Effective leaders are able to say what they believe while giving others the freedom to disagree. The Gottman Institute offers four rules to guide political discussions. Arthur C. Brooks offers these to help end what he describes our culture of contempt. This episode unpacks these from a family systems perspective, as well as takes another look at President Donald Trump's leadership style in the midst of an impeachment inquiry.

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Show Notes:

Gottman’s Four Rules for a Better America by Michael Fulwiler of The Gottman Institute

Love Your Enemies: How Decent People Can Save America from Our Culture of Contempt by Arthur C. Brooks

Episode 35: Sabotage and Empathy (What Works and What Doesn’t)

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Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness and Stonewalling are signs that a relationship is going downhill. Maintaing self-differentiation and a non-anxious presence can turn things around.

Show Notes:

The Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling by Ellie Lisitsa of The Gottman Institute

The Four Horsemen: The Antidotes by Ellie Lisitsa of The Gottman Institute

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Trust is a key leadership competency. Developing a culture of trust requires trusting self, then trusting others.

Show Notes:

Generation to Generation: Family Process in Church and Synagogue by Edwin Friedman

The Fundamental Attribution Error

Switch: How to Change Things When Change Is Hard by Chip and Dan Heath

The Moral Molecule: How Trust Works by Paul J. Zak

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Bill Selby is the founder of the Center for Pastoral Effectiveness for the Rockies. He has been training clergy for 20 years to apply family systems theory in their leadership. In this segment, he discusses how to stay connected to anxious people, how to avoid isolation, and the impact of change.

Show Notes:

Center for Pastoral Effectiveness of the Rockies

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Bill Selby is the founder of the Center for Pastoral Effectiveness of the Rockies. In this segment, he talks about how to deal with sabotage in the context of a church meeting.

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Bill Selby is the founder of the Center for Pastoral Effectiveness of the Rockies. He has been training clergy in how to be a non-anxious leader since 1999. This is part one of a three part interview. In today's segment, Bill shares the importance of staying connected, process and content, and identifying healthy leaders.

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Spiral dynamics is a model that helps us understand both human and societal development. The challenge of the 21st century is finding unity in the midst of ever-growing diversity. Understanding family systems can help.

Show Notes:

Stages of Social Development: The Cultural Dynamics that Spark Violence, Spread Prosperity, and Shape Globalization by Don Edward Beck, Ph. D.

The Liturgists Podcast, Episode 5: Spiral Dynamics

Fr. Richard Rohr – The One and The Many

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The word "parenting" first appeared in the late 1950's. Developmental psychologist Alison Gopnik maintains that parenting is a bad idea. Parent is a noun, not a verb. This has important implications for leaders who want to help others be their best.

Show Notes:

Alison Gopnik’s Advice to Parents: Stop Parenting! by Peter Gray, Ph.D., Psychology Today.

What Kind Of Parent Are You: Carpenter Or Gardener? by Sasha Ingber, NPR

The Gardener and the Carpenter: What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parents and Children by Alison Gopnik

'Free Range' Parenting's Unfair Double Standard by Jessica McCrory Calarco, The Atlantic

We sometimes think we have more control than we do. At other times we underestimate the amount of control we have. Knowing the difference is an important leadership competency.

Show Notes:

Choiceology: Season 4 Episode 1

Keeping the illusion of control under control: Ceilings, floors, and imperfect calibration by Francescas Gino, Zachariah Sharek and Don Moore

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Being able to recognize and respond effectively to emotional sabotage is essential for leading change. Empathy is good, except when it's not. This episode helps to unpack the difference.

Show Notes:

The following episodes are helpful in further understanding how to respond to sabotage:

Episode 19: Self-Regulation–the Key to Being a Non-Anxious Presence

Episode 26: How to Handle It When You Are Anxiously Attacked