Self-differentiation is the ability to define your own goals and values, express them in healthy ways AND remain emotionally connected to the most anxious in the relationship system. Here are eight ways that you can fall short, along with strategies to do better in the future.

Show notes:

Minding the Gaps in Our Own Maturity by Kathleen Smith

Read the Full Transcript on The Non-Anxious Leader website. 

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The triangle is the most stable form of human relationship. Learning to recognize a triangle and how to manage it is essential to being a non-anxious leader.

Show Notes:

Kathleen Smith, PhD, LPC

Read the Full Transcript on The Non-Anxious Leader website. 

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Understanding the nuances of emotional process will make you a better leader. These four tips will help.

Show Notes:

The Center for Family Process

The Center for Pastoral Effectiveness in the Rockies

The Family Systems Institute

The Bowen Center for the Study of the Family

Tending the Fire

Lombard Mennonite Peace Center

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Surrounding togetherness pressure makes it hard to self-differentiate. Understanding how this works and how you can respond will help you to be a non-anxious leader.

Show Notes:

Dr. Kathleen Smith

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The political, cultural and theological divisions continue to widen. A non-anxious leader understands why AND how to respond.

Show Notes:

The Center for Family Process

Only My Opinion Counts: Myside Bias by Jamie Hale, M.S.

The Bias That Divides Us: The Science and Politics of Myside Thinking by Keith E. Stanovich

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Self-differentiation is acting in accordance with your goals and values, especially in anxious moments. This episode shows you how, as well as what to do when you don't.

Show Notes:

Anxious Church, Anxious People: How to Lead Change in an Age of Anxiety 

If You Met My Family, You'd Understand: A Family Systems Primer

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The emotional intensity that comes from being super-serious can turn a challenge into a problem. Likewise, when we react automatically to the anxiety of others, it can make a bad situation worse. This episode digs into why this is the case and what you can do about it.

Show Notes:

Anxious Church, Anxious People: How to Lead Change in an Age of Anxiety 

If You Met My Family, You'd Understand: A Family Systems Primer

Triggers: Creating Behavior That Lasts--Becoming the Person You Want to Be by Marshall Goldsmith

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Recognizing emotional process will not only help you avoid getting stuck, it will enable you to persist through the inevitable sabotage that comes when you are leading change.

Show Notes:

Anxious Church, Anxious People: How to Lead Change in an Age of Anxiety 

If You Met My Family, You'd Understand: A Family Systems Primer

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The key to effective leadership is the ability to remain a non-anxious presence. Understanding triangles, as well as how to manage them, makes this easier.

Show Notes:

Anxious Church, Anxious People: How to Lead Change in an Age of Anxiety 

If You Met My Family, You'd Understand: A Family Systems Primer

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We often hide in the safety of groups rather than risk the vulnerability of self-differentiating in one-on-one interactions. Here's why, as well as how you can do better.

Show Notes:

De-clumping Our Relationships by Kathleen Smith PhD

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