DLC) John.

A list of things kept in the under-kremlin: the microfiche (but it's missing!); the mystic orb that granted Simon Pegg his career; an idol of a nameless, angry god; a gun that makes people hear dripping sounds; the Simon Pegg single-target illusion shield (this was his second wish from the orb, a poor one in my opinion); a bored man in M. Bison cosplay; a junk drawer full of loose paperclips and old keys and things; hundreds of exuberant pencil on notebook paper drawings of buildings bristling with weedy spires capped in pendulous, disproportionate onion domes, some embellished with flame or "cool S" designs, all labeled "Kremlin 2" (artist unknown).Never Relevant can also be found in the under-kremlin, in the closet where they keep spare glass coffins. You should listen to each episode while you watch the movie or show it's about, but you don't have to. It is hosted by Patrick, , and John.