The Other Half

Cool banana gay bar. Coco bottle germ barf. Confiscated brain gizzard bile. Cancer by going bald. Crepes better get back. Cranky boy gets beat. Chocolate boat gotta boat. Corn bread got booty. I could go on.

It’s surprising neither Mike or Ethan had got around to this movie. It’s almost as surprising as how bad Dick Van Dyke’s accent is. Wait, that’s not surprising at all.

Field of Dreams? More like field of nightmares! Huuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

The movie poster has more crossing of roads than any other part of this movie. Why was it even called Crossroads? Is it because this is when Britney Spears crossed the line of her acting career by starting one? Stick around for the last half because things go off the rails.

What if The Flash somehow went back in time to save his mom, but everything else about the world was terrible? These are the deep questions this movie asks. Also, it has an even darker Batman with guns, but Mike still isn’t impressed. Though I guess he had guns in Batman V. Superman and that didn’t save that movie….

Surprisingly the worst part about this movie is the plot, not that contestant who keeps bidding $1 to undercut everyone like an asshole. No one likes you, Jerry! This is why I just watch cartoons when I’m home sick from work. What was I talking about?

Look at all of the characters in the front of the poster! They all make brief cameos for about two minutes. On the other hand the main characters, the center of the story, are following behind. It’s a beautiful metaphor for this movie: Brands matter more than story.

Even though it starts with the same name as Bratz, this is no where near as much of a quality bad movie as Bratz. In fact, it’s downright bad. Enjoy!

Sweet Lord does this movie bring us back to high school. I can’t tell what clique I was in though. Was I in the cool kids clique? Is that even a clique? I don’t know much since I was homeschooled.

Good old Hugh Jackman is here to save the day from evil John Travolta. Matt comes back to take the boys on a crazy journey into realistic hacking. Movies don’t have enough realism or hacking in them.